We’re all going to hell in a handcart
We’re all in debt and can’t afford to live
My ex-wife has turned into an old tart
And when I’m dead no-one will even grieve
But things could be worse, so why not just laugh
When England lose in the World Cup, chuckle
Kiss a girl when you feel like you might heave
Run a marathon when your knees buckle
Creep up to your hated boss and tickle
Go to the Red Sea and blow till it parts
Get pubs to serve up their beer in a sieve
Heat your house until you hear flames crackle
On a date eat beans on a plate and fart
If you have a baby girl, call her Steve
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