Thursday 31 October 2013

2433 - Roll up (nothing to do with smoking)

Busy day at work, completely forgot
To call a whiteboard meeting, no-one else
Seemed to mind, or even to mention it
Too many big issues to sort out first
Been busy tonight too, or is that false
Well, publicising the show on Facebook
And posting our poster again of course
Is worthwhile, got some more to take a look
And to share it around. We're quite in luck
To have Dave T as such a good support
Posting about us, filming it for us
Soon we'll have good stuff we can use to book
Us some meaty and juicy well-paid slots
Well, paid, not well-paid, it's some recompense

2432 - Freakout breakout

It's nearly 1am, and I've rehearsed
Our show, well, the first half at any rate
Complete with wigs, electro cigs, and terse
Exchanges, natural when you create
With someone else, when both want to relate
Their own style, within a team, difficult
To reconcile, but we must reach a state
Of equilibrium, try to assault
The masses with weirdness, find the gestalt
Different views, different hues, different strokes, burst
Onto the scene, where audiences don't rate
You as stars yet, how do we somehow vault
From nobodies to somebodies. It's cursed
Unless we magically accelerate

Wed 30 Oct 

Tuesday 29 October 2013

2431 - Comedy northern suburb

Today, similar to yesterday, rain
Work, and guitar. And now have to practise
Elements of the show, do what I can
On my own. Rehearsal tomorrow is
Planned with Derm, and confirmed Sian will shoot pix
At the gig, while Dave will film from the back
Of the room. Now time to look at my jokes
Decide again if they're good or to sack
Any of 'em. A weak point - TWO Dalek-
Related jokes in one show ain't such fun
Might take one out, think it might be the Scouse
Dalek, although that's sad, but what the heck
Gotta be ruthless in this silly game
You can take some piss, but not too much piss


2430 - Work on through to the other side

Oops - completely forgot yesterday's poem
So on the famous principle we know
That's better late than never, here it comes
A day of steady rainfall made it so
Wet, I stayed in the office, didn't go
Shopping, fairly busy though, working through
In the evening, played guitar, and then lo
And behold, Louis walked in just as though
He'd never been in London. Took a few
Hours to get back by bus, but the big storm
In the south-east didn't obviously slow
The journey for him. I had lots to do
Organising, promoting our King's Arms
Show this Saturday. Come and see the show!

Late poem about yesterday!

Sunday 27 October 2013

2429 - Get your teeth into this!

I've walked so far today, got aching feet
But although I was rained on early on
The rest of the day was quite dry, despite
Weather forecasts warning of coming storm
Rain, wind and fallen trees are set to come
Some time tonight, though maybe worse down south
Where did I go? To Wilmslow, and we've done
The Konak Cafe at last, down on Grove
Street (pedestrianised), nice coffee, with
Fish and chips twice, too full to quite complete
The eat, but very nice. Next, caught the train
To Manchester, got Jo some vampire teeth
I got an old man's cap, I found no white
Old man's wig, but saw a comb-over one

Saturday 26 October 2013

2428 - I believe I can flyer

Last night got some drinks in and watched 'Tommy'
Up at 9 this morning, soon working hard
On our comedy show next Saturday
Reworked some of my jokes, read and re-read
The scripts, tried out the guitar bits, and thought
Of all we need to do between now and
Then, and all we need to take on the night
Forgetting your wig's disaster, my friend
Emailed Sian the snapper, and Karl, who'll lend
His techie skills to the show. Today, we
Are leafletting later in Market Street
Handing out flyers, trying to make ears bend
And hopefully, rehearsing, but for me
At least, I've done more than my share today

Friday 25 October 2013

2427 - Reggae robot

Haircut three hundred. Wonder how many
I've had in my life - maybe more than that
But there've been years I didn't have any
I've now abandoned hopes of growing it
Long again, not a good look, looked a prat
Like a mad professor from Back to the
Future, or Red Dwarf's square-headed robot
I've also been compared to the actor
And comedian, Stan Laurel. Oliver
Hardy, thank God, not been compared to me
Although the beer threatens to make me fat
Or is that just age? Tomorrow, flyer-
Distribution day in town, then reggae
Night at Deli Lama, meet Sian, perhaps

Thursday 24 October 2013

2426 - Poster haste

Last night met up at the Deli Lama
To look at pictures of us there with Sian
Taken by her last Saturday. They are
All good, and funny, and we've chosen one
To be a gig poster. Don't know yet when
The doors open, so I emailed King's Arms
Need to get poster sorted by weekend
After the DL, Sian then headed home
And we both spent hours in the Salford Arms
For the second night running, sat near a
Group of striped-shirted Spanish soccer fans
Of Real Sociedad. Their team had come
To play, sadly to lose, to Manchester
United. Late hot curry, home past one

Wednesday 23 October 2013

2425 - Snug as a bug in the snug

I got rather drunk last night, hard to talk
Don't know why - er, or yes, maybe I do
I started quite early with John and Mark
Starting with pints of Holts, then a new brew
After moving from the Egerton to
The King's Arms, for fortnightly comedy
Night there in the snug (why don't you come too?)
In the latter establishment drank three
(At least) 5% proof beers. John was free
With round-buying, one of those generous folk
Even buying for Dermot, who he knew
From meeting once before, nearby in the
Oxford. My set wasn't too bad. Was stuck
With opening spot, but good experience, though

2424 - Night out

I'm back once more, an inconsequential
Night out, but who cares, it was a good laugh
Location, the King's Arms, the snug, but all
Jokes fell on stony ground, that stony path
That lies between Manchester and the south
I don't think I gained much, was slightly pissed
A few too many pints have crossed my mouth
Consequently, I'm halfway down the list
And have prioritised fun over this
Ever-present need to be that withal
Doesn't affect things that have slight effect
Now, getting back to now, I have to twist
Not stick, and soon enough, I'll be quite all
That's needed, no I am no psychopath...

Tue 22 Oct 2013

Monday 21 October 2013

2423 - Here's to your bad health

It's now been sixteen days since cigs were bought
And since I've not bought cigs, my drinking's dropped
Which means my health's risen, my bank account
Has also sought new heights, and hasn't flopped
If you break a habit, come out on top
Over those demons, success feels real nice
Evenings last longer, never seem to stop
Opportunities knock, not once but twice
As time slows, you move faster, like the flies
Pigeons seem to walk slower than they ought
As your wheels draw real near, they stroll, heads bob
No problem, they have time, thanks to their eyes
I've been to this lesson before, self-taught
Then as boredom has set in, I've self-mocked

Sunday 20 October 2013

2422 - Scrambled brains on toast

Nice day out with Jo, train to Manchester
Met Pearl and Dan (not Pearl and Dean) in town
Poor Pearl was nowhere near yet recovered
From partying all night, couldn't keep it down
Couldn't eat scrambled eggs on toast, kept goin'
To the loo, then sat outside in the rain
Me and Jo had to go, mama waitin'
To take her to her grandparents again
Montpellier's stand-up night went down the drain
Dermot's ill, so I'll stay in. Did ponder
Comedy Store with Janet, but walked round
Enough for one day, so I'm just stayin'
In. Currently reading the Frank Skinner
Autobiog for some inspiration

Saturday 19 October 2013

2421 - Shot of love

A fun day from start to finish, first off
I wrote my routine for Sunday / Tuesday
Went shopping with Louis, ate lunch, then off
To Salford Chapel Street, to the cafe
By the name of Deli Lama, and they
Were all there, Sian the photographer and
Claire, and Dermot, so we drank a coffee
Then took some funny shots along, around
The Salford main drag, Sian's one of the gang
The sun went in, the rain fell, dropped in droves
Thunder, lightning, rainbows, all lit the way
Watched City / West Ham, then walked into town
With Louis to Vee's fiftieth do, then off
Home just in time to watch Match of the Day

Friday 18 October 2013

2420 - Hot stuff

I'm back safely, having walked through the rain
After work, a few of us headed out
For a few drinks and a meal once again
This time Ange's birthday was what we sought
To celebrate, and decided to start
At Dutton's, Albert Square, once Brassiere
Something or other, then to Swadesh, ought
To be remembered as I-Kan, a Thai
Place I took Janet Dawson back in the
Day, well, 2009, in a vain
Attempt to impress. My meal was quite hot
A lamb dish - I'm quite into lamb, tender
Is the word. Now a lie-in, I'll attain
Some shut-eye, then tomorrow, photo shoot!

Thursday 17 October 2013

2419 - Print and be damned!

Morrissey's new autobiography
Is today's main event, I s'pose, and I
Will read it eventually, probably
But might wait til it's second-hand, can buy
It in Oxfam. I'm a poor northern boy
More so than him, anyway, in LA
And book-signing in Gothenburg, away
From the masses in Leeds, Hull, by the Tay
Wherever panic spread back in the day
Meanwhile, bringing this sonnet round to me
After work, went to Marc Printers to try
To print our flyers, less than Staples, they
Quoted thirty something quid, that's for three
Hundred, ready tomorrow. Not bad, eh?

Wednesday 16 October 2013

2418 - Work experience provider

Went down the Deli Lama in Salford
Ordered a coffee, sat at the table
With Claire, David and Sian, and there we talked
For two hours, and in that time, was able
To recruit Sian to take pics, Dave to tell
Me of a cheap printer in Manchester
For artwork and publicity to sell
Our show on the second of November
I did this by myself - Derm wasn't there
It's easy, when you have work, to network
You're offering work to artists and can call
On lots of talented people who care
About the chance to practice what they're good
At. Hope there'll be more jobs for these people

2417 - Poetryball

I believe England beat Poland two nil
The reason I'm not sure is I was out
Tonight, I missed the game, poetry will
Not take account of football, no account
After I've written this, I'll try to hunt
Down some highlights on You Tube or somewhere
On the net. Felix Dennis, that old cunt
Was the main attraction, but I despaired
Eventually of his selfish view. Yeah
He's gonna die, but then so are we all
I got the feeling he thought his life counts
More than ours, which could be true. To be fair
Everyone is a star, not just him, well
Tony Walsh popped up, also. End of stunt.

Tue 15 Oct 2013

Monday 14 October 2013

2416 - Whatever happened to ... me?

The end of last night's a bit of a blur
But overall the night was quite good fun
Firstly, rehearsals - discussed our flyer
Design, which I need to look into soon
As I've written this sonnet. We buffoons
Then clowned around with a ventriloquist's
Dummy (a monkey), a sketch that begins
The second half of our show. A visit
To Montpellier's Bar followed. Got quite pissed
There and in two pubs afterwards, but the
Best thing was, there's a new weekly open
Mic comedy night, with a cool young twist
Somewhere to practice new stuff, regular
And, tautologically speaking, often!

In case you're wondering, the title is about me forgetting what happened towards the end of the night because I was drunk.

2415 - Basement japes

It's hard remembering what I have done
But I'll try, saw Andrew Marr, then Sunday
Live, finished 'Mansfield Park' by Jane Austen
Next it's Frank Skinner's autobiog. They
Say it's worth reading, and soon I'll agree
Or not, but meantime, me and Dermot went
To a comedy open mic, and we
Found Montpelliers Bar, though it was hidden
Between Solita and Thomas's. Then
We went down to the basement and had fun
Though as usual friends dictated the sway
Somehow some girl won, though she wasn't one
With the audience. Never mind, now I've found
A weekly open mic, hip hip hooray!

Sun 13 Oct 2013

Saturday 12 October 2013

2414 - City break - Gorton & Hyde

A somewhat gloomy, rainy sort of day
And although Josie, she was bored as hell
By the long walk to Gorton Monastery
I've ticked off somewhere I've not been until
Today. It was closed, but I rang the bell
And a nice man in pin-stripes let us in
And gave us a quick talk, til Josie called
For us to leave! Back to the train station
We walked, passed Gorton's terraced housing, glum
In the light rain, and caught the train, away
To the only slightly better Hyde, all
Redolent of mass-murderers and fiction
Monsters. In the indoor market we stayed
For tea (steak and chips), then the homeward trail...

Friday 11 October 2013

2413 - Dark sky at night - owl's delight

Very tired, was awake most of last night
Thinking about work, and of my options
But today was okay, lessened my plight
A little. Ordered a cake - should be fun
When it's brought in on Boxing Day. Chilluns
Will enjoy that cool candlelit surprise!
Meanwhile, it's a bit chillier - cardigan's
On, as we all wait 'neath the dark'ning skies
For England v Montenegro. Goodbyes
At least in my head must be said tonight
To Everything Everything, live upon
The Ritz stage. Pulled out of going, so's I
Can lounge at home watching football. The whites
Must win or it's curtains for Roy Hodgson

Thursday 10 October 2013

2412 - Poster boy

An OK day at work, had some nice chats
Though clouds are gathering behind the scenes
Perhaps I should buy lottery tickets
And then at least I won't have to demean
Myself by putting up with evil schemes
Anyway, once home, had fun, exercised
Shaved, waited for a call, printers are being
Slow to respond, we need to be advised
On flyers and posters - thus advertised
We may pull in some strangers, fill the seats
Hopefully impress them - that's what we mean
To do, build reputations, win the prize
Good strum tonight, I really rocked the frets
My fingers are buzzing with muscle pains

Wednesday 9 October 2013

2411 - Work it, bitch

A fun day at work, in quite a good mood
Even though my mid-year appraisal was
This afternoon. When it came, not a rude
Awakening, just rude - not a surprise
It was my longest ever, without pause
We dinged and donged for an eternity
Like boxers. In fact, three and a half hours
Was spent in ment of utter disagree
No light at end of the talk could I see
But then suddenly, things were forward moved
Mainly by me, forgiving all the tosh
Needing to stay positive, hopefully
Passing a few months more, trying to do good
Then we'll see where things stand, the both of us

2410 - Late night thoughts

It's late, but you need to focus your mind
Somewhat, regardless of other factors
You/ve been out drinking, and you'll never find
Anything else of interest, but perforce
There may be something, don't know what these whores
May find acceptable, don't know what they
Might think is OK, or what is quite false
Who cares, what is is what is, you or they
Might not agree, but that's their problem, they
Just don't get it, no matter how it's signed
New tattoos are not painful, despite those
Attempts to be so, no, despite that, they
Are fine, I've now got fourteen, and that's fine
Next month I'll have more, but til then, it's closed

Tue 8 Oct 2013 

Monday 7 October 2013

2409 - The Irish, Welsh and American Rover

Today I had three new tattoos, yes, three!
The first one was the red dragon of Wales
The second was 'I love New York' with three
Letters and a red heart, bringing back tales
Of long ago in the eighties, our trails
Around the cheap shops of old Manhattan
Forget Fifth Avenue, though shopping malls
Out on Long Island I went to often
Sadly there was little more than nothing
To see there (apart from girls!). Tattoo three
Was a shamrock, a symbol green and small
Representing my Irish trips, driving
From Knock to Cork, stopping off at Bantry
Also Dublin and towns beyond the Pale!

Sunday 6 October 2013

2408 - Fading embers

Feeling quite sleepy, afternoon, post-meal
The heating's on, helping my drowsiness
Louis is out watching films where we all
Used to go - Parrs Wood, by his old school. There's
Not much happening, but off to rehearse
Comedy in an hour's time, maybe I'll
Wake up a bit then. We usually disperse
To the pub when we've done, drink beer, inhale
Fags, but no more, thanks. Time for one more trial
Of wits and wills, kick smoking with a squeal
Into the gutter with the other mess
I'll save money, and help health not to fail
I'll tell Derm to say no if I reveal
A weak-willed craving. Can I pass this test?

Saturday 5 October 2013

2407 - Car Trouble

I hired a car and boy was it a test
Volkswagen Passat, there was no handbrake!
I had to park with the gear on reverse
In Buxton of all places, where hills make
The beauty of the town and the landscape
It was scary, parking, when I got back
In the car, started it, tried not to scrape
The car in front, reverse, and then make tracks
Got away with it, just. Jo nearly cacked
Her pants, refused to sit inside but just
Watched from the pavement, fearful of mistake
As was I!!! But I survived, that's a fact
No cracks on the car, thank God. That would cost
Me the repair bill, for Jehovah's sake!

Friday 4 October 2013

2406 - The slick and the dead

News round-up - two separate kids killed by their
Evil mothers, heartbreaking to look at
The newspaper pictures as the kids stare
At us, making us feel guilt. Did we let
This happen? Are we to blame for that shit?
Also, we've recently had the party
Conferences, trotting out policies that
Are designed to win votes. Take the Tories
Who met in Manchester, and think that we
Will all support benefit cuts. But there
Are so many on various benefits
All of whom won't vote for that - no turkey
Votes for Christmas. The Tories maybe fear
Annihilation at the polls. Too right!

Thursday 3 October 2013

2405 - A good sport

Got wet on the way home - the rain is back!
No shopping either - trying to save money
Splurged Monday night, and tomorrow my neck
Will swallow lots of beer, well, hopefully
And then Saturday, I've hired a mini-
Size car to take Josie somewhere different
Though starting at the Toby Carvery
If I have my way, big plates heaven-sent
Last night Josie rang to say that she'd bent
Her pinkie playing basketball, a crack
Was visible on X-ray - poor Josie
You'd think, but she was laughing as she went
On talking about it. It seemed good craic
To her, bless her. Little trouper, Josie!

Toby Carvery in Stockport

Wednesday 2 October 2013

2404 - Rams-stein

Another clean night with no expense spent
Not done that much, football dominated
Watched Louis' team, Man City, a decent
Team, outplayed by Bayern at the Etihad
While in Russia, a draw for United
Now Louis consoles himself with X-Box
Football, with Spurs playing Real Madrid
Both 2-D teams playing out of their socks
But City didn't come out of the blocks
In that real game until time came and went
Once more, Joe Hart really disappointed
If he's England's top goalie, then that sucks
Meanwhile, Derby sacked Nigel Clough and sent
For Steve McLaren! Yes, that's what I said!

Bayern beat City

The Rams' new coach

Tuesday 1 October 2013

2403 - Rent-a-joke

Good trip down the pub last night with Dermot
Although I was so tired, still drank six pints
And had a laugh, still put away a lot
I'm having a night off from beer tonight
Today down at the office, had a right
Good laugh. Why does everything seem funny
At the moment? Still, can't complain - it's quite
A satisfactory state in which to be
Earlier on I played along to Joni
And Nico. Had a nice idea - it's not
Likely to succeed, seems far-fetched, but might
It be possible to make some money
From selling jokes direct to those who want
Them, all arranged from home on a website?