3291 - Getting on with it

Wow, what a day, and also a great play
On guitar once back home, and now staying
In tonight, after three nights' comedy
But that's OK, because I am looking
Forward to the Bowie tribute act in
The Ruby Lounge tomorrow night, and I'll
Write a poem first, fit for publishing
In the next 'Evidently' - it's a while
Since so much has been right, there's many miles
To freedom, as the man said, and now hey
It's all getting rather good, I'm hoping
By continued focus, that these things will
Continue to get better still, and they
Will, if I go on doing what I'm doing

3290 - Smokey losers

Second night at Tiger Lounge, with mine host
Tuesday Tony, but this time I went on
And did the Egyptian jokes that were lost
To the world from Tuesday's cancellation
Of The Worst Comedy Night, where I've long
Performed to great acclaim, but now I've dipped
My toes in other waters, ok, none
Of the paying public, no money slipped
From purses or wallets, but these guys trip
The light puntastic, are better than hosts
Of dull-witted or supine audience, fun
Though they may have, I'd like to see them flipped
Onto the stage to see them turn to toast
Big up for amateur comedy turns!!

3289 - Snigger Lounge

Amazingly, despite last night's late night
And a busy day at work following
I went out tonight to comedy night
At Tiger Lounge, 'bout which I been hearing
And enjoyed the acts, sitting there watching
A Guinness then two cheap ciders I drank
Met a few new people, reacquainting
Myself with Tuesday Tony, and to think
Some of these guys were good, no, no-one stank
So not much time but tomorrow I might
Have to up my game to be impressing
What will I do, will look at the jokes bank
And look at the material from last night
I didn't do, and do quick rehearsing!

3288 - Comedy of nevers

Only three hours' sleep, got up before six
Started thinking of comedy routine
I was due to perform (about Egypt)
But when I got there, there was no-one in
And so the comedy didn't happen
So instead had some drinks, Dermot was there
Javi went too, and Jackie O'Hagan
Caught the end of the match. United were
Lucky to beat Bruges 3-1, was the hair
Of Fellaini that did it, hair that fixed
The result in the Reds' favour. We'd been
In the Salford Arms, then Mulligans where
We had another, met these guys, told jokes
A guy played spoons, home beer before bedtime!

Tue 18 August

3282 - Pyramid theme

Had thought maybe I'd go and watch Derby
Play in the Carling Cup, but think I'll stay
In instead, on the radio there'll be
Updates at least, and maybe I can pay
Attention to writing comedy. They
Have asked for a theme that doesn't inspire -
Egypt or belly dancing - I won't say
I'll ignore the theme, cos I am a tryer
But Ancient Egypt, I am not a buyer
I could do an anecdote 'bout belly
Dancing - remember Istanbul? - but hey
Not sure if anecdotes are my desire
At least of alcohol and fags I'm free
Til I go to Glossop this Saturday

3274 - Reggae Reggae Sauce

A good night at the Worst Comedy Night
In Salford, hosted by old Dave Turquoise
I was dog tired, pints shook in my hand, plight
Portended disaster, plus there was noise
Throughout, dub reggae wid de ridmic ploys
For de jerk chicken cookery routine
De backgroun' music helped de girls an' boys
Get into de riddim. Twenties and teens
Mebbe didna get all dem ref'rences
But overall despite my old stage fright
I remembered de lyrics an' jokes, those
Cringeworthy old chestnuts, dose ol' baked beans
So now I'll jus' settle down, tiredness quite
A ting of de past, like reggae reggae sauce

Tue 4 August

3273 - Jamming tomorrow

It's comedy tomorrow,  reggae theme
Got to learn the words, that is the main thing
If you know  the words it goes like a dream
If not, you can easily end up screwing
It up, as hesitatingly you sing
Or tell your jokes or comments, whatever
So after my tea, I'll be rehearsing
To try to learn my stuff, that's only fair
At least I was laughing when I compared
My lyrics to the originals, deemed
Quite sniggerable, although it's me saying
So myself. To sing it just like a bird
I need to run through it and get it clean
Into my memory bright and shining

3268 - Lots of strings attached

I'm getting hungry after my guitar
Session, which went quite well, again, and now
I play without looking, not like before
And strangely, it feels easier somehow
KJ and S & the B's were a wow
In my hands, all seems now so straightforward
And more practice to come, that will allow
Me to not just stand still but move forward
And then of stage performance, no coward
No comedy performers will compare
And if I keep it simple I should grow
In confidence and then become well 'ard
Anyway, before I become a bore
I'll quit this and start cooking, and so ciao!

3260 - Edinbeer

A fun day at work and after work when
I took Javier to the Worst Comedy Night
In Salford, hosted by Paul. Dave was in -
disposed, rehearsing for Edinburgh. Quite
A tall order then for him. I won't fight
Myself for the honour of playing up there
Competing with so many, it's a night-
mare, to be sure, up in Edinburgh
Comedian's graveyard, place to self-bury
Not a big audience but got share of grins
The so-called difficult audience no fright
If you've got material, like anywhere
And now to bed, not so late as it's been
In the past. Nice pint of beer chocolate

Tue 21 July

3259 - Account Dracula

Up late last night with bank accounts all spread
Over my desk. Emailed Block Company
To ask accounts man why on earth he said
I owed two hundred quid, that's too many
I reckoned it was just half that money
No reply yet. Paid off my Post Office
Credit card, now just the one left to pay
That's my Tesco card, lone source of my debts
Apart from the mortgage... but come now, let's
Not dwell on that just now. Keep a cool head...
After work, wrote and practiced comedy
Will try to do more when I've written this
But first, a shave, trim eyebrows, get sorted
While there's still some light so I can see me

3245 - Rain rain, you won't go away

In between two viewings this second evening
Last night, the Polish girl, tonight, Javier
From Spain (with two mates). While here, heard the ring
Of my phone, someone else, she's called Eva
Is coming to view it in half an hour
It's very dark, rain-clouds grey and heavy
Not a great advert for British summer
And tomorrow night, for the comedy
The forecast's terrible, don't think I'll be
Taking my guitar, probably not doing
The song-based act I had planned, so I'll spare
Myself rehearsals of them, and maybe
Instead tonight I'll do some selecting
Of old jokes and write new ones to try there

3232 - Early night - just after midnight

I'm doing well in keeping off the sauce
On week-nights - just been out to comedy
And had just one pint, not enough of course
To get into that spiral so needy
Where I crave more, and fags too, indeedy
I buy more on the way home and drink more
Staying up late, dehydrating, money-
Terminating, stagnating, staying poor
Even if I've had a good night before
During and after. I got some applause
Doing my God act, playing God (hee hee)
But although I was sober, failed before
Them all, forgot the words, felt a lost cause
Whereas I should've gone on fearlessly

Tue 23 June

3230 - It'll be all-white on the night

I'm happy with my Father's Day alone
Been out plenty, Friday and Saturday
Had cards and prezzies, pictures on my phone
But felt a bit worn-out, late yesterday
So I decided I'd stay in today
Need to refresh, and also to rehearse
My comedy, which as usual, was way
Rushed, had a quick read of it while the noise
From the washing machine span round my ears
Yet more white paint on bedroom wall, it's done
Now more or less, the paint tin's near-empty
And at last the walls look white like they're s'posed
To, not so streaky and brownish. Backbone
Broken, poor Tania's in a ward today

3224 - The fun factor

Think I'll play some guitar soon tonight, not
Doing anything special. I won't paint
The spare room tonight. Its final white coat
Can wait a day or two, but what won't wait
Is guitar practice. My skill will grow faint
If I don't put in a shift frequently
So tonight, when this sonnet's done, a great
Time - some dance, some reggae and R and B
It's time to forget about jihadi
For a minute and produce western art
Decadent art maybe, not of the saint
But then it's a craft, so is comedy
Like fishing or carpentry, could be lost
If someone preserves not just the ancient

3213 - Nothing ventured...

As ever, it's always worth venturing
Out. I was invited to a poetry
Slam at Fuel Bar, not imagining
I'd win, and I didn't, but met Tuesday
Tony, a comedy compere, he told me
I should go to Montpellier next Thursday
Which I will do and do some comedy
Which seems to be my God-given forte
And then there's an event on Saturday
At Tiger Lounge, so it was worth going
Out tonight, and I also saw Jackie
Who told me about another fun day
Sorry, evening at 3MT starting
A new weird quiz she said was right for me!

3204 - Shat out of hell

A varied day, took it off work to go
To a driving awareness course up in
Bury, a four hour workshop that had no
Possibility of being late - a fine
Is what you get - and points - for arriving
Late, or for a no-show, or no ID
This harsh enforcement had me worrying
So much, albeit just subconsciously
That I woke from a nightmare, eight thirty
In which I couldn't pack in time, too slow
And couldn't find passport, before heading
To the airport for a flight home. Legacy
Of recent flights to / from Europe also...
Then - ska-tological comedian

3203 - Driving Miss Crazy

I've enjoyed my Bank Holiday Monday
Stayed home and did all sorts of things, relaxed
Tomorrow is another off-work day
My driving awareness course that I asked
To attend to avoid points. Harms your track
Record to have speeding points on licence
So I'll have a haircut, head for the trams
To Bury, all the while I will rehearse
My comedy sets for Tuesday and Wednes-
day (King's Arms and Tiger Lounge), though must say
I need to rehearse right now, practice fast
Or I won't see through my sunglasses lens
When I wear shades and hat to look OK
Trying to hide my thin and greying locks

3198 - That will be the week, that will

Just written four songs with funny lyrics
Replacing the conventional old words
A set I hope to do twice in next week's
Comedy slots - it may not win awards
It should, but we don't get our just deserts
However, enemies just make us strong
In order to survive their gunfire bursts
Like superheroes, we just can't be flung
Like superheroes, we can do no wrong
Our confidence can overcome their tricks
Our righteousness overcomes their absurd
And when the time comes to unleash our tongue
We'll spit them into space with verbal licks
They'll return to earth broken, sheathe their swords

3176 - Bohemian Crapsody part two

The final night in England for a while
Was The Worst Comedy Night in Salford
Dave Turquoise, the MC, his usual style
Me, I didn't have time to learn my words
But did 'Shake, Rattle and Ebola' hard
And relentless, followed by ,Bohemian
Crapsody', appropriate since I'm headed
Tomorrow to Bohemia - Prague's the one
Town you've all heard of there, I'll be ensconced
There tomorrow night, pints upon pints piled
Or maybe not, we'll see. Put to the sword
Will be work for almost two weeks, that's fun
In itself, Hope my suitcase's viable
Last time it almost fell apart at airport!

Tue 28 April

3175 - Get ready, here I come

I got my phone problems fixed, all's ready
Now for my trip on Wednesday, feeling good
Not rehearsed though for Tuesday's comedy
That'll have to wait til after work, could
Do an hour or two tomorrow, that should
Be enough for stuff I've done once before
Bohemian Crapsody's been requested
Need to practice or be crap on the floor
Of the King's Arms, which can strangle the poor
In wit, I must admit, so let Tony
Have time to learn his guitar chucklehood
You can't be good straight away, that's the law
I'm getting tired now but I feel happy
I'll have milk and chocolate, then hit my bed