2494 - Bye bye '13

It's New Year's Eve, we're at the end at last
Of year '13 that's unlucky for some
Steve Clarke at work just survived a bike crash
And me, I've survived many a late walk home
Highlights? In February, holiday among
The mountains of Morocco and Spain, no
Ski-ing, but great tapas. Trip to London
In August with Jo, stayed with Pearl. To go
Away with Jo for the first time was so
Much fun, we'll do Paris next spring. A blast
Was had rehearsing and performing fun
Comedy stuff with Dermot. Did a show
Of our own in November. Laughs with Nance
Especially the June party. The year's gone

2493 - Welcome to life

This is today, as far as now exists
Squeezed in between before and next, so slight
A window of time, a will o' the wisp
A shadow in the middle of the night
Life's a sudden explosion of bright light
Like a supernova in the heavens
Energy in the void, wonderful sight
But surrounded by unseeing atoms
Made up of the same, we evolved persons
No control over anything, subsist
In a random machine, in aimless flight
Channelled by no-one, dependent orphan
Inventing philosophies with a twist
To diminish our existential fright

2492 - Bacderby

Oops, a day late, no excuse, I forgot
That's all, that's it, didn't recall diary
Yesterday, preoccupied, sorted out
Calendars for 2014, you see
Then we both watched some Premier League footy
Then went round Janet's for tea, where I played
With a kitten, that was fun, Bacardi
Was necked while there, then home, Match of the Day
Followed by the Championship, saw Derby
Advance to second place, the Rams have got
A great chance of going up along with the
Other East Midlands clubs, a hit parade
When your team wins, it kind of makes you hot
And all seems well, somewhat vicariously!

Sun 29 December 2013

2491 - Raise your glasses!

Took Josie to meet Pearl again in town
Stopping by Vee's (she's broken her ankle)
Despite that, there were smiles rather than frowns
Not much time today with them, but was full
Tapas and wine at Evuna, and real
Red wine from Spain in enormous glasses
Made plans for next few days. Josie and Pearl
Will have a sleepover, and then chances
Are there'll be a curry in Rusholme, there's
Pearl's birthday meal on the 3rd eaten down
Then she's back to London to try and trawl
For jobs, having been sacked by some asses
In the media industry there. The sound
Of the 80s, combined with San Miguel!

2490 - Cricket batty

Woke halfway through the night, heard the cricket
On the radio - the sport, not the insect -
England bowled Australia out, believe it
Or not, my sport reportage is correct
Went back to sleep after two hours had ticked
And slept til almost ten. Thank God the things
I left in the hired car had not been nicked
Two plump new pillows to give my sleep wings
And the new cardy Pearl bought, amazing
It is, with posh buttons. Then had to get
My new wireless router, had to collect
It from the postal depot. I'm looking
Forward to April in Paris, tickets
For Eurostar now bought. Bags almost packed!

2489 - Topkapi of the pops

Boxing Day fun, as tradition has it
Gathered my kids and drove them in a car
To a meal, the Topkapi on Deansgate
Was the chosen place for our meal this year
Then we walked to the Town Hall, festive cheer
With the lights of the tower and the trees
Louis went off to his mum's flat to cheer
On Man City against Liverpool - he's
A mad Blues fan, she likes the Reds, though she's
Not as fanatical as him. I'll wait
Til Match of the Day highlights to see the
Result, and now I'm back home alone, me's
Content to have a drink and cigarette
While Louis' staying over with Vera

2488 - Hip op tick tock

I forgot yet again to write a poem
My excuse this time? It was Christmas Day
And I was busy having a good time
Stayed with my mum. Although she has a frayed
Right hip, she was up for a hop today
In the pleasant winter sun all along
The prom at West Kirby, our tops arrayed
With Santa hats, mentally both still young
Bringing smiles to all so that nothing's wrong
Some nice food and TV, watering the stem
Of the plant of family unity
And continuity. Year's nearly gone
So we reflect, reflected in sea spume
All the rights and wrongs equally we weigh

Wed 25 Dec 2013

2487 - Sherry Christmas!

It's Christmas Eve, I'm alone in the flat
Only cos Louis' last-minute shopping!
He hasn't bought a single present yet
So he's gone down town before shop-closing
Me, I finished mine long ago. Lying -
'Twas Saturday December 21st
At six I'm hiring a car and driving
To town, pop in on V, P and L first
Then I'll drive on to Mum's, and then we'll rest
In our chairs with a sherry. Don't like that
Normally, but she asked if I could bring
Some to quench her non-alcoholic thirst
With horrible sherry! Have a good night
And a great day tomorrow, jing-a-ling!

2486 - Pain in the brain

Headache! Oh my head! Oh my goddamn head!
It really hurt while I was in the pub
With Louis, watching football, but it led
To me just having one pint. Had no grub
There, having eaten at home. Day was drab
All rain and wind, went to work, saved some leave
Only Andy, Deb, Laura there to blab
To. Also, at lunchtime, searched for a caff
To eat at on Boxing Day. Think we'll have
A Turkish at the Topkapi. Good spread
There. Hope Pearl managed to get the train up
From London okay. Storms have cut a swathe
And caused cancellations, so the news said
My headache's easing, but you can still rub...

2485 - Past and future battles

Been reading Ackroyd's History of England
(First volume), which has within it, Hastings
The Battle of 1066, last stand
Of the Saxon nobles against the King
Of tyranny, William the Bastard! Sing
Woe unto all ye (etc). Read on
Today about tall Richard's crusading
John, and Henry the Third's rather long reign
So many lives lived under that one name
As mine has been under Liz Two. She's spanned
The post-war era til now, and still brings
A few more years yet. Thought up a mad plan
To hold a mock battle on Salford's land
Dressed as William and Harold. Games begin!

2484 - Shop til you drop

Christmas shopping, the final Saturday
Before the big day, not too crowded, though
Double buggies a go go, fight your way
Against the unstoppable human flow
Got Santa hats, then boots for Little Jo
Who was with me today in Manchester
Red, they were, they look good. Converse, you know
She saw a homeless guy in Converse there
Sitting in a doorway. You can't despair
If you've got Converse boots! To the Body
Shop for my mum's present, which was coco-
nut perfume and chocolate gel for shower
For me (from Louis) I bought myself a
Clock, now on living room wall. Good to go!

2483 - Chav disco

A nice day at the office, relaxing
(I did some work as well!) after the ball
Still some drink coursing through my veins, making
Me good-humoured. Emma not there as well
That helped too. Thinking back to the table
Last night, she seemed bored and boring, even
Though it was her choice, going to the ball
Ball my arse, it was a chav disco, and
The MC was basically Keith Lemon
One of his crap stunts was making us sing
'The 12 Days of Christmas'. I sang fuck all
Keith Lemon could go fuck himself, sad man
And now I'll have a relaxing evening
Tomorrow, Christmas shopping with them all...

2482 - The bitch of the ball

Emma brought in my cake and then acted
Like a bitch, which she is, or seems to be
No doubt there are good reasons, but what did
Happen to her is not my fault. Why me
Should be the scapegoat is a mystery
Tonight, to make things worse, the Christmas ball
Her idea, I might add, consequently
Now I'm not even excited at all
I know it'll be petty, boring, dull
Unless the others compensate her deeds
And wish to keep the group nice and friendly
As it had become, till Steve tried to pull
His bullshit management trick. Should I speed
On my way? Everybody does, but me...

2481 - Haircut two hundred and favourite shirt

Slurp of coffee. Excuse me. That's better
Still a little dry from last night, you see
Where at the King's Arms we tried improv, a
Difficult thing to get right, true, and we
Did OK, we got more laughs than many
I'd quite like to try a new character
Which if I do will be a part of me
A person known to be quite immature
But what would Dermot be? This isn't sure
To happen til we talk it through later
Been off work today, part recovery
Part using up leave. Bought a shirt, got hair
Cut. Nearly forgot. Ball tomorrow, where
New shirt, new hair will be liked, hopefully!

2480 - Ad pub

Tonight it's back to the King's Arms pub for
A Christmas comedy party, no less
Not really in the mood for a haw haw
Or a jaw jaw for that matter. Impress
Folk who don't care, it seems almost pointless
But put that aside, it's a chance to try
Some ad lib with Dermot, and catch up, was
In Asia, but he's back. Aim? Make words fly
And loop the loop, mad ideas tumbling by
Quicker than can be quite followed by bore
Or boor. Then beer may follow, hollow quest
Or noble, to swallow your doubts, less dry
Is the world, they'll all be the same, the floor
Will swallow them too. It already has.

2479 - The Sky is falling

Technical problems hopefully resolved
And a good saving by staying with Sky
By threatening to leave. They have now sold
Me a deal for landline and broadband by
Offering £7.50 a month. Why
Not switch landline to Sky then, save twenty
A month! Quite pleased now that things went awry
For three days to make that saving, hee hee!
Now internet's back on, can buy City
Tickets for Louis. About to turn cold
The weathermen are saying. They don't lie
But they're unreliable. BBC
Weather forecasts suck. Tomorrow the old
Comedy night's back at King's Arms. Laugh? Cry?

2478 - The return of Pete Tong

It’s all going incredibly Pete Tong
Our internet has failed. It could be Sky
Who took over O2 Broadband just one
Or two days ago. Watched the router die
Gradually. Also, death of the TV
Reception. Might as well scrap my licence
Since most channels are ruined by 4G
Signals which are causing interference
Freeview’s unviewable, there’s no defence
Even with BT Sport. Same aerial. Long
Wait to switch to them, so past Christmas I
(And Louis) will have no online presence
(At home, anyway) or reasonably strong
TV signal. These things are sent to try…

Sun 15 December

2477 - Not a bad day

Good day today, drove to Mum’s. Jo, Louis
With me in the hired car, they’ve not seen her
For a while, it was fun, very noisy
As usual with Josie, the big talker
(What’s wrong with that, I might add?) It’s not fair
For Mum to expect Josie to be quiet
She’s a chatterbox, a cuddly toy bear
(I don’t mean she’s big!) We went out to eat
Then watched City / Arsenal in the Red Cat
(A ‘posh Scouser’ pub over in Greasby)
City’s win seemed to make the Red Cat purr
The Liverpool fans were pleased, cos they thought
Arsenal’s defeat might leave The Reds free
To take top spot. Dream on, oh you Scouser!

Sat 14 December

2476 - Bottoms up!

A birthday drink for Steve and Tony Mac
Starting about four in the afternoon
Tony Mac is leaving our team at work
That’s a shame, he is a fun guy, a boon
To the banter, Irish, but no buffoon
If that sounds racist, it’s not meant that way
The Irish are great, it’s just rhyme, a tune
In words. I hope to go back there someday
I’m sure I shall, Ireland’s over the sea
But very close. You always have good craic
I fit well with them, cos I’m such a loon
Myself. Oops - there I go again - sorry!!
No insult intended. The pissed walk back
Home afterwards. Forgot to write my poem!

Fri 13 December

2475 - Amy, you're driving me crazy

I keep waking up halfway through the night
Why, when it's the darkest time of the year?
I sometimes do this in midsummer's light
When dawn comes early, but why, how now, sir?
I wake from a dream, my mind starts to stir
Last night I kept singing Amy Winehouse
In my head, of course, nothing you could hear
Apart from radio, all quiet as a mouse
TV reception's bad these days, I lose
The chance to watch most channels now, so might
Move to BT Sport, it should be cheaper
Than Sky broadband (with football as bonus)
Let's hope there's an end to my sleepless plight
I hate being tired, it's not clever or fair!

2474 - Minging singing

Listening to Northern Soul as I type this
Northern Soul is easy and fast, dancing
Is what it's for, it makes you tap digits
While you type, and if you're quickly walking
(You can't walk slowly while you're listening)
Then you sing along while walking along
It makes you feel like a queen or a king
You feel good as you're singing to each song
Even if only in your head. It's wrong
To sing out loud, someone might take the piss
So you're a king in your imagining
If you sing in public, it goes Pete Tong
So only headphones and dreams must suffice
To make of you a soul Emperor Ming

2473 - The cost of Christmassing

It's been a cheap December - well, so far
Just as well, cos from next week, it takes off
Comedy pub night, with a few beers
Then work Christmas ball at the Midland - toff
Location, but we've got funds to set off
The cost! But I forgot! Also driving
A hired car to Mum's, Saturday, enough
Expense there! Also, Yuletide gift-buying
Yet to happen, and there's more car-hiring
To come, at Christmas itself, and meals for
The kids! Yes, financially, it's quite tough
But so far so good for penny-pinching
When you're like me you have to save lucre
With now and then a quick binge, smoke and quaff

2472 - Chop phooey

Trial spotlight on a 'Soldier of Allah'
Father of six who chopped a man to death
His youngest had been born four days before
But still he did that, and hoped police would get
Him and kill him too, martyr him, he said
This is how crazy religion can be
A substitute for fascism, a dread
Manipulator of soul and memory
A perverter of our identity
Licence to become executioner
Validator of voices in the head
How violence gains respectability
A myth that the poor are rich, rich are poor
A promise of wealth - after you are dead

2471 - After the balls

Nothing to say, done nothing much today
Apart from...... no, it's all excitement-free
But who cares, it's still been a pleasant day
Reading, and watching football on TV
We watched the FA Cup draw for round three
And after nearly all balls were drawn out
Derby (team of the moment) drew Chelsea
That tie should garner attention, all right
Can Steve humble Jose? Who knows? He might!
There's not much left to do but guitar play
It's time I started singing, despite the
Embarrassment, I need to expedite
My live abilities. Hitherto, they
Are hampered by not rehearsing properly

2470 - A brief history of today

Been out swimming with Josie, it was fun
I even did two lengths of crawl, as fast
As I could, though the second length was one
Of struggle with lack of breath, my heart raced
Bought Josie ear-rings from where else but Claire's
In Stockport, and for Christmas I will buy
Her some Converse boots, though she has to ask
Her mum about the style! Found that Derby
Beat Blackpool 5-1, so let's all say yay!
Now I'm watching Stephen Hawking, quite some-
thing what he achieved, even while young, cursed
With motor neurone disease. Come what may
He proved the Big Bang. Then, it's old Bedlam
A history of the 'madhouse' discussed.

2469 - Three types of death

Last night I turned on the TV at ten
To watch the news just before Question Time
After a long play on my guitar, when
I saw that Nelson Mandela, that fine
Leader of South Africa, had declined
And died that evening, tributes flowed freely
This evening the World Cup draw almost signed
England's death warrant. They play Italy
In Manaus, Brazil's hot jungle city
Then down to Sao Paulo, struggle again
Against seeds Uruguay, and then more flying
To Belo Horizonte, bit more easy
This time, Costa Rica they're up against
Feedback not good for act on 29th

2468 - Who do we appreciate?

2,4,6,8 - who do we appreciate?
We (or at least me) appreciate all this -
Primary colours and dark chocolate
Sunshine but with a cool refreshing breeze
Sweating with little clothing on bodies
Eating great food, drinking beer, staying thin
Pleasing others and in return being pleased
Being busy doing my kinds of things
Seeing, hearing, smelling, touching, being
The sound of music, rhythms that gyrate
Motion, travel, and obviously, bliss
Laughter, wit, even things embarrassing
Having all of the answers on my plate
Keeping hope and joy alive, a long kiss

2467 - Strangeways here we don't come!

So now I won't be going next week to Leeds
They're doing 'Strangeways Here we Come' not 'Pet
Sounds,' so that'll save me some forty quid
In December, that reduces what's paid
Out, so that's helpful. Football on tonight
So might get a drink in, relax, listen
Then watch midweek Match of the Day highlights
Think I'll take an evening off from the strum
Of guitar, save my neighbours' eardrums
Will read 'The Gunpowder Plot'. Now I've reached
The bit where Guy Fawkes and Catesby get caught
In the cellars beneath with all that gun-
powder, it's getting tense. Poor Pearl's been bid
Adieu by her stupid employers. Prats!

2466 - Fret sounds

Exercised second day in a row, wow!
Then played guitar, also the second day
Don't know if there was comedy, but now
It's December, staying in so I stay
Financially relatively okay
Off to Leeds next week for to jam Pet Sounds
(I hope) - can't wait for that, and Saturday
Hiring car, visiting Mum, get presents
From her for Josie. The 19th, Midland
Hotel Christmas Ball with workmates, allow
For that, and presents for the family
I sound like Scrooge, but dollars don't abound
In my wallet, gives me a furrowed brow
Wondering just how I'll last til January!

2465 - Mashed potato mountain

Awake part of the night, next door banging
Around about 4.15, are they off
To the airport early, are they flying?
Well, no, cos I just heard one of them laugh
And it's evening now. Must be feeling rough
By now. Although I was tired, once I rose
I felt energetic all day, enough
To see me through til five, and then I strode
Home, exercised, then ate mashed potatoes
I tend to make too much, stomach's aching
Feel like I'm going to explode in a puff!
Don't take that the wrong way! You could, I suppose!
Before my steam runs out, I'm finishing
With guitar practice, from Salford with love!

2464 - Cool for Cheshire cats

Long lie-in, got a late train to Wilmslow
So by the time I meet Jo, she's hungry
Surprises me though by saying let's go
To The Rifleman's Arms for carvery
And got a full belly (gammon, turkey)
Then Stockport by train, McD's, Decathlon
(The usual places). The main thing was, she
Was in a good mood once we set out on
Our way. She's been grumpy, sad, since return
From Amsterdam. Next spring, it's the Euro-
Star to Paris, with Pearl. Chose not to see
My fave night out, King Gong, tonight, alone
For that's no way to see a comedy show
I've been out the last two nights anyway

2463 - Feast of Middle Eastern feet

Tonight went to a magical dance show
At Salford Uni's Robert Powell Theatre
Debbie was one of the dancers, I know
Her, and I was happy to see her there
In the finale we saw each other
As I joined in a line dance on the stage!
But the whole show was awesome. I love their
Music, nearly all fast, mid-east tuneage
Took me back to Turkey, Morocco, page
Turned back in time, secretly hoped she'd go
Up to me, exotic belly dancer
And so she did. It was a privilege
To be there, so glad I went, even though
Jo didn't. Go, Funoon Alhouriya!

https://www.facebook.com/events/376309329138532/permalink/404783409624457/

2462 - Embryonic supersonic

Off work today, rehearsed my music act
And at 8.15, performed it quite well
At Embryo 81, upstairs at
The King's Arms, first act on, Lou Reed was real
At the pearly gates, it was a good sell
Then Dylan, based on the early albums
Next after that, Hendrix, gave guitar hell
At least it was OK, then played the drums
With spatula, masher, on biscuit tins
The Experience done, wig off, The Who were next
Pinball Wizard riff, the ten minute bell
Was approaching, but I finished on time
Unlike some others. And so it's a fact
I did okay, not sure if I excelled!

Friday 29 November

2461 - Countdown to dis-axe-ster

Been a nice day off, but I had to learn
Tomorrow's act, go over it once more
I need to learn my lines tonight and then
Tomorrow, practice with wigs and guitar
Can't relax with the axe, always seems far
Harder to sing and play at the same time
That's the one thing that I should practice more
Your concentration's split right down the line
Between fretboard and lyric memory. Mine
Is a memory to forget. Then, the churn
Of stomach as the act finally draws near
And the fear when onstage. Only by trying
For hours and hours can an act ever storm
It, so I should practice until I'm sore

2460 - We are the Champions League

It's been a good day, culminating in
Good results in Europe for Manchester
United and City, both teams winning
The Reds away in Germany, Bayer
Leverkusen, 5 nil, City closer
To failure, but winning against Plsen
We need to Czech ourselves, this is just the
Preliminary rounds. Competition
Will fiercen later on in the Champions
League. Next two days, I shall be preparing
For Friday's show, music, comedy, a
New departure, but built solid upon
Practice and knowledge, years of listening
But it's still a big leap to performer!

2459 - Getting in tune

I've done two days of exercises now
Yee-ha! I'm feeling fit as a fiddle
Maybe I'll ruin it later, somehow
But for now, I'm feeling good, and I will
Shortly rehearse Friday's act with a twirl
On guitar and harmonica, refine
The act, then practise once more, have my fill
Of great guitar-playing, so I sound fine
Sooner or later. Louis' out and I'm
Home alone, with the news on, wondering how
Scotland could prosper, as such a little
Country, despite big claims of a great time
Of wealth to come? It's forecast they'll vote No
To independence next year. Time will tell!

2458 - Up in (the King's) arms

I felt OK today, back's better
But as the day went on felt quite tired
Worked at a hundred and one miles an hour
Also feeling increasingly annoyed
And in that mood, they'd better just avoid
Me if they know what's best. Just had time to
Do a bit of shopping, in which I tried
To buy two wigs, but only one must do
Where can I get a black, shaggy one, so
I can do my Dylan impression. Where?
At the King's Arms on Friday. Friday fried
Eggs, Sunday side up, poached and scrambled too
It's no yolk at all, broken, salt, pepper
Mashed potatoes tonight, yeah, mashed, destroyed!

2457 - First impressions of mirth

Been planning Friday's set at Embryo
It's a set of musical impressions
Dylan, Hendrix's group, and then The Who
During which I'll kick over biscuit tins
(Pretend drumkit!). I hope this idea wins
Some support, which has often been there from
Audiences, but individuals I've seen
And known are reluctant, it sometimes seems
To lend encouragement, they stunt my dreams
But that act could be special. Chic's there too
And finally, Lou Reed outside heaven's
Gate. I'm not doing Elvis, though, as time's
Against me, ten minute slot in the show
To make a real memorable impression

2456 - Thoughts Direct

After I've done this, it's time then to play
My harmonica on its brand new stand
Having read more of 'Tom Jones' as each day
I race towards the not-so-far-off end
Also bought new clothes with minimum spend
At Sports Direct, where I just bought a coat
For winter, only twenty quid, oh, and
Five pairs of dark blue socks. Derby have beat
Bournemouth away, and are now just one point
From the Championship play-off. Please don't send
Rain to Rams' matches though, Steve won't get soaked
He'll stand under a brolly (the wally!)
Tonight there's a film about JFK
(His death, of course, which we don't understand...)

2455 - Brain Dallas Surgery

It's 50 years since JFK was shot
A programme's on at 9 with George Clooney
(No doubt, a fan who liked old Jack a lot)
Lee Harvey Oswald was a red loony
So they say, with a Russian wife in the
Old Cold War, for God's sake, with a good aim
Hit JFK once, but not lethally
But who was it that shot him in the brain?
One theory is a Secret Service man
In the car behind ballsed-up big time, popped
A dum-dum bullet accidentally
Into the president's head. In no time
The Secret Service covered up the lot
Beginning with the vital autopsy

2454 - Blowing hot and cold

Sorry Henry, the book has taken off
Last night I said it was slow-moving, but
That same evening, I read a fight so tough
And funny at the same time, that was fought
Between men and women, there was a slut
Or two (just trying to rhyme!), and wronged husbands
Who came so close but never quite caught out
Their women in the act. I bought a stand
For my harmonica at lunchtime, and
Might play along to 'Another Side Of...'
Dylan shortly, if I can motivate
Myself, or I might leave it til weekend
Arrives, and chill tonight, reading of love
Eighteenth-century style. 50 Shades, not!

2453 - What the book is going on?

I've rarely read a book where so little
Seems to happen in so many pages
As 'Tom Jones' by Henry Fielding. A full
450 pages in, as
I write, and although it's still quite a buzz
(Therefore, well-written, as you'd expect from
A classic), it's not near as risque as
I'd expected. Must make clear, it's not Tom
Jones the Welsh singer. It's the time of Sam
Johnson it's set in, Jacobite rebels
Even, yes it's the 1740s
I've read 'Fanny Hill' and it doesn't come
Close to that for rudeness, no Sade-esque thrill
But I like these old classic novels best

2452 - Magical Mertesacker tour

A hard day's work then England / Germany
We lost at home, one-nil, not surprising
Even though it was at mythic Wembley
Wembley, maybe, but it's a new building
Hodgson, our manager, he's resembling
McCartney, but that's not enough to win
Mertesacker headed it in, winning
The game for the Germans, and it went in
A draw would have been fair, but it's not been
A good few days for England, first Chile
Now Germany, our default is losing
Meanwhile, there's my harmonica training
Played it along to Yes, and that's tricky
Don't claim to be good, keep on practising

2451 - Winding down from winding them up

Tired, after broken sleep and busy day
Endless emails, such hard work, and then some
Exciting though, the cutting edge, maybe
Of tax policy, or near as it comes
Now that I've eaten, and I've a full tum
Not sure if I can motivate myself
To do much preparation for my turn
On Friday week at King's Arms, where I'll help
Embryo variety night go quite well
With my musical style of comedy
Right now, the washing machine's nearly done
And I'm done in, is it best for my health
To read quietly in front of the TV
Rather than work on my act? I've got time...

2450 - Souper duper hooper

Still recovering from day in Liverpool
But had a nice day out with Josephine
Hopped on the train to Manchester, the fool
Suggested the B-Lounge as place to dine
Although usually they keep you long waiting
And you have to keep asking, Where's the grub?
It worked out in the end, them reducing
The bill by half before we left the pub
Next, to Selfridges, Josie bought a tub
Of lip balm that her friends like, made her drool
As it got dark, we headed for the train
Her mum rang, basketball game coming up
Manchester Giants, and true, they'll be tall
So off they went, and I went home again

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/basketball/21034953

2449 - Livingituppool

Today, the day after the night before
(Isn't it always?) it was a pub crawl
Woke up just in time, to miss it is poor
Caught the train with others to Liverpool
But fate had a twist which could be called cruel
I was too pissed from last night to enjoy
Beer (on a pub crawl!) Well, I ask you, LOL
My own fault, but in fact didn't destroy
A good day at all really. This good boy
Was to ill to knock back the booze. No bore
However, still had a nice chat, and all
Manner of laughs with the crew, and my ploy
Was to drink coffee, then Coke. Ten hours
And only two pints drunk, but had a ball

Sat 16 November

2448 - Voodoo Chile (Slight Thrashing)

This sonnet's a day late, so sorry folks
I watched England lose to Chile at home
And as you do when watching those sad blokes
I got some drinks in, drank 'em, then I foamed
At the mouth for more, so outside I roamed
To get Kronenbourg from the garage shop
McCartney was on TV, while I moaned
And groaned on Facebook, then I flopped
On top of the TV and made it drop
On its back, and it proceeded to knock
My guitar onto the floor with a boom
But luckily no damage done - that's top
Luck, isn't it? Earlier, met Sian for Coke -
No, coffee - at the Deli Lama-drome

Written about Friday 15 November

2447 - Live in Leeds

It's a cold night and I've got a bad back
But still I'm going to Leeds this evening
Make sure I'm well hatted, suited and wrapped
Closeted tight against the night wind's sting
However, one concession - I won't bring
My heavy guitar in its case along
Can't face that weight twisting my spine, hurting
Last time I went there for a jam and song
There was an array of guitars along
The sofas, a bass, a piano, good craic
Last time I took a mouth organ, trying
To play along to The Doors, maybe wrong
But who cares? The Strokes' music seems to lack
Harmonica - til tonight! I'm coming!

2446 - Money is the root of all art

I hope they don't raise interest rates next year
That's what the news is saying they might do
The mortgage rising again makes us scared
Interest-only in my case - I have to
At some point find more funds, somehow accrue
Wealth to pay off the capital, or my
Flat will pass from my ownership to you
Maybe, but there are so many like I
Who struggle with money as years go by
But if nothing much can be done, why care?
Certainly don't get stressed, but slowly brew
A quality product that's only my
Invention and skill, something they can't share
In, because it's me and you, old and new

2445 - News of the whirlwind

The massive typhoon hit the Philippines
The island of Leyte lies to the east
Taking the full force of Pacific winds
Leaving little of houses on the coast
Roofs ripped off, removed by the roaring blast
Families torn apart between live and dead
Sadly the aid can't get through very fast
But at least today the death toll has had
A reduction from around ten thousand
To two thousand five hundred, which has been
A relief. Other news being discussed
The Egyptian night-time curfew lifted
High energy prices, one of the themes
I also see there's discontent in France

2444 - Drinking in L&L

Listening for the second night in a row
To 'Is This It' by The Strokes from '01
The reason is, on Thursday night, I'll go
To Leeds and jam it down at the Grove Inn
It's about July since I have last been
There, to jam 'The Doors' at the summer's height
Remember waiting for a late night train
In the Leeds platform waiting room, some pints
Drunk, but feeling though alone, a good time
Had been had by the Leeds lads and me too
And then on Saturday while Jo has fun
At a party, I'm free for some more pints
In Liverpool, with a social group, so
That's gonna be great, soft lad, so calm down!

2443 - Disunited City

Not done much today, except watch football
Read 'Tom Jones' and keep the radiators on
To Etihad and Old T we travelled
Yesterday, now both clubs are in action
City lost away up at Sunderland
While United beat Arsenal at Old T
City's away form's hard to understand
And a source of frustration for Louis
Better news though yesterday for Derby
Who beat the blue and white half of Sheffield
3-0 at Pride Park, coached by McClaren
Good news of non-football variety
Yesterday, Jo made it on time for all
Kirsty's party indoor ski centre fun!

2442 - City and United

The rainiest day ever but lucky us
Me and Jo avoided getting wet through
She chose to go - quelle surprise! - to City's
Football stadium, the Etihad, the blue
Side of the city. While there, I bought two
T-shirts, even though I'm no City fan
'Why always me?' - a slogan that's just so
Irresistible, to wear it, real fun
Another City shirt, Joy Division-
inspired. Then back on the tram which took us
To United's ground, Old Trafford, on cue
To look in their shop once more. Then chicken
At KFC, ate so much we might burst
But Jo was late for Kirsty's party. Oh!

2441 - Dinner date

I'm fighting with temptation, may not win
What else is there to do on Friday nights?
Because I'm staying, should be saving
And also trying not to put on more weight
Those pictures of our show, I look quite fat!
And I've not done my exercises. Poor!
Mind you, when I got in, I couldn't wait
To get dinner on soon as in the door
Tomorrow I fancy hiring a car
From Avis, seeing as it's cold and rain
That's forecast, so next, Avis's website
Back to tonight, and staying in's a bore
The mind freezes just like a frozen thing
So the question remains - can I resist?

2440 - Horror of horrors

It continues to get colder each night
It's now the second week of November
Stay in, strum guitar, maybe I'll catch sight
Of an old film I've got in, which is 'The
Pit and the Pendulum' starring John Kerr
(Who he?) and Vincent Price in the lead role
It's an ancient Roger Corman horror
Film from the early 60s, film course gold
See if the plot by Edgar Allan Poe'll
Translate well to the small screen, will seem right
Probably not, unless I'm a drinker
But I'm cutting down now, trying not to spoil
Health and finance - if entertainment's slight
I might pick up my book and look elsewhere

2439 - Gigglebox

A nice quiet night in after last night out
A good guitar jam, then watched Arsenal
Win at Dortmund, then on the internet
Facebook, and this, and reading my email
Got the TV on as well, it's Goggle-
box, where viewers are filmed on their sofas
Commenting on programmes - it's a giggle
The things they say are so ridiculous
Last night we couldn't be joke performers
Because not enough came to the event
But the improv we were planning is all
I want to do next with Dermot, and suss
Out our dual madness, duelling in wit
Sparking off each other, and the roomful

2438 - The mud, the bad and the ugly

It's fireworks night, the fifth of November
I hear them all around, all going off
In Ordsall gardens, they all remembered
Let's hope old Ordsall Hall don't get its roof
Set alight by screaming rockets and stuff
Let's hope no-one gets hurt while they're all out
Trying to have fun though feeling so rough
So cold, so muddy, shivering about
A hundred feet from a bonfire, no heat
Reaches you, apart from the odd ember
Saturday was a washout, too, all of
Those group displays in parks, the parky feet
Tonight I'm off to the King's Arms once more
For comedy night. Improv may get laughs

2437 - East End of the sun

Seems hard to believe, but on my TV
Is EastEnders. Now what is that about?
It feels like it was back in the 80s
That I ever used to watch that old shite
Anyway, there'll be a few quiet nights
This month, before the build-up to Christmas
Need a cheap month, to pay for next year's flights
To France, to Budapest, maybe to Greece
A few more comments on Facebook, interest
In the show they didn't bother to see
I can't blame them really, hard to go out
Sometimes in the cold and dark, when the trees
Are nearly being uprooted, but still, we
Must go out in it and get tossed about

2436 - Whoomph! There it was!

So there it was - an hour-long show last night
At the King's Arms theatre from 7.30
Performance was good though attendance slight
Not as bad as some acts though - nobody
Turned up for some of them, and the
Act before us was a no-show himself!
It's proved a lesson in publicity
It's not enough to hand out flyers, shell
Out for posters or post on Facebook. Bell-
Ends say they'll come, or might come, but their bite
Is worse than their bark. Barking mad to be
Us onstage, but madder to miss the thrill
Of our first-ever proper show. The night
Went on with Sian, Mel, Salma, Derm and me...

2435 - Whatever the weather

Just about to go out for the show
Rehearse in Dermot's flat, then to King's Arms
The weather's poor, a great gale seems to blow
And showers now and then - it's far from calm
And me also, getting wound up, alarms
In the brain, but when we get on the stage
Let's hope we remember all of our puns
And jokes and lines and ad lib at some stage
Successfully. We could be all the rage
If not, we'll keep on trying from below
To climb the steep slope, time to stop being bums
Okay, we've got jobs, earn a living wage
But there could be much more, let's make it so
We have to take it, grab it with strong arms

2434 - All tomorrow's party pieces

Just passing time at home, though rehearsing
As well as relaxing, planning the show
Continually cutting, then more cutting
Like a gardener, weeding as I go
Letting the good stuff have some light to grow
And not be choked by waffle that kills time
And doesn't produce laughs. The show will flow
Without time-wasting words, God knows that I'm
Trying to cram enough jokes in, and Derm
Likewise wants to say a lot, time ticking
A one-hour show is not long enough? So
That's a weird state of affairs. Not much time
Has ticked by since we started just this spring
Early May, and there's more we've got also

2433 - Roll up (nothing to do with smoking)

Busy day at work, completely forgot
To call a whiteboard meeting, no-one else
Seemed to mind, or even to mention it
Too many big issues to sort out first
Been busy tonight too, or is that false
Well, publicising the show on Facebook
And posting our poster again of course
Is worthwhile, got some more to take a look
And to share it around. We're quite in luck
To have Dave T as such a good support
Posting about us, filming it for us
Soon we'll have good stuff we can use to book
Us some meaty and juicy well-paid slots
Well, paid, not well-paid, it's some recompense

2432 - Freakout breakout

It's nearly 1am, and I've rehearsed
Our show, well, the first half at any rate
Complete with wigs, electro cigs, and terse
Exchanges, natural when you create
With someone else, when both want to relate
Their own style, within a team, difficult
To reconcile, but we must reach a state
Of equilibrium, try to assault
The masses with weirdness, find the gestalt
Different views, different hues, different strokes, burst
Onto the scene, where audiences don't rate
You as stars yet, how do we somehow vault
From nobodies to somebodies. It's cursed
Unless we magically accelerate

Wed 30 Oct 

2431 - Comedy northern suburb

Today, similar to yesterday, rain
Work, and guitar. And now have to practise
Elements of the show, do what I can
On my own. Rehearsal tomorrow is
Planned with Derm, and confirmed Sian will shoot pix
At the gig, while Dave will film from the back
Of the room. Now time to look at my jokes
Decide again if they're good or to sack
Any of 'em. A weak point - TWO Dalek-
Related jokes in one show ain't such fun
Might take one out, think it might be the Scouse
Dalek, although that's sad, but what the heck
Gotta be ruthless in this silly game
You can take some piss, but not too much piss

2430 - Work on through to the other side

Oops - completely forgot yesterday's poem
So on the famous principle we know
That's better late than never, here it comes
A day of steady rainfall made it so
Wet, I stayed in the office, didn't go
Shopping, fairly busy though, working through
In the evening, played guitar, and then lo
And behold, Louis walked in just as though
He'd never been in London. Took a few
Hours to get back by bus, but the big storm
In the south-east didn't obviously slow
The journey for him. I had lots to do
Organising, promoting our King's Arms
Show this Saturday. Come and see the show!

Late poem about yesterday!

2429 - Get your teeth into this!

I've walked so far today, got aching feet
But although I was rained on early on
The rest of the day was quite dry, despite
Weather forecasts warning of coming storm
Rain, wind and fallen trees are set to come
Some time tonight, though maybe worse down south
Where did I go? To Wilmslow, and we've done
The Konak Cafe at last, down on Grove
Street (pedestrianised), nice coffee, with
Fish and chips twice, too full to quite complete
The eat, but very nice. Next, caught the train
To Manchester, got Jo some vampire teeth
I got an old man's cap, I found no white
Old man's wig, but saw a comb-over one

2428 - I believe I can flyer

Last night got some drinks in and watched 'Tommy'
Up at 9 this morning, soon working hard
On our comedy show next Saturday
Reworked some of my jokes, read and re-read
The scripts, tried out the guitar bits, and thought
Of all we need to do between now and
Then, and all we need to take on the night
Forgetting your wig's disaster, my friend
Emailed Sian the snapper, and Karl, who'll lend
His techie skills to the show. Today, we
Are leafletting later in Market Street
Handing out flyers, trying to make ears bend
And hopefully, rehearsing, but for me
At least, I've done more than my share today

2427 - Reggae robot

Haircut three hundred. Wonder how many
I've had in my life - maybe more than that
But there've been years I didn't have any
I've now abandoned hopes of growing it
Long again, not a good look, looked a prat
Like a mad professor from Back to the
Future, or Red Dwarf's square-headed robot
I've also been compared to the actor
And comedian, Stan Laurel. Oliver
Hardy, thank God, not been compared to me
Although the beer threatens to make me fat
Or is that just age? Tomorrow, flyer-
Distribution day in town, then reggae
Night at Deli Lama, meet Sian, perhaps

2426 - Poster haste

Last night met up at the Deli Lama
To look at pictures of us there with Sian
Taken by her last Saturday. They are
All good, and funny, and we've chosen one
To be a gig poster. Don't know yet when
The doors open, so I emailed King's Arms
Need to get poster sorted by weekend
After the DL, Sian then headed home
And we both spent hours in the Salford Arms
For the second night running, sat near a
Group of striped-shirted Spanish soccer fans
Of Real Sociedad. Their team had come
To play, sadly to lose, to Manchester
United. Late hot curry, home past one

2425 - Snug as a bug in the snug

I got rather drunk last night, hard to talk
Don't know why - er, or yes, maybe I do
I started quite early with John and Mark
Starting with pints of Holts, then a new brew
After moving from the Egerton to
The King's Arms, for fortnightly comedy
Night there in the snug (why don't you come too?)
In the latter establishment drank three
(At least) 5% proof beers. John was free
With round-buying, one of those generous folk
Even buying for Dermot, who he knew
From meeting once before, nearby in the
Oxford. My set wasn't too bad. Was stuck
With opening spot, but good experience, though

2424 - Night out

I'm back once more, an inconsequential
Night out, but who cares, it was a good laugh
Location, the King's Arms, the snug, but all
Jokes fell on stony ground, that stony path
That lies between Manchester and the south
I don't think I gained much, was slightly pissed
A few too many pints have crossed my mouth
Consequently, I'm halfway down the list
And have prioritised fun over this
Ever-present need to be that withal
Doesn't affect things that have slight effect
Now, getting back to now, I have to twist
Not stick, and soon enough, I'll be quite all
That's needed, no I am no psychopath...

Tue 22 Oct 2013

2423 - Here's to your bad health

It's now been sixteen days since cigs were bought
And since I've not bought cigs, my drinking's dropped
Which means my health's risen, my bank account
Has also sought new heights, and hasn't flopped
If you break a habit, come out on top
Over those demons, success feels real nice
Evenings last longer, never seem to stop
Opportunities knock, not once but twice
As time slows, you move faster, like the flies
Pigeons seem to walk slower than they ought
As your wheels draw real near, they stroll, heads bob
No problem, they have time, thanks to their eyes
I've been to this lesson before, self-taught
Then as boredom has set in, I've self-mocked

2422 - Scrambled brains on toast

Nice day out with Jo, train to Manchester
Met Pearl and Dan (not Pearl and Dean) in town
Poor Pearl was nowhere near yet recovered
From partying all night, couldn't keep it down
Couldn't eat scrambled eggs on toast, kept goin'
To the loo, then sat outside in the rain
Me and Jo had to go, mama waitin'
To take her to her grandparents again
Montpellier's stand-up night went down the drain
Dermot's ill, so I'll stay in. Did ponder
Comedy Store with Janet, but walked round
Enough for one day, so I'm just stayin'
In. Currently reading the Frank Skinner
Autobiog for some inspiration

2421 - Shot of love

A fun day from start to finish, first off
I wrote my routine for Sunday / Tuesday
Went shopping with Louis, ate lunch, then off
To Salford Chapel Street, to the cafe
By the name of Deli Lama, and they
Were all there, Sian the photographer and
Claire, and Dermot, so we drank a coffee
Then took some funny shots along, around
The Salford main drag, Sian's one of the gang
The sun went in, the rain fell, dropped in droves
Thunder, lightning, rainbows, all lit the way
Watched City / West Ham, then walked into town
With Louis to Vee's fiftieth do, then off
Home just in time to watch Match of the Day

2420 - Hot stuff

I'm back safely, having walked through the rain
After work, a few of us headed out
For a few drinks and a meal once again
This time Ange's birthday was what we sought
To celebrate, and decided to start
At Dutton's, Albert Square, once Brassiere
Something or other, then to Swadesh, ought
To be remembered as I-Kan, a Thai
Place I took Janet Dawson back in the
Day, well, 2009, in a vain
Attempt to impress. My meal was quite hot
A lamb dish - I'm quite into lamb, tender
Is the word. Now a lie-in, I'll attain
Some shut-eye, then tomorrow, photo shoot!

2419 - Print and be damned!

Morrissey's new autobiography
Is today's main event, I s'pose, and I
Will read it eventually, probably
But might wait til it's second-hand, can buy
It in Oxfam. I'm a poor northern boy
More so than him, anyway, in LA
And book-signing in Gothenburg, away
From the masses in Leeds, Hull, by the Tay
Wherever panic spread back in the day
Meanwhile, bringing this sonnet round to me
After work, went to Marc Printers to try
To print our flyers, less than Staples, they
Quoted thirty something quid, that's for three
Hundred, ready tomorrow. Not bad, eh?

2418 - Work experience provider

Went down the Deli Lama in Salford
Ordered a coffee, sat at the table
With Claire, David and Sian, and there we talked
For two hours, and in that time, was able
To recruit Sian to take pics, Dave to tell
Me of a cheap printer in Manchester
For artwork and publicity to sell
Our show on the second of November
I did this by myself - Derm wasn't there
It's easy, when you have work, to network
You're offering work to artists and can call
On lots of talented people who care
About the chance to practice what they're good
At. Hope there'll be more jobs for these people

2417 - Poetryball

I believe England beat Poland two nil
The reason I'm not sure is I was out
Tonight, I missed the game, poetry will
Not take account of football, no account
After I've written this, I'll try to hunt
Down some highlights on You Tube or somewhere
On the net. Felix Dennis, that old cunt
Was the main attraction, but I despaired
Eventually of his selfish view. Yeah
He's gonna die, but then so are we all
I got the feeling he thought his life counts
More than ours, which could be true. To be fair
Everyone is a star, not just him, well
Tony Walsh popped up, also. End of stunt.

Tue 15 Oct 2013

2416 - Whatever happened to ... me?

The end of last night's a bit of a blur
But overall the night was quite good fun
Firstly, rehearsals - discussed our flyer
Design, which I need to look into soon
As I've written this sonnet. We buffoons
Then clowned around with a ventriloquist's
Dummy (a monkey), a sketch that begins
The second half of our show. A visit
To Montpellier's Bar followed. Got quite pissed
There and in two pubs afterwards, but the
Best thing was, there's a new weekly open
Mic comedy night, with a cool young twist
Somewhere to practice new stuff, regular
And, tautologically speaking, often!

In case you're wondering, the title is about me forgetting what happened towards the end of the night because I was drunk.

2415 - Basement japes

It's hard remembering what I have done
But I'll try, saw Andrew Marr, then Sunday
Live, finished 'Mansfield Park' by Jane Austen
Next it's Frank Skinner's autobiog. They
Say it's worth reading, and soon I'll agree
Or not, but meantime, me and Dermot went
To a comedy open mic, and we
Found Montpelliers Bar, though it was hidden
Between Solita and Thomas's. Then
We went down to the basement and had fun
Though as usual friends dictated the sway
Somehow some girl won, though she wasn't one
With the audience. Never mind, now I've found
A weekly open mic, hip hip hooray!

Sun 13 Oct 2013

2414 - City break - Gorton & Hyde

A somewhat gloomy, rainy sort of day
And although Josie, she was bored as hell
By the long walk to Gorton Monastery
I've ticked off somewhere I've not been until
Today. It was closed, but I rang the bell
And a nice man in pin-stripes let us in
And gave us a quick talk, til Josie called
For us to leave! Back to the train station
We walked, passed Gorton's terraced housing, glum
In the light rain, and caught the train, away
To the only slightly better Hyde, all
Redolent of mass-murderers and fiction
Monsters. In the indoor market we stayed
For tea (steak and chips), then the homeward trail...

2413 - Dark sky at night - owl's delight

Very tired, was awake most of last night
Thinking about work, and of my options
But today was okay, lessened my plight
A little. Ordered a cake - should be fun
When it's brought in on Boxing Day. Chilluns
Will enjoy that cool candlelit surprise!
Meanwhile, it's a bit chillier - cardigan's
On, as we all wait 'neath the dark'ning skies
For England v Montenegro. Goodbyes
At least in my head must be said tonight
To Everything Everything, live upon
The Ritz stage. Pulled out of going, so's I
Can lounge at home watching football. The whites
Must win or it's curtains for Roy Hodgson

2412 - Poster boy

An OK day at work, had some nice chats
Though clouds are gathering behind the scenes
Perhaps I should buy lottery tickets
And then at least I won't have to demean
Myself by putting up with evil schemes
Anyway, once home, had fun, exercised
Shaved, waited for a call, printers are being
Slow to respond, we need to be advised
On flyers and posters - thus advertised
We may pull in some strangers, fill the seats
Hopefully impress them - that's what we mean
To do, build reputations, win the prize
Good strum tonight, I really rocked the frets
My fingers are buzzing with muscle pains

2411 - Work it, bitch

A fun day at work, in quite a good mood
Even though my mid-year appraisal was
This afternoon. When it came, not a rude
Awakening, just rude - not a surprise
It was my longest ever, without pause
We dinged and donged for an eternity
Like boxers. In fact, three and a half hours
Was spent in ment of utter disagree
No light at end of the talk could I see
But then suddenly, things were forward moved
Mainly by me, forgiving all the tosh
Needing to stay positive, hopefully
Passing a few months more, trying to do good
Then we'll see where things stand, the both of us

2410 - Late night thoughts

It's late, but you need to focus your mind
Somewhat, regardless of other factors
You/ve been out drinking, and you'll never find
Anything else of interest, but perforce
There may be something, don't know what these whores
May find acceptable, don't know what they
Might think is OK, or what is quite false
Who cares, what is is what is, you or they
Might not agree, but that's their problem, they
Just don't get it, no matter how it's signed
New tattoos are not painful, despite those
Attempts to be so, no, despite that, they
Are fine, I've now got fourteen, and that's fine
Next month I'll have more, but til then, it's closed

Tue 8 Oct 2013 

2409 - The Irish, Welsh and American Rover

Today I had three new tattoos, yes, three!
The first one was the red dragon of Wales
The second was 'I love New York' with three
Letters and a red heart, bringing back tales
Of long ago in the eighties, our trails
Around the cheap shops of old Manhattan
Forget Fifth Avenue, though shopping malls
Out on Long Island I went to often
Sadly there was little more than nothing
To see there (apart from girls!). Tattoo three
Was a shamrock, a symbol green and small
Representing my Irish trips, driving
From Knock to Cork, stopping off at Bantry
Also Dublin and towns beyond the Pale!

2408 - Fading embers

Feeling quite sleepy, afternoon, post-meal
The heating's on, helping my drowsiness
Louis is out watching films where we all
Used to go - Parrs Wood, by his old school. There's
Not much happening, but off to rehearse
Comedy in an hour's time, maybe I'll
Wake up a bit then. We usually disperse
To the pub when we've done, drink beer, inhale
Fags, but no more, thanks. Time for one more trial
Of wits and wills, kick smoking with a squeal
Into the gutter with the other mess
I'll save money, and help health not to fail
I'll tell Derm to say no if I reveal
A weak-willed craving. Can I pass this test?

2407 - Car Trouble

I hired a car and boy was it a test
Volkswagen Passat, there was no handbrake!
I had to park with the gear on reverse
In Buxton of all places, where hills make
The beauty of the town and the landscape
It was scary, parking, when I got back
In the car, started it, tried not to scrape
The car in front, reverse, and then make tracks
Got away with it, just. Jo nearly cacked
Her pants, refused to sit inside but just
Watched from the pavement, fearful of mistake
As was I!!! But I survived, that's a fact
No cracks on the car, thank God. That would cost
Me the repair bill, for Jehovah's sake!

2406 - The slick and the dead

News round-up - two separate kids killed by their
Evil mothers, heartbreaking to look at
The newspaper pictures as the kids stare
At us, making us feel guilt. Did we let
This happen? Are we to blame for that shit?
Also, we've recently had the party
Conferences, trotting out policies that
Are designed to win votes. Take the Tories
Who met in Manchester, and think that we
Will all support benefit cuts. But there
Are so many on various benefits
All of whom won't vote for that - no turkey
Votes for Christmas. The Tories maybe fear
Annihilation at the polls. Too right!

2405 - A good sport

Got wet on the way home - the rain is back!
No shopping either - trying to save money
Splurged Monday night, and tomorrow my neck
Will swallow lots of beer, well, hopefully
And then Saturday, I've hired a mini-
Size car to take Josie somewhere different
Though starting at the Toby Carvery
If I have my way, big plates heaven-sent
Last night Josie rang to say that she'd bent
Her pinkie playing basketball, a crack
Was visible on X-ray - poor Josie
You'd think, but she was laughing as she went
On talking about it. It seemed good craic
To her, bless her. Little trouper, Josie!

Toby Carvery in Stockport

2404 - Rams-stein

Another clean night with no expense spent
Not done that much, football dominated
Watched Louis' team, Man City, a decent
Team, outplayed by Bayern at the Etihad
While in Russia, a draw for United
Now Louis consoles himself with X-Box
Football, with Spurs playing Real Madrid
Both 2-D teams playing out of their socks
But City didn't come out of the blocks
In that real game until time came and went
Once more, Joe Hart really disappointed
If he's England's top goalie, then that sucks
Meanwhile, Derby sacked Nigel Clough and sent
For Steve McLaren! Yes, that's what I said!

Bayern beat City

The Rams' new coach

2403 - Rent-a-joke

Good trip down the pub last night with Dermot
Although I was so tired, still drank six pints
And had a laugh, still put away a lot
I'm having a night off from beer tonight
Today down at the office, had a right
Good laugh. Why does everything seem funny
At the moment? Still, can't complain - it's quite
A satisfactory state in which to be
Earlier on I played along to Joni
And Nico. Had a nice idea - it's not
Likely to succeed, seems far-fetched, but might
It be possible to make some money
From selling jokes direct to those who want
Them, all arranged from home on a website?

2402 - A lorra lorra Lowry

So little sleep last night, I read a book
From start to finish, about the artist
LS Lowry, who himself worked late up
In the attic in Pendlebury, just
A mile or two up the road from these flats
Where I live in Salford. Was off today
Thank God, but didn't nap at all, no rest
For the wicked. In fact, just looked to see
If there were writing opportunities
For comedy writers. They try to block
Your optimism, which I fair, I guess
Stand-up's the easiest way to start, maybe
And can be fun, as I've found since I stuck
At it this time, slowly doing my best

2401 - Love in a warm climate

Another nice day out, sun on my back
Train to Wilmslow, weekly day with Josie
Read 'Love In A Cold Climate' on the track
And finished it on the way back as we
Approached Manchester (at Piccadilly)
Now I'm home I've selected my next book
It's a biography (L.S. Lowry)
That's timely, cos last Wednesday took a look
In the Lowry Centre - I was in luck
There was an exhibition there with stacks
Of his unseen sketches as well as the
More famous favourites previously took
In. Now to give the old guitar a whack
No, that's not euphemistic comedy!

2400 - From Maine Road to Rodney Parade

Been driving down to Wales and back today
In an Avis hired Skoda car (diesel)
To watch, with Louis, Newport County play
Torquay. Newport acquitted themselves well
Winning 2-1. Now we've seen all football
Clubs in league competition. We started
With Manchester City at Maine Road, all
Those years ago when Louis was 10. Sped
Down the M6, then M5, diverted
Onto the M50 with no delay
Got to Newport by one, but somehow still
Were almost late for the game, were misled
About where the stadium was, and it lay
A long walk from where we parked - what the hell!!

Sat 28 Sept 2013

2399 - The golden age of rock and soul

It's ten twenty p.m. and I'm all done
I've had a real good play on the guitar
To Serge Gainsbourg and Stevie Winwood, on
I could have gone but I've done enough for
One evening. Once I was happy to hear
But now I have to play along, can play
To anything now, makes me feel much more
Involved, seems easy after so long, hey
I know every chord, every change that they
Did all those years ago when I was young
In the golden age of rock and rock stars
It's an amazing empowerment to play
Stuff from before my time, seemed so hard then
But now I've mastered it, have raised the bar

2398 - Jesus shave me

It's been quite intense hard work this evening
I took a work DVD home with me
It was an hour and a friggin' half long
But during it I had a shave and wee
Afterwards, did exercises, fifty
Press-ups seems the right figure, a hundred
Sit-ups, well, half-sit-ups, arguably
Some stretches, then guitar practice, quite hard
This time, but good practice, playing the parts
As best I could to Charles Trenet's singing
With a few Jean Sablon numbers swiftly
Following on. Maurice Chevalier's pants
He's next, but I'll simply be listening
Not playing, walking to work on Friday

2397 - Home improvements

A most enjoyable day, quite hard-working
At first, missed lunch, was typing busily
At home (on leave today) but revising
And improving our one-hour comedy
Show at the King's Arms - it's on Saturday
The Second of November, just three pounds
Is the bargain price of the entry fee
Enough plugging for now, but I have found
A bit more zest for the show on two counts
(Following a dire display last week in
Our trunks at 3MT), and that's firstly
The laughs I got last night - I stood my ground
And restored my renown - second, reading
And improving the scripts has refreshed me

Check out 2 November 7.30pm - Baxter Glennon

2396 - In the King's Arms (Don't squeeze me, Henry!)

I'm back from a good old-fashioned fun night
At the King's Arms, fortnightly comedy
Fest, with good folk who gather and who might
All be getting better, if you ask me
Not many beers but still needed a wee
Periodically, but as for my set, it
Went well, some old gags, some new - mixture, see
That's how you develop acts, some jokes hit
The spot, some don't, but you work on the wit
The personality, that you can't write
But if you have it, you are almost free
To stand up and be yourself, and to wit
Of being myself, it's nice to know I'm right
On the button sometimes when I'm being me

2395 - Arming for the King

A busy day at work, busy at home
When I got in, Louis was at my desk
He's borrowing my power pack - the one
He had is now kaput, it has gone west
He took his laptop to his room, as best
I could I used my time, thought up routine
For tomorrow night, ten subjects to jest
About down the King's Arms, though they're not mean
As an audience if you flop, though I've been
That only once there - I tried to become
A humorous story-teller. It was worse
Than simple jokes rattled off nice and clean
After that I played guitar, quite a strum
Now this, and some reading, and so to rest...

2394 - Manchester Disunited (LOL)

A nice day at home, the highlight, football
Man City beating United with ease
The score was 4-1, analysis all
Increasing the pressure on David Moyes
The days of Ferguson are over. Yes!
I don't support City myself, but hey
I watched it with my son Louis. He does!
Me, I support Nigel Clough's team, Derby
Who yesterday lost to Reading, badly
They're failiing at home - no, not the Baseball
Ground (cool name), that's no more - since the nineties
Their stadium's been Pride Park. Uneasily
Have the Rams tried to live up to that call
Too often, shame has been the word we use!

2393 - Manchester Odyssey

Warm day, hung in sunshine with little Jo
Getting snacks on the way from All-U-Need
Firstly down to the big park in Wilmslow
Then to the train station with itchy feet
To Manchester where I thought we would meet
Another train and go somewhere far off
However, she wanted KFC meat
And fries, but the food court was too full of
Like-minded people queuing there to scoff
Their faces, tables all taken, and so
We wandered round the Arndale, where she spied
The teddy's clothes shop and Claire's (ear-ring love)
Yes, little Jo's had ears pierced. Hoped to show
Her the Football Museum. No! time decreed

2392 - Breaking (into) Pad

Louis is out watching films Friday eve
So I'm alone in the flat typing this
Good couple of days at work, have achieved
A few things, but don't expect much credit
Poor old Steve though, what comes around is this
He got burgled. Meanwhile Tony Mac's been
Sailing down south. On Tuesday, rather piss
Poor performance, least that's how it was seen
By the hosts. I care for their opinion
Had hoped to do some solo stuff - quite brave
In the Salford Arms, a hubbub, a hiss
Of groups of friends - but wouldn't have gone down
Too well, it was just singers - up my sleeve
My set remained! Breaking Bad with Louis

2391 - Not so funny

I worked well today and after the end
I worked on a new comedy routine
I went down to the Salford Arms, intent
On performing, downed three pints of ale, e'en
Watched a few acts, but decided that scene
Was not the right one for my act, and so
Made my way back home. You know where I've been
But do you know where I am going to go?
No, no-one knows, no-one will ever know
What's in the future, so let's not pretend
That what is hidden from us can be seen
A reasonably good night, but a show
Based around music. I will have to spend
Time on songs to play there, so we will see

2390 - Comedy is no laughing matter

Comedy problems last night, didn't go
So well. I'd have been OK doing stand-up
But our double-act proved wrong for that show
Too weird and also too rushed. Can't let slip
Chances such as this and still move on up
We've got shows coming up so we must stay
Together for a while, but still I'll keep
My solo options open so they say
'He's good!' - something I believe that they may
Bitching at work about their trying to
Line me or one of us up for the chop
Well not the chop exactly, not yet, hey
Tonight once more to Salford Arms with Lou
To watch Arsenal or Chelsea, Euro Cup

Three Minute Theatre

2389 - Early morning ponderings

Here I am, back again from a night out
It's getting pretty late, quarter to three
But what needs to be said is not about
This or that, or the other, obviously
It's what you care about, not what I see
And so I don't care what you see or think
Though I should, but I don't, quite selfishly
It's my world, I interpret it, a blink
Of my eye is enough to form a link
Between it and everything else without
And in so doing, produce poetry
Upon demand, when I come home from drink
That's what I've done once more, and have no doubt
I'll do it again, so regularly

Tue 17 Sep 2013 

2388 - Looking for glove

Down the Salford Arms tonight, the first time
Watched football there but also established
They have quite a few things happening - I'm
Gonna check out Thursday, when there's music
And spoken word open mic. I'm thinking
Of doing comedy there Thursday night
It's cold and autumnal, when you're walking
The chill wind does nobody very right
And as for umbrellas, they break and split
Went hunting for glove puppets at lunchtime
You wouldn't believe they've all but vanished
Online's the only hope to get a tight
Fit. Looking for a glove puppet supreme
I've one at home but Mum sewed up its head

Glove puppets

2387 - Love and Haiti

Wet Sunday, raining all over this land
Finished 'The Comedians' by Graham Greene
(Nothing to do with comedy, my man)
It was quite like 'The Quiet American'
But whereas that was set in Vietnam
In this later novel, Haiti's the scene
The tension of the Papa Doc regime
Staying alive, post-Castro Caribbean
Always the fear of armed revolution
Lyndon Johnson supporting any scheme
That wasn't Communistically planned
The good old bad old days, Soviet regime
Post-Stalinist shadows in East Berlin
How strange it all ended under Reagan!

Papa Doc

2386 - Party in my mind

A short day out with my little Josie
Hung round Wilmslow a while, then to Stockport
Though we could only stay there for a short
While because she was off to a party
But no matter how short, our short sortie
Is always fun, though today I was drained
After last night's booze-up, my brain was strained
My thoughts drip through the holes, can't speak easy
Jo's partying with Georgina, her friend
I'm taking things easy, disdaining fraught
Ways, making relaxation less cheesy
Saturday night in, but a full unwind
Is maybe not fully possible but
With booze that is probably Sainsbury's-bought

2385 - Drinking thinking

I'm back home after a typical night
Out, out-drinking my fellow-drinker, so
There's not much to say, there's not much to slight
It's tricky to think, difficult to show
Stuff when things are different and you don't know
How to say what's next, or what that might be
All you can do is listen to the flow
Of music and determine oh, slowly
Your spiritual destination, realise that we
Somehow over decades come to realise
That what we reap we somehow come to sow
And what we sow we reap though so slowly
I don't know what we sow or reap, we might
Reap or sow something, but what do we sow?

Fri 13 Sep

2384 - Jam tomorrow

Felt brain dead after lunch time's little treat
Korean takeaway took away my
Energy, or maybe that was last night
When I woke up at five-thirty and tried
To get back to sleep, drift away and hide
Managed it in the end. Decided not
To go to Leeds for a jam. It's not right
To go that far when you're tired. I forgot
Anyway til it was too late. I've stopped
In, saved 30 quid, but still not stayed quiet
Whacked out some tunes on the guitar. Now I
Want to relax, open a yogurt pot
Watching Live At The Apollo, then it's
The return of Question Time. Dimbleby!

2383 - Chickened out of Kiev

Autumn's definitely here and the rain's back
Just like the springtime, all so cold and wet
I've even put a jumper on my back
To keep myself warm here in this old flat
It's the first time since May that I've done that
Back to last night's comedy - pleased I went
To play God and Jesus 'long with Dermot
It turned out more fun than if I had spent
The evening with England's embarrassment
Drawing nil-nil in Ukraine. Now - flashback
To Sunday night. According to Dermot
We stayed in the pub til midnight, so went
Home later than I thought, and we knocked back
More beer than I thought. This, I'd all forgot...

2382 - Mellow Malmo mood

Hello again! I'm back from a big night
At the King's Arms (where else?) and it was good
Dermot mislaid his Jesus beard, not right
And I was playing God, complete with beard
It's hard to make divine sense with covered
Mouth, but I've got eternity, practise
Will make perfect, I pray. Our spoken word
Of holy wisdom will win when once it's
Accepted by the powers that be, those shits
Listening to Paul Simon as I type, quite
Reminding me of Malmo's neighbourhood
Where I wandered last November with this
In my earphones, before the dark was bright
With light installations. Now - time for bed...

Tue 10 Sep

2381 - Here we come

Publicising mine and Dermot's show on
Facebook - so far no-one has yet replied
All those friends, where are they now, won't they come?
Or will they wait til we're big, and inside
Prestigious venues, charging far more quid?
Three quid's all we're asking this time around!
Hopefully some work colleagues will come, mind
And family members maybe, and their friends
And hopefully some strangers who have scanned
The brochures, posters or information
On websites. Comedy Festival! Bide
Your time, we'll be there, trying to defend
Our right to be mad and win acceptance
More smashing jokes than yokes of eggs well fried

2380 -Pissed...

Here I am, not totally sober, but
Trying to do a sonnet, anyway
It's hard to do a  sonnet when you're bit
Pissed, but I'll try do to it, try to say
Meaningful stuff, try to find things to say
That was a real good pint, brewed in Derby
The name of it was Mercia IPA
And I am now  pissed consequentially
The effect of those pints too real to see
It's between one and two a.m. and that
Is quite late, work tomorrow, so I'll say
I need to go to bed, and rapidly
I feel quite sick, but I must gather thoughts
And so I must finish, must end today...

Sun 8 Sep

2379 - Ukulele Lady

Cool day out with Jo to the Manchester
Aquatic Centre (or, just 'swimming pool'!)
It was a good laugh, but I was injured
Slightly going down the tube - I was a fool
For not tucking in feet and elbows. Still,
After a poor start, learned how to do that
And also stay on the inflatable
Obstacle course to the end. I'd forgot
The plans to buy a ukulele, but
After the pool, by chance, we walked past a
Musical instrument shop, with ukes all
On display, so there was no need to fret
We went straight in and bought a red one there
Now Jo can attend uke classes at school!

2378 - Hitler Schitler

Another series on Adolf Hitler
This time on Channel 4, starting Sunday
Yes, it's a fascinating subject, the
Rise to total power of a friendless guy
Who found his real artistic talent lay
In creative advancement of evil
And so should still be watched, especially
By the young who have not yet had their fill
Sadly his escapades do seem to thrill
Each new generation. Would they be here
At all if he'd fulfilled his plans to lay
Waste to Europe, west and east, and then all
Others, had he got first to the nuclear
Button? But it's entertainment now, hey!

2377 - Guns n poses

I'm pleased we're not rushing off to Syria
Or maybe we're already there - who knows?
Whoever we are - that would not be our
Collective will, that would probably be those
Friends of the army or navy, those foes
Of peace, friends of warfare technology
We didn't put Assad there, I suppose
But did we support his dad, covertly?
We claim to represent democracy
Yet in those cold war days a dictator
Was often an ally. It seems we chose
Not democrats but any military
Regime that wasn't anti-west and a
Source of 'stability' at least for us

2376 - After London

Not enough sleep, but a full day's work done
At the office, even though no breakfast
Because no milk or bread in the kitchen
After the London holiday. I'm just
Posting pictures on Facebook - post, post, post
Not put up the videos yet, though. Can't wait
To see what they think of them. Big Ben's most
Funny, but Karl Marx's tomb was a great
Laugh too. Hope it's OK to celebrate
Josie and Pearl's antics with everyone
I just think it's worthy of net broadcast
These images shouldn't be kept to waste
Meanwhile, can't wait to relax, settle down
For the next hour before bed. I need rest!

2375 - London Day 6

What a fantastic few days with Josie
And Pearl, both my daughters down in London
Hot weather, end of summer, so lovely
We saw so much, talked so much, we came on
Josie's a 'big' girl now, she's at age 10
That magic time when the world comes alive
Final day in Bloomsbury, then the train
Home from Euston, back quite late, got to save
Energies for school and work, stay alive
Now I'm home, saw Louis, he seemed happy
He said that he'd got lots of writing done
And now, before bed, some beer! Been deprived
Thanks to mercurial Jo, but memories
Will last forever of where we have been

Tue 3 Sept

2374 - London Day 5

So hot in London. Got train to Green Park
Just me and Jo today, Pearl's back at work
Walked through Green Park, then on into Hyde Park
Walked to Speaker's Corner but didn't talk
There to the public, but me and Jo worked
Our jaws up, down, for all they were worth - chat
A-plenty in the sun, good fun, we baked
In the sun, but found shade. Then, the Albert
Memorial and Hall, great to see that!
Natural History Museum, looked
At human evolution and all sorts
Of animal skeletons. Jo's best bit
Though, was the shop with lots of coloured rocks
Then, Kensington High Street - met Pearl - got dark

Mon 2 Sept

2373 - London Day 4

Today we went on the train to Greenwich
Joined by Pearl's friend Amy - looked at markets
Bought me and Jo a chorizo sandwich
In my case filled with pepper and rocket
Opposite the Cutty Sark we ate it
After that, Oxfam bookshop, Graham Greene
Novel, 'The Comedians' now I've finished
The Dali autobiog. Caught the train
To Highgate. Had to walk long way again
Our destination the big cemetery which
Contains Karl Marx's tomb and George Eliot's
More pix and videos were then taken
Not too respectful of the Communist
Now ordering Chinese food back at the flat

Sun 1 Sept

2372 - London Day 3

Another sunny day in London Town
First full day with Pearl, we went to St Paul's
Including the long climb and then back down
From the high dome, from where we could see all
The landmarks of the city. Captured all
Of it on camera for posterity
Our legs were numb after that, for a while
Manchester Square was next, the goal, to see
The Wallace Collection that's currently
Exhibiting a fine old collection
Of old Parisian scenes before they pulled
Half of it down, mid-19th-century
Modernisation by Baron Haussmann
Then wandered round Soho hoping for meals

Sat 31 Aug

2371 - London Day 2

Pearl was working, so she went out early
Me and Jo had a lie-in, but I read
Trying to finish Salvador Dali
About 11, got train to Stratford
Olympic Stadium and the large Westfield
Shopping Centre, then back to the Thames bank
City Hall, near Tower Bridge, then discovered
Some water jets, and I had those to thank
For keeping Josie amused, then we sank
Into seats at Cafe Nero, icy
Drinks. Then we organised where to get fed
We waited for Pearl down by the South Bank
Where we observed a busker in the sea
How mad! Could have got electrocuted!

Fri 30 Aug

2370 - London Day 1

Up fairly early, I walked to Deansgate
Caught train to Piccadilly, then Wilmslow
Waited for Jo's mum there, I wasn't late
And then by car, Jo's mum brought little Jo
The London train left at 10.10, just Crewe
The only stop, and after that, Euston
Walked to Russell Square, met Pearl for lunch, though
She had to go back to work in Holborn
While we walked round the shops, then to Big Ben
It chimed at 3, there wasn't long to wait
Then Westminster Abbey, then tried to see
Downing Street, but the gates made it no fun
Then Buck Palace, and then the Monument
Tower Bridge, met Pearl again, and ate, us 3

Thur 29 Aug

2369 - London will be calling

I'm writing this earlier than yesterday
I'm staying in, my bag's already packed
Tomorrow down to London with Josie
Just checked the train times, had to get them checked
Must get to Wilmslow in good time, not vexed
If the train's slightly late, which can happen
After typing this, I'll shave, so my neck's
Neat for the big day. My hair's had a trim
At the barber's, I went there at lunchtime
So now as dark comes I'm nearly ready
Might play guitar if there's time, but I'm spooked
As time's running out, yet time after time
Pearl does not get in touch, she always plays
This game of not answering each of my texts

2368 - You're havin' a laugh

Hello, I'm back again, back home, that is
From the fortnightly gig at the King's Arms
Which can be abbreviated to TWCNIS
The Worst Comedy Night in Salford, harms
All good taste, or at least it does if I'm
There, which I usually am, and was tonight
It was a good one, talk of fire alarms
And shit, so it must be good, or it's shite
Got to be quick with this entry, or might
Be tired at work tomorrow, for business
Comes first, right? Does it fuck. Except on farms
Where cows must be milked early, grab their tits
And squeeze for all you're worth, grab hold and squeeze
But I'm no farmer, nor writer of psalms

Tue 27 August

2367 - Summer in the city

I've got slight stomach ache from just eating
Sausage and chips on the way home from town
Rare visit to the small chippie nestling
Between Cask Bar and the old White Lion
On Liverpool Street, while on my way home
From the Cornerhouse cinema where I
Had just watched a Morrissey concert film
On the way out of which, who caught my eye
Emerging from Oxford Road Sainsburys
We spoke on the Whitworth Street West crossing
Looking great in wheelchair, Jackie Hagan
With Miles - seeing them was a nice surprise
It was a lovely warm August evening
Work for the next two days, then London Town

2366 - Spank holiday

It's late, but here I am, reliable
I'll never fail to knock out my sonnet
It's 2pm, Sunday, but tenable
Because it's Bank Holiday when I get
Up in the morning, work's non-existent
I've got to submit our application
To 3 Minute Theatre, must not forget
That's what we discussed, could be a platform
To local acceptance and world stardom
Meanwhile, we went out to our usual
Watering hole, The Castle, where we set
Out our plans, English Lounge, less troublesome
Because no-one was there, then The Castle
Once more, chatted to folk. Now off to bed!

Sun 25 August

2365 - Books, books, books

Saturday, that's the day of the long walk
I walk to Piccadilly from Salford
Train to Wilmslow, listening to music, hike
On Shanks's pony, that I can afford
To Josephine's house, direction Knutsford
We usually walk back to the train station
And go somewhere with Family Railcard
Today, Didsbury, some shopping was done
No new clothes sadly, but books, one plus one
Classics - Tom Jones and Ivanhoe - I like
To read the all-time great novels, the word
Is they are time-tested, reputation
Is all, and it's satisfying to chalk
Them up, and that's education's reward

2364 - Nothing now

After a hectic few days, I'm relaxed
A bit tired, looking forward to a long
Bank Holiday weekend, nothing to tax
Me, just a trip to see Jo, hopping on
A train somewhere, the usual use of tongues
Endless jokes, laughs and silliness, chatter
Mixed with lots of food to fuel it along
I've got a Frankie and Benny's voucher
We might go to Didsbury - there's one there
Along with good charity shops, with books
But clothes are what I need - that's where there's some
Bargains to be had, that is where they are
All I'm gonna do now is simply watch
TV and maybe later have a drink

2363 - In the arms of the king

Although tired, following a busy late last night
I'm knocking back Cobra beer and watching
The Celebrity Big Brother launch - right!
Having been glued to the plebs series in
The house, just finished, now Celeb's starting
Last night I sent off an application
For the Comedy Festival - we're in
King's Arms, make a date, November second
Soon I'll send out Facebook invitations
And then others will see the brochure, might
Fill out the audience, hope the blurb's tempting
This is a real chance, hopes are temptation
But it's in our hands, it will be some night
For now, though, I'm relaxing and chilling

2362 - Art in heaven

After work, the day begins, as usual
Quick snack, then down to the Deli Lama
In Salford, where we met congenial
People, chatted, then we went on elsewhere
The New Oxford, to be precise, and shared
Ideas for a one-hour show, November
The Comedy Festival, you know where
The King's Arms, upstairs, and, yes, that is where
And when, and now don't worry, don't despair
All will be well, I've emailed them with all
The info they've asked for, last minute, yeah
But that's life, that's art, struggle against the
Competition. I hope things aren't equal
And we'll triumph by the end of this year...

Wed 21 August

2361 - The Big Two

I felt pretty strong, well-rested today
But work was so intense, it was ... hard work!
Seems strange but true, it's not like yesterday
But there's no place to hide, no place to shirk
Will have to knuckle down, not be a jerk
Meanwhile, now I'm home, wrote comedy sketch
About religion, and with costumes, folks!
It's not too shocking, boundaries aren't pushed much
Just a bit of light-hearted heavenly kitsch
As it's written for two blokes, no Mary
Is present, although blokes can wear a skirt
So maybe in future there'll be a bitch
But not now, it's just God and Jesus. They
Are the Big Two, they're Spock and Captain Kirk

2360 - Figueras it out

Not as tired as yesterday - batteries
Recharged, but an early night still to come
If I can soon get off Facebook, that is
I fancy bed and a book. making some
Quick progress through Dali's comments, that's whom
I'm reading, he wasn't shy - well, maybe
He was in a way, locked in his own tomb
Of solitary genius, constantly
Imagining the day of destiny
And decay of his mortal faculties
Good news - we'll be upstairs at the King's Arms
Comedy Festival. I'm real happy
We're not stuck in the snug again - I'm pleased
At the chances that are about to come

2359 - Tanks for the memories

My brain has turned into a pea-green mush
Not sure why, stayed in, watched football, and read
Quite a lot this morning - I read too much
Perhaps? Finished Guardian's 'Century' - had
A look back at that paper's last hundred
Years or so, with some memorable articles
And photos - Chinese tanks, reunited
Germany, Thatcher, Blair, Reagan, but fools
They seem now as history tells its tales
Perhaps just puppets puppet-masters push
And pull, or did they really hold the thread
And make us dance? A slim book on Fidel's
Rise in Cuba was next, then Dali! Just
Begun a book I've had since a student!

2358 - Rainy days and Saturdays

I'm in on Saturday night but been out
In the hired car to take Jo to Grandma
Drank too much but had a fine time last night
Some funny conversations, ha ha blah
Especially when I could hear, earlier
Later on in Odd Bar, the loud music
Made it at times quite difficult to hear
Me and Derm had no time to really think
About the many comedy shows, thick
And fast they're coming as the autumn starts
Hopefully what we've done this year so far
Will stand us in good stead, past shows we pick
From and improve. Today mainly rained but
The car kept us dry. Nice meal with my ma

2357 - Gay traitor

A guided walk round the Northern Quarter
A couple of pubs, lastly the Smithfield
Where we met Theresa, yes, Theresa
Then on we went, yes, on to the Castle
But we didn't stay there long, we were real
Pub crawlers, on to the English Lounge, and
Then to the Odd Bar, where we stayed til
The bouncers chucked us out, then walked around
Manchester back to Salford, talking sound
If not vision, which decade's superior
The 70s or 80s. Hey, get real
The gay decade or the era of bands
Who could play? Needless to say, we demurred
And now it's bedtime that really appeals

Fri 16 Aug

2536 - Wet wet wet wet

A nice meal after work, I had sea bass
Got caught in a downpour in Castlefield
Found The Wharf, then Albert's Shed, but because
Everyone was wet, they ducked out and hid
In Dukes '92, had a pint there, moved
To Albert's Shed again, that's where we ate
After some food and wine we then repaired
To Knott Mill pub on this side of Deansgate
Luckily for me, that's not far to get
Back to my flat, via the all-night place
At Sainsbury's garage, that's where I bought
More beer and fags, now I type my sonnet
Listening to 'Josephine' by Chris Rea, that's
My daughter's name, brings on the love I feel

2535 - Where there's hope, there's war

A news feature, not done many lately
Egypt is kicking off, it's split in two
Muslim Brotherhood against the army
It's Iran once more, religion fights who-
Ever wants western values. Once, it's true
The States and GB abused these countries
So the religious painted themselves true
Nationalists, local heroes, freedom-fighters
The West still exploits when it can, the cause
Of democracy a phantom, money
And lifestyles being the real lure of the new
Young generation, while conservatives
Defend old values, places like Turkey
Iran, Egypt. Time favours the young, though...

2534 - Smart art

It's nearly time to pop to the King's Arms
For once again The Worst Comedy Night
In Salford, this time Dermot and me are
Pretty much making things up each minute
While some usual attendees are with Scots
And everyone else in Edinburgh
The room might not be so full, so the spots
Should be easy to get, and I'm not sure
The night will run its full course, but there's more
To talk about, with festivals to come
(Of Manchester Comedy), 3 Minute
Theatre's new variety show, and Future
Artists are holding start-up seminars
For creative businesses. Out of sight...

2533 - Breaking glad

An OK day as days go, and this went
Particularly pleased with evening-time
Each second used, no boredom, and my bed
Is ready and waiting for my recline
But first it's this poem, and then, post-rhyme
Me and Louis are watching Breaking Bad
The first of the final series, and I'm
Looking forward to Walter being had
Now that the detective knows Walt's the God-
Father of crystal meth! Twists aplenty
Expected, so maybe Walt will triumph
You can't predict, so stop trying, I'm glad
To be kept until the end in suspense
We'll know the outcome in a few weeks' time...