2927 - Tax and Dermy

I lay awake at times, as it got light
And by the time I had to get up, was
Still sleepy. At work, found, to my delight
Some new courses for Microsoft Office
2013, which means I can practice
Excel and other stuff while I've got time
In the afternoon, chatted to two guys
Who've just arrived this week, not in my team
But Environmental Taxes. Told them
A bit more about our work, some insights
Into Oils in particular, my years
Of experience appreciated by some!
Decided this evening too tired to write
Discussed with Derm our comedy futures

2549 - Power, corruption and lies

Terrible events in Syria, Ukraine
What is the common factor, it's Putin
I won't say Russia, it can't be to blame
As if all Russians approve of his sin
Though many do, but nationalism
Is a tool used by some politicians
To create fear or greed, yes, used by some
Not all. Look at Kiev, all those who've come
To state their case for real independence
Like Scotland, thinking money falls like rain
From North Sea oil located just within
Their territory. They hope tax will belong
To them from its extraction, but the same
Applies, leaders just want to take them in

2353 - Snowbird

A snowy day, I made my way downtown
To King's House for a taxation conference
On the way home the snow had turned to rain
But not heavy, in the weather's defence
Nice to see many faces since years hence
I haven't seen, and topics of interest
The EU, and UK customs defence
But a test of mental resilience
To keep up with convoluted concepts
A great guitar session, fingers have flown
Along with my mind tonight, such strong winds
Of fast music demand strong responses
Man United one-all in Madrid, shown
On TV now 'People Like Us'. Immense!

2270 - Creeping death and taxes

The rain seems to have stopped, but I am not
Going out as planned, texted Anne Marie
I half feel like going now, but I won't
It's a long walk to near Piccadilly
Station. There's another Piccadilly
In Stockport, where today's meeting took place
Just tax stuff, not of interest, quite funny
Though in places with banter gathering pace
These national gatherings once involved some stays
Overnight in far-flung hotels, a lot
Of drink and food consumed, but not lately
Now civil servants like us have to base
Ourselves in the office mainly, to cut
Down on expenses, save your tax money

2178 - Let there be bathroom light

The electrician came to fix the light
In the bathroom that had not shone so bright
For weeks now, in fact it was dark as night
In there, except for just one small spotlight
Above the mirror. Shaving has been quite
Difficult after dark, been risking sliced
Neck and chin because of lack of clear sight
It's a frequent occurrence in daylight
So God knows this needed to be put right
I shouldn't admit this, but the man's quote
Was reduced by ten quid, no VAT
If I paid in cash, so I did - not right
Morally, but let our leaders be white
Themselves before they tell us to live right

2124 - The artful tax dodger

There's been a lot in the news recently

About tax dodgers who so artfully

Defraud the Treasury, HMRC

Of much-needed millions for military

Hospitals, schools and whatsits. There's Jimmy

Carr, who slags everyone else off loudly

Caught with his pants down, most shame-facedly

And even before that, he was ugly

Corporation tax - that's where BIG money

Is siphoned from our 'big society'

Into the havens of really wealthy
Selfish individual and company
Capitalism and prosperity
Don't recognise things like morality

1725 - Take the biscuit

Felt good today, after a nice lie-in
Drove to a meeting just by the airport
It went on a long time, wagging of chin
Being more extensive than we had thought
About tax I guess we get passionate
(Believe it or not)... Back to my office
Parking outside, but it was now too late
For my next meeting. Ate my sandwiches
At four o'clock. Not starving though, because
They'd brought some tasty biscuits in a tin
To the morning meeting at the airport
And so the moral of this sonnet is
Junk food can have its uses, if you're in
A long meeting and needing some support

1583 - Up with tax

Today we've seen a rise in V.A.T.
It's up from 17.5 per cent
To 20 per cent, making things costly
I wonder if the economists count
This as inflation or whether they don't
Because it's not money but tax ... But still
The effect on us is the same. I can't
Deny I'm not ecstatic, not too thrilled
At things costing more, having bigger bills
But tax is there to help us, or should be
We get some benefits back when it's spent
Or should do. Mustn't be too cynical
Because that leads to selfishness and we
Can't all afford that kind of government

1526 - We're all in the shit together - apart from some

It's not much fun when your computer's fucked
Now Spotify won't play properly no more
I can't send emails half the time; no luck
With anything. I seem to be a poor
Worker in the maligned public sector
No bin for my rubbish; taken away
By edicts intended to save. The law
Is being mobilised, so some might say
Against the vast majority who pay
The tax they should, or wish they could, but sucked
Into the vortex of cuts is the claw
Of taxation itself. Some say hooray,
Henry. The Treasury will remain crocked
While business dodges tax and stays offshore

1520 - The things we do for poetry

I'm sitting in the Crown pub, Liverpool
This rainy and dark November evening
I need to sit back , for the day was full
Of deliberation at the meeting
That has just finished and was quite taxing
As tax often is. Fish and chips all gone
Fingers crossed I don't get food poisoning
No reason why I should; it tasted fine
But the carpet in here looks very worn
And the tables are sticky, some with pools
Of beer. I'm here by way of time passing
There's three dark wet hours to pass til it's time
For 'Liver Bards' poetry group, where fools
And wise men stand and read out their scribblings
Tue 2 Nov

1505 - Work doesn't have to be taxing

Too much chat at work and not enough done
Chats about economics, holidays
Chats about everything under the sun
So much chat I couldn't read my emails
One guy not seen for a while telling tales
Of a nasty skin disease that he caught
Meanwhile my divorce is back on the rails
As the afternoon sky darkened, I thought
I'd stay in this evening. I've still not bought
A new monitor. This didn't get done
Because of too much chat. Everyone says
Far too much at work. I'm one of that sort
Still, work is fairly stress-free, almost fun
But will the taxpayer soon refuse to pay?
Mon 18 Oct

1491 - Greece my palm

My thoughts are turning more and more to Greece
Though as I write this, I'm still here working
This unloved, disrespected tax office
And others like it had a battering
In the media this last month, the fault being
Some people had been paid too much credit
And we asked for it back. I'm not working
In that part of the department; I sit
In the oils excise duty team, that's split
Between here and London. Today I greased
My palm with euros, which I'll be spending
As I travel by train and bus, and eat
Thriftily, I hope. I mustn't get fleeced
My growing debt will soon need repaying

1423 - The political party's over

The threat of swingeing cuts is a spectre
(I hate ‘swingeing cuts’ but I’ll still use it)
Hanging over the whole public sector
In which I serve the Queen, helping collect
Her taxes (not mine or yours). But I’m not
(Although I have been) inspector
Of VAT in my time. Pause for lots
Of sympathy for me (not). Remember
Though that tax holds society together
(Against its will, maybe), so affect a
Momentary tear. (Can you method act?)
More tax, less debt. Pay the bank manager
Too, and live frugally, or we’ll wreck a
Generation’s pension and benefits

1414 - Hey Jude

Hey Jude, it only seems like yesterday
You saw me standing there, fool on the hill
That long and winding road to a hard day
Might in the end need your bungalow, Bill
I played it cool, four thousand holes to fill
Or fix, cos I’m the taxman, oh girl, girl
Was your magical mystery tour a thrill?
You’re something to this nowhere man: the world
Is at your command. Say say say the word
I’ve got to get you in my life, blue J
We can work it out, Jude, help me, I will
Hold your hand, come together like the birds
In the trees. Don’t let me down. Here I’ll stay
Another day. From me to you, until…

1409 - North East by North West

Crossed 250 miles of ground
Drove to Teesport, Teesside, near Middlesbrough
For a tax meeting. Luckily I found
The building easily, by asking a
Copper at the port entrance! Was knackered
But still I talked ten to the dozen, and
Then drove myself back home to Manchester
(Almost asleep at the wheel). The demands
Of my life didn’t stop there, though; had planned
To attend a poetry read-around
In Hulme, well-known arty part of inner
City Manchester, UK, World. So stand
Up and say what you know about; I found
That if you do that, then they’ll lend an ear
Wed 14 July

1393 - The strong arm of the tax law

I'm sitting, or should that be slumping, here
In the once-proud department of Customs
And Excise, now HMRC, where beer
And wine and cigs and fuel are all taxed, on
Top of VAT, with duty. The sun
Has popped behind the thin cloud; cooling breeze
Snaps the blinds back and forth; window open
Upon a Salford road junction. My knees
Ache less now they've been rested for some days:
No bike rides or runs. Even walks appear
To cause a groaning somewhere in my bones
Good news though on my home exercises
I used to do forty press-ups; then sheer
Collapse. Now I do sixty. Big strong arms!

1390 - Global feudalism and how to beat it

It seems so simple, how to save money
That’s what the government’s desperate to do
Make everyone, rich and poor, pay fifty
Per cent directly from their earnings: who
Could say that was unfair? Also then you
Would not need VAT (sales tax) which is
A kind of stealth tax, one which tends to screw
The poorer more than those with the riches
No need for taxes aimed at businesses
No corporation tax or NIC
No tax on enterprise at all helps to
Keep them competitive, saves jobs for us
Encourages our local companies
But anti-globalisation’s taboo