2369 - London will be calling

I'm writing this earlier than yesterday
I'm staying in, my bag's already packed
Tomorrow down to London with Josie
Just checked the train times, had to get them checked
Must get to Wilmslow in good time, not vexed
If the train's slightly late, which can happen
After typing this, I'll shave, so my neck's
Neat for the big day. My hair's had a trim
At the barber's, I went there at lunchtime
So now as dark comes I'm nearly ready
Might play guitar if there's time, but I'm spooked
As time's running out, yet time after time
Pearl does not get in touch, she always plays
This game of not answering each of my texts

2368 - You're havin' a laugh

Hello, I'm back again, back home, that is
From the fortnightly gig at the King's Arms
Which can be abbreviated to TWCNIS
The Worst Comedy Night in Salford, harms
All good taste, or at least it does if I'm
There, which I usually am, and was tonight
It was a good one, talk of fire alarms
And shit, so it must be good, or it's shite
Got to be quick with this entry, or might
Be tired at work tomorrow, for business
Comes first, right? Does it fuck. Except on farms
Where cows must be milked early, grab their tits
And squeeze for all you're worth, grab hold and squeeze
But I'm no farmer, nor writer of psalms

Tue 27 August

2367 - Summer in the city

I've got slight stomach ache from just eating
Sausage and chips on the way home from town
Rare visit to the small chippie nestling
Between Cask Bar and the old White Lion
On Liverpool Street, while on my way home
From the Cornerhouse cinema where I
Had just watched a Morrissey concert film
On the way out of which, who caught my eye
Emerging from Oxford Road Sainsburys
We spoke on the Whitworth Street West crossing
Looking great in wheelchair, Jackie Hagan
With Miles - seeing them was a nice surprise
It was a lovely warm August evening
Work for the next two days, then London Town

2366 - Spank holiday

It's late, but here I am, reliable
I'll never fail to knock out my sonnet
It's 2pm, Sunday, but tenable
Because it's Bank Holiday when I get
Up in the morning, work's non-existent
I've got to submit our application
To 3 Minute Theatre, must not forget
That's what we discussed, could be a platform
To local acceptance and world stardom
Meanwhile, we went out to our usual
Watering hole, The Castle, where we set
Out our plans, English Lounge, less troublesome
Because no-one was there, then The Castle
Once more, chatted to folk. Now off to bed!

Sun 25 August

2365 - Books, books, books

Saturday, that's the day of the long walk
I walk to Piccadilly from Salford
Train to Wilmslow, listening to music, hike
On Shanks's pony, that I can afford
To Josephine's house, direction Knutsford
We usually walk back to the train station
And go somewhere with Family Railcard
Today, Didsbury, some shopping was done
No new clothes sadly, but books, one plus one
Classics - Tom Jones and Ivanhoe - I like
To read the all-time great novels, the word
Is they are time-tested, reputation
Is all, and it's satisfying to chalk
Them up, and that's education's reward

2364 - Nothing now

After a hectic few days, I'm relaxed
A bit tired, looking forward to a long
Bank Holiday weekend, nothing to tax
Me, just a trip to see Jo, hopping on
A train somewhere, the usual use of tongues
Endless jokes, laughs and silliness, chatter
Mixed with lots of food to fuel it along
I've got a Frankie and Benny's voucher
We might go to Didsbury - there's one there
Along with good charity shops, with books
But clothes are what I need - that's where there's some
Bargains to be had, that is where they are
All I'm gonna do now is simply watch
TV and maybe later have a drink

2363 - In the arms of the king

Although tired, following a busy late last night
I'm knocking back Cobra beer and watching
The Celebrity Big Brother launch - right!
Having been glued to the plebs series in
The house, just finished, now Celeb's starting
Last night I sent off an application
For the Comedy Festival - we're in
King's Arms, make a date, November second
Soon I'll send out Facebook invitations
And then others will see the brochure, might
Fill out the audience, hope the blurb's tempting
This is a real chance, hopes are temptation
But it's in our hands, it will be some night
For now, though, I'm relaxing and chilling

2362 - Art in heaven

After work, the day begins, as usual
Quick snack, then down to the Deli Lama
In Salford, where we met congenial
People, chatted, then we went on elsewhere
The New Oxford, to be precise, and shared
Ideas for a one-hour show, November
The Comedy Festival, you know where
The King's Arms, upstairs, and, yes, that is where
And when, and now don't worry, don't despair
All will be well, I've emailed them with all
The info they've asked for, last minute, yeah
But that's life, that's art, struggle against the
Competition. I hope things aren't equal
And we'll triumph by the end of this year...

Wed 21 August

2361 - The Big Two

I felt pretty strong, well-rested today
But work was so intense, it was ... hard work!
Seems strange but true, it's not like yesterday
But there's no place to hide, no place to shirk
Will have to knuckle down, not be a jerk
Meanwhile, now I'm home, wrote comedy sketch
About religion, and with costumes, folks!
It's not too shocking, boundaries aren't pushed much
Just a bit of light-hearted heavenly kitsch
As it's written for two blokes, no Mary
Is present, although blokes can wear a skirt
So maybe in future there'll be a bitch
But not now, it's just God and Jesus. They
Are the Big Two, they're Spock and Captain Kirk

2360 - Figueras it out

Not as tired as yesterday - batteries
Recharged, but an early night still to come
If I can soon get off Facebook, that is
I fancy bed and a book. making some
Quick progress through Dali's comments, that's whom
I'm reading, he wasn't shy - well, maybe
He was in a way, locked in his own tomb
Of solitary genius, constantly
Imagining the day of destiny
And decay of his mortal faculties
Good news - we'll be upstairs at the King's Arms
Comedy Festival. I'm real happy
We're not stuck in the snug again - I'm pleased
At the chances that are about to come

2359 - Tanks for the memories

My brain has turned into a pea-green mush
Not sure why, stayed in, watched football, and read
Quite a lot this morning - I read too much
Perhaps? Finished Guardian's 'Century' - had
A look back at that paper's last hundred
Years or so, with some memorable articles
And photos - Chinese tanks, reunited
Germany, Thatcher, Blair, Reagan, but fools
They seem now as history tells its tales
Perhaps just puppets puppet-masters push
And pull, or did they really hold the thread
And make us dance? A slim book on Fidel's
Rise in Cuba was next, then Dali! Just
Begun a book I've had since a student!

2358 - Rainy days and Saturdays

I'm in on Saturday night but been out
In the hired car to take Jo to Grandma
Drank too much but had a fine time last night
Some funny conversations, ha ha blah
Especially when I could hear, earlier
Later on in Odd Bar, the loud music
Made it at times quite difficult to hear
Me and Derm had no time to really think
About the many comedy shows, thick
And fast they're coming as the autumn starts
Hopefully what we've done this year so far
Will stand us in good stead, past shows we pick
From and improve. Today mainly rained but
The car kept us dry. Nice meal with my ma

2357 - Gay traitor

A guided walk round the Northern Quarter
A couple of pubs, lastly the Smithfield
Where we met Theresa, yes, Theresa
Then on we went, yes, on to the Castle
But we didn't stay there long, we were real
Pub crawlers, on to the English Lounge, and
Then to the Odd Bar, where we stayed til
The bouncers chucked us out, then walked around
Manchester back to Salford, talking sound
If not vision, which decade's superior
The 70s or 80s. Hey, get real
The gay decade or the era of bands
Who could play? Needless to say, we demurred
And now it's bedtime that really appeals

Fri 16 Aug

2536 - Wet wet wet wet

A nice meal after work, I had sea bass
Got caught in a downpour in Castlefield
Found The Wharf, then Albert's Shed, but because
Everyone was wet, they ducked out and hid
In Dukes '92, had a pint there, moved
To Albert's Shed again, that's where we ate
After some food and wine we then repaired
To Knott Mill pub on this side of Deansgate
Luckily for me, that's not far to get
Back to my flat, via the all-night place
At Sainsbury's garage, that's where I bought
More beer and fags, now I type my sonnet
Listening to 'Josephine' by Chris Rea, that's
My daughter's name, brings on the love I feel

2535 - Where there's hope, there's war

A news feature, not done many lately
Egypt is kicking off, it's split in two
Muslim Brotherhood against the army
It's Iran once more, religion fights who-
Ever wants western values. Once, it's true
The States and GB abused these countries
So the religious painted themselves true
Nationalists, local heroes, freedom-fighters
The West still exploits when it can, the cause
Of democracy a phantom, money
And lifestyles being the real lure of the new
Young generation, while conservatives
Defend old values, places like Turkey
Iran, Egypt. Time favours the young, though...

2534 - Smart art

It's nearly time to pop to the King's Arms
For once again The Worst Comedy Night
In Salford, this time Dermot and me are
Pretty much making things up each minute
While some usual attendees are with Scots
And everyone else in Edinburgh
The room might not be so full, so the spots
Should be easy to get, and I'm not sure
The night will run its full course, but there's more
To talk about, with festivals to come
(Of Manchester Comedy), 3 Minute
Theatre's new variety show, and Future
Artists are holding start-up seminars
For creative businesses. Out of sight...

2533 - Breaking glad

An OK day as days go, and this went
Particularly pleased with evening-time
Each second used, no boredom, and my bed
Is ready and waiting for my recline
But first it's this poem, and then, post-rhyme
Me and Louis are watching Breaking Bad
The first of the final series, and I'm
Looking forward to Walter being had
Now that the detective knows Walt's the God-
Father of crystal meth! Twists aplenty
Expected, so maybe Walt will triumph
You can't predict, so stop trying, I'm glad
To be kept until the end in suspense
We'll know the outcome in a few weeks' time...

2532 - Floatin' like a butterfly

Feels like it's been a long long day somehow
Though it's still only just about gone nine
Some chores, some pix on Facebook, a video
Of butterflies shot yesterday's online
Deciding about travelling by train
Down to see Pearl in London at month's end
I've got agreement to take Josephine
Not taken her away from home since when?
Think I took her to Wales with my children
(The older two), but her mum went also
When we stayed at Claire's near Swansea. This time
It's without mum. Mum trusts her now she's ten
But I must take good care of little Jo
Now to book train tickets without delayin'...

2531 - Life's a racket

Rainy morning and sunny afternoon
Fulfilled the plan of tennis with daughter
Bought new rackets from Sports Direct for ten
Pounds each, and then had knockabout with her
She's played a few games at school, but whether
That's enough to get good, don't think it is
Her serve is weak, but with practice, better
As everything gets better with practice
She wants to beat her mates playing tennis
But autumn's nearly here, and very soon
The games change - hockey, rugby, in water
She's really good (swimming), basketball - she's
Quite sporty, bless her. Pearl will be pleased when
Me and Jo visit til start September...

2530 - Freaky creaky

An early night needed after two lates
Comedy Wednesday and jamming Thursday
Got soaked carrying guitar back from Leeds
Then a hard day's work, issues aplenty
Could be a hard week next week, I dare say
Tomorrow, tennis with Josie and then
Rehearsal with Dermot or make my way
Home and watch footy highlights. Just past ten
And I'm knackered. Bed calls like a siren
Though it's just a bed! Bed and me are mates
I find that my bed's always a nice lay
Even if it creaks when I move or turn
Newsflash - Hazel's out - girl the public hates
I'm talking about Big Brother UK

2529 - Jam Morrison

Just got back from Leeds, went to the Grove Inn
For a jam along to the Doors album
We were groovin' at the Grove Inn, trying
To light our fires and break on through the jam
Reviving the spirits of Ray and Jim
Met some good guys and at The End, carried
My guitar the short walk to Leeds Station
But back in Manchester, sadly it peed
Down on me. Yes OK, could have taxied
Home from Piccadilly, might have been ten
More quid to add to the cost of the damn
Expenses. Mind you, eighteen quid's chick feed
Compared to hiring a car, so saving
About forty or fifty. Soul kitchen!

Thur 8 August

2528 - Crazy shit

I'm back from a fun comedy night in
Manchester - Effed Up is its name, and we
Did well, stripping down to our trunks, within
Them was a pair of socks, of course, to be
Sufficiently well-endowed, genitally
A daft Australian sitcom, all made up
On the spot, on the stage, just Derm and me
It was some crazy shit, was all Effed Up
With several pints of beer I filled my cup
Tomorrow morning I'll have a lie-in
Might watch Alan Partridge's new film, see
That, and then off to Leeds for a meet-up
Playing The Doors album, a bit of fun
Then back to Manchester, late night for me

Wed 7 August

2527 - Stitch-up in Salford

A better day at work, all down to me
And no-one else, showing heroic will
Power and strength, concentrate and carry
On as close as possible to normal
Besides, had too much on my plate to dwell
On anything much. That's often the case
I'm overloaded with work, usual
Situation, usual state of affairs
It's challenging stuff too, so I'm amazed
He says the things he says so seriously
I'm either mad or he's struggling to fill
His own grave with my body, hopes to save
His skin by slicing mine, while boss Andy
Stands back approvingly, waits for the kill

2526 - Waste of time

Not a good day at work, I think I will
Have to hunt for another job and soon
Office politics, people are people
My face don't fit, and so I've no option
Am struggling hard to rein in emotion
So I don't confront my line manager
I must just take injustice on the chin
The lower ranked man can't be the winner
The bigger you are, the better boxer
Repeated failure is a bitter pill
But this is a battle I just can't win
In this civil service rigid structure
Far better to pretend that all is well
Then move myself to a new horizon

2525 - Comedy football

A disappointing start to the season
In the Championship, another year
Derby let a lead slip over Blackburn
Poor Nigel Clough, I feel your pain, oh yeah
Despite that, Sunday went OK, and there
Was a funny end, at King Gong, Justin
Moorhouse, a well-known comedy compere
Poor Nigel lasted forty seconds in
The white heat of the harsh competition
And blamed us or anyone for his doom
I understand his pain, it's hard to bear
But he has to improve if he's to win
It's a harsh world, the world of jokes and fun
It's enough to bring on a little tear

Sun 4 Aug

2524 - When you're down and out

I brought no money out with me, except
What little was left after last night's drinks
Five pounds seventy five for train ticket
Got on the train to Wilmslow with these thinks -
I'll draw out more when I get there. It stinks
When you can't do that, you have no bank card
And only about six quid left. Swam, thanks
To a kind lady, let us off full charge
Just enough for snack and drink afterwards
Which we had in the park. Dogs kind of got
On our wick, with their runnings and barkings
Walked to Styal Mill through the pretty woods
But shops were closed, no-one was there, we left
No money for a drink, no thirst quenching

2523 - Catch up 22

I'm back from a night out, and it's all good
A good day at work, and a good night out
I watched Come Dine With Me, not just the food
But the arguments, seeing people pout
Like children - that's what it is all about
Good to see Tom George and Tsareena, and
Catch up with them, good mates, there is no doubt
Walked back alone to Salford, quiet land
At night, after the hurly burly sound
And sight of Manchester night life. It would
Be nice to have a lot more to report
But til then, things are normal, things are grand
Bed time approaches, tomorrow I should
Be swimming with Josie, if things pan out

Fri 2 August

2522 - This butterfly life

Football is back! Yes, the new season's here
Swansea are playing Malmo down in Wales
It's cooled down now, today's once more hotter
After some days of rain. At work, told tales
Of new tattoos, but suddenly there's walls
To climb, there's rivers and bridges to cross
Tomorrow could be awkward. Must try all
I can to keep cool, talking to my 'boss'
Even though shit is going down, no less
Good to see white butterflies grace the air
After the rain, still alive, their white sails
Fluttering in my face from canalside bush
They'll have enjoyed today, the atmosphere
The light, the plantlife, and all life's appeals