2278 - Walk out to winter

It's cold, so cold, winter is finally here
Watch out for icy leaves on the pavement
If I open my door, the cold's severe
The freezing air invades, it's a torment
And going out at night, you almost can't
Yet December's the party month, the cold
Is shut out, body heat builds, no we won't
Let the cold and dark get us down, we're sold
On staying cheerful, spending, drinking, old
Fears swallowed as we approach end of year
Become bohemian before we repent
Once again, endure January's sheer
Cold, penniless, but at least light appears
Slowly with hopes of improvement

2277 - Long day's journey into comedy night

Another night out, this time comedy
At the King's Arms, Salford, for just four pounds
I enjoyed it although amazingly
I woke at six this morning and got down
To the office by 7.30, found
I got a lot done, nine and a half hours
There! My flexi-time must now be skybound
And after all this, still had witty powers
Interjecting at the show, a good buzz
Not too drunk this time, no heckling from me
Held myself in check - can't just do the rounds
Of all the venues slagging performers
The four comedians were largely okay
Nice, intimate show in old Salford town

2276 - Hard times

A long hard day at work, that's a cliche
But that is what it was, not just for me
But maybe for you, too, I have to say
Hard work can be enjoyable, can be
A way of getting through the day quickly
And so it was for me. After it, met
John for a few pints, time passed again, we
Talked of our travels, he'd been to Viet-
Nam and I'd been to Denmark and then got
The train to Sweden. Talked about work - hey
That's what people do - and on the TV
In the pub, watched Manchester United
Beat West Ham. Not often on a Wednesday
A full Premier League programme there to see

Wed 28 Nov

2275 - Papa don't need a brand new bag

Good news about my bag - I got it back
And diary, brolly, MP3 were there
I walked down Oxford Road, retrod the track
Between town and student zone that I'd shared
With other eighties students, the era
Of being a Morrissey clone, this was
Before Madchester, ruled by New Order
The wider world didn't know Stone Roses
The Hacienda was often danceless
You could see some good groups there, Killing Joke
The Fall, and others, black coat and quiffed hair
Ian McCullough, style icon, a fuss
Over Madonna's arrival. Thank fuck
I got my stuff back from that student lair

2274 - Lost intellectual property

Been out in the November rain again
I've left my bag in the pub, goddammit
In there's my diary, MP3 and then
My umbrella, which is why I'm so wet
There was an open mike night on, but that
Clashed with a poetry group I've taken part
In many times before, and so I sat
With the latter, but eventually got
A slot in the open mike night, a hot
Spot full of young people. They liked my pen
Portrait of love gone wrong, a rhythmic skit
A comedic rap of sorts, from the heart
I've texted the pub about my bag, and
Hopefully tomorrow, I'll collect it

Mon 26 Nov

2273 - Fudge splurge

The rain stopped by lunchtime, the sky turned blue
Meaning we could still go ice-skating in
Manchester, so we caught the train there. You
Should see the Christmas market stalls, they bring
In lots of shoppers. Sunday's rarely seen
So many, but caveat, you emptors
These stalls aren't cheap, it ain't no bargain scene
Just for some fudge, I shelled out ten smackers
Good fudge, though - huge blocks, exotic flavours
We also went to Wagamama, too
Full to eat by then, but not Josephine
She'd not eaten her panini - orders
Were noodles for her, coffee for yours true
On the way there and back a packed-out train

2272 - Nothing doing

Doing nothing means there's nothing doing
Doing nothing is quite luxurious
It's better than DIY or working
Or most kinds of effort done cos we must
Or because someone tells us that we must
It's calming, just chilling with the heat on
A candle on my desk, yellow flame twists
Throws shadows, glows in a way that's bygone
Elizabethan or Victorian
This was their kind of light, at night, penning
Some love letter or perhaps their business
Accounting. I've got my rugby top on
It keeps me warm but this chilly evening
I need something, someone - wish me was us

2271 - Wet wet wet wet

Worked really hard today, got some stuff done
The trick was ignoring all the emails
I had no choice really, I didn't want
To leave those two big jobs til Monday, snail-
Like, and Monday there's more noise, and you fail
To do much for the first hour or two, you
Just chat or get distracted by chat all
Around. Anyway, the long-lasting news
This week, this year it seems, are floods produced
By endless rain or sudden showers on
The plains or in the hills, where water trails
Become raging torrents down streets, those views
On the TV of brown rivers among
The quaint cottages of Devon and Wales

2270 - Creeping death and taxes

The rain seems to have stopped, but I am not
Going out as planned, texted Anne Marie
I half feel like going now, but I won't
It's a long walk to near Piccadilly
Station. There's another Piccadilly
In Stockport, where today's meeting took place
Just tax stuff, not of interest, quite funny
Though in places with banter gathering pace
These national gatherings once involved some stays
Overnight in far-flung hotels, a lot
Of drink and food consumed, but not lately
Now civil servants like us have to base
Ourselves in the office mainly, to cut
Down on expenses, save your tax money

2269 - The prawn sandwich brigade

Sunday night I had fried eggs, beans and toast
Since then I've felt great, all energetic
So if you want to know what works the most
That, and also dark chocolate, and garlic
These, much like Popeye's spinach, do the trick
That, and sleeping better, which I do now
Since my neck pain lessened. Don't even take
Painkiller or sleeping tablet - somehow
They're not needed, so I forget them. How
Nice it is to be pain-free, such a boost
Feel like a fish in a cleaned-up oil slick
Like an only calf of big-uddered cow
A postman who's delivered all his post
A porn star with the most enormous ... prawn sandwich

2268 - My heckles are rising

Sense of humour required where I am at
Especially at the stand-up comedy
Club, especially when I have spent a lot
At their bar, getting drunk, consequently
Becoming a twat. At least I have the
Excuse of being drunk - what then is theirs?
Still, comedians of that type are rarely
Well-educated and know jack. Compared
To their pearls of wisdom, I think mine fared
Pretty well. Anyway, the friends' group that
I was with seem to have enjoyed it, we
Have all said hi online, so I'm prepared
To see them again soon, in actual fact
I'll do that at the English Lounge, Thursday!

2267 - Irish joke

I felt full of energy today, and
This lasted all through the whole evening
The Frog & Bucket comedy club on
Oldham Street is still there, we were meeting
Up and it went well, I was soon drinking
A bottle of red wine, followed by pints
Of Carling lager, and I was laughing
When they were funny, but was showing signs
When they were not, lifting the card which means
'Get off!' That was fun, but the usual end
Occurred, I was too honest, was saying
Not all Irish are funny, and the scenes
Then were quite funny, the poor Mancunian
Comedians think that's racist. Try thinking...

Mon 19 Nov

2266 - Rocket to Zion

This latest violence down in Palestine
Is repetitive as history can be
It's not the first and won't be the last time
Israel and Palestinians disagree
And that would be true with two states, surely
Because 80 per cent of Muslim land
Was stolen by the Jews, but it was we
In the West who supported what they planned
Backing the Zionists at world war's end
Displaced to refugee camps, a lifetime
Of humiliation, well how would we
Feel if we were those poor Palestinians
Does Israel have a future, is it kind
Or is their land a penitentiary?

2265 - Blue car in a blue town

Hired a nice new mid-blue Ford Fiesta
From Exchange Quay to Wilmslow, took Josie
For lunch to the place that we like bester
Namely the Stockport Toby Carvery
We ate our fill, then went all ice creamy
Next stop, Chorlton Park, with some crazy rides
I pushed her and some other kids madly
Round and round, til she kicked me in the side
And hurt her shin! She hobbled back outside
The park, we drove on (getting dark) to the
Stretford Mall, had a laugh there, then some tea
(Sausage and chips in gravy) - oh well, fried
Food's OK now and then! - in Urmston. A
Nice chat at Jo's grandparents to end the day

2264 - Pillow fight

My pain is slowly easing every day
But at night-time it flares up - when I wake
My right shoulder seems like it wants to say
Get me a physio - why don't you take
This pain away, this endless trapped nerve ache
But on the NHS it's not quick, dear old nerve
And you've got a nerve, want to have your cake
And eat it too, do you, d'you think I love
This war of nerves, too nervous to remove
Myself to a private clinic, won't pay
Can't pay, no way, no matter how high stakes
Tried dispensing with pillow - unlike glove
It doesn't fit my neck - but the pain stays
So please get better faster, for God's sake!

2263 - It's dim up north

It's nice to have a night off, the first one
For nearly two weeks, though I must admit
I should be practising guitar and song
In just over a week there is a spot
As part of a new meet-up music night
I also need to research comedy
Nights, but they should preferably be right
In the heart of Manchester, right near me
Don't want to go to Oldham or Bury
And definitely not Bolton or Wigan
I need an audience that's educated
Fed up wasting my time with fat silly
People, the great unwashed of north England
There's now a physical and mental split

2262 - Swedish comedy

Oh my God, I got home in time to see
England lose to Sweden, hoped we would win
Two days ago, in Sweden, that was me
But now I'm back home here in old England
The Swedes are into our culture, but in
Stockholm and Malmo, they're cheering quietly
Myself, I did a comedy set in
The Ape & Apple, there was some hee hee
I enjoyed it, the audience were funny
I took the piss, they responded to me
My rehearsed set went down OK, and then
I went home to watch the highlights, footy
Is the perfect ending, even though we
Lost this friendly. My shoulder's still hurtin'...

2261 - UK decay

Oh God, last night back in my own bed, it
Was aching - what was? - my old shoulder strain
That's been there about two weeks. Thought it got
Better on holiday, even stopped pain-
Killers so I could drink lager, and then
I also had to carry my baggage
And sleep in strange noisy dorms. Only when
I'm back home does it bloody hurt, savage
Interruption to sleep. Get up, forage
For almost forgotten sleeping tablet
Not needed for days. 6 a.m. layin'
In the spare room, almost time for leakage
Of dawn light round the curtains. Been a bit
Better at work, but body still complains

2260 - Swedish tattoo mirage

The holiday's last day - again, Malmo
The setting, cold but sunny, walked to town
Up Amiralsgatan. STILL that tattoo
Shop's closed. Fuck 'em then. Instead, paid cash down
On a Swedish soccer shirt, walked around
And sat in Lilletorg with a coffee
Just as the rain started to pummel down
I reached Central Station, still quite early
Bought a book, grabbed my bag, platform 1B
To Kastrup Airport, Copenhagen, so
Confusing, all these Nordic countries. Borne
Over the Oresund Bridge 'cross the sea
Then easyJet to Manchester. And oh
Yes, avoided rain, coped with aches and pains

Mon 12 Nov

2259 - Malmo is blue and yellow

The final full day in Scandinavia
A drizzly morning kept me in, planning
My next comedy set. Tried my humour
On the Danes - they liked it - but no laughing
From the Swedes, there's been no chance for testing
Because they're much more reserved. Sun came out
I caught the bus downtown. First, tried finding
That tattoo shop - found it but it was shut
The sun encouraged me to walk about
Headed for the world-famous Turning Tower
Close to the sea - residential building
Sea breezes of November through my coat
Strolled through parks and cemeteries, but back here
Before dark to do cooking and writing

Sun 11 Nov

2258 - From Central Station to Central Station

Slept til 10.30, checked out late, walked to
Central Station, caught the train to Malmo
I felt warm as I sat, the sky was blue
Bus to hostel, and then before you know
I'm back in Malmo centre, and I go
Walking round the shops. It was more boring
Than Copenhagen at first, it seemed so
Uniform, with no quirky shops. Searching
The streets, I found a tattoo place. Coming
Back in a few minutes, I'd have the blue
And yellow Swedish flag on my arm, though
I didn't, cos I got lost. Soon stumbling
Across a festival of light, it's true
There are good things to see here in Malmo

Sat 10 Nov

2257 - Lager lager lager

Second day, wonderful Copenhagen
When looking through a guidebook back at home
Roskilde seemed a good destination
But chats in Downtown Hostel led to some
Changes. Louisiana (a museum
To the north) is good, so the barmaid said
And it's on the train line to an awesome
Place - Helsingor (Elsinore) where Hamlet
(Shakespeare's legendary tortured prince) was set
I caught the train there first, the rain holding
Off just long enough as I walked alone
Along the fortress edge. Sadly I met
No ghost, but across the water, Sweden
Glared back. A third evening's drinking to come

Fri 9 Nov

2256 - Danish bacon

The Danish word for bacon is bacon
I know that cos I saw it in a shop
It rained all through breakfast (had no bacon)
Began my walk round Copenhagen, drops
From clouds meanwhile threatening to make a flop
Of the big day - but hey, the sun came out
So I saw the sights. Here's some of the tops -
Nyhavn, all colourful cafes and boats
The Little Mermaid showing off her tits
The Design Museum really awakened
My interest, the old fortress with its crop
Of tall earthworks, Rosenborg Castle, got
Brit news in the library - mistaken
Walk to Christiania after dark... ('bad trip')

NB: I didn't buy or smoke any dope in Christiania

Thur 8 Nov

2255 - Probably the best lager in the world

Good evening folks from old Copenhagen
Yes, I'm in the capital of Denmark
Sitting with a beer doing my planning
In the hostel bar lounge, all kinds of talk
Around me. It's happy hour in the dark
Danish evening, and here 40 krone
Gets you two pints of Carlsberg, and that works
Out at about two quid per pint - cheap beer
By Scandinavian standards, to be sure
Found Downtown Hostel without a map, in
Time-honoured tradition, the art of talk
Asking in various bars on the way here
In watering holes the Danes are not lacking
Just look left before you cross, or you're fucked...!

2254 - Thrills, pills and bar bills

Off work, first did ironing, then to the doc's
With my sore shoulder, it's still hurting now
But she gave me a strong painkiller that's
Helped, and deep heat rub ointment that allowed
Me to practice my songs for a good hour
Or two without pain, for tonight's big show
At the 3 Minute Theatre, as the showers
Ended, it began, raising funds to go
Towards a dyspraxia self-help group. So
What did I do? Three songs, the audience clapped
I didn't win the prize - they didn't know
My stage name maybe?! Excuses! I'll go
To bed now and hopefully sleep, with lots
Of pills to help me. Denmark tomorrow!

2253 - Miracle cure

My neck felt better today - it's still sore
But it's definitely getting better
After a weekend aching to the core
I rose early, telephoned the doctor
But was connected to the wrong number
I popped in on the way to work to make
An appointment for tomorrow, and sure
Enough, that act has worked its strange magic
I'm getting better, not well but less sick
May this improvement improve much much more
Tomorrow night's charity fundraiser
Needs me to feel good and play fantastic
The next day I fly to the Danish shore
To meet a little mermaid and net her

2252 - Gonga Din

In all day, decided not to see Jo
Still afflicted by pain, trapped nerve, maybe
Didn't feel like getting train to Wilmslow
Just for lunch, as I had a date you see
In the evening, with Janet - well, to be
Honest, she's just a friend. We like to go
Together to see nights of comedy
Tonight the Comedy Store, saw gong go
At King Gong, gonging them off, see them go
Going gonging gone. The amateur show
Saw several budding joke-tellers that we
Saw last time around. Still no ho-ho-ho
Most reliable is Dave Dynamo
He's accomplished at not being funny

Sun 4 Nov

2251 - While my brain turns to mush

Spent a nice day at home, not doing much
My neck and arm's been hurting quite a lot
Got some advice on Facebook, I should touch
The sore spots with warmth, maybe go to Boots
Got sleeping pills, just taken one and hopped
In bed but had to get out again, for
I realised that I'd completely forgot
To write my daily sonnet - oh, uproar
In my brain as the pill dissolved its store
Of sleep-inducing chemicals, but mush
Was not yet induced in my thinking spot
And here I am, late-night scribe. I deplore
Neglecting my diary, so it's such
A relief I remembered. Now - good night!

Sat 3 Nov

2250 - Heady days

I feel terrible, tired from several days'
Interrupted sleep. It's tough to settle
In bed when your head can't lower or raise
Without neck pain. Don't feel like rehearsal
Or much of anything. The usual
Fatherly time on Saturday is near
That will be quite a physical struggle
To have a good time with Josie, when we're
Possibly watching fireworks in the air
Don't fancy moving my neck that much, blaze
Of colour or not. Last night, so painful
Just sitting in Rain Bar, turning to the
Friend on my left, chatting. My holiday
Follows Tuesday's show. Sick of being ill!

2249 - Evening chill

I hear the the cool sound of Zero Seven
Nice backing to sonnet-writing, I think
It doesn't invade your mind and prevent
Concentration on small tasks like writing
A sonnet, or painting a wall. Chilling
Out music for small tasks, busy people
Unwinding after a day's back-stabbing
Plotting as they lie in the bath's bubble
Possessing sufficient strategic skill
To hold the unsuspecting victim down
Until they drown in that fine frothy drink
Happy thoughts make the evening tolerable
It could be worse, time might not be my own
But I'm alone, so I'm just relaxing