3288 - Comedy of nevers

Only three hours' sleep, got up before six
Started thinking of comedy routine
I was due to perform (about Egypt)
But when I got there, there was no-one in
And so the comedy didn't happen
So instead had some drinks, Dermot was there
Javi went too, and Jackie O'Hagan
Caught the end of the match. United were
Lucky to beat Bruges 3-1, was the hair
Of Fellaini that did it, hair that fixed
The result in the Reds' favour. We'd been
In the Salford Arms, then Mulligans where
We had another, met these guys, told jokes
A guy played spoons, home beer before bedtime!

Tue 18 August

3286 - Oh FFS

Need to get tickets if any are left
For the FFS gig, I'd like to see
Sparks and Franz Ferdinand combined. A deft
Talker, Louise, who I met Saturday
Is going, and although it's patently
Not as good as seeing a Sparks gig, I
Might enjoy this nonetheless, and I'll see
The Mael brothers again. Three years gone by
Since I saw them live, and it was a high
And Saturday, something I don't do oft
Watch a 'tribute' band - Absolute Bowie
Sounds potentially fun, fake oddity
Not done much today, just watched films and stuffed
My face! Well yesterday was mainly beer!

3285 -Beer googles

I've been out in Glossop, it was good fun
And now I'm back watching Match of the Day
Pint after pint, and laughs with some women
The sun came out and it became wa-hay
Breasts were on show, it was worth it, I'd say
Now I'm back home, Newcastle struggling
How come Maclaren's their coach, was Derby
But we sacked him cos he lost it, moving
To the Magpies, now Swansea are beating
Them. Beer rules all, it's all one, it's all one
Stood in the beer garden nonsense held sway
Although some woman was really interesting
In her leather jacket, it's good to learn
From her, and I did, now back home, wa-hay

3274 - Reggae Reggae Sauce

A good night at the Worst Comedy Night
In Salford, hosted by old Dave Turquoise
I was dog tired, pints shook in my hand, plight
Portended disaster, plus there was noise
Throughout, dub reggae wid de ridmic ploys
For de jerk chicken cookery routine
De backgroun' music helped de girls an' boys
Get into de riddim. Twenties and teens
Mebbe didna get all dem ref'rences
But overall despite my old stage fright
I remembered de lyrics an' jokes, those
Cringeworthy old chestnuts, dose ol' baked beans
So now I'll jus' settle down, tiredness quite
A ting of de past, like reggae reggae sauce

Tue 4 August

3269 - Just give me money

I got home and there's no sign of Javi
But his phone and his other stuff's still here
So no need right now to start to worry
His disappearance is nothing to fear
Cos it hasn't happened, but just a mere
Concern for him especially has been a
Complete lack of cash, because it appears
He didn't give his sort code to the ware-
house, so hasn't been paid! I hope he's there
Like I advised, collecting his money
Until then how can he go for a beer
I hope that he quickly becomes aware
Of what he needs to do to stay happy
And number one's getting his spends, that's clear

3265 - Now is now

Good evening out with Dermot and Richard
Popped in to see Fat Roland and old Phil
Busby, Debbie's brother, and he was good
But that so hot back room at the Castle
Is a bit much, so we did a shuffle
To the bar and had a good chat therein
Discussing time and other concepts, the while
Knocking back good beer, but got a soaking
On the way home. Dermot he went shopping
For pizza, of which I had a slice, pard-
on me, Now I'm typing this, really should-
n't this late on what's now Monday morning
But it's good fun, live for now, it's not hard
Life is short, make it quite enjoyable

Sun 26 July

3261 - Days of wine and PIN numbers

So tired today, didn't stay up THAT late
But woke up 7:15, that's early
For me. At my office desk, felt eyes start
To close, rescued by speaking to Julie
She said she'd bring some chocolate wine for me
Tomorrow, that's something that will be new
I mentioned the chocolate beer casually
And she said 'I'll bring chocolate wine for you!'
I said, 'Just for me, or for the whole crew?'
Angela said maybe on her palate
She might place a few drops quite gingerly
Meanwhile helped Javier deal with phone folk who
Were asking tricky questions all about
His debit card - needs new PIN number, see?

3258 - You're history

Mainly stayed in, done a few things not much
Exciting but useful enough. Hung out
With Javier after he got in, now must
Try to look at historic bank accounts
To check management company's claim 'bout
Me owing them two hundred. Sure that can't
Be right, though I might owe less, wasn't quite
On track with payments in '12. Had a jaunt
To Sainsburys, spent twenty-five, but still won't
Go bankrupt this month, hopefully won't touch
The overdraft line again. Missing out
On comedy rehearsal time - my fault
Cos when I had the chance, with guitar, just
Played along to stuff (but with eyes wide shut!)

3257 - Yesterday art gone

A day late writing this, was just too keen
When I got in last night to watch TV
There was a prog on Beeb 4 'bout the scene
In the 70s with David Bowie
Was out all day and most evening, busy
Hangin' out with my ex-wife, Vee, she's not
In the best shape, she's not all that healthy
But trying to improve her little lot
We had fun, a day out looking at art
The refurbished Whitworth Art Gallery
It's a nice size, bigger, but not obscene
Then afterwards we hung out at her flat
Had a few cans of Kronenbourg, that's been
The first drink since last Sunday - good for me!

About Sat 18 July

3252 - I'll drink to that, maybe

Last week I drank on four occasions, not
The two I was aiming for, but that's a
Result of an invite, Saturday night
With Sunday as a follow-up, drank the
Remaining cans (and of course bought some more -
Six downed in all). Now back to twice a week
Should be easier from now on, when Javier
Has moved in. Company can make you seek
To be more on your best behaviour. Bleak
Loneliness is banished, and we can put
Down that beer can - unless they're a drinker
I kind of hope not, but the truth will leak
I can't rule that possibility out
Hope we can be friends and he stays a year

3251 - Pushing

I'm loving life, I'm in complete control
It may not always show, I'm a loner
I have a few friends and family, not all
Have that, especially those who live on the
Social media in substitution for
Real life, and who have little that they can
When push comes to shove, genuinely offer
Anything of value to other men
(And women.) You could argue with this plan
I like to have fun, I am not a troll
I like everyone happy, like to share
Happiness, and not deprive anyone
I was brought up that way, respect to all
Have a great life, even though it's not fair

3239 - In a pint pot

Listening to 'In A Rut' - no special cause
Except it's on my headphones, my playlist
Just got in from work, left there 'early doors'
(Yuk, I hate that phrase!) Next I shall get pissed
Starting off at the Brewdog, then visit
A few more places maybe, during which
Time I'll discuss with John recent tourist
Activities of ours, then we will switch
To planning our jaunt in September, ditch
Suitcases, just a bag each, not all floors
We'll be on, or pavements, but hills that twist
And potholes in the Balkans. Had some chips
At lunchtime from the Hip Hop Chip Shop - now's
Tea-time but think I'll miss it, miss miss missed

3238 - Heatwave nights

Too tired to do much tonight, don't know why
So tonight's a write-off, but I've done well
Last two nights being good and staying dry
They say a heatwave's starting. It's been cool
Most of the spring, but tonight could be hell
If it gets too hot. I still like the heat
Of summer though, short-lived, excitable
It's like being abroad, you lie and sweat
And feel young again from head down to feet
I'm struggling now with this, I cannot lie
My mind's unwinding, falling down a well
I feel dead on my feet, completely beat
Drink tomorrow night with John, then Wednesday
Off work, catch up, got a spare room to fill

3234 - One more for the road

Another good night, third night in a row
This was at Fitzgeralds Bar, Speakeasy
An interesting group, people from all o-
ver, Spanish, American. Portuguee
Just exactly how it is socially
And Dermot as well, of course, booze was had
Is it wrong, to do this on a Thursday
Is it wrong to do this, yes, is it bad
Probably, but this has been done, not sad
Or maybe it is, I don't know. I know
Now that I only have one more night free
To drink, that''ll be tomorrow, to add
One more bad night this week then I must go
Back into hibernation. So naughty...

Thur 25 June

3233 - E-fish-ent

Another long day of work and pleasure
This evening after work, it was a meal
To celebrate Nancy's birthday, and a
Costly but memorable meal, the real deal
Sushumi, it's called, raw fish, it appealed
To my tastebuds, and so did the green sprigs
And even a flower was not withheld
From my digestive system. So that ticks
Off another experience. A good mix
Of friends around the table, most strangers
To me, but I knew Liz, that memorable
Fancy dress night two years ago that sticks
In my thoughts. Cos we hadn't met before
Some had nerves, but it wasn't bad at all

3202 - Footy and tea

The daylight's dying, but there'll be no rage
I'm not Dylan Thomas, not meant to be
I'm glad about that, cos he was quite large
And also Welsh. Just joking, obviously
I like the Welsh accent, and musically
There's lots of stars from there who make good sound
Today I made notes to my holiday
Pix, now I won't forget where I was bound
Or what that statue was, or that high ground
That took about three hours, then ate, then watched
The last day of the Premier League, only
Me, no shared comments, Louis' not around
These days. Met Nance for an update engage-
ment over tea, Northern Quarter trendy

3191 - Not very Prague-matic

Why did I choose to end my tour in Prague
(Where I began?) What a dumb decision
Should have flown home from Vienna. A drag
This last day, waiting near the bus station
For a four hour bus to Prague, no reason
To do this, I realise now, all too late
A waste of time and money, but it's done
At least all my travelling has turned out neat
Let's hope this applies to today - that's great
A successful and varied trip. I dug
Everywhere I went, though Munich was one
Big disappointment how few friends I made...
Last night in Vienna, a good chinwag
With a few people. Last day there was fun!

Wed 13 May

3182 - No munching in Munchen

I'll write this now, while I'm here just waiting
For Minji Kim to message, so I know
Where to meet, although I have an inkling
She said Odeonsplatz, but that's lacking
In detail. I've just been there - it's quite big
Which cafe are they in? And they're eating
While I'm starving, but maybe I could go
Without food, just drink beer, from stein I'll swig
And if need be, a takeaway to dig
At the hunger if it comes later. So...
Spoke to a nice Romanian nurse sitting
On the train to Munich. Once here, I go
Straight into a 'Third Reich tour' - fun seeing
Inside the Hofbrauhaus. More beer halls now?

Mon 4 May

3180 - Not such a blue night after all!

I'm writing this on Sunday, I'm afraid
But that is because of last night's night out
In Nuremberg with Julius - went on late
He was supposed to go at ten, did not
And in the end missed his train, stuck about
The station all night, I suppose - oh dear
He seemed to lose his bearings easily
At least I found the station. Drank some beer -
Much beer, even - thank God I didn't steer
In the direction of Bamberg! (He'd said
Let's meet there!) After dark, buildings were lit
In blue light, but missed it all. Did see a
Flaming sculpture, though. I slept well, delayed
Getting up til 12. Missed breakfast, no doubt!

Sat 2 May

3173 - United in Munich

Am enjoying my evening, had good day
With Josie in Arndale and Old Trafford
A bit of rain but mainly stayed away
And quite warm sunshine meant that it felt good
Strangely when we got to Old T Jo did
Not want to look round the club shop this time
So with the Jappy snappers, stood outside
Then wandered off to Lowry mall, a fine
Mocha in Costa til six, then soon flyin'
Home by tram and train. Now my holiday
Is looking even better, yes I've scored
A hit tonight, I'm meeting Minji Kim
In Munich. For timing that good I'd pray
But no need, it's gonna happen, by God!