2803 - These boots...

A lovely day with Josie but my God
She knows how to make me spend money I
Haven't got, from my overdraft, the sod!
She wanted purple Doc Martens, but why
Do they cost a hundred quid? Tried to lie
Said I couldn't afford them, though I can't
So inevitably I had to buy
Them for her, because my love made me haunt
My conscience and sympathy so I won't
Succeed in saying no, although she's got
The hang of wheedling money from men, try
As men might to say no, it's like a hunt
In reverse. They hunt us while we hunt hogs
But there's a happy ending. We're allies

1457 - The inherent sexism of public urination

They say never walk under a ladder
Or something might fall down upon your head
But what’s worse is when you’ve a full bladder
And there’s no public lavatory ahead
It’s easier for a man’s load to be shed
I’ve seen it done by football supporters
In full view of a city’s teeming crowd
Or drunk blokes late at night; steaming rivers
That trickle down the walls into gutters
But for agonised females, far harder
They can’t wee standing up, not if well-bred
And if they tried, imagine how coppers
Would throw them in the van after knicker
Repositioning; a scene girls all dread

1439 - More messy than Lionel

Though women prefer neatness to scruffy
I must admit I don’t care a great deal
My hair, though thinning, is bird’s nest messy
And I usually coat my chin in stubble
This is, however, all explicable
They won’t promote me at work, so why dress
To impress, since it hasn’t worked? Awful
Waste of my time and money. If success
Depended on looks… What? It does? Oh yes
So it does. Also, if women want me
They’ll have me on my terms or not at all
And so let’s see who still likes me, this mess
Who values weird things like honesty
And doing what I want. Typical male…

1088 - Hard labour for my neighbour

The bloody neighbours are at it again
One night it's sex, a lovey-dovey pair
The next it's nagging, screaming argument
I've really lost my patience; I hate her
More than him now. It's her causing the stir
That interrupts my rest, and makes me tired
There is a music open night later
I wanted to attend, but I've retired
Due to my tiredness, due to her weird
Oscillation between love and hate. When
Will women get a grip; not just their hair
But their emotions need it! Always fired
Up about stuff that, by contrast, we men
Couldn't give a stuff about. We don't care!
Thur 27 Aug