3117 - Park Lane Drive

I've missed Match of the Day, it's finishing
I'll check today's results when I've typed this
Today I hired a car and went zooming
Down to London with Lou, took stuff to digs
Back in Hainault once more in south Essex
(In London really). Then the A12 took
Me most of the way to Pearl's but I missed
The Lewisham turn-off, somehow I hooked
Myself around in a circle, quite smug
When I managed to get there, no helping
Satnav, map or passenger to assist
Sadly she needed a small van to pack
All her stuff into, car's too small. Driving
Her things north alone, hoping to get pissed!

3116 - Cell bent

Jihadi John's identity revealed
He's now a halal butcher, human meat
Meanwhile Gary Glitter is once more jailed
Do you wanna be in my cell, eh mate?
Ed Gastricband's sloganeering now starts
In earnest, how long's he waited to come
Up with eye-catching ideas for your vote?
Meanwhile the incumbent, Dave Cameron
Is willing to debate with Gastricband
But not Farage, his fear barely concealed
Of being made to look a fool, being beat
By the UKIP man. Oh dear - Spock has gone
Where's Spock, indeed, Spizz Energi! He's keeled
Over, his ears have curled, his voyage complete

3115 - Season of good swill

Much more relaxing evening, staying in
Chatted to Louis and watched some football
Already the season is now heading
Towards its climax, with no festival
At the end this time, no World Cup to thrill
Us all. Just thought - my springtime holiday
This year is going to coincide with all
The end-of-season crunch matches. Derby
Will maybe clinch promotion in those days
While I'll be otherwise engaged looking
For a good time in mid-Europe. Might call
In on some bars in Munich, I dare say
They might be fun anyway, but showing
Those English games and all the leagues' results

3114 - Bloody hell

I've been out twice today, first time with work
After a planning meeting, then a meal
Followed by drinks combined with lots of talk
A few drinks in me but tried to conceal
Any desire for more, back home to 'heal'
Then out again, met Helen down the road
She drove me into town, the plan was we'll
Watch 'Bad Language' which we did til she goed
But gave me a lift back, which worked out good
Caught the end of Wolf Hall, and saw the hack
Of the sword on Anne Boleyn, it felt real
And strangely topical, barbaric blood-
shed on some powerful man's whim who stalked
The land dealing death, smiles as blood congealed

3113 - Charge of the Light Blue Brigade

Louis arrived as I played my guitar
A few minutes later we watched City
Play Barcelona, but a goal too far
For the Light Blues, lost 2-1, too tricky
To turn around this time. Recovery
By me, enough to go to work and not
Have a second day off. I got to see
Hazel's birthday gifts given, and I thought
About that vacancy, might have a shot
At it, if manager agrees. No star
Work record lately, no support, last three
Years, struggling to attract bosses that don't
Know me personally, go by what are
Biased accounts and perceptions of me

3112 - Cold day

A rare sick day, because of this darn cold
Have enjoyed doing little, relaxing
Watching daytime TV, trying to hold
That enormous hardback book and reading
About Jamaica, shooting and killing
In the 70s, and periodically
Snuggling down on the sofa and dozing
Third dose of Kyle today on the TV
May play guitar if I've the energy
Tuesday night's pub quiz had to be cancelled
Shame as it's a good group with beer quaffing
But recuperation is necessary
By Wednesday, when I'm out with Helen. Should
Be a nice one, poetry and drinking

3111 - Pavilion panorama and paranoia

I've caught my first cold this winter, and so
I'm staying home, not off to see Josie
Glad I'm not out in rainfall and wind blow
Some good pictures from Brighton - you should see
The previous two days' diary, the entries
Containing pix taken when the sun shone
Which makes the whole scene look much more friendly
And stunning as it lights the Pavilion
Yesterday stood in Vic and Bert's bedroom
Funny to think they lay there long ago
Perhaps even producing a pickney
Put off though by unwanted attention
From the local commoners; didn't go
Back there too often, oh spoiled royalty!

3110 - Brighton and Gloomyton

On the train from Brighton to Manchester
Changing at Gatwick, Reading, Birmingham
Not been able to use my phone charger
The phone lasted long enough, just, to aim
It at some Brighton sights. Of course, the main
One being the famous Pavilion
Of George IV. That building looks so glam
I've always wanted to visit. It's done
We also had a great stroll on the pier
As the sun shone, but then replaced by gloom
Took refuge in Bar Revenge, then in one
More pub, back to Kipp's Hostel, and then on
To Brighton station, plenty of time there
To catch the trains that are taking us home

Sat 21 February

3109 - London and Brighton on no sleep

On the train to London Euston and then
We'll change and catch the tube to Victoria
From where we'll catch one more train to Brighton
It's excitin' lookin' forward to the
Tattoo convention, then a drink or two
Will I get any tattoos? I'm not sure
The prices might be too high, go over
The hundred I pay up in Manchester
For three smallish ones. After the tattoo
Show we'll go to the aftershow event
Or back to the hostel, I'll grab a beer
I'll be so tired by then, won't have a clue
I won't know where I am, won't feel no pain
(Hopefully) to endure, won't feel injured...

Fri 20 February

3108 - Bathist Party

Comedy bitches bitch about bitching
They should spend more time thinking up some jokes
Oh but they don't do jokes because they think
Because they're no good at that they can poke
Bitchy fingers at those who can, and stoke
Resentment against them. Always happens
I first found this in the 90s. Can cope
Better with it now, now I know that 'friends'
Are only trying to get somewhere, ascend
The ladder using climbing skills, stepping
On others in the process, like those folk
In Hollywood, though this is Salford. Guess their end
Justifies their means. But still wondering
Why they don't just sit in the bath and soak

3107 - Tireder than you

I'm really tired, this is almost the last
Thing I need to do today, following
Last night's late night in the Salford Arms, post-
Comedy event at the King's Arms. Think
An early night is called for! There's nothing
Particularly to do or to watch
It's still only eight, so I'm wondering
How to pass the time til ten, when I'll snatch
Some shut-eye. No sound can be quite a match
For the deep sleep I'm planning. I'll just coast
Along, drifting like a leaf, just flowing
Had lots of cake at work, thanks for that, Ange
But I'm not looking forward to breakfast
That bag of oats and bran tastes so boring!

3106 - Strain in vain

Oh well, it was quite good, but not that good
A few members of the public were there
I did OK, though I think I suffered
From lack of rehearsal time, to be fair
That's cos I was out last night, which impaired
My preparations. Nonetheless I gained
Quite a few laughs, and for that I'm prepared
To thank the audience. My ego in vain
Tries to be modest. Meanwhile think I've strained
Relations with a certain person. Would
It matter one way or the other? Fair
Point, I don't know, probably not, my brain
Is not fully engaged yet, but it could
Be, we will see, that's down to her, yes, her

Tue 17 February

3105 - Castles on the ground

A good night out at The Castle watching
First Draft, like concept and execution
Hope to get a slot for next time, checking
Diary and yes I'm free, comedy song
Or two to be be wrote specially, would be wrong
Not to. Tomorrow also, the King's Arms
For another dose, Chinese New Year fun
Will be one of my slightly chortly themes
'Chortly' not recognised as a word. Seems
I made it up. Oh well. Am suffering
From dehydration, though just two pints downed
An earlyish night called for, with sweet dreams
As a bonus, I hope, entertaining
Myself once again, maybe not for long...

3104 - Copin' with Copenhagen

Yesterday I watched three films, tired me out
Today I read a hundred pages of
This huge hardback Pearl bought me that's about
Shootings in Jamaica. Editor, bruv -
You asleep on de job, seen? Not 'One Love'
In this book, more like multiple gangsta
Lots of motorway crashes lately. Tough
Times. Not only here, but even over
In old Copenhagen, there's a terror
Attack on a cafe - free speech, don't shout
Quite so loudly, tone it down, but be tough
On terrorists and murderers that scare
The innocent. Jo worries war's afoot
I tell her it's nothing, as time may prove...

3103 - Manic Mancs in Munich

Brought Jo to my flat today to watch stuff
Mainly football stuff as usual these days
She's not been here for ages, she was much
Smaller the last time. YouTube made this noise
As we watched the film about '58's
Munich air disaster, spoilt it a bit
A film that highlighted contrasting fates
Of Edwards and Charlton. I won't visit
Munich Airport when I go there soon, it
Will be by train from Nuremberg. Got off
Lightly, Jo's mum collected her downstairs
In the car park belonging to these flats
So now the evening's my own, but I'm of
The expectation Lou may show his face...

3102 - Fun and work combined

I'm listening to Spotify, guitar played
Not eaten yet. Have also written some
Comedy material for Tuesday, afraid
Otherwise there's not much time, since I'd planned
To go to the Castle, Monday eve, and
Watch 'First Draft' for the first time. It's
Looking like a good week ahead, the end
Of a good week just gone. Louis has split
From London to come here, no sign as yet
Of him, wonder if he'll turn up... she said
He would, Pearl did. So expect him to come
Here, but maybe not til awkwardly late
Soon I'll break off and cook something and taste
Pure relaxation, well-earned, not humdrum

3101 - Motorbike treat

Watching Top of the Pops 1980
The Revillos have been on Motorbike
Beat duty. That reminds me of when me
And a couple of school friends who quite liked
Punky stuff caught the train (no, not the bike)
To Sutton Coldfield from Lichfield in our
School uniforms, must've bunked off, got psyched
Up to meet The Revillos, Fay Fife a
Schoolboy's dream, but not a looker
In my book, sorry! More a fantasy
In those days was Kate Bush - made Dave and Mike
Go ga-ga before Lady G got here
And talking of gal singers, then Debbie
Harry of Blondie, hair messy and spiked

3100 - Old Laughford

Another fun evening, this time football
To be precise, Man U versus Burnley
Thank goodness for Jo's happiness it all
Went well, a three-one Man U victory
Wandered round the crowded ground, time to see
The Munich memorial adorned with flowers
Grabbed a snack, then went to seats, quite highly
Placed, a good view. Smalling got two, powered
Two headers in at the far end, chorus
Of cheers all round. Then at our end, a real
Moment of excitement, a penalty
Converted by Van Persie. A real cause
For concern though when an old man he fell
And banged his head, but ended happily

Wed 11 Feb

3099 - Bore poetry

Fun night in Chorlton at Lloyds Bar upstairs
I read some bits and pieces that were fun
That's not the only reason fun was there
Others also read fun pieces as one
Though one guy who reckoned himself read war
Poems, yes, First World War ones. That's all done
By now, or else it should be, I feel sure
Wilfred Owen blah, who cares, it's not your
Movie anymore, let's move on. War scares
Polite people in church halls, but it's done
Out of necessity, often, else or
Shitter things still would happen. Be aware
That life can be shit, not just good, a poor
State of United Nations. Aggression.

3098 - Train to Alphaville

Got sleepy at work this afternoon. I
Didn't stay up so late but hammered it
Probably because Louis said goodbye
And I was free to kind of celebrate
Though of course that's not the right word for it
Also spoke to Tania unexpected
A call on my phone came really quite late
And we both kinda gushed 'bout Jo and said
How great she is, which she is, though her head
Is now almost teenage and she'll defy
Us both at times, but not for long. Spirit
Of '77 right now being led
By Kraftwerk's Trans-Europe Express. I'll spy
That moving landscape, late April - can't wait!

3097 - Not feeling the heat

Passing time on Sunday evening, heat on
As it's still pretty darn cold. Tried to read
This enormous hardback that's really long
But it made me feel sleepy in the head
So now I've listened to some Wilko. Need
To familiarise his stuff for the gig
In March at The Ritz. Louis has indeed
Got the bus to London, where he's staying
At Pearl's and searching for rooms. He's coming
Back next weekend though to collect what's on
The bedroom floor, still. Most of it lies neat
In wheelie bins now, out of sight, thinking
Life somehow feels a little less humdrum
Each day I do what I want, so I am pleased

3096 - Shopping and hunting

A fun day out with Josie - some shopping
With her birthday money - two pairs of boots
And a shirt - plus yet more gammon eating
And a look at the make-up racks in Boots
Popped into Vee's flat, terrorised by cat's
Manic attacks, but funny nonetheless
Took Jo back home, then back for some more chats
With Vee and Louis, who's moving out this
Weekend to flat hunt in London. Back there's
Where he hopes his future lies, job hunting
Also to come, the main hope they'll recruit
Him into films before too long - success
Beckons with his clever critic's writing
And other creative writing to boot

Sat 7 February

3095 - Evening of light

The sky is red, the evening still has light
Work and shopping are done, the winter's soon
Ending too. Holiday plans are in flight
And soon there's a tattoo trip to Brighton
I may have one or two new ones inked on
This morning, before work, I was about
To eat breakfast, I was in the kitchen
And before that I was in the toilet
When I heard loud cooing coming from out
On the balcony, also saw the sight
Of flapping wings through the window. Pigeon!
Those darned birds bugging me again, without
So much as a fly your leave! Leaving shite
Everywhere! So I chased them off. Begone!

3094 - Smoke on the porter

Another late night last night, not enough
Got through the day somehow on ten per cent
Fuel left in the tank, driving in a rough
Wilderness with mad savages who meant
To eat me alive, but made sure I went
Left and right, dizzying and dazzling, zoomed
Off just in time, having to pay no rent
Or get it bent or cracked leaving me doomed
And so once more the medicine was spooned
Which enables whole tablefuls of bluff
And turns intentions to smoke like incense
It rises til it's marooned on the moon
Making the world seem like it's on good stuff
And I feel like a clerk who comes from Kent

3093 - Practice makes perfecto

It's 2 a.m., how come I'm still awake
Considering how tired I was today
Hope I get a decent sleep, for God's sake
But probably not, it's too late for that, eh
Fun night with Nancy, Dermot, Maria Je-
sus, I liked hearing her Spanish accent
Good practice for me, speaking in that way
I'm pleased to say she knew what I had meant
When I did my Spanish, somehow it went
Rather well. Bedtime nears, and what's at stake
Well nothing, and yes the devil will pay
It could be worse, I could be in a tent
But no, I have this flat, my ease to take
In which, in the bedroom, my head to lay

Wed 4 Feb

3092 - Uncaged comedy

A terrible news story with ISIS
Also known as Islamic State, burning
A Jordanian pilot in a cage. It's
Hard to believe these days it's happening
Although it's not easy simply turning
One's mind away from that and going to
A comedy night, that's what I'm planning
It should be good though - Dave is 52
Well maybe not that old, but looks it though
Tonight I'll once more be taking the piss
Out of ebola, and news predicting
Its global spread, threatening me and you
Its naughty but that's comedy, I guess
You have to do some envelope pushing

3091 - Soulford

Just watching 'Catastrophe' as I've seen
Each episode so far - think it's the third
Have firmed up arrangements this evening
For Tuesday and Wednesday. Comedy first
At the King's Arms, celebrating Dave's birth-
day with some comedy, including my
Ebola-themed music creating mirth
No doubt some pints will be drunk by and by
Then it's the Deli-Lama on Wednesday
To be doing songs there is quite a dream
Quite looking forward to it, feel quite spurred
On somehow, think that I can wing my way
(Perhaps I should do 'Wimoweh'?). I've been
A worrier, but now confidence has girth

3090 - Feeling cold then warm

A relaxing day at home in my cool
Flat. Kept the heat on until 4:30
In the afternoon, then I couldn't fool
Myself any longer. Get heat for me!
I went into the other room to be
Warmer throughout the flat, the switch went on
By the boiler. I'd watched the DVD
Of what I've just read - 'Great Expectations'
Featuring Robbie Coltrane and Ralph Fiennes
I also worked on Tuesday's material
For Dave's birthday fun night, which Dermot G
Might also go to. Going out again
(Maybe) Wednesday, acoustic night, I will
(Maybe) do a few cover songs (badly)