3231 - Not enough hours in the evening

Phew - been busy this eve since I got home!
And it's not the end yet, still time to go
Not painted tonight, but exercise done
My muscles are improving, can now do
Eighty press-ups. The first time I tried to
Do them, could only do three! Muscles need
Regular usage, and my walks and few
Exercises play their part, yes indeed
Transferred a debt balance from card to card
Also phoned O2 on my mobile phone
Got new SIM-card-only contract, woo-hoo
Ten quid a month's enough. Cooked and ate food
Great guitar session, comedy part-learned
Will learn more, but must ring Tania and Jo

3156 - No beer today

A fast-paced day at work sorting out files
A fast-paced evening at home doing lots
I'm almost ready for my tea, but smiles
All round as I get ready for the pots
And pans - well, just pans really, got no pots
As such, I keep it simple, my kitchen
Is small, like my cooking skills. Got the hots
For fish fingers, baby - that's haute cuisine
By my standards, so soon I'll pop 'em in
The hunger's growing, starting to beguile
My thought process, despite those three biscuits
I scoffed at work, they're wearing off. Still thin
Though, sort of, and should stay that way since I'll
Be keeping off the beer til travelling starts

3145 - Flat to(i)let

Oh shit, I need to go the the toilet
But I'll see if I can hang on until
I finish this sonnet, for this sonnet
Will then be finished quickly, so it will
Just like my shit when I use force of will
To force it out of my gut with a splash
Of toilet water that I hope won't spill
Onto the bathroom floor. Same when I slash
Or have a slash, no splash should miss and crash
Upon the floor, thereby making it wet
An ancient art, time immemorial
Has told me that when I fart, it can clash
With the desire to wee, causing the shit
To shoot out prematurely, floor to spoil

3036 - Sounds rebound

At work this morning our team moved en masse
To different desks. That was quite exciting
At lunchtime I got a haircut at last
It's like my haircuts of old, some shaving
Around the neck and ears. Feels like going
Back in time... After work, went to see Vee
She's perking up after a depressing
Interlude. She fixed my phone cleverly
Even the sound's come back - I'm so happy
Good news then, I won't have to splash the cash
Upgrading, paying double, though thinking
An i-Phone would be nice. Maybe July
I'll get one then when my contract's up. That's
All the news from me today. I'm smiling!

3012 - Look, don't touch

It's Friday night, but should I play guitar
Or give my hands a rest? After last night
They've felt a bit strained, You know how hands are
When they're over-used. My digits like sprites
Fly over fretboard, sonic dynamite
Portraying thoughts in fractions of seconds
But maybe not tonight, no not tonight
Which means I'll just relax as bed beckons
Read more Clough biog, read how he descends
Deeper into alcohol, still deeper
In his green top, his face flushed red and bright
He'd battle on without Pete, his best friend
So now, as I wonder where's Louis, where?
I'll settle down for a night cheap and quiet

3004 - See all without travelling

Exciting news, oh yes, exciting news
Is it a royal baby? they wonder
No, that's not it, I've got three new tattoos
On the upper arms and lower shoulder
I'll have you know that's a bony area
And so quite painful to be inked thereon
What were the tattoos of? you all clamour
OK, here goes. First, a souvenir from
Paris, the Eiffel, a silhouette, strong
And straight. Next, the Slovakian crest I used
The one central to their national banner
Last, the two-headed eagle, Albanian
Emblem, black, on red background. Fun to choose
My images, soon may a chance recur!

2924 - Night time ain't the write time

My brain's fried, but I wrote more short stories
Earlier on, that often surprisingly
Tires the mind, though the body seems at ease
And yet it feels like I've put my body
Through a big workout, but just mentally
These stories would be good to read sometime
But getting them published would most please me
I really must try to work on them, find
Regular spaces of quality time
My only recent excuse - holidays
And also being tired after work, maybe
Not really tired, just less creative mind
In the evening than morning. Saturdays
I go see Josie. That just leaves Sunday!

2851 - Rooney is a loony

Enjoying chilling at home, least I ate
Today, unlike yesterday! And I will
Probably eat more soon, be a pig tonight!
I'll eat my fill, then I'll eat still more fill
Must admit, drinking, not eating's, not brill
But I had fun last night, watching England
Fuck up as usual, Rooney unable
To do a thing, yet commentators sound
Amazed if he's criticised. He's rotund
And generally useless. But now I'm quite
Ready to eat, and it won't be pigswill
Unlike Rooney, my tummy's not too round
Even when I eat heavily - it's great!
I must go now, my hunger's getting shrill

2812 - Stubble trouble

I woke early and so now I'm knackered
Before I sleep though I must memorise
Tomorrow's comedy routine. I should
Or else it might be me not them who dies
There's nothing flashing but the fireflies
After this, might strum a bit, maybe read
But the main thing I must do is rehearse
Oh, I nearly forgot, must shave my beard
Well, stubble. Me with a beard would be weird
Since I can't grow them on my lower head
Meanwhile, it's the return of ol' Red Eyes
Because I feel so very tired indeed
Still, there's only one more thing that I need
That's to check my gags for my gig. Bye-byes!

2809 - Hair today

It's been a nice Friday, nice and easy
Not many in the old office today
I went for a haircut, the chance was here
Thank God I did it, now I look OK
As my hair thins, I have to simply say
Keep it short, that looks better, yes it does
Got to see the funny side, ho ho hey
So many things can give us a small buzz
Like blood converted into healthy pus
Tonight I went to the King's Arms, and we
Were waiting for someone to say, now, hey
Here we are, but they didn't, so let us
Do our own thing, let's be nice and easy
I don't know really what I'm trying to say

2800 - Redhead

First day back at work, some good laughs despite
My possibly being marked way way too low
For last year's performance, but like a kite
I lift myself on the breeze and just go
Not just in France, sunny weather here too
My head's slightly red, now the sunshine burns
The top of it through my thin hair! Swallowed
An enormous lentil dhal soup that turned
Me into a hydrated state. I learned
That I've got Friday off. It's 'Good.' So quite
A short working week this week! Getting slow
Now in my thought processes, I've returned
To vegetable as day becomes night
An early night will do me good, you know

2505 - Underwater sports

Day out with Josie, swimming in Stockport
Because the baths in Wilmslow are boring
But from Wilmslow baths vending machine, bought
Some cool black goggles. Now when I'm swimming
My eyes don't hurt, specially when I'm crawling
We swam a few lengths, that was the best part
But also as usual did some sliding
Down the tubes, jacuzzi, messing about
But swimming is really good for the heart
And lungs and arm strength. Was pleased how I hauled
Myself out of the pool with such a spring
My arms are strong, that's exercise's art
And all that walking too. Saturday night
Is now for relaxation and drinking!

2427 - Reggae robot

Haircut three hundred. Wonder how many
I've had in my life - maybe more than that
But there've been years I didn't have any
I've now abandoned hopes of growing it
Long again, not a good look, looked a prat
Like a mad professor from Back to the
Future, or Red Dwarf's square-headed robot
I've also been compared to the actor
And comedian, Stan Laurel. Oliver
Hardy, thank God, not been compared to me
Although the beer threatens to make me fat
Or is that just age? Tomorrow, flyer-
Distribution day in town, then reggae
Night at Deli Lama, meet Sian, perhaps

2405 - A good sport

Got wet on the way home - the rain is back!
No shopping either - trying to save money
Splurged Monday night, and tomorrow my neck
Will swallow lots of beer, well, hopefully
And then Saturday, I've hired a mini-
Size car to take Josie somewhere different
Though starting at the Toby Carvery
If I have my way, big plates heaven-sent
Last night Josie rang to say that she'd bent
Her pinkie playing basketball, a crack
Was visible on X-ray - poor Josie
You'd think, but she was laughing as she went
On talking about it. It seemed good craic
To her, bless her. Little trouper, Josie!

Toby Carvery in Stockport

2521 - Three tattoos for me and you

Completely exhausted, last night's late night
And today's fairly early waking has
Done me in. Nonetheless, the time was right
For three new tattoos, and so was the place
The usual studio in Salford, Tony's
The tattooist again, I ask for three
New travel-themed coloured ink images
The flag of Sweden, blue/yellow beauty
The green star in Morocco's flag, sans the
Red background, and then the black bull that's quite
Easy to spot on Spanish hills, that was
Once a brandy ad. Tattooed memories
All. While there I saw that someone can write
Arabic script. That gave me more ideas

2499 - Summertime Pity

The heat's on, though not so bad as the States
Already burned on Sunday, I keep out
Of the sun when I can, because I hate
The warm sun on my red neck. But without
The sunshine, summer wouldn't quite be right
I don't mind sweating too much, long as I
Can take my top off, not soak up the sweat
In a sweaty t-shirt, or shirt and tie
Last night's comedy was hot work in my
Tweed jacket, dancing under the stage lights!
Nice to take today off work, laze about
Early to bed, in this heat have to try
Harder, throw covers off, a naked state
Almost - but not quite - almost, but not quite

2463 - Get your socks off!

Been limping today with my sore foot - ouch!
It's not that bad, it's a corn or bunyan
I think, but on the underneath. To touch
It, it's quite tender, and so to tread on
It with each step is not really much fun
Walking along the canalside, cobbles
And broken, cracked and irregular stone
Ain't easy with a sore foot, but troubles
Still seem to recede beside the bubbles
The birds and geese - that rower, he's no slouch!
This morning, though, I made an appointment
Tomorrow morning at the doc's, I'll pull
Socks off and show her my painful bump, much
To my relief if there's a prescription!

2461 - Bunyan's still-grim progress

Pleasant but fairly uneventful day
With Josie, in Burnage and Fog Lane Park
My bunyan, corn, or whatever you say
That lump under my foot started to irk
About halfway through, so maybe next week
I'll find out what it is, get it seen to
I'll make an appointment to see the doc
Home now, it feels quite sultry, just like you
Would expect from June, though it seems so few
Days are hot and sunny, that's now the way
Of the weather. It's finally getting dark
It's past ten o'clock, various shades of blue
Perfect for a fryin' barbecue, they say
Never mind, me and Jo both bought huge steaks

2379 - Cold play

The heat is on - it's heating up my flat
But outside it is friggin' cold, all right
And when that wind blows, when that wind, when that ...
It's brrrrracing, makes you shiver, not with fright
But what a great day if you are a kite
However, I'm no kite, all too human
I'm afraid, and I'll spend another night
Safely indoors. Meanwhile, Louis has gone
Out into the cold to play football. Don't
Expect me to feel jealous - my eye's not
Green, but green and brown, and it's seeing right
Again, after my cold made my sight wane
And my knees ache! But now I'm OK, sat
Here, about to strum once more. Things are great!

2339 - A farewell to weak arms

A new press-ups record since I started
On December 20th with three
Now I can do twenty-four. Excited
By this, and my arms support my body
Fully, real press-ups, no resting on knee
Stomach muscles coming on, getting hard
Though hard to see through my podgy belly
Podgy that is to younger days compared
Removing fat piled on last year like lard
From a pig isn't so easy, but it
Should be possible in time, and to see
New tattoos in that area. Can afford
Two representing where I visited
Last year - Denmark and Sweden - post-payday