2463 - Feast of Middle Eastern feet

Tonight went to a magical dance show
At Salford Uni's Robert Powell Theatre
Debbie was one of the dancers, I know
Her, and I was happy to see her there
In the finale we saw each other
As I joined in a line dance on the stage!
But the whole show was awesome. I love their
Music, nearly all fast, mid-east tuneage
Took me back to Turkey, Morocco, page
Turned back in time, secretly hoped she'd go
Up to me, exotic belly dancer
And so she did. It was a privilege
To be there, so glad I went, even though
Jo didn't. Go, Funoon Alhouriya!

https://www.facebook.com/events/376309329138532/permalink/404783409624457/

2462 - Embryonic supersonic

Off work today, rehearsed my music act
And at 8.15, performed it quite well
At Embryo 81, upstairs at
The King's Arms, first act on, Lou Reed was real
At the pearly gates, it was a good sell
Then Dylan, based on the early albums
Next after that, Hendrix, gave guitar hell
At least it was OK, then played the drums
With spatula, masher, on biscuit tins
The Experience done, wig off, The Who were next
Pinball Wizard riff, the ten minute bell
Was approaching, but I finished on time
Unlike some others. And so it's a fact
I did okay, not sure if I excelled!

Friday 29 November

2461 - Countdown to dis-axe-ster

Been a nice day off, but I had to learn
Tomorrow's act, go over it once more
I need to learn my lines tonight and then
Tomorrow, practice with wigs and guitar
Can't relax with the axe, always seems far
Harder to sing and play at the same time
That's the one thing that I should practice more
Your concentration's split right down the line
Between fretboard and lyric memory. Mine
Is a memory to forget. Then, the churn
Of stomach as the act finally draws near
And the fear when onstage. Only by trying
For hours and hours can an act ever storm
It, so I should practice until I'm sore

2460 - We are the Champions League

It's been a good day, culminating in
Good results in Europe for Manchester
United and City, both teams winning
The Reds away in Germany, Bayer
Leverkusen, 5 nil, City closer
To failure, but winning against Plsen
We need to Czech ourselves, this is just the
Preliminary rounds. Competition
Will fiercen later on in the Champions
League. Next two days, I shall be preparing
For Friday's show, music, comedy, a
New departure, but built solid upon
Practice and knowledge, years of listening
But it's still a big leap to performer!

2459 - Getting in tune

I've done two days of exercises now
Yee-ha! I'm feeling fit as a fiddle
Maybe I'll ruin it later, somehow
But for now, I'm feeling good, and I will
Shortly rehearse Friday's act with a twirl
On guitar and harmonica, refine
The act, then practise once more, have my fill
Of great guitar-playing, so I sound fine
Sooner or later. Louis' out and I'm
Home alone, with the news on, wondering how
Scotland could prosper, as such a little
Country, despite big claims of a great time
Of wealth to come? It's forecast they'll vote No
To independence next year. Time will tell!

2458 - Up in (the King's) arms

I felt OK today, back's better
But as the day went on felt quite tired
Worked at a hundred and one miles an hour
Also feeling increasingly annoyed
And in that mood, they'd better just avoid
Me if they know what's best. Just had time to
Do a bit of shopping, in which I tried
To buy two wigs, but only one must do
Where can I get a black, shaggy one, so
I can do my Dylan impression. Where?
At the King's Arms on Friday. Friday fried
Eggs, Sunday side up, poached and scrambled too
It's no yolk at all, broken, salt, pepper
Mashed potatoes tonight, yeah, mashed, destroyed!

2457 - First impressions of mirth

Been planning Friday's set at Embryo
It's a set of musical impressions
Dylan, Hendrix's group, and then The Who
During which I'll kick over biscuit tins
(Pretend drumkit!). I hope this idea wins
Some support, which has often been there from
Audiences, but individuals I've seen
And known are reluctant, it sometimes seems
To lend encouragement, they stunt my dreams
But that act could be special. Chic's there too
And finally, Lou Reed outside heaven's
Gate. I'm not doing Elvis, though, as time's
Against me, ten minute slot in the show
To make a real memorable impression

2456 - Thoughts Direct

After I've done this, it's time then to play
My harmonica on its brand new stand
Having read more of 'Tom Jones' as each day
I race towards the not-so-far-off end
Also bought new clothes with minimum spend
At Sports Direct, where I just bought a coat
For winter, only twenty quid, oh, and
Five pairs of dark blue socks. Derby have beat
Bournemouth away, and are now just one point
From the Championship play-off. Please don't send
Rain to Rams' matches though, Steve won't get soaked
He'll stand under a brolly (the wally!)
Tonight there's a film about JFK
(His death, of course, which we don't understand...)

2455 - Brain Dallas Surgery

It's 50 years since JFK was shot
A programme's on at 9 with George Clooney
(No doubt, a fan who liked old Jack a lot)
Lee Harvey Oswald was a red loony
So they say, with a Russian wife in the
Old Cold War, for God's sake, with a good aim
Hit JFK once, but not lethally
But who was it that shot him in the brain?
One theory is a Secret Service man
In the car behind ballsed-up big time, popped
A dum-dum bullet accidentally
Into the president's head. In no time
The Secret Service covered up the lot
Beginning with the vital autopsy

2454 - Blowing hot and cold

Sorry Henry, the book has taken off
Last night I said it was slow-moving, but
That same evening, I read a fight so tough
And funny at the same time, that was fought
Between men and women, there was a slut
Or two (just trying to rhyme!), and wronged husbands
Who came so close but never quite caught out
Their women in the act. I bought a stand
For my harmonica at lunchtime, and
Might play along to 'Another Side Of...'
Dylan shortly, if I can motivate
Myself, or I might leave it til weekend
Arrives, and chill tonight, reading of love
Eighteenth-century style. 50 Shades, not!

2453 - What the book is going on?

I've rarely read a book where so little
Seems to happen in so many pages
As 'Tom Jones' by Henry Fielding. A full
450 pages in, as
I write, and although it's still quite a buzz
(Therefore, well-written, as you'd expect from
A classic), it's not near as risque as
I'd expected. Must make clear, it's not Tom
Jones the Welsh singer. It's the time of Sam
Johnson it's set in, Jacobite rebels
Even, yes it's the 1740s
I've read 'Fanny Hill' and it doesn't come
Close to that for rudeness, no Sade-esque thrill
But I like these old classic novels best

2452 - Magical Mertesacker tour

A hard day's work then England / Germany
We lost at home, one-nil, not surprising
Even though it was at mythic Wembley
Wembley, maybe, but it's a new building
Hodgson, our manager, he's resembling
McCartney, but that's not enough to win
Mertesacker headed it in, winning
The game for the Germans, and it went in
A draw would have been fair, but it's not been
A good few days for England, first Chile
Now Germany, our default is losing
Meanwhile, there's my harmonica training
Played it along to Yes, and that's tricky
Don't claim to be good, keep on practising

2451 - Winding down from winding them up

Tired, after broken sleep and busy day
Endless emails, such hard work, and then some
Exciting though, the cutting edge, maybe
Of tax policy, or near as it comes
Now that I've eaten, and I've a full tum
Not sure if I can motivate myself
To do much preparation for my turn
On Friday week at King's Arms, where I'll help
Embryo variety night go quite well
With my musical style of comedy
Right now, the washing machine's nearly done
And I'm done in, is it best for my health
To read quietly in front of the TV
Rather than work on my act? I've got time...

2450 - Souper duper hooper

Still recovering from day in Liverpool
But had a nice day out with Josephine
Hopped on the train to Manchester, the fool
Suggested the B-Lounge as place to dine
Although usually they keep you long waiting
And you have to keep asking, Where's the grub?
It worked out in the end, them reducing
The bill by half before we left the pub
Next, to Selfridges, Josie bought a tub
Of lip balm that her friends like, made her drool
As it got dark, we headed for the train
Her mum rang, basketball game coming up
Manchester Giants, and true, they'll be tall
So off they went, and I went home again

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/basketball/21034953

2449 - Livingituppool

Today, the day after the night before
(Isn't it always?) it was a pub crawl
Woke up just in time, to miss it is poor
Caught the train with others to Liverpool
But fate had a twist which could be called cruel
I was too pissed from last night to enjoy
Beer (on a pub crawl!) Well, I ask you, LOL
My own fault, but in fact didn't destroy
A good day at all really. This good boy
Was to ill to knock back the booze. No bore
However, still had a nice chat, and all
Manner of laughs with the crew, and my ploy
Was to drink coffee, then Coke. Ten hours
And only two pints drunk, but had a ball

Sat 16 November

2448 - Voodoo Chile (Slight Thrashing)

This sonnet's a day late, so sorry folks
I watched England lose to Chile at home
And as you do when watching those sad blokes
I got some drinks in, drank 'em, then I foamed
At the mouth for more, so outside I roamed
To get Kronenbourg from the garage shop
McCartney was on TV, while I moaned
And groaned on Facebook, then I flopped
On top of the TV and made it drop
On its back, and it proceeded to knock
My guitar onto the floor with a boom
But luckily no damage done - that's top
Luck, isn't it? Earlier, met Sian for Coke -
No, coffee - at the Deli Lama-drome

Written about Friday 15 November

2447 - Live in Leeds

It's a cold night and I've got a bad back
But still I'm going to Leeds this evening
Make sure I'm well hatted, suited and wrapped
Closeted tight against the night wind's sting
However, one concession - I won't bring
My heavy guitar in its case along
Can't face that weight twisting my spine, hurting
Last time I went there for a jam and song
There was an array of guitars along
The sofas, a bass, a piano, good craic
Last time I took a mouth organ, trying
To play along to The Doors, maybe wrong
But who cares? The Strokes' music seems to lack
Harmonica - til tonight! I'm coming!

2446 - Money is the root of all art

I hope they don't raise interest rates next year
That's what the news is saying they might do
The mortgage rising again makes us scared
Interest-only in my case - I have to
At some point find more funds, somehow accrue
Wealth to pay off the capital, or my
Flat will pass from my ownership to you
Maybe, but there are so many like I
Who struggle with money as years go by
But if nothing much can be done, why care?
Certainly don't get stressed, but slowly brew
A quality product that's only my
Invention and skill, something they can't share
In, because it's me and you, old and new

2445 - News of the whirlwind

The massive typhoon hit the Philippines
The island of Leyte lies to the east
Taking the full force of Pacific winds
Leaving little of houses on the coast
Roofs ripped off, removed by the roaring blast
Families torn apart between live and dead
Sadly the aid can't get through very fast
But at least today the death toll has had
A reduction from around ten thousand
To two thousand five hundred, which has been
A relief. Other news being discussed
The Egyptian night-time curfew lifted
High energy prices, one of the themes
I also see there's discontent in France

2444 - Drinking in L&L

Listening for the second night in a row
To 'Is This It' by The Strokes from '01
The reason is, on Thursday night, I'll go
To Leeds and jam it down at the Grove Inn
It's about July since I have last been
There, to jam 'The Doors' at the summer's height
Remember waiting for a late night train
In the Leeds platform waiting room, some pints
Drunk, but feeling though alone, a good time
Had been had by the Leeds lads and me too
And then on Saturday while Jo has fun
At a party, I'm free for some more pints
In Liverpool, with a social group, so
That's gonna be great, soft lad, so calm down!

2443 - Disunited City

Not done much today, except watch football
Read 'Tom Jones' and keep the radiators on
To Etihad and Old T we travelled
Yesterday, now both clubs are in action
City lost away up at Sunderland
While United beat Arsenal at Old T
City's away form's hard to understand
And a source of frustration for Louis
Better news though yesterday for Derby
Who beat the blue and white half of Sheffield
3-0 at Pride Park, coached by McClaren
Good news of non-football variety
Yesterday, Jo made it on time for all
Kirsty's party indoor ski centre fun!

2442 - City and United

The rainiest day ever but lucky us
Me and Jo avoided getting wet through
She chose to go - quelle surprise! - to City's
Football stadium, the Etihad, the blue
Side of the city. While there, I bought two
T-shirts, even though I'm no City fan
'Why always me?' - a slogan that's just so
Irresistible, to wear it, real fun
Another City shirt, Joy Division-
inspired. Then back on the tram which took us
To United's ground, Old Trafford, on cue
To look in their shop once more. Then chicken
At KFC, ate so much we might burst
But Jo was late for Kirsty's party. Oh!

2441 - Dinner date

I'm fighting with temptation, may not win
What else is there to do on Friday nights?
Because I'm staying, should be saving
And also trying not to put on more weight
Those pictures of our show, I look quite fat!
And I've not done my exercises. Poor!
Mind you, when I got in, I couldn't wait
To get dinner on soon as in the door
Tomorrow I fancy hiring a car
From Avis, seeing as it's cold and rain
That's forecast, so next, Avis's website
Back to tonight, and staying in's a bore
The mind freezes just like a frozen thing
So the question remains - can I resist?

2440 - Horror of horrors

It continues to get colder each night
It's now the second week of November
Stay in, strum guitar, maybe I'll catch sight
Of an old film I've got in, which is 'The
Pit and the Pendulum' starring John Kerr
(Who he?) and Vincent Price in the lead role
It's an ancient Roger Corman horror
Film from the early 60s, film course gold
See if the plot by Edgar Allan Poe'll
Translate well to the small screen, will seem right
Probably not, unless I'm a drinker
But I'm cutting down now, trying not to spoil
Health and finance - if entertainment's slight
I might pick up my book and look elsewhere

2439 - Gigglebox

A nice quiet night in after last night out
A good guitar jam, then watched Arsenal
Win at Dortmund, then on the internet
Facebook, and this, and reading my email
Got the TV on as well, it's Goggle-
box, where viewers are filmed on their sofas
Commenting on programmes - it's a giggle
The things they say are so ridiculous
Last night we couldn't be joke performers
Because not enough came to the event
But the improv we were planning is all
I want to do next with Dermot, and suss
Out our dual madness, duelling in wit
Sparking off each other, and the roomful

2438 - The mud, the bad and the ugly

It's fireworks night, the fifth of November
I hear them all around, all going off
In Ordsall gardens, they all remembered
Let's hope old Ordsall Hall don't get its roof
Set alight by screaming rockets and stuff
Let's hope no-one gets hurt while they're all out
Trying to have fun though feeling so rough
So cold, so muddy, shivering about
A hundred feet from a bonfire, no heat
Reaches you, apart from the odd ember
Saturday was a washout, too, all of
Those group displays in parks, the parky feet
Tonight I'm off to the King's Arms once more
For comedy night. Improv may get laughs

2437 - East End of the sun

Seems hard to believe, but on my TV
Is EastEnders. Now what is that about?
It feels like it was back in the 80s
That I ever used to watch that old shite
Anyway, there'll be a few quiet nights
This month, before the build-up to Christmas
Need a cheap month, to pay for next year's flights
To France, to Budapest, maybe to Greece
A few more comments on Facebook, interest
In the show they didn't bother to see
I can't blame them really, hard to go out
Sometimes in the cold and dark, when the trees
Are nearly being uprooted, but still, we
Must go out in it and get tossed about

2436 - Whoomph! There it was!

So there it was - an hour-long show last night
At the King's Arms theatre from 7.30
Performance was good though attendance slight
Not as bad as some acts though - nobody
Turned up for some of them, and the
Act before us was a no-show himself!
It's proved a lesson in publicity
It's not enough to hand out flyers, shell
Out for posters or post on Facebook. Bell-
Ends say they'll come, or might come, but their bite
Is worse than their bark. Barking mad to be
Us onstage, but madder to miss the thrill
Of our first-ever proper show. The night
Went on with Sian, Mel, Salma, Derm and me...

2435 - Whatever the weather

Just about to go out for the show
Rehearse in Dermot's flat, then to King's Arms
The weather's poor, a great gale seems to blow
And showers now and then - it's far from calm
And me also, getting wound up, alarms
In the brain, but when we get on the stage
Let's hope we remember all of our puns
And jokes and lines and ad lib at some stage
Successfully. We could be all the rage
If not, we'll keep on trying from below
To climb the steep slope, time to stop being bums
Okay, we've got jobs, earn a living wage
But there could be much more, let's make it so
We have to take it, grab it with strong arms

2434 - All tomorrow's party pieces

Just passing time at home, though rehearsing
As well as relaxing, planning the show
Continually cutting, then more cutting
Like a gardener, weeding as I go
Letting the good stuff have some light to grow
And not be choked by waffle that kills time
And doesn't produce laughs. The show will flow
Without time-wasting words, God knows that I'm
Trying to cram enough jokes in, and Derm
Likewise wants to say a lot, time ticking
A one-hour show is not long enough? So
That's a weird state of affairs. Not much time
Has ticked by since we started just this spring
Early May, and there's more we've got also