Tuesday 29 April 2014

2813 - In the arms of the king

Been out tonight for Tuesday's comedy
At the King's Arms. Tomorrow, Bad Language
At the Castle, although you won't see me
Performing there, just watching. Average
To good tonight, didn't feel my wattage
Was top level, but it's always practice
A few beers before leaving home, but caged
My consumption once there, didn't get pissed
Just two cokes, that's all, and both without ice
Still dehydrated and not quite healthy
Enough to rock and roll, but it's a bridge
To the Castle. When I'm done writing this
I'll go to bed, 'Bleak House' for company
Having avoided physical damage

Monday 28 April 2014

2812 - Stubble trouble

I woke early and so now I'm knackered
Before I sleep though I must memorise
Tomorrow's comedy routine. I should
Or else it might be me not them who dies
There's nothing flashing but the fireflies
After this, might strum a bit, maybe read
But the main thing I must do is rehearse
Oh, I nearly forgot, must shave my beard
Well, stubble. Me with a beard would be weird
Since I can't grow them on my lower head
Meanwhile, it's the return of ol' Red Eyes
Because I feel so very tired indeed
Still, there's only one more thing that I need
That's to check my gags for my gig. Bye-byes!

Sunday 27 April 2014

2811 - War against the cold

Day two of my cold, though I'm handling it
Quite well, as I usually do. It must be
The bananas, potassium and such shit
That even when I'm ill and drunk, keep me
Reasonably physically and mentally
Healthy. Not done that much, it seems, today
Well after all, there was football - yes, three
Important games to follow, and yet they
Didn't stop me revising poems, play
On words and meanings, though retaining quite
Clear meaning, which I quite like, personally
There's also comedy, wrote set list, yay
Thought might be out tomorrow, a new night
Just heard of, but no open spots for me

Saturday 26 April 2014

2810 - Jacket required

Been out all day with Josie, but I felt
A bit ill, and cold too, had no jacket
We went swimming, a good day for the health
But think I've a slight cold, so feel bit shit
The staff made us get out, unexpected
So everyone grabbed all the changing rooms
Had to wait for one to be vacated
Girls all drying their hair, hairdryer tunes
As usual, went to Macs afterwards, soon
We left, cos I didn't get fries, and helped
Ourselves to a train to Alderley Edge
It was cold in the park, but couldn't run
To buying a new jacket. Money melts
Out of my account this month. And that's it!

Friday 25 April 2014

2809 - Hair today

It's been a nice Friday, nice and easy
Not many in the old office today
I went for a haircut, the chance was here
Thank God I did it, now I look OK
As my hair thins, I have to simply say
Keep it short, that looks better, yes it does
Got to see the funny side, ho ho hey
So many things can give us a small buzz
Like blood converted into healthy pus
Tonight I went to the King's Arms, and we
Were waiting for someone to say, now, hey
Here we are, but they didn't, so let us
Do our own thing, let's be nice and easy
I don't know really what I'm trying to say

Thursday 24 April 2014

2808 - Souper douper

Been out all evening trying to sort out stuff
Most of it went OK, I'm satisfied
Now back home, quick sonnet, then I will snuff
Out the electric candles and get lied
On my bed, and hopefully get shut-eyed
Need nuts and soup, get them from Sainsburys
Tomorrow morning's walk to work, no ride
Necessary. Can walk to work with ease
Might be showers though, summer jacket is
Not cut out for rain, velour's not that tough
Tomato soup for today's lunch. Worried
I might not like it, but now no worries
It was OK. Had cakes too which I loved
Supper at the chippy. Rare case of fried

Wednesday 23 April 2014

2807 - Man oh Man United

Everyone's talkin' bout Man United
They sacked Moyes on Monday. The Reds are blue
They've only got old Ryan Giggs to lead
Though Scholesy might be helping now, and you
Might see the Nevilles there soon. There's a queue
Of rumoured coaches, but maybe I might
Suggest a less-expected one or two
Paul Jewell, Peter Reid. Has Ian Wright
Managed a club? Robbie Savage seems quite
A clever chap. Lawro? No, too well-fed
It looks like as he slumps there when I view
Match of the Day One or Two. Hughesy, slight
Success at Stoke, mid-table, that's as good
In its way as Moyes was before Man U

Tuesday 22 April 2014

2806 - Good evening!

Been a well-behaved day, exercises
Done when I got home, rang the lawyers' line
On behalf of a friend, read the meters
Submitting the meter readings online
Did clothes washing, and caught the news headlines
Started to play guitar, then got a call which took
Up a few minutes from a friend of mine
Happy to help or just listen, cos look
One day I might need some. Things can get fucked
Even me. Resisted naughty urges
Watched the game without beer, and waste of time
Beer would have been, Mourinho's Blues all stuck
In defensive mode. Swapped comments, Twitters
And Facebookers, and now this diary rhyme

Monday 21 April 2014

2805 - A right old Charlie

Another day in, though paid thirty quid
To Pearl to fund her travelling to work
When I need to stay in and save, the deed
Is made easier by reading, and I'm stuck
Deep in 'Bleak House' like a snowdrift. Look
Deep down within, delving down deep inside
Each page is great, it's just that it's so fuck-
ing long, lol. But Dickens is great to read
He seems to just love writing, memories feed
His fast-flowing ink, images that stood
Firm from observations of personal quirk
In passer-by, party guest, one man, crowd
Old woman, old man, young girl, little kid
Topped off with silly names. Such handiwork!

Sunday 20 April 2014

2804 - Nothing's easy

A quick sonnet and then I'll watch a film
I've had for two weeks but not actually seen
Yet - Frances Ha - being slightly overwhelmed
Trying to help Nancy get her rent in
From the tenant. Her relative is being
Most unhelpful in all this. But I said
I'd help so I must try. Good results in
The football, Liverpool all dressed in red
Are top and favourites to end at the head
Of the table, just like their fans have dreamed
Man U lost weakly to old Everton
Who look far better than when Moyesy led
Them! Finally they're an exciting team
PS - It's too late now to watch the film!

Saturday 19 April 2014

2803 - These boots...

A lovely day with Josie but my God
She knows how to make me spend money I
Haven't got, from my overdraft, the sod!
She wanted purple Doc Martens, but why
Do they cost a hundred quid? Tried to lie
Said I couldn't afford them, though I can't
So inevitably I had to buy
Them for her, because my love made me haunt
My conscience and sympathy so I won't
Succeed in saying no, although she's got
The hang of wheedling money from men, try
As men might to say no, it's like a hunt
In reverse. They hunt us while we hunt hogs
But there's a happy ending. We're allies

2802 - Love is love

Friends are where it's at, I love my friends, yes
I'll do anything for them, and family
It's called love, in the more spiritual sense
So if you need help, you can count on me
It's a no-brainer, we're all equally
Important, though some people don't believe
That. But those folks won't ever feel happy
Only frustrated as they try to save
Their humanity for themselves. They grieve
For loss of money or loss of success
(Which is money, to them). They just can't see
What matters, but they're powerful, and strive
To prevent others depriving them, stress
Gold over love. They are wrong, so sorry

Fri 18 April

Friday 18 April 2014

2801 - People are people

I have had too much, but still need to write
My sonnet diary, so I'll do my best
To write, after a leaving do, alright
A normal morning, followed by the rest
A few drinks, weak bitter and lager, yes
In the Ape and Apple, not a great place
But it was a good day, nevertheless
Various people I spoke to, in that space
So much I learn, so much in every case
And now I write this, in the midst of night
As the time motions me toward my rest
There needs to be a certain sense of haste
But above all, it needs to be just right
And that has been achieved, so I have guessed

Thur 17 April

Wednesday 16 April 2014

2800 - Redhead

First day back at work, some good laughs despite
My possibly being marked way way too low
For last year's performance, but like a kite
I lift myself on the breeze and just go
Not just in France, sunny weather here too
My head's slightly red, now the sunshine burns
The top of it through my thin hair! Swallowed
An enormous lentil dhal soup that turned
Me into a hydrated state. I learned
That I've got Friday off. It's 'Good.' So quite
A short working week this week! Getting slow
Now in my thought processes, I've returned
To vegetable as day becomes night
An early night will do me good, you know

2799 - Semi-legible late night scribbling

Hey, it's late, and I'm somewhat pissed, yes sir
Before I go to bed, I'd like to say
Today I got Jo safely to Wilmslow
And then I got myself to Manchester
Three bottles drunk, then I went to the Worst
Comedy Night in Salford, the Kings Arms
I read the short story I wrote, the first
Hearing of Francis Bacon-Sandwich
It went down OK, I would like to think
Not bad considering wrote it today
I am the new PG Wodehouse writer
Although I'm not gay, it went down quite well
My latest short story, not traditional
Comedy maybe, but it was quite swell

Tue 15 April

2798 - Gardens of delight

Sunny day, not too hot but quite breezy
They delayed getting up. I read 'Bleak House'
We checked out, then to the boulangerie
Last chance for French croissants - they are more nice
Than English ones. First off, hopped on a cruise
Along the Seine, pictures and video
Those sights seen on a sunny day, can't lose
Quick picnic, walk round St Germain, then to
The Jardins du Luxembourg - no grass to
Play ball on (not allowed) - but fun to see
The little sailboats on the lake. Enticed
Them to McDonalds for tea, spent euros
On books, and Jo bought braces! A jiffy
Later, Eurostar to London, Pearl's house

Mon 14 April

2797 - Madame Pompidou

Ignored the alarm, stayed in bed til ten
Heard the Sunday bells ringing, and the street-
sweeper sweeping, recorded it, and then
We got snacks from the baker's shop to eat
Firstly to Pearl's old restaurant, then Centre
Pompidou, still too expensive to view
The art, browsed in the shops, had more to eat
Then Memorial de Shoah we went to
And it was moving. Fixed a rendezvous
It was good fun chatting to her again
Had to leave, met up with daughters tout de suite
At the hostel, ate again, out to view
Montmartre by night. Jo bought a beret in
Dark red, then Hotel du Loiret (last night)

Sun 13 April

2796 - An Eiffel of Paris

Woke at 9:30, to boulangerie
Quiche again, then headed up to Montmartre
Went in Sacre-Coeur, like more by Josie
Than Notre Dame. Listened to harp player
On the steps in the sun. Pigalle, then the
Flea market, Clignancourt. I bought some pants
Three for ten euros. Back to hotel for
Tea, then to the Eiffel Tower with a sense
Of excitement, climbing its highest heights
With it all lit up, saw what we could see
In the dark city below. Been before
But not been to the top at night, the lights
Blazing. Came down at midnight, the pretty
Flashing light display the grand finale

Sat 12 April

2795 - Alors alors, I will say this only once

Woke at 9:30, left hotel an hour
Later, to the boulangerie nearby
Bought quiche and croissant, pan au chocolat
For Josie. Walked round the Ile St Louis
With Pearl. Jo bought an orange watch to see
The time. Then Notre Dame, then the Left Bank
Coffee and macarons at Laduree
Eiffel Tower (twice) although we didn't hang
Around. Quai Branly, big exhibition
Of art from places non-European, our
Tendency to concentrate on nearby
The familiar, overturned. Then we hung
Onto the rail on the Metro, half-hour
Ride back to Hotel de Ville. Alors - bye

Fri 11 April

2794 - Eurostar, Eurostar, shiny suit and a big cigar

A restless night on Pearl's sofa, flatmate
Came in late, I thought she'd come in the room
Dropped off about midnight, that's rather late
Considering I was so tired. We zoomed
To London Bridge, then St Pancras, and soon
We were on Eurostar, the train to France
Jack Whitehall's dad and mum were both there too
We reached Gare du Nord, then the Metro lines
To Hotel de Ville, the weather was fine
We walked to l'Arc de Triomphe, and we ate
Petit baguettes and crepes. There was more room
On the Metro than in London. Still time
To walk to the Eiffel Tower, then caught
The Metro back to our cool hotel room

Thur 10 April

2793 - The excitement mounts

Woke at 6:10, put on my new jacket
Grabbed my big black bag, walked to the station
Got train to Wilmslow, 40 minutes' wait
For Josie to arrive with her mum in
The car. Went to Costa just to pass time
Then train to Manchester, then Koffee Pot
For a late breakfast, still just passing time
1:30 train to London, where we sat
Chatting for 2 hours, then we walked a lot
Round London, from Euston to Parliament
Then along the South Bank, far as London
Bridge station. When we got to New Cross Gate
We had chicken and chips, nice spicy eat
Then to Pearl's flat, chat, early night. Dream on...

Wed 9 April

Tuesday 8 April 2014

2792 - I should be so lazy

Today is today, day of my diary
I forgot to write yesrerday's, you see
And yes, you could say to me I'm lazy
Perhaps I should be Beyonce, Jay Z
But as we both know, I'm not them, I'm me
The main thing to say, we're off to Paree
In France, me, Pearly, and Josie-Wosie
Two daughters of mine with their big daddy
We won't be there tomorrow, though. First we
Will catch the train to capital city
London, stay the night at Pearl's flat, nicely
Ready to catch a Eurostar quickly
Conveying us to Paris with a P
Hotel du Loiret awaits. Now - bonne nuit!

2791 - Yesterday no more

A day late with this, thought I'd written it
Last night, but, no, I was playing guitar
Til Louis came home from his selling stint
About ten fifteen, and then I thought, yeah
That's it for the evening, it's time for a
Trip to my bed with 'Bleak House' and that did
Me in, as you'd expect. Well, here we are
Again, a day late diary, time has slid
On by another day, under the lid
Of time's bin goes another one, despite
The illusion that things are the same for
Another day. But as time goes on, best bid
Farewell to yesterday, remembering it
Well - well the best bits - and grab the future

Mainly about yesterday, Mon 7 April

Monday 7 April 2014

2790 - Manchester Castle Magic

I laid in til ten, then got out of bed
But I woke at six til seven, you know
So that's my excuse. Porridge I self-fed
Which filled me up til lunch, which was soup - so
Filling, I felt stuffed. (Pea and ham.) We so
Enjoyed Everton stuffing Arsenal
Then Louis went out to catch a film show
Don't know what it was, didn't see him til
I got home after a good night, a gal
Came out with me for spoken word, she read
And so did I, and we did well, then oh
It was fun to be back at the Castle
Life can be good, no matter what they said
As long as we all try to make it so

Sun 6 April

Saturday 5 April 2014

2789 - Chocolate stout

It's early evening, I'm back from Knutsford
Beer Festival, which I enjoyed alone
No-one else turned up, but that's not my fault
I liked the beers, especially choc stout, one
Was not enough. It worked out four tokens
Got me four half-pints for five quid, and that
Works out as two-fifty per pint,and an
Excellent choice of beers brewed by firms that
Are mainly local, and are passionate
'Passion' I admit, is just a buzzword
But that's what they claim in the brochure. Goin'
To read some short stories tomorrow night
Hopefully, a good friend will hear my words
Til then I'm consigned to the twilight zone

Friday 4 April 2014

2788 - Spring in my step

I'm watching Graham Norton with Kylie
And Russell Crowe, and Cameron Diaz
And someone else whose names just escapes me
Perhaps I should be smoking something. Grass
Grows green at this time of year, leaves smell fresh
As I walk to work, sniffing plants, sometimes
I get a whiff of waccy baccy as
I make my way through Salford, the sun shines
In April, spring in my step, traffic lines
Up on Regent Road, then I cut through the
Sainsburys car park, away from the cars
And lorries, so I hear music that shines
Over the traffic's roar, and that makes me
Happier, to hear the bass, not just the brass

Thursday 3 April 2014

2787 - Tickly cough

Do aliens live out there in Saturn's rings
Or on its moons where oceans lie beneath
Or how 'bout one of those disks orbiting
The giant red-eyed Jupiter, it's breath
Perhaps warming those icy spheres where death
Is larger than life, as it mostly is
Apart from here on this blue planet Earth
Where every nook, every peak's touched by us
Directly with grubby greedy fingers
Or indirectly by the poisoning
Half-human wind that's now polluting both
The thing we don't value, the wilderness
And the thing we do, ourselves, and as spring
Heats up the sour air, we gasp for breath

Wednesday 2 April 2014

2786 - Late night sermon

Ah, uh, oh yeah, well right, it's all good, yeah
I'm writing this before I go to bed
That's obvious, I couldn't write it, where
In bed? Of course not, so I write instead
Before I go there, before my old head
Turns off its light and heads toward dreamland
Now you might think about the things I've said
And decide that they're bollocks. They are, and?
You think there's no value in that? I planned
It that way, having tried making sense, pear
And apple, I'm no Cockney, right said Fred
But I know everything is built on sand
I learned it in Sunday School back somewhere
Last century, when young brains were unfed

Tuesday 1 April 2014

2785 - The game of life

I'm going to miss the Man United game
Or most of it, at any rate, due to
A regular fun night, that's what's to blame
Worst Comedy Night in Salford, I'm due
At in a few minutes. Must find my shoe
And my other one, too, and put them on
Walk down Oldfield Road, Chapel Street, then go
Left up Bloom Street, get one or two pints in
At the King's Arms, then with Dermot, make an
Arse of myself. And why not? There's no shame
In it, it's fun, usually, except a few
Times when we die, but the resurrection
Can sometimes happen to us mere humanes
That was a crap rhyme, so what, hey, fuck you!