2429 - Hard days and nights

I'm tired now, having slept not quite enough
After a late night out down Salford way
With Dermot, rehearsing then a few quaffs
Of ale to wash anxieties away
Mind you., all seems on course now for Wednesday
Night at Manchester's Three Minute Theatre
Where there'll be an eccentric cabaret
With Dermot and me possibly winners
Trying our best to be weird and perverse
Tonight after work, I'd plenty of stuff
To get down to, like my first chance to play
The two songs I'm doing at Guitar & Verse
On Thursday at Gulliver's. It's quite tough
But it gets easier and becomes okay

2428 - Animal magic

The final rehearsal for Wednesday night
The xylophone, the juggling balls, the lot
I don't want to give away the secret
Don't tell anyone, don't reveal the plot
Amazingly, it should take four minutes
That's all we've got, for better or for worse
The ideas are plenty, but time is short
Four minutes is a blessing or a curse
Magical Animals we have rehearsed
And now there's tomorrow to get it right
In our own minds before we have that spot
With agents and audience who may be terse
But a few pints should make it out of sight
Practised spontaneity's what we've got

Mon 29 April

2427 - Family album

A rainy day in Marple, not the place
To go on a wet Sunday, shops are few
We sat in Costa Coffee - Jo's first taste
Of proper coffee (iced) - I had one too
I brought some old photos for her to view
You know, actual photos in an album
The kind they used to print in Boots when you
Had to wait two days til collecting them
The early noughties, Tania's pregnant tum
Young Josie in nappies, ten years of space
Between me and those skies seemingly blue
In these happy pix, cleared of the humdrum
There were good times, but smiling camera face
Is a small picture that should be seen through

2426 - Liverfool

A day spent reading and watching football
A night spent at some friends engagement do
First a narrow win for Man City, all
Their high-paid stars just about won a 2-
1 win over West Ham. The real news - who
Went down to the Conference - Barnet! At last!
Then saw Liverpool beat Newcastle - ooh
A painful 0-6 for the Magpies, crashed
To the ground at St James' - they were crushed
Then out to Andy and Cathy's, one full
Plate and then several pints, some music too
I needed booze to get me through the slush
But now I'm safely home, 2 a.m. calls
Me to my bed - a peaceful night to you!

Sat 27 April

2425 - When you say nothing at all

A nothing day, nothing to say, nothing
To play, no place to go away, nowhere
I'm not depressed, just keen to get going
With this daily sonnet, no time to spare
Need the toilet, not that my readers care
To know that, I dare say, that stuff's quite gross
But when you gotta go, you know you dare
Not not go for too long, and so I'll post
This blog, then hasten to the bog, a dose
Of my waste product odiously dropping
Into the toilet bowl's rancid water
About the weather, it's not warm as toast
The sun's out but there's a cold wind blowing
Like the wind out my ass that's soon coming

2424 - The Old Pint Pot

What happened today? I don't really care
It was a so-so day at work,ho hum
But this evening, exercises, guitar
And comedy rehearsals with my friend
Not so long to go, 1st of May, that's when
We'll debut as a double act on stage
Went through the act at least twice, odds and ends
Improved with each run-through, improved with age
Then after those rehearsals, some beerage
Down the pub, the Old Pint Pot, that is where
Our post-rehearsal chats take place, the hum
Of conversation and music that plague
Our thoughts to some degree but don't deter
Our thoughts from having their full expression

Thur 25 April

2423 - Victorian historian

Two nights without enough sleep! Last
Night I was buzzing after comedy
So got back out of bed in underpants
And grabbed my best insomnia remedy
No, not that, a book, you fool! Currently
Reading 'The Victorians' (A.N. Wilson)
A fascinating period, and sadly
Neglected at school (yes, I was there, once)
You've got to hand it to Victorians
They changed the world, it seemed to change so fast
Under their stewardship, society
Changing from peaceful rural to urban
Sprawl, railways sprouting branches, reaching most
Backwaters, mobilising, setting free

2422 - Comedy dromedary

St George's Day, not that we celebrate
Just one more day at work, nothing special
Although I woke at six thirty, I ate
Breakfast, and went through my material
For tonight's comedy, which was awful
For The Worst Comedy Night in Salford
Got through a lot of work, but still had all
The time in the world to ponder my hoard
Of paedo jokes for the King's Arms. Was sort
Of empty of audience at first, but fate
Decreed that I would go on last, and all
Hell broke loose when I finally hit the boards
Hitting them with an endless wicked spate
Of Rolf Harris jokes, and Jimmy Savile

Tue 23 April

2421 - The bare non-essentials

A pleasant spring day, walked to work, listened
To northern soul on the earphones en route
Souped-up rock disco is kind of the sound
Combined with Motown, Otis and all that
I never hear my feet go pitter-pat
Cos my earpieces rock my walking world
I feel like Cliff on speed, like I could skate
The world ain't ready for this hidden pearl
It ain't on a necklace, but it's still real
This evening went to see comedians
The presenter Iain Stirling was quite shit
But the other acts didn't make toes curl
Except one wannabe who stripped to und-
erpants - I've seen that far too often, mate

2420 - Rainy Sunday afternoon

Amazingly escaped the showery rain
With Josie in the park in Cheadle Hulme
Managed to get there and get back again
Without a soaking. We had an ice cream
It was pleasant, even sunny at times
Josie talked of cross-country runs at school
And later on we acted out this theme
Jogging out of the park back to the rail-
way station, her in Ugg boots, our hands full
With coats, not dressed for running. Looked insane
To all the passing traffic, I assume
Press-ups on the pavement, and then a girl
On a bike rang her bell to get past. When
Dermot's back, our comedy will resume...

2419 - Fleet of football

Today was devoted to the first game
Of football Louis and me have been to
For ages. Fleetwood were playing at home
To Chesterfield. Hired a car, drove us two
Up through Lancashire, sky a perfect blue
The spring sun shone, so early we arrived
There was time for us to tour around, view
The high street with tramlines, also to drive
To the seafront, exciting and alive
With walkers. Ferries, docks, there was no time
For them - instead, we parked and then into
Jim's Sports Bar for a drink and chat. We loved
The four-goal game and the sunshine. Our aim
Next year, Scotttish and French games - oui, the noo!

2418 - Rock of pensionable ages

Been out to see a Johnny Winter gig
At the RNCM in Manchester
The man is very small, he sure ain't big
He stoops and looks real frail, but still packs a
Mean punch - the band rocked non-stop, and harder
Than many bands who try but are still young
It's true, the blues are easy, well easier
Than less-prescribed and simplified forms, hung
As they are on those twelve bars and then slung
Back out endlessly - but the beat still kicked
And all through I tapped my toes and fingers
All these white-haired old men attended, un-
able to climb stairs, using the lift, sticks
And limps, all at this raucous ear-blaster

2417 - Radio blah blah

Round-up of stuff from what I'm up to now
Listened to Radio 6 while ironing
Heard 'Round Table' for first time since don't know
Then Marc Riley came on while I'm reading
Emails, now I've switched over, I'm watching
Top Of The Pops '78, not seen
Some of these acts since that time, time passing
More nostalgia next - they're about to screen
'The Likely Lads' first episode that's been
Hiding since '73. Used to show
That before Pot Black, or after, I think
I used to stay up with cocoa, all clean
After my bath. Read Danny Wallace. Who?
Dunno, but I just read a book by him

2416 - Lloyd Halifax - Winston's rival for Number Ten

Louis has gone out to watch some football
Man City playing Wigan this evening
Done my exercises, though I can't call
Tonight's effort one that's record-breaking
Well short of 60 press-ups. Annoying
To have found by chance today that my card
Was no longer 0% interest. Stung
With interest by Halifax for months - hard
When finances are struggling. Right, you sods
(I thought) - I'm cutting your shit card up real
Quick, and already finished applying
For another nil rate card (this time, Lloyd's)
Got a film to watch - and it's called The Fall
Of the House of Usher (Peter Cushing)

2415 - Old bag

A fairly non-productive workday - had
Technical problems stemming from the loss
On Friday of my bag with my ID
Cards in it, and my diary (that was worse)
And my phone charger. Was it the Oasthouse
Was it Mulligan's, or the Grapes someone
Nicked the bag? Did they hope for valuables?
Walked way down Oxford Road - RNCM
The venue for this Friday evening's fun
A Johnny Winter gig, perhaps more trad
For me than usual, a blues guitarist
But he doesn't just play blues - and Dylan
Mentioned him in 'Chronicles.' Had a good
Old guitar strum myself. Now time for Jools

2414 - Work to live, love to work

Back at work - boo! - but nice to see the crew
And rehydration once more - Sunday night
Had seen another pub trip, so I brewed
Up manically at first, two coffees right
At the start of the office day, felt quite
Tipsy still, but better as time went on
Managed to start an online course I'd tried
But failed to open for weeks. Not quite fun
But useful - goods in duty suspension
Moving around twenty-seven EU
Member states, and how to interrogate
The database. Been pondering - it's some
Time since I moved jobs - so perhaps a new
Challenge, a new job should be in my sights

2413 - Chronicles of the Premier

I slept til nearly ten, recovering
From the weekend's bender and my time with
Josie, finished Dylan's Chronicles, in
Time to watch three football games, starting with
Newcastle losing at home to the myth
That is Di Canio, the new character
Who'll dominate next year's Premier League with
Mad gestures and shock results. Then Stoke were
Outplayed by Man U., two-nil down at the
Britannia. Then the FA Cup bringing
Man City and Chelsea together, with
The prize of a final with Wigan, a
Guarantee of a trophy, City in
There, then I went out and got quite well pissed

Sun 14 April

2412 - Milkshake madness

Woke up about eight but went back to bed
Waking up finally at ten-thirty
It was a nice house and in a nice road
And the sun shone in the late morning. We
Went to the Parrs Wood pub, and there Tony
Kindly bought breakfast, but I was late for
Josie, ready and waiting there for me
I was an hour and a half late for her
But we had a fun day in Manchester
And Stockport, going twice to McDonald's
I was dehydrated and so thirsty
The first was a large chocolate one - later
I had a banana one. Back home, had
Eggs and beans on toast. Bed sounds good to me!

Sat 13 April

2411 - A day late

This is a day late, I was out last night
And went in a taxi to Didsbury
At the end of the evening - wasn't quite
With it by this stage - didn't need to be
Going there - could've walked home easily
Nevertheless I hung out with Tony
Before that, had a good flattened rump steak
With fantastic flavour, spicy chilli
And of course lots of lager down my neck
Unfortunately though I lost my bag
Most likely in Mulligan's, which is shite
Cos my diary was in it - my diary
With phone numbers, financial stuff - oh fuck
Popped into Tesco's with Tony real late
Chatted for a while with wine - then, sleepy....

2410 - Back to Black Lion

Annoying day at work, and tomorrow
There's more, followed by a big birthday meal
But let's leave that aside, and hope still grows
Tonight the pub quiz has a fresh appeal
At the Black Lion, the pub with no ale
Well that did happen once when me and John
Met for a pint there. It didn't seem real
Tonight it's a Meet-Up, Sandra and some
Others I may not have met, maybe one
Or two I have. Nearly ready to go
Just typing this and listening to football
Build-up, with comments from Steve McLaren
Ex-Derby and Man U. coach, but brought low
By a bad England managerial spell

2409 - It takes a lot to laugh

Woke at four-thirty, adjusting to spring
I guess, read two hours Dylan's 'Chronicles'
Once I knew that sleep wasn't returning
And then went to work, suppressing hackles
And getting on with it - even chuckles
Were commonplace - that's really all there is
Amazingly, when I got home, found all's
Still going on, and my mind composes
Two new songs, admitting influences
Of Dylan's style in cadence's sounding
Listening to 'Basement Tapes' on my travels
And 'Another Side' - recorded as is
Among wine and friends on just one evening
Some songs played nevermore, just mere baubles

2408 - A laugh a minute

Work appraisal went on til after six
Which wasn't very helpful, as I had
To leave to prepare for a comedy gig
At the King's Arms, well-known pub in Salford
In the snug, and it was well-attended
Somehow I'd spent all my cash, so when I
Ordered some pints, I could pay with my card
(Thank God) and did, and I was half pie-eyed
By the time I went on, but didn't die
(As badly as some others) - got my kicks
On Route A6 (that's Chapel Street, Salford)
Or Bloom Street, just off Chapel Street. Now I
Am back home writing this, but I'm quite pissed
That I forgot my burgers gag. Stupid!

Tue 9 April

2407 - Lucky strike

Well I woke up this morning real early
'Bout a half-past five, to be quite precise
Not too sure why, a vivid dream, maybe
Then as I lay there, mouth dry, not anxious
Got up for water, back down, realised
It was okay to have got drunk last night
See, today was a day off work - why? 'Cause
HMRC's on strike, cos of the plight
Of the poor civil servants you all hate
I would too if I wasn't one, hee hee
Just heard - at last  - yes - Maggie Thatcher dies
She left the UK in a right old state
Tonight, though, it's the Manchester derby
Unlike last year, City's a hopeless cause

2406 - Gong but not forgotten

The sunshine didn't continue today
But I was at home, it didn't matter
Watched 'A Midsummer Night's Sex Comedy'
Then two live football games, Tottenham Hotspur
Against Everton, then Queen's Park Rangers
Against Wigan. After that, I went out
To the Comedy Store in Manchester
To watch 'King Gong' amateurs with Dermot
And had a good laugh when they were real shit
A few pints of Guinness downed on the way
And a good time had by all, a natter
There's more comedy to come, Tuesday night
But tomorrow night, I'll probably just stay
In for the Manchester clubs' encounter

Sun 7 April

2405 - Ice in the sun

To bed at four last night, and up at nine
Yet despite that, felt pretty much okay
The weather has become both warm and fine
Though some ice still lay in the hills today
As Josie and me headed Yorkshire way
On the train to Halifax, but not much
Of interest there, not much to do, no play
Although the town looked good in the sun, touch
Of light on the brown stone buildings. We took
The train to Hebden two stops down the line
At least there is a park there, knew the way
Having been there before, and then I took
Josie to Piccadilly - there's a fine
Ride there with seats spinning round in the sky

Sat 6 April

2404 - Intent but not a circus clown

I have to confess that I am not straight
No, I am not straight, I am very bent
Purely from beer intake, please do not hate
Or attribute to me something you learnt
What I appeared to say's not what I meant
The logical mind still functions despite
Alcoholic intake, though more time's spent
In saying what's meant, and in fact in spite
Of what's said or meant, what's said isn't quite
What's meant, because what's meant isn't what's said
And what's said or meant isn't what is sent
From the logical side to the dark side
And in spite of that, I reiterate
What I first said, my thoughts are still intent

Fri 5 April

2403 - Patterns

A good night out, at Gulliver's in town
Saw some old mates, and Tom George, the songsmith
I drank maybe five pints, they all went down
Very well, and I sang some songs myself
'High Over Liverpool' and 'Patterns' - with
As much aplomb as I could muster - well
These songs are old, 'Patterns' dates from pre-Smiths
It was weird to sing it now, but, hell
Why not, and I knew the words like a bell
Chiming through decades, personal renown
That era is now somewhat of a myth
A time when the Hacienda was a spell
Of indie magic, before dance. I found
It good to see Tom and Jeff, by God's teeth

Thur 4 April

2402 - Short of ideas

Had a haircut today, it's really short
I hope the weather warms up, or my head
Could get frostbite. And in that head I thought
It's nice walking through sunny streets instead
Of rainy ones. Coldest March recorded
Since '62, they say. Sunny or not
It's been a freezing early spring, snow fed
The ground like manna. So, will it be hot
This summer? Global warming's what we've got
Or does that make it cooler by some sort
Of strange counter-intuitive method?
The farmers are all struggling, not been taught
How to cope with this fast-changing climate
Or was it a freak year we all just had?

2401 - Excite stage left

Woke up at four, somehow all excited
At the thought perhaps of some playing live
On Thursday night, or maybe excited
At seeing Tom and Tsareena alive
And chatting to them, and feeling active
Involved and purposeful, with comedy
And now maybe music taking shape with
Serendipitous synchronicity
Woke up at four, I say, or four-thirty
Read about Dylan for a while, but read
Myself awake still more. I had to leave
My bed at six-fifteen in time to see
The sky turn light blue from dark. Time to read
My song lyrics before work. What a life!

2400 - Derby Day

Not that much done today - we watched three games
And that took a large chunk out of the day
Did no reading, but time passed all the same
On Facebook, then those matches, one, two, three
In the Cup, Man U. kicked out by Chelsea
Then Cardiff beat Blackburn - relegation
Looms for the Lancashire club, hee hee hee
Then, best of all, Derby put their curse on
Leeds once again, winning away, 2-1
Then, having promised Thursday I'd see Tom
At a music and poetry night, I may
As well try practising some of my songs
If practice goes well I may then play some
On Thursday at Gulliver's - we will see