3256 - Don't take my money

It's Friday night, and I am staying in
Had lots to do, done some of it, not all
Still need to look at bank accounts, see when
I didn't pay the rent (s'what I've been told)
Back in 2012 or thereabouts. Full
Of bull they appear to be, management
Company, saying I owe money, well
I'd rather not have to pay dodgy c***s
Who I don't trust, 200 quid, I've spent
On things we need in the flat. I'm saving
For a trip in September, in the 'fall'
Of underpayments, hope I'm innocent
I hope their calculations can be binned
But I must do a complete account trawl

3249 - Don't weaken at the weekend

Quite easily dispensed with booze Friday
I mean I didn't get any tonight
Quite pleased with that, the saving anyway
But then I've been messaged and now I might
Nay, will be out for a drink, not a bite
On Saturday. Oh well, I can afford
It this time, thanks to Javier's deposit
Still largely unspent. Sunday, though, I would
Like to buy a table and chair he could
Sit at in that room. Bed arrives Monday
And he arrives Tuesday - early that night
I hope. And now I'm thirsty, so I should
And will knock back some milk very shortly
As soon as this last line I finally write...

3230 - It'll be all-white on the night

I'm happy with my Father's Day alone
Been out plenty, Friday and Saturday
Had cards and prezzies, pictures on my phone
But felt a bit worn-out, late yesterday
So I decided I'd stay in today
Need to refresh, and also to rehearse
My comedy, which as usual, was way
Rushed, had a quick read of it while the noise
From the washing machine span round my ears
Yet more white paint on bedroom wall, it's done
Now more or less, the paint tin's near-empty
And at last the walls look white like they're s'posed
To, not so streaky and brownish. Backbone
Broken, poor Tania's in a ward today

3166 - Saturday sun

A lovely warm day, me and Jo were sat
In the sunshine on the railway platform
It felt like a holiday there, just that
Passing time on a bench, sat in the warm
With blue sky overhead, watching ants worm
Their way along the ground looking for things
I cut the day short so that I'll have time
To think about Monday night's act, writing
A few new gags - magic's the theme - keeping
The two comedy songs already got
So in fact it won't take long. Monday's theme
Is magic. Would be tragic though to fling
This gig away, must give it a good shot
Need two good nights' sleep, then I'll be on form

3158 - If music be the food of jokes

It's Friday evening, I'm happy at home
Thought up some new jokes, looked through some old ones
Got some beer in, but as yet I've had none
Been busy being useful, election's
Providing some topical humour and
This will help me in my performances
I'm in the next two Saturdays, and bound
To make the most of creative chances
To practice and write new stuff, I fancy
Could be good if I do it while fresh - some
Real good stuff can be done quite early on
In the morning, straight after breakfastses
And now for relaxation, all too soon
Some music progs on Beeb 4  that look fun

3139 - Sunday Sunny Sunday

A lovely sunny Sunday in the spring
Next week the clocks go forward, giving light
That lasts an hour longer in evenings
That's when I'll buy some flowers to go right
Into this empty vase on my desk, bright-
ness brought to the flat's living-room, colour
Maybe some daffodils, yellow and pert
It's nice doing up the flat, make it more
Liveable in, appealing to others
Done lots today, cleaned the spare room, taking
Those dusty coarse woollen mats finally out
They're in the recycling bins now. The floor
Is marked in pencil, double bed sizing
Yes, it should fit OK when floor's made right

3125 - It's gnat funny

Enjoying a quiet Sunday evening in
In the evening, evening in, evening all
Bend your knees laddies, ladies welcoming
You up their ladders to the window sill
Aladdin's flying all around the world
On a magic carpet ride starting at
The Carpathians, going to Istanbul
Straining all corpuscles like a pet cat
Training from St Pancras with Stan and Pat
Pancake Day's fading, Lent is just lending
Like spending time saving your dollar bill
Will Dalai Lama harm a fly or gnat?
Employing a quite funny scheme rhyming
Sorry, rhyming scheme, this sonnet's full

3056 - Chiller thriller killer

A cold day, mostly wasted feeling ill
Thanks to last night's whisky Christmas present
Couldn't do anything, felt sick and killed
Time sitting on the sofa, ears attuned
To the football on the radio, and ground
My way through the afternoon, finally
Feeling able to eat at tea-time, sound
Constitution, didn't puke, the whisky
And Stella combination inside me
Inducing nausea. Despite the intense chill
I visited Nancy as I was meant
We had a good chat up there in Bury
(Nice chocs, by the way, those things tasted brill)
Now home again, sadly, the weekend's spent

Sun 28 Dec

3042 - The lamb in winter

Sunday Sunday at home today Sunday
Think there should be no punctuation now
I have begun this unorthodox way
Its OK if you are enough highbrow
A bit ee cummings Im an off show
Its cold in winter thats a big surprise
Not I should say like the size of a cow
Although it could be a baby cow size
Never assume words are true could be lies
All these are are pastimes to pass time hey
Best to pass time easily cant somehow
Motivate to activate pressurise
Myself to get big things done just the way
Ive always been can I ever change though

3014 - Milk but no alcohol

I'm chillin' out on Sunday in my pad
Tickin' off all the boxes, spendin' nowt
Listenin' to hot music, that's never bad
Spiritual healin' makes you jump n' shout
Fire those water pistols at the dumb crowd
Played guitar, now some punk classics are on
It's fun to have that shit on fairly loud
Not too loud tho cos it's not Beethoven
He got deaf, he didn't have to listen
Just drank some milk, white's the colour of good
Allegedly, maybe that's bullshit, would
It matter either way, what do words mean?
If words mean nowt, then poetry's a tad
Over-rated, unless it has a beat

2986 - Funky weekend

Hey folks, the weekend's through but it's still good
Cos I've breezed through with no booze through my face
I'm not surprised at all, I knew I would
No urges whatsoever, not a trace
Today I periodically cleaned the place
Louis' crumbs, they get everywhere, you know
I read P.G. Wodehouse at quite a pace
His short stories, got more books to follow
Also watched 'The Look of Love' 'bout Soho
Life in the 60s and 70s, rude
Perhaps, but lots of female flesh, retrace
Paul Raymond's controversial and boho
Jet set life, then watched footy. Buffet food
With Nancy this evening - none went to waste

2985 - Weak end

Saturday night, been out all day, now I'm
Back home and there's no drink and none wanted
The amazing thing is just how much time
When I stay clean suddenly lies ahead
And how quick and how much gets done. I've fed
My guitar with attention already
And yet it's still just nine. Maybe I should
Do some writing, I've got some comedy
Planning, my medical routine, healthy
Doses of sick humour, a pantomime
Of bullshit diarrhoea to fuck the head
To make ebola fun for you and me
I'll do a bit, tomorrow I'll be tryin'
To do a bit more, now I'm not wasted

2971 - Train in rain

Rainy morning, walked to Piccadilly
But coat made me warm, took it off on train
Got off at Wilmslow, dry now, saw Josie
We walked to station, Manchester again
Same as last weekend, Old Trafford the scene
She was hoping for an MU phone case
They didn't have them, the trip was in vain
But I bought her a football from the trays
Of dark blue balls, dark blue is their away
Strip this season. The shirts are seventy
Quid each, sixty for kids' sizes. Refrained
From splashing out that much. You'd be amazed
At all the foreigners in that store, pre-
pared to part with humongous cash therein

2963 - Sonnet for Joni

Fun sort of day at work I guess though lots
Of work to be done while some just chatted
Anyway, now I'm home, and I have just
Exercised on the bedroom floor, and that's
The first time in a while. Meanwhile the flat
Seems to be mine this weekend, Louis out
At his mum's empty flat so he can write
I just feel like listening to music. Out
Myself Sat and Sun, so I'll just chill out
It is quite chilly out now, summer plummets
It's clearly coolly autumn, coat and hat
Advised, and the hat's not to keep sun out
But to keep top of head reasonably hot
In the cool, though sunburn-irritated

2882 - It's all good

What a weekend! A late night on Friday
Then up quite early considering, for
A pre-arranged meet-up with Vee, Sat'day
For a guided Manchester music tour
The Smiths, the Stone Roses, et cetera
Landmarks, like where The Smiths used to rehearse
Or where their first gig was (The Ritz). Ate our
Lunch at the Albert Square Slug and Lettuce
Opposite the Town Hall, then a Guinness
In Mother Mac's pub, then ten mins' shut-eye
At Vee's flat, then Louis came, saw game, tore
On foot to Nic's, fun at her flat. Now this
Day (Sunday), hired car, drove Jo, read poetry
Then late lunch with my mum in Greasby. Cor!!!

2859 - Hot shot

A hot day once again, and thank fuck it's
A Friday. Worked quite hard, and got things done
Then home in time to see more referee shit
At the World Cup. Last night, Brazil got home
Bias from the ref. They're through to next round
Already, after that. Now, Mexico
Were nearly stopped from winning. One-nil win
For them but two goals disallowed. Let's go
Now, and watch Spain / Holland. Time to follow
Two of the big teams clash, talents pitted
Against equivalents. Mind you, Holland
Looker weaker on paper than Spain. Don't know
If I'll watch Chile / Australia - that's late
I'll try to finish 'Bleak House' if I can!

2825 - The Konak, and how to get it

It's been a fun weekend, I've enjoyed it
A long weekend, cos I took Friday off
Spent writing, need to work more on that script
Saturday, went out dancing at the Trof
Avoided Eurovision, aural barf
Today went  to see Josie in Wilmslow
Gammon at the Konak Cafe we stuffed
Our faces with. Back in time for the show
Of Derby beating Brighton, go go go
To the  play-off final at Wembley. At
The Etihad, City won the league, chuffed
Blue half of Manchester. Played guitar so
Well, then watched footy highlights. Now to hit
The sack with 'Bleak House.' It's good night,with love!

Sun 11 May

2530 - The Week on Wednesday

Today is Wednesday, halfway through the week
We rarely consider at length this day
So today let's just take a little peek
At what it means, and celebrate Wednesday
Cutely squashed between Tuesday and Thursday
You start to see the weekend approaching
Though still far off like summer seems today
Still stuck in cold winter, still far from spring
Nonetheless, the distance is receding
And optimism buds, hope slyly sneaks
Smiles are detected, work is almost play
Light filters through curtains, early birds sing
A detox evening to think and not speak
And try to work out what the raindrops say

2484 - Shop til you drop

Christmas shopping, the final Saturday
Before the big day, not too crowded, though
Double buggies a go go, fight your way
Against the unstoppable human flow
Got Santa hats, then boots for Little Jo
Who was with me today in Manchester
Red, they were, they look good. Converse, you know
She saw a homeless guy in Converse there
Sitting in a doorway. You can't despair
If you've got Converse boots! To the Body
Shop for my mum's present, which was coco-
nut perfume and chocolate gel for shower
For me (from Louis) I bought myself a
Clock, now on living room wall. Good to go!

2441 - Dinner date

I'm fighting with temptation, may not win
What else is there to do on Friday nights?
Because I'm staying, should be saving
And also trying not to put on more weight
Those pictures of our show, I look quite fat!
And I've not done my exercises. Poor!
Mind you, when I got in, I couldn't wait
To get dinner on soon as in the door
Tomorrow I fancy hiring a car
From Avis, seeing as it's cold and rain
That's forecast, so next, Avis's website
Back to tonight, and staying in's a bore
The mind freezes just like a frozen thing
So the question remains - can I resist?