3145 - Flat to(i)let

Oh shit, I need to go the the toilet
But I'll see if I can hang on until
I finish this sonnet, for this sonnet
Will then be finished quickly, so it will
Just like my shit when I use force of will
To force it out of my gut with a splash
Of toilet water that I hope won't spill
Onto the bathroom floor. Same when I slash
Or have a slash, no splash should miss and crash
Upon the floor, thereby making it wet
An ancient art, time immemorial
Has told me that when I fart, it can clash
With the desire to wee, causing the shit
To shoot out prematurely, floor to spoil

3058 - Fretting about things

Quick, write a sonnet before my guitar
Session, which has to be before Derby
Play Leeds at quarter to eight. Revenge for
The Rams, I hope, for somehow losing the
Away match at their place. Come on Johnny
Russell, Chris Martin and chums, fill the net
More than Santa's stocking, foot of the tree
Piled high, stack the goals up, make Leeds regret
Beating us last month! Warming up the fret-
board I'll soon be, 'fore you know where you are
But what to play? Doesn't matter to me
Variety's good, so genres don't dictate
I'll play anything, anyhow or where
But first, it's a wee toilet trip for me!

1099 - Drink and mugs

S’cuse me, I just need to nip to the loo
That’s better… It’s that big mug of coffee
That did it…And before that, I drank two
In the pub, one beer and one orange… See,
I was driving. And it’s been good lately
Driving to pubs: stops me drinking, smoking
Which I do when I’ve had a beer or three
It also helps my brain cope with writing
Whether there or later on, when sitting
At my writing desk, like I’m doing now…
Damn! I’ve just realised… In Sainsburys
I forgot bread rolls… So, there’s no making
Tomorrow’s lunch. I must remember to
Pop in there on the way to work, Tuesday
Mon 7 Sept