They say never walk under a ladder
Or something might fall down upon your head
But what’s worse is when you’ve a full bladder
And there’s no public lavatory ahead
It’s easier for a man’s load to be shed
I’ve seen it done by football supporters
In full view of a city’s teeming crowd
Or drunk blokes late at night; steaming rivers
That trickle down the walls into gutters
But for agonised females, far harder
They can’t wee standing up, not if well-bred
And if they tried, imagine how coppers
Would throw them in the van after knicker
Repositioning; a scene girls all dread
Tuesday 31 August 2010
Monday 30 August 2010
1456 - Summer unmourned
It felt cold last night as autumn returned
Like some unloved relative come to stay
But there’s something that I’ve gradually learned
And that is that when summer goes away
It’s no longer the death of seaside spray
Of ice cream cones, blue skies, glamorous nights
Though evening light far sooner fades to grey
The other things aren’t lost or out of sight
There’s more blue sky in winter; low sunlight
Blinding the driver as a bend is turned
October’s the month for a holiday
Not costly, cloudy August, when your flight
And room are double. Schoolkids are concerned
At school’s return, true, but not you or I
Like some unloved relative come to stay
But there’s something that I’ve gradually learned
And that is that when summer goes away
It’s no longer the death of seaside spray
Of ice cream cones, blue skies, glamorous nights
Though evening light far sooner fades to grey
The other things aren’t lost or out of sight
There’s more blue sky in winter; low sunlight
Blinding the driver as a bend is turned
October’s the month for a holiday
Not costly, cloudy August, when your flight
And room are double. Schoolkids are concerned
At school’s return, true, but not you or I
Sunday 29 August 2010
1455 - Tired of flat tyres
All went well in today’s Sunday sunshine
Until my rear right tyre went pop, then flat
And only yesterday London was mine
I drove there and drove back. Now I know that
We were lucky, but fortune’s wheel is not
So inefficient as to always spin
For me, and can be punctured on a spot
Of glass in Manchester or in London
And after that I can’t keep on winning
So I drove with this flat tyre, trying to find
Somewhere to park, maybe outside my flat
But that’s too far to get to… then within
My mind flits an idea: make a bee-line
For Cedric’s Garage. That’s where my car’s sat…
Until my rear right tyre went pop, then flat
And only yesterday London was mine
I drove there and drove back. Now I know that
We were lucky, but fortune’s wheel is not
So inefficient as to always spin
For me, and can be punctured on a spot
Of glass in Manchester or in London
And after that I can’t keep on winning
So I drove with this flat tyre, trying to find
Somewhere to park, maybe outside my flat
But that’s too far to get to… then within
My mind flits an idea: make a bee-line
For Cedric’s Garage. That’s where my car’s sat…
Saturday 28 August 2010
1454 - Losing my spurs
Today we went to the penultimate
Football team on our complete stadium tour
We started over ten years ago, mate
And today’s team was Tottenham Hotspur
Playing Wigan, and 0-1 was the score
A surprise win for the bottom-placed team
With only about thirty supporters
Yet those thirty must have thought it a dream
Their manager, Martinez, does now seem
Safe for now from the order of the boot
Yes, he was facing the sack if a poor
Result had happened, but this puts some sheen
On his coaching methods. There’ll be a spate
Of high-scoring games, I predict, this year
Football team on our complete stadium tour
We started over ten years ago, mate
And today’s team was Tottenham Hotspur
Playing Wigan, and 0-1 was the score
A surprise win for the bottom-placed team
With only about thirty supporters
Yet those thirty must have thought it a dream
Their manager, Martinez, does now seem
Safe for now from the order of the boot
Yes, he was facing the sack if a poor
Result had happened, but this puts some sheen
On his coaching methods. There’ll be a spate
Of high-scoring games, I predict, this year
Friday 27 August 2010
1453 - A town like Constantinople
In 1453 the Byzantine
Empire fell to the mighty Ottoman
Forces on land and sea, and the front line
Of the Christian / Muslim conflict was on
A westward retreat once more, till Don John
Won at Lepanto, sinking Turkish ships
Like shooting fish in a net. And England
Meanwhile, in ’53, finally let slip
Its Hundred Years War gains and lost all grip
Of Normandy and South West France, declined
To Calais town, its final possession
And finally, this year, the printing trip
Took off with Johnny Gutenberg, a sign
Of progress and of books for everyone
Empire fell to the mighty Ottoman
Forces on land and sea, and the front line
Of the Christian / Muslim conflict was on
A westward retreat once more, till Don John
Won at Lepanto, sinking Turkish ships
Like shooting fish in a net. And England
Meanwhile, in ’53, finally let slip
Its Hundred Years War gains and lost all grip
Of Normandy and South West France, declined
To Calais town, its final possession
And finally, this year, the printing trip
Took off with Johnny Gutenberg, a sign
Of progress and of books for everyone
Thursday 26 August 2010
1452 - Abroad thoughts from home
I can’t think of much that’s happened today
I’m back in England, back at work, it’s true
As time goes on th’ impulse to get away
Gets stronger and stronger the longer you
Live, and also if you’ve a bob or two
Then what’s better to do than fly somewhere
Some other patch of land where houses do
Not look quite the same as at home, and their
Way of talking’s so strange, their face and hair
Is somehow different from those down your way
Phone boxes are red at home; there, they’re blue
And the mad way they drive’s enough to scare
The shit out of you. But you better pray
You packed your passport. Where is it? Oh poo!
I’m back in England, back at work, it’s true
As time goes on th’ impulse to get away
Gets stronger and stronger the longer you
Live, and also if you’ve a bob or two
Then what’s better to do than fly somewhere
Some other patch of land where houses do
Not look quite the same as at home, and their
Way of talking’s so strange, their face and hair
Is somehow different from those down your way
Phone boxes are red at home; there, they’re blue
And the mad way they drive’s enough to scare
The shit out of you. But you better pray
You packed your passport. Where is it? Oh poo!
Wednesday 25 August 2010
1451 - Cleared for take-off
No sleep last night that I can quite recall
And so in fact I’m knackered, cream crackered
I smoked and drank so much I thought I’d fall
Into a sleep too deep to be conquered
By my phone’s alarm. Needn’t have bothered
Setting it. Spent the night fretting I’d miss
That train to catch my plane home from abroad
Plus all the normal night disturbances
That shared dorms guarantee; late night pisses
Lights left on, locker doors crashed; all dreams stalled
On the runway, their take-off aborted
But more importantly, the main thing is
I didn’t miss my plane home, seeing all
Of South Yorkshire below, green and chequered
And so in fact I’m knackered, cream crackered
I smoked and drank so much I thought I’d fall
Into a sleep too deep to be conquered
By my phone’s alarm. Needn’t have bothered
Setting it. Spent the night fretting I’d miss
That train to catch my plane home from abroad
Plus all the normal night disturbances
That shared dorms guarantee; late night pisses
Lights left on, locker doors crashed; all dreams stalled
On the runway, their take-off aborted
But more importantly, the main thing is
I didn’t miss my plane home, seeing all
Of South Yorkshire below, green and chequered
Tuesday 24 August 2010
1450 - Orange country
My second full day in the Netherlands
I woke up late after the night before
Where, in Durty Nelly's, I had watched Man
City beat Liverpool, then gone out for
A couple of late smokes. Today was more
About going to Delft. I caught the train
And saw the Dutch landscape; the upper floor
Gave good views of Haarlem, Leiden and then
Den Haag, just before Delft, a neat old town
Also built on canals. Water, flat land -
Just like East Anglia. Next, one more tour
Of the Red Light District - I've still not found
Many women in windows where they stand
Showing their wares (but I am now too poor...!)
I woke up late after the night before
Where, in Durty Nelly's, I had watched Man
City beat Liverpool, then gone out for
A couple of late smokes. Today was more
About going to Delft. I caught the train
And saw the Dutch landscape; the upper floor
Gave good views of Haarlem, Leiden and then
Den Haag, just before Delft, a neat old town
Also built on canals. Water, flat land -
Just like East Anglia. Next, one more tour
Of the Red Light District - I've still not found
Many women in windows where they stand
Showing their wares (but I am now too poor...!)
Monday 23 August 2010
1449 - In old Amsterdam
Greetings from Amsterdam, my dear reader
I've almost been here for one whole day now
I've just had my first pint of Amstel beer
And, more importantly, my first tattoo
I've been on the canal cruise boats, and how
Good a way is that to tour the city
First stop, Anne Frank's house, where most tourists go
Then the boat to the Rijksmuseum, the
Rembrandts and Vermeers, Golden Age arty
I then walked round Vondelpark, the inner
City green space of choice; Rembrandt Square, though
I couldn't find the painter's house. The three
Crosses, the symbol of this town, are there
On my arm. Next, a pint, then a smoke. Wow.
I've almost been here for one whole day now
I've just had my first pint of Amstel beer
And, more importantly, my first tattoo
I've been on the canal cruise boats, and how
Good a way is that to tour the city
First stop, Anne Frank's house, where most tourists go
Then the boat to the Rijksmuseum, the
Rembrandts and Vermeers, Golden Age arty
I then walked round Vondelpark, the inner
City green space of choice; Rembrandt Square, though
I couldn't find the painter's house. The three
Crosses, the symbol of this town, are there
On my arm. Next, a pint, then a smoke. Wow.
Sunday 22 August 2010
1448 - The windmills of my mind
I’m off to Amsterdam, I am I am
After this blogging, I’ll be clogging up
And down the old canalside with a pan-
Cake in my hand; Anne Frank-ly, I may stop
And look in her house if the queue has dropped
I hear the coffee’s good; wonder what’s Dutch
For americano with hot milk? Trips
On the canal by boat are also much
Recommended. But why oh why is such
A fuss made about the red lights? I’m damned
If I know. Maybe I will get me up
There, and see. The place has a special touch
And when I come back I will understand
Though I may be groggy and out of step
After this blogging, I’ll be clogging up
And down the old canalside with a pan-
Cake in my hand; Anne Frank-ly, I may stop
And look in her house if the queue has dropped
I hear the coffee’s good; wonder what’s Dutch
For americano with hot milk? Trips
On the canal by boat are also much
Recommended. But why oh why is such
A fuss made about the red lights? I’m damned
If I know. Maybe I will get me up
There, and see. The place has a special touch
And when I come back I will understand
Though I may be groggy and out of step
Saturday 21 August 2010
1447 - A fishy tale
Today I saw two films, one in 3D
The first, in 2D, was Toy Story 3
The second time it was seen by Josie
The second film, Piranha, with Louis
Which was a 3D gore fest, gruesomely
Showing bloodthirsty fish quite grotesquely
Stripping the skin from Yank teens whose party
On an Arizona lake became the
Dream buffet for the saw-toothed. Bikini-
Clad girls turned to skeletons suddenly
Though the cinema was strangely empty
For a Saturday evening, quite early
Admittedly. Back home now, I will see
The result of Coventry v Derby
The first, in 2D, was Toy Story 3
The second time it was seen by Josie
The second film, Piranha, with Louis
Which was a 3D gore fest, gruesomely
Showing bloodthirsty fish quite grotesquely
Stripping the skin from Yank teens whose party
On an Arizona lake became the
Dream buffet for the saw-toothed. Bikini-
Clad girls turned to skeletons suddenly
Though the cinema was strangely empty
For a Saturday evening, quite early
Admittedly. Back home now, I will see
The result of Coventry v Derby
Friday 20 August 2010
1446 - Blarney Schwarzenegger
In 1446 - it’s no blarney -
The Blarney Stone was placed in that high tower
In Blarney, County Cork, in that country
That, like Blarney, sets mere talk that much higher
Than action; makes blarney into art; the
Blarney of those in Blarney’s the acme
Compared to Blighty, Ireland’s conqueror
(It was the Normans, though - it wasn’t me!)
But Blighty’s type of talk’s often mighty
Untrustworthy for me. I like blarney
Obvious blarney can’t be lies. “Drinker!
You’re talking nonsense!” Oh well, bugger me
Now who’d have thought it? A pub in Blarney
Is where to be throughout each long shower
The Blarney Stone was placed in that high tower
In Blarney, County Cork, in that country
That, like Blarney, sets mere talk that much higher
Than action; makes blarney into art; the
Blarney of those in Blarney’s the acme
Compared to Blighty, Ireland’s conqueror
(It was the Normans, though - it wasn’t me!)
But Blighty’s type of talk’s often mighty
Untrustworthy for me. I like blarney
Obvious blarney can’t be lies. “Drinker!
You’re talking nonsense!” Oh well, bugger me
Now who’d have thought it? A pub in Blarney
Is where to be throughout each long shower
Thursday 19 August 2010
1445 - A spot of bother
I hate it when I scratch an unknown spot
It’s agony, and not recommended
When I scratched between my eyebrows, I’d not
Reckoned on the spot being there. ‘Oh shit!’
I thought, but didn’t vocalise, as it
Happened today while sat in the office
Where swearing ain’t no promotion ticket
The kind of place where one can’t say, ‘Oh piss!’
Eyebrows would be raised, and I’d have to kiss
Goodbye to success. Some do lose the plot
At work; they find themselves isolated
And often respond going off with stress
But most are made of sterner stuff than that
A spot of bother shouldn’t flip our lid
It’s agony, and not recommended
When I scratched between my eyebrows, I’d not
Reckoned on the spot being there. ‘Oh shit!’
I thought, but didn’t vocalise, as it
Happened today while sat in the office
Where swearing ain’t no promotion ticket
The kind of place where one can’t say, ‘Oh piss!’
Eyebrows would be raised, and I’d have to kiss
Goodbye to success. Some do lose the plot
At work; they find themselves isolated
And often respond going off with stress
But most are made of sterner stuff than that
A spot of bother shouldn’t flip our lid
Wednesday 18 August 2010
1444 - Albania and Liverpool
In 1444, great Skanderbeg
Was heroically halting the progress
Of the mighty Turkish forces. He begged
In vain for help from popes, yet with his crest
The double-headed eagle, he did best
With scant resources, a Napoleon
A Richard the First, someone who was blessed
With strength and cunning. Though they overran
Little Albania after his death, some
Say he was unparalleled. I had egg
This morning for breakfast at mum’s. The rest
Of the day we spent in Liverpool, on
The famous ferry, and we also checked
Out the Maritime Museum, oh yes.
Was heroically halting the progress
Of the mighty Turkish forces. He begged
In vain for help from popes, yet with his crest
The double-headed eagle, he did best
With scant resources, a Napoleon
A Richard the First, someone who was blessed
With strength and cunning. Though they overran
Little Albania after his death, some
Say he was unparalleled. I had egg
This morning for breakfast at mum’s. The rest
Of the day we spent in Liverpool, on
The famous ferry, and we also checked
Out the Maritime Museum, oh yes.
1443 - Before the night begins
I’m sitting here in Ellie’s Bar, waiting
It doesn’t look like Chris is gonna come
I’ve recognised some faces entering
The door to this specially hired upstairs room
Poetry night is back - it’s starting soon
It’s also a night for acoustic stuff
Guitarists get their guitars out and tune
If I was singing tonight, I’d feel rough
Right now, but no - tonight the pressure’s off
That’s right - tonight it’s just poetry reading
Surely that’s the easiest thing to perform
Unless you’ve learned it all or it’s off-cuff
It’s so hard memorising, ad libbing
So I just read it from the page. Ho hum!
It doesn’t look like Chris is gonna come
I’ve recognised some faces entering
The door to this specially hired upstairs room
Poetry night is back - it’s starting soon
It’s also a night for acoustic stuff
Guitarists get their guitars out and tune
If I was singing tonight, I’d feel rough
Right now, but no - tonight the pressure’s off
That’s right - tonight it’s just poetry reading
Surely that’s the easiest thing to perform
Unless you’ve learned it all or it’s off-cuff
It’s so hard memorising, ad libbing
So I just read it from the page. Ho hum!
Monday 16 August 2010
1442 - Dracul and Dracula
Tonight I am writing of Vlad Dracul
The ruler of Merrie Wallachia
Dracul means ‘dragon’ - and he got the call
From the Catholic military Order
Of the Dragon to help fight the Turks. War
In the far east was ceaseless in those days
Vlad’s son was Vlad ‘Tepes’ (the Impaler)
His nastiness was bad, the legend says
It’s true he stuck invading Turks on stakes
He learned that in Turkey itself, a cruel
Method they used while he was hostage there
As a boy prince. Constantinople stays
Christian till ’53; then Istanbul…
So was Vlad so mad to employ terror?
The ruler of Merrie Wallachia
Dracul means ‘dragon’ - and he got the call
From the Catholic military Order
Of the Dragon to help fight the Turks. War
In the far east was ceaseless in those days
Vlad’s son was Vlad ‘Tepes’ (the Impaler)
His nastiness was bad, the legend says
It’s true he stuck invading Turks on stakes
He learned that in Turkey itself, a cruel
Method they used while he was hostage there
As a boy prince. Constantinople stays
Christian till ’53; then Istanbul…
So was Vlad so mad to employ terror?
Sunday 15 August 2010
1441 - Yellow and green scene
The sky is yellow and the leaves are green
What does this colour combination mean
Or rather, what other things have I seen
That remind me of just yellow and green?
A two point ball on a snooker table
A springtime park or lawn with daffodils
At Carrow Road, Norwich playing football
Looking out from the beach before a squall
The flag of Jamaica, with added black
Parrots that squawk, and maybe ducks that quack
The Orient Express along its track
The markings on a scaly slithery snake
The sky is pink now, the leaves are still green
What does this colour combination mean?
What does this colour combination mean
Or rather, what other things have I seen
That remind me of just yellow and green?
A two point ball on a snooker table
A springtime park or lawn with daffodils
At Carrow Road, Norwich playing football
Looking out from the beach before a squall
The flag of Jamaica, with added black
Parrots that squawk, and maybe ducks that quack
The Orient Express along its track
The markings on a scaly slithery snake
The sky is pink now, the leaves are still green
What does this colour combination mean?
Saturday 14 August 2010
1440 - Closed shop
They’re rounding up the undesirables
In and around Paris, so Sarkozy
Can salvage his party at the next polls
By ethnic cleansing shown on the TV
We’ve seen the separation of babies
From their African mothers and fathers
Women dragged along the street despite pleas
Screams or interventions of protesters
Well now the same’s been done to the Roma
Illegal immigrants: they broke the rules
Throw them out, anywhere (but not GB…
Remember those camps at Calais?) Measures
Must however be taken. The portals
Of Europe are closing, gents and ladies
In and around Paris, so Sarkozy
Can salvage his party at the next polls
By ethnic cleansing shown on the TV
We’ve seen the separation of babies
From their African mothers and fathers
Women dragged along the street despite pleas
Screams or interventions of protesters
Well now the same’s been done to the Roma
Illegal immigrants: they broke the rules
Throw them out, anywhere (but not GB…
Remember those camps at Calais?) Measures
Must however be taken. The portals
Of Europe are closing, gents and ladies
Friday 13 August 2010
1439 - More messy than Lionel
Though women prefer neatness to scruffy
I must admit I don’t care a great deal
My hair, though thinning, is bird’s nest messy
And I usually coat my chin in stubble
This is, however, all explicable
They won’t promote me at work, so why dress
To impress, since it hasn’t worked? Awful
Waste of my time and money. If success
Depended on looks… What? It does? Oh yes
So it does. Also, if women want me
They’ll have me on my terms or not at all
And so let’s see who still likes me, this mess
Who values weird things like honesty
And doing what I want. Typical male…
I must admit I don’t care a great deal
My hair, though thinning, is bird’s nest messy
And I usually coat my chin in stubble
This is, however, all explicable
They won’t promote me at work, so why dress
To impress, since it hasn’t worked? Awful
Waste of my time and money. If success
Depended on looks… What? It does? Oh yes
So it does. Also, if women want me
They’ll have me on my terms or not at all
And so let’s see who still likes me, this mess
Who values weird things like honesty
And doing what I want. Typical male…
Thursday 12 August 2010
1438 - Loretta's complaint
The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain
The rain in Manchester makes man wetter
In Liverpool the pools slither down drains
In Leeds raindrops like beads drip from sweaters
In Hull the reservoirs are full; s’better
Than the Kalahari or Sahara
But don't mention rain, it will upset her
Who will it upset? Sarah O'Hara
Who I hear is in south Algeria
But here I fear a higher fall of rain
Than in Damietta or Rosetta
Which means without rain land’s inferior
In the desert interior, that’s plain
So don’t complain about rain, Loretta!
The rain in Manchester makes man wetter
In Liverpool the pools slither down drains
In Leeds raindrops like beads drip from sweaters
In Hull the reservoirs are full; s’better
Than the Kalahari or Sahara
But don't mention rain, it will upset her
Who will it upset? Sarah O'Hara
Who I hear is in south Algeria
But here I fear a higher fall of rain
Than in Damietta or Rosetta
Which means without rain land’s inferior
In the desert interior, that’s plain
So don’t complain about rain, Loretta!
Wednesday 11 August 2010
1437 - Summer rain
It always rains in August, don’t you know?
Bjorn Borg: “The English always act surprised
When it rains…” And yet some of us still go
To the seaside expecting to have nice
Weather! What gives? It’s time for you to wise
Up, mate. That’s what the Balearics are for
Or Cyprus, or Greece, where the sun still shines
Unlike Skegness, Torquay or Scarborough
If you’ve got money, Thailand’s not too far
Or Florida. Get a tan you can show
Off to the missus and kids, or tell lies
And just go to the salon; it’s not far
The browner you are, the farther you go
Like Jordan, a magnet for hungry eyes
Bjorn Borg: “The English always act surprised
When it rains…” And yet some of us still go
To the seaside expecting to have nice
Weather! What gives? It’s time for you to wise
Up, mate. That’s what the Balearics are for
Or Cyprus, or Greece, where the sun still shines
Unlike Skegness, Torquay or Scarborough
If you’ve got money, Thailand’s not too far
Or Florida. Get a tan you can show
Off to the missus and kids, or tell lies
And just go to the salon; it’s not far
The browner you are, the farther you go
Like Jordan, a magnet for hungry eyes
1436 - Aldershot shot by Watford
It’s ten to two in the morning; we’ve been
To Aldershot and back this afternoon
And evening, for a football game between
Aldershot and Watford. The Yellows soon
Beat the Reds, but this military town
Did not let itself down; they banged the drums
And chanted happily, though 3-0 down
Fathers enjoyed the evening with their sons
A few young lads brought along their girlfriends
We leaned on a barrier, out of the rain
There were no seats in this part of the ground
Luckily, by the time the end had come
The rain had stopped. Even Burger King seemed
Inviting, but no time to hang around
To Aldershot and back this afternoon
And evening, for a football game between
Aldershot and Watford. The Yellows soon
Beat the Reds, but this military town
Did not let itself down; they banged the drums
And chanted happily, though 3-0 down
Fathers enjoyed the evening with their sons
A few young lads brought along their girlfriends
We leaned on a barrier, out of the rain
There were no seats in this part of the ground
Luckily, by the time the end had come
The rain had stopped. Even Burger King seemed
Inviting, but no time to hang around
Monday 9 August 2010
1435 - Loss of love
I must admit it would be kind of nice
To feel once more and kiss the sweet soft skin
Of a woman, and to observe her face
As I liberate longings from within
Whether or not she’s prepared to begin
Unlocking my mysteries, on a voyage
Into the unknown pleasures of a man
That can’t compare to a bird in a cage
Or a dog on a lead. They’ll spend an age
Lavishing love on these, but it’s a vice
To love a man for nothing in return
Except love itself, it seems, so the stage
Is reached where it does not feel worth the price
And so till then I’m looking and dreaming
To feel once more and kiss the sweet soft skin
Of a woman, and to observe her face
As I liberate longings from within
Whether or not she’s prepared to begin
Unlocking my mysteries, on a voyage
Into the unknown pleasures of a man
That can’t compare to a bird in a cage
Or a dog on a lead. They’ll spend an age
Lavishing love on these, but it’s a vice
To love a man for nothing in return
Except love itself, it seems, so the stage
Is reached where it does not feel worth the price
And so till then I’m looking and dreaming
Sunday 8 August 2010
1434 - A sonnet a day
A sonnet a day keeps poets away
A sonnet a day is truly insane
A sonnet a day must be wrong, they say
A sonnet a day? How anal, how vain
Far better to be structure-free, the stain
Of plagiarising can’t be laid on them
That’s what they learned in poetry class when payin’
Over the odds, hoping to be the friend
Of someone who got published in the end
Cos they went to poetry classes; they
Learned well and reproduced shit from the brain
Of someone they idolised. So fashion
Comes and goes, and it changes every day
This isn’t fashion. How anal, how vain
A sonnet a day is truly insane
A sonnet a day must be wrong, they say
A sonnet a day? How anal, how vain
Far better to be structure-free, the stain
Of plagiarising can’t be laid on them
That’s what they learned in poetry class when payin’
Over the odds, hoping to be the friend
Of someone who got published in the end
Cos they went to poetry classes; they
Learned well and reproduced shit from the brain
Of someone they idolised. So fashion
Comes and goes, and it changes every day
This isn’t fashion. How anal, how vain
Saturday 7 August 2010
1433 - Village of the damned
We drove towards London, but Stevenage
Was where we stopped for their first ever game
In the Football League, an important page
In local history and local fame
I thought it would certainly be a shame
If on the way home we missed live TV
Coverage of Derby’s first game; the aim
Was therefore to find a pub we could see
The Rams play Leeds, and quite soon, luckily
We found a pub in Hitchin called The George
Which was showing it. The Rams weren’t the same
As usual; no, they won, so that is three
Points in the bag already, and revenge
For Brian Clough at the home of The Damned
The 'village' is Hitchin, and the damned refers to the book about Brian Clough (an ex-Derby County coach), who spent only 44 days as coach of Leeds united, who Derby beat today, as recreated in the recent book by David Peace - also a film - called 'The Damned United.'
Was where we stopped for their first ever game
In the Football League, an important page
In local history and local fame
I thought it would certainly be a shame
If on the way home we missed live TV
Coverage of Derby’s first game; the aim
Was therefore to find a pub we could see
The Rams play Leeds, and quite soon, luckily
We found a pub in Hitchin called The George
Which was showing it. The Rams weren’t the same
As usual; no, they won, so that is three
Points in the bag already, and revenge
For Brian Clough at the home of The Damned
The 'village' is Hitchin, and the damned refers to the book about Brian Clough (an ex-Derby County coach), who spent only 44 days as coach of Leeds united, who Derby beat today, as recreated in the recent book by David Peace - also a film - called 'The Damned United.'
Friday 6 August 2010
1432 - What is truth
Pontius Pilate once wondered what is truth
Well may he, but the answer is easy
Just like the soul’s a hole, like dreams of youth
Truth is evasive and illusory
What is, is, and is not; both equally
Is it a wave, is it a particle
Heisenberg only knew uncertainty
He’s like Socrates: the same principle
Philosophy agrees with science. Bull
And truth intertwine in straight lines of growth
In fields fertilised by technology
Weeds of selfish opinion that strangle
Crops of hopeful guesswork. To challenge both
Is to be burnt at stake or nailed up high
Well may he, but the answer is easy
Just like the soul’s a hole, like dreams of youth
Truth is evasive and illusory
What is, is, and is not; both equally
Is it a wave, is it a particle
Heisenberg only knew uncertainty
He’s like Socrates: the same principle
Philosophy agrees with science. Bull
And truth intertwine in straight lines of growth
In fields fertilised by technology
Weeds of selfish opinion that strangle
Crops of hopeful guesswork. To challenge both
Is to be burnt at stake or nailed up high
Thursday 5 August 2010
1431 - News nuggets
Read all about it, read all about it
Children die in fire in Edinburgh
Was the fire an accident? Was it lit?
Blood diamonds with love from Liberia
To Naomi, best wishes, Charles Taylor
Starlet Lily Allen pregnant again
We'd rather her a mother than singer
Interest rates stay at 0.5%
Holidays are still affordable, then
The Duke of York's Windsor Great Park home hit
By a bugler, sorry, by a burglar
These news stories are part of the top ten
Most popular on BBC's website
My work-based research was very thorough
Children die in fire in Edinburgh
Was the fire an accident? Was it lit?
Blood diamonds with love from Liberia
To Naomi, best wishes, Charles Taylor
Starlet Lily Allen pregnant again
We'd rather her a mother than singer
Interest rates stay at 0.5%
Holidays are still affordable, then
The Duke of York's Windsor Great Park home hit
By a bugler, sorry, by a burglar
These news stories are part of the top ten
Most popular on BBC's website
My work-based research was very thorough
Wednesday 4 August 2010
1430 - Floody hell
This year’s floods have begun in Pakistan
The Indus inundating dry valleys
Its unstoppable torrents overran
People like spiders in the bath. Cities
Liable to flooding include all these:
London, Glasgow, New York and Amsterdam
The Yellow and Yangtze flood the Chinese
Towns along their sides; the The Three Gorges Dam
Notwithstanding. Is the world warming? Some
Say ice is melting. Say, statistician -
Can we believe you, or is it all lies?
Meanwhile, BBC helicopters hum
Above the Indus. They come but are gone
Once the corpses have dried in the warm breeze
The Indus inundating dry valleys
Its unstoppable torrents overran
People like spiders in the bath. Cities
Liable to flooding include all these:
London, Glasgow, New York and Amsterdam
The Yellow and Yangtze flood the Chinese
Towns along their sides; the The Three Gorges Dam
Notwithstanding. Is the world warming? Some
Say ice is melting. Say, statistician -
Can we believe you, or is it all lies?
Meanwhile, BBC helicopters hum
Above the Indus. They come but are gone
Once the corpses have dried in the warm breeze
Tuesday 3 August 2010
1429 - The siege of Orleans
Late '28 and early '29
The English stepped up the siege of Orléans
The Hundred Years' War was going just fine
Despite Henry V dying and being
Replaced by the boy Henry VI. Scenes
In Shakespeare's play of that name tell of Joan
Who conferred with the Dauphin and who seemed
Divinely gifted. Orléans' walls of stone
Guarded the Loire crossing. If they had gone
Into English hands, southern lands would find
What oppression was like, also. Her dreams
Of battle realised, directly thrown
Against the enemy, Joan's men consigned
To history France's old reticence
The English stepped up the siege of Orléans
The Hundred Years' War was going just fine
Despite Henry V dying and being
Replaced by the boy Henry VI. Scenes
In Shakespeare's play of that name tell of Joan
Who conferred with the Dauphin and who seemed
Divinely gifted. Orléans' walls of stone
Guarded the Loire crossing. If they had gone
Into English hands, southern lands would find
What oppression was like, also. Her dreams
Of battle realised, directly thrown
Against the enemy, Joan's men consigned
To history France's old reticence
Monday 2 August 2010
1428 - Holy smoke
The voices came in 1428
To teenage Joan, peasant girl from Lorraine
Pro-French saints' voices that reverberate
To this day. They could not find her insane
At various trials they probed her all in vain
The way she dressed, virginity tests, all
Passed with flying colours. She withstood pain
In battle time and again; did not fall
To arrow or even stone cannonball
Sadly for her, because of a dispute
Between Dukes of Burgundy and Orleans
Philip the Good was not so good at all
He sold her to the English, and her fate
Was being burned, her ashes in the Seine
To teenage Joan, peasant girl from Lorraine
Pro-French saints' voices that reverberate
To this day. They could not find her insane
At various trials they probed her all in vain
The way she dressed, virginity tests, all
Passed with flying colours. She withstood pain
In battle time and again; did not fall
To arrow or even stone cannonball
Sadly for her, because of a dispute
Between Dukes of Burgundy and Orleans
Philip the Good was not so good at all
He sold her to the English, and her fate
Was being burned, her ashes in the Seine
Sunday 1 August 2010
1427 - Civilised reggae
I’m back from meeting the Rockers uptown
And you can tell ’em they were top ranking
Wa do dem? They play reggae with no frown
Just skanking to de riddim, waist winding
Lee Perry’s Black Ark continues sailing
Crossing many rivers from Mount Zion
Freddie McGregor’s big ship is slowing
Approaching the great port of Babylon
Where you can take Bob Marley’s bus: hop on
The pressure drop, two sevens clash, the sound
Of sirens, police and thieves dem fighting
And scaring both Jamaica and London
Meanwhile the man in the hills has come down
Marcus Garvey take up social living
And you can tell ’em they were top ranking
Wa do dem? They play reggae with no frown
Just skanking to de riddim, waist winding
Lee Perry’s Black Ark continues sailing
Crossing many rivers from Mount Zion
Freddie McGregor’s big ship is slowing
Approaching the great port of Babylon
Where you can take Bob Marley’s bus: hop on
The pressure drop, two sevens clash, the sound
Of sirens, police and thieves dem fighting
And scaring both Jamaica and London
Meanwhile the man in the hills has come down
Marcus Garvey take up social living
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