3283 - New men in town

Derby have had a woeful beginning
To the season with new coach Paul Clement
Last night we lost to Portsmouth, the Carling
Cup, first round, mid-August, yes, we were sent
Packing with ease, the Rams a team that's meant
To be promotion favourites, Portsmouth bossed
The game. apparently, thank God didn't
Watch it down the pub, all alone and lost
In the Salford Arms TV room. We're toast!
Meanwhile, the Labour leadership's coming
To a head, three would-be leaders hell-bent
On trashing Jeremy Corbyn, the most
Persuasive of the four, too left-leaning
For a Labour man. Shocking! Jez - repent!

3229 - They don't know what to do with their lives

I must admit I don't feel quite tip top
I should hopefully sleep quite well tonight
May have overdone it slightly, yep
Too much work and walking yesterday, quite
Knackered and slightly ill now. But despite
That, a drink or two, time to celebrate
Relaxing for a few hours now, a flight
Of fingers on my guitar, then acquaint
Myself with Big Brother, I was too late
Last night to see which housemate got the chop
Channel 5 doing its usual job to slight
The British working classes without jobs
Where are the jobs nowadays we create
For the less gifted, less rich? None in sight

3219 - Through the media darkly

Very tired, often am in midsummer
When those light mornings get inside my mind
Spent what seemed like hours listening to the
Night-time radio, hearing horror of blind
Hate and sexism in Middle East land
I think that made it hard for me to drop
Off for a while, so hard to understand
But how much do we really know from top
To bottom, is it all bad or to stop
Believing what you hear and see, media
Bias towards the west we understand
Can prevent the whole truth being served up
Life is chaos, it's very rarely fair
All we can do is work hard til the end

3150 - Debate the debate

I've been watching the seven leaders show
Conservative, Labour, Lib Democrat
The Greens, Plaid Cymru, SNP, and no
Sorry, yes, UKIP (they've not done all that)
Shame the ratings for Natalie Bennett
Didn't seem that good. The reactions to
Her statements about foreign aid shows that
Short-term selfishness flourishes when you
Put it to the people. So better to
Keep wealth where it already is, and go
With older rich votes, youngsters they don't get
Anything, they've no influence, but you
Must wonder if they simply want to go
To the same levels of wealth. Yes to that!

3143 - Ouch!

I've got a headache - it's dehydration
From last night's drinking, and a day staring
At a computer screen at work. So when
I've done this I'll waste no time in downing
Some paracetamol and ingesting
More drinks, but not coffee or booze of course
So pardon me if you think I'm rushing
This great important work of rhyming verse
But my head hurts and it's gaining in force
Oh damn, just realised something, oh damn
Won't have time to watch 'The Bridge' this evening
On Netflix, cos the debate's taking place
On Channel 4, to be precise, at nine
Cameron and Miliband being annoying...

3133 - They wanna be elected

I'm doing this now while I'm waiting to
Watch The One Show - will Jackie Hagan be
On it? Then I'll spend some time learning new
Lyrics for my ebola comedy
Tomorrow at the King's Arms - come and see!
Last night I had a good guitar practice
Playing along to Serge Gainsbourg - mais oui
Tonight it's Stevie Winwood and Traffic
I hope to practice that stuff, with no pick
I've stopped using it - now fingers will do
Meanwhile the election's not far off. We
Are five years down the road from Dave and Nick
Cosying up in the rose garden, two
Conspirators of our democracy

3116 - Cell bent

Jihadi John's identity revealed
He's now a halal butcher, human meat
Meanwhile Gary Glitter is once more jailed
Do you wanna be in my cell, eh mate?
Ed Gastricband's sloganeering now starts
In earnest, how long's he waited to come
Up with eye-catching ideas for your vote?
Meanwhile the incumbent, Dave Cameron
Is willing to debate with Gastricband
But not Farage, his fear barely concealed
Of being made to look a fool, being beat
By the UKIP man. Oh dear - Spock has gone
Where's Spock, indeed, Spizz Energi! He's keeled
Over, his ears have curled, his voyage complete

3066 - Poor people of Paris

Sad news about the killings in Paris
Religion strikes again, closed mind syndrome
A schizophrenic world-view, a virus
Which glorifies death and thy kingdom come
Let's not say that this is only Islam
There's been enough crusading previously
And it's not limited to religion
There's political ideology
That divides and rules with philosophy
No matter what we believe, seems we must
Resign ourselves to conflict both at home
And abroad. Education is a key
But what philosophy lies behind this
And must it always be liberalism?

3023 - Green Day in Salford

A fun night out at The Crescent, Salford
A pub I've not been in for some time now
Did a few gags, all memorised - that's good
Nice to know sometimes my mind works, you know
And then read a couple of poems, so
Combined the two in ten minutes, the last
And top slot of the night. The night may grow
Which is fitting cos they're the Greens, and sussed
About politics which is good, a must-
Vote option far as I'm concerned. I scored
A hit, I hope, met Red who hosts a show
Each Monday at Sandbar. Don't let the dust
Settle! He described it and said he would
Consider me for a slot there, so wow

3019 - Pop a doodle doo

The heat is on - that's a dramatic start
But it simply means that the heat is on
Literally in the flat. Shivers, depart!
Think tonight I'll just read my big book, fun
Indeed, a great tome on pop, lots of tune
References to check out on Spotify
Many of which are new to me, a boon
If ever there was one, big fish to fry
And then pour the contents real carefully
Into my ears. Louis gave me a start
When I went in his room to turn heat on
There he was asleep in bed. Wondered why
Then remembered he had stayed up til eight
Must have been watching the by-election

3003 - Statistical fireworks

Republicans make big gains in the States
They're all saying Obama is washed up
Even the Democratic candidates
In their campaigns just didn't want his help
Meanwhile, in the UK, there is a blip
In the anti-immigrant argument
Statistics in a new report a ripe
Riposte, showing the gains from immigrants
However, other factors also count
The main one being opening the gates
To too many. They may be good, but stop
A second, look at the fat lazy cunts
Already here, the stupid, obese NEETS
Hope that was politically correct - oops...

2974 - Life's ebola cherries

A good nights' sleep, broken by listening to
A radio discussion of ebola
Haircut this lunchtime, rain meant there's no queue
And now thank goodness I look far smarter
Was having to slap much gel on my hair
It's the Lib Dems' party conference up in
Glasgow, but who cares? Clegg's interviews there
Suggest they'll do this and that if they win
And stay in government. How could that happen?
Junior coalition partners can't do
What's on their manifesto, remember,
Clegg? But it's clear he'd rather be again
A junior partner in power than stay true
UKIP might get more votes than them (be scared...!!)

2965 - UKDK

It's not going well for Tories or Labour
The two main parties are both losing friends
Maybe Salmond was right 'bout Westminster
The same feeling exists here in England
And no doubt in Wales and Northern Ireland
At least those two have their own small parties
That exert some power and some influence
Locally and nationally, unlike these
MPs of Labour and of the Tories
London-dominated, centralised, power
Exerted by the rich, throwing fag-ends
Of spin our way, especially as it nears
Election time. Well, maybe there'll be a
Swing away from them and their cosy ends

Sun 28 Sep

2955 - Gorge-ous

Today could be Scots' independence day
The day the Jocks vote, their referendum
On whether to stay or leave the UK
Although it affects us, it's up to them
There could be reprisals from Cameron
If they have the audacity to go
Meanwhile today in Greece it's been good fun
Got up early, got lost bag back, that's so
Lucky, it contained my passport! We showed
A fleet foot in the Vikos Gorge today
Good exercise, though quite a strain for some
Mainly shaded by trees, pleasant to go
Along. Got a lift back from the cafe-
Owner at Vikos. Shared ride with Germans

Thur 18 Sep

2951 - Scotland and Stockport

The day started with Salmond and Darling
Being interviewed on the Andrew Marr Show
About the Scottish vote that is taking
Place while me and John walk the gorge and go
To Albania. When will we get to know
The result? We'll be so far away then
Then I went to Stockport baths with li'l Jo
Managed to lift her, using all my strength
Up out of the water by her feet, and
Keep her there for a few seconds! Laughing
As usual, a bit late getting home though
And cold (no coat). Got back, let Louis in
He'd been locked out all day! He's suffering
With a cold. I'll make him toast and milk now

2842 - Making puns for Nigel

A longish day at work, popped out at lunch
To help Louis get credit at the bank
Tried the Post Office as well, but it's crunch
Time for youngsters as jobs are few, a thank-
less task it is searching for openings
And in the meantime credit's hard to get
As for me now, I must get to thinking
Of funny stuff - it's comedy tonight
Last time I raided my joke book. Might yet
Do that tonight, but I've also an urge
To do something topical concerning
Our 'friend' Farage and UKIP. Need to kit
Myself out in a tie, though, and to scrunch
My mitts round a pint, hope mind's not a blank

2841 - May flies by

And so May Bank Holiday's at an end
Didn't go out today, but did stuff here
Read 'Bleak House,' the long novel by Dickens
And still some way to go to the end, dear
(Who's dear? No-one, dear, that was just a clear
Cop-out rhyme, like bad poetry demands)
Read through the poems I've to read in four
Minutes this Wednesday night, I understand
I'm on the bill, according to Roland
Though not mentioned on Facebook! Hope to mend
This omission, confirm I'm needed there
Also finished my Beeb first draft as planned
Meanwhile tomorrow, comedy again
At the King's Arms. Some UKIP stuff, I fear...

2549 - Power, corruption and lies

Terrible events in Syria, Ukraine
What is the common factor, it's Putin
I won't say Russia, it can't be to blame
As if all Russians approve of his sin
Though many do, but nationalism
Is a tool used by some politicians
To create fear or greed, yes, used by some
Not all. Look at Kiev, all those who've come
To state their case for real independence
Like Scotland, thinking money falls like rain
From North Sea oil located just within
Their territory. They hope tax will belong
To them from its extraction, but the same
Applies, leaders just want to take them in

2545 - It's who you know

It restores your faith in humanity
To exchange opinions and get them back
Endorsed. Most people, 'to be fair' can be
Nice, but put to the test, they all can lack
Principles. Is it because they are slack
On morals, dominated by the cash
It's topical now to debate the back
And forth of parliamentary debate, clash
Of opinions and backgrounds, when they smash
Into each other, forget policy
And it's just personal rhetoric cack
Office politics tells us logic's mashed
And you must be a yes man, then must be
Lucky, that's what gets you top of the stack

2459 - Getting in tune

I've done two days of exercises now
Yee-ha! I'm feeling fit as a fiddle
Maybe I'll ruin it later, somehow
But for now, I'm feeling good, and I will
Shortly rehearse Friday's act with a twirl
On guitar and harmonica, refine
The act, then practise once more, have my fill
Of great guitar-playing, so I sound fine
Sooner or later. Louis' out and I'm
Home alone, with the news on, wondering how
Scotland could prosper, as such a little
Country, despite big claims of a great time
Of wealth to come? It's forecast they'll vote No
To independence next year. Time will tell!