3288 - Comedy of nevers

Only three hours' sleep, got up before six
Started thinking of comedy routine
I was due to perform (about Egypt)
But when I got there, there was no-one in
And so the comedy didn't happen
So instead had some drinks, Dermot was there
Javi went too, and Jackie O'Hagan
Caught the end of the match. United were
Lucky to beat Bruges 3-1, was the hair
Of Fellaini that did it, hair that fixed
The result in the Reds' favour. We'd been
In the Salford Arms, then Mulligans where
We had another, met these guys, told jokes
A guy played spoons, home beer before bedtime!

Tue 18 August

3286 - Oh FFS

Need to get tickets if any are left
For the FFS gig, I'd like to see
Sparks and Franz Ferdinand combined. A deft
Talker, Louise, who I met Saturday
Is going, and although it's patently
Not as good as seeing a Sparks gig, I
Might enjoy this nonetheless, and I'll see
The Mael brothers again. Three years gone by
Since I saw them live, and it was a high
And Saturday, something I don't do oft
Watch a 'tribute' band - Absolute Bowie
Sounds potentially fun, fake oddity
Not done much today, just watched films and stuffed
My face! Well yesterday was mainly beer!

3285 -Beer googles

I've been out in Glossop, it was good fun
And now I'm back watching Match of the Day
Pint after pint, and laughs with some women
The sun came out and it became wa-hay
Breasts were on show, it was worth it, I'd say
Now I'm back home, Newcastle struggling
How come Maclaren's their coach, was Derby
But we sacked him cos he lost it, moving
To the Magpies, now Swansea are beating
Them. Beer rules all, it's all one, it's all one
Stood in the beer garden nonsense held sway
Although some woman was really interesting
In her leather jacket, it's good to learn
From her, and I did, now back home, wa-hay

3284 - Taking a raincheck

What a wet day, the rain's gone on and on!
So much so that there's now a giant hole
In the Mancunian Way, please don't fall in!
The rain's enough to make of us a mole
Burying ourselves deep down like lumps of coal
It's eased off now, and the weather forecast
For the weekend's OK, so I will roll
Up at Piccadilly station, half-past
Twelve tomorrow, with a big group, a taste
Of beer and the Glossop folk train to come!
Should be fun, while Jo's in Spain and I'm all
At a loss for what to do these two Sats
Last week, Huddersfield, this week, Glossop. Fun
And beer are intertwined, be still, my soul!

3265 - Now is now

Good evening out with Dermot and Richard
Popped in to see Fat Roland and old Phil
Busby, Debbie's brother, and he was good
But that so hot back room at the Castle
Is a bit much, so we did a shuffle
To the bar and had a good chat therein
Discussing time and other concepts, the while
Knocking back good beer, but got a soaking
On the way home. Dermot he went shopping
For pizza, of which I had a slice, pard-
on me, Now I'm typing this, really should-
n't this late on what's now Monday morning
But it's good fun, live for now, it's not hard
Life is short, make it quite enjoyable

Sun 26 July

3263 - Johnny B. Deade

Friday night in, a little bit of beer
Just wondering whether to get more bottles
Before a prog at ten that's on Beeb Four
About the death of rock n roll, the skulls
Of rock n rollers laugh at the feeble
Bores of today, their strings pulled by the Man
OK so was Elvis, original
He was, devoted to the blues back then
A frontier pioneer, or just a man
From the backwoods, where formed a new culture
That spread round the world with shakes and rattles
It's all down to business, all determined
By money men, not art, art keeps you poor
But I stick with it, cos I'm not fickle

3260 - Edinbeer

A fun day at work and after work when
I took Javier to the Worst Comedy Night
In Salford, hosted by Paul. Dave was in -
disposed, rehearsing for Edinburgh. Quite
A tall order then for him. I won't fight
Myself for the honour of playing up there
Competing with so many, it's a night-
mare, to be sure, up in Edinburgh
Comedian's graveyard, place to self-bury
Not a big audience but got share of grins
The so-called difficult audience no fright
If you've got material, like anywhere
And now to bed, not so late as it's been
In the past. Nice pint of beer chocolate

Tue 21 July

3254 - Good day at the office and flat

So this is the first full day Javi's here
And all is well, it's looking pretty good
We're even both quite interested in beer
And football is something that we both should
Be able to watch and enjoy, and food
Is not a problem either, simple tastes
On both sides, useful because we sure would
Struggle to fit it in the fridge where space
Is limited. So we have a good base
For moving forward gradually this year
The new bed's good, and for that price it should
Be! But that money's certainly no waste
Because it'll be there for the future
I could use it myself in times ahead!

3217 - The Russian wind is coming

Not enough sleep last night, can't wait to get
In bed, no energy left. Watched two hours
Of a French film, will watch the rest the next
Time I get the time, between sun and showers
The sun's still up, but will it allow us
To finish before its gold light has gone
It's fairly chilly, Russian winds blow us
Or Arctic or Atlantic, where've they come
From, not sure. Tomorrow, presentation
At work, and a submission to submit
And later, a quiz in the pub, where pours
The beer once more, as it did last night. Fun
I suppose, but I think I must try yet
Once more to stop for a while, get focus
 

3188 - No trouble brewing

What to do, my second day in Salzburg?
I hadn't a clue, Hellbrunn Palace was
The favourite, someone had been there who dug
It, but Vienna has got palaces
That are better. Looked at maps, references
To Stiegl Brewery tours where you can learn
About the brewing process - thought this is
A better way to spend the day. It turned
Out it was a free event. Austrian
Families were there in droves, wore clothes so snug
Trousers above the knee, flouncy dresses
Brass bands, huge amounts of beer, and mountains
In the background. Climbed Kapuzinerberg
Afterwards, then bought six-pack Stiegl beers

Sun 10 May

3185 - Burgers and beer gardens in Berchtesgaden

The journey went well, finally left Munich
By bus to Salzburg, then back to Deutschland
Immediately by train, to Burger King
Hostel in Berchtesgaden, afternoon
'Bout half-past one, the sun was shining down
Made enquiries at the tourist office
And also found a Lidl store, and found
An amazingly cheap beer store with its
Prices of good bottled beer, only cents
Each (less than one euro), and so I picked
Up five of these local beers for the grand
Sum of only six euros - under six
Actually! Heaven! Met Jet, went walking
Round Berchtesgaden. Now bedtime's at hand...

Thur 7 May

3182 - No munching in Munchen

I'll write this now, while I'm here just waiting
For Minji Kim to message, so I know
Where to meet, although I have an inkling
She said Odeonsplatz, but that's lacking
In detail. I've just been there - it's quite big
Which cafe are they in? And they're eating
While I'm starving, but maybe I could go
Without food, just drink beer, from stein I'll swig
And if need be, a takeaway to dig
At the hunger if it comes later. So...
Spoke to a nice Romanian nurse sitting
On the train to Munich. Once here, I go
Straight into a 'Third Reich tour' - fun seeing
Inside the Hofbrauhaus. More beer halls now?

Mon 4 May

3180 - Not such a blue night after all!

I'm writing this on Sunday, I'm afraid
But that is because of last night's night out
In Nuremberg with Julius - went on late
He was supposed to go at ten, did not
And in the end missed his train, stuck about
The station all night, I suppose - oh dear
He seemed to lose his bearings easily
At least I found the station. Drank some beer -
Much beer, even - thank God I didn't steer
In the direction of Bamberg! (He'd said
Let's meet there!) After dark, buildings were lit
In blue light, but missed it all. Did see a
Flaming sculpture, though. I slept well, delayed
Getting up til 12. Missed breakfast, no doubt!

Sat 2 May

3171 - Prague pilgrim's progress

Getting in the holiday zone of mind
Excitement builds. Today, getting my phone
Mended so I can charge it and still find
Power to post on Twitter. Having flown
To Prague, I'll want and need to have well shown
The sights I see, the folk I meet, also
In German places, beer and mountains grown
To gross proportions, only goats may go
To those high heights! My German learning's slow
I'm struggling to study the lingo, kind
Of lazy maybe, but distraction's blown
It away, along with 'Dragon Tattoo'
(The book), but I could catch up when flyin'
Or waitin' in stations for trains to come

3158 - If music be the food of jokes

It's Friday evening, I'm happy at home
Thought up some new jokes, looked through some old ones
Got some beer in, but as yet I've had none
Been busy being useful, election's
Providing some topical humour and
This will help me in my performances
I'm in the next two Saturdays, and bound
To make the most of creative chances
To practice and write new stuff, I fancy
Could be good if I do it while fresh - some
Real good stuff can be done quite early on
In the morning, straight after breakfastses
And now for relaxation, all too soon
Some music progs on Beeb 4  that look fun

3156 - No beer today

A fast-paced day at work sorting out files
A fast-paced evening at home doing lots
I'm almost ready for my tea, but smiles
All round as I get ready for the pots
And pans - well, just pans really, got no pots
As such, I keep it simple, my kitchen
Is small, like my cooking skills. Got the hots
For fish fingers, baby - that's haute cuisine
By my standards, so soon I'll pop 'em in
The hunger's growing, starting to beguile
My thought process, despite those three biscuits
I scoffed at work, they're wearing off. Still thin
Though, sort of, and should stay that way since I'll
Be keeping off the beer til travelling starts

3148 - I'm not only there for the beer

Off out shortly for a well-deserved pint
At the King's Arms comedy night, Salford
The weather's been bad, a night out I've pined
For these last two evenings, though not been bored
Kept myself busy, word up, word up, word
Started 'The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo'
Book (seen the film a while back) and it's weird
Very heavy going, interesting too
And a fitting read as I'm sitting through
The many episodes of 'The Bridge' - wind
My mind back to my own memory hoard
Of seeing Copenhagen and Malmo
And travelling the bridge by train, the sound
Crossed, two lands joined that once were far abroad

3131 - The fish in Spain

Another night out with Nancy and friends
Dermot joined us later on, but it was
Fun mixing English with Spanish til then
Now I've had enough beer to last, the buzz
Has been enough to see me through, because
I'm ready for bed, but I admit hunger
Is there quite strongly, so I might just graze
On what is in the fridge or upon the
Shelf, even if it's in tins. Sardines stare
At me from there, daring me to intend
To open them and guzzle. Puzzle is
Whether it's too late, is this thinking fair?
No, I don't think so, it's so long since when
I ate properly, this lunchtime, and time flies...

Sat 14 March

3127 - Quizzical versus physical

Well that's a hundred per cent record, man
We won the Railway pub quiz again with
Me there, three out of three, must have a brain
Our prize is a beer token each, that's worth
Approximately three quid, lol, herewith
I stake my claim to be a brainbox, but
Three quid is the reward for that, henceforth
I might be thicker and earn more! Rebut
These theories that academic input
Is always the best. The consensus ran
Around the table that the kin and kith
Of 'thick' people can be just as with it
As richer better-educated men
And women, for whatever that is worth

3109 - London and Brighton on no sleep

On the train to London Euston and then
We'll change and catch the tube to Victoria
From where we'll catch one more train to Brighton
It's excitin' lookin' forward to the
Tattoo convention, then a drink or two
Will I get any tattoos? I'm not sure
The prices might be too high, go over
The hundred I pay up in Manchester
For three smallish ones. After the tattoo
Show we'll go to the aftershow event
Or back to the hostel, I'll grab a beer
I'll be so tired by then, won't have a clue
I won't know where I am, won't feel no pain
(Hopefully) to endure, won't feel injured...

Fri 20 February