3137 - Black hole moon

Oh hell, I forgot my exercises
And now I've eaten a big meal, so I
Don't think I can do press-ups and stretches
And stomach-straining stuff, or I might throw
This morning, nipped out of the office to
See the partial eclipse up on Bridge Street
And of course I took a picture or two
I saw a crescent sun briefly shine bright
My eyes felt dazzled for several minutes
Once I had sat back at my desk. It was
The first here since '99, after my
John o'Groats to Land's End bike ride, that feat
Remembered in a tattoo. My task is
Tonight to finish that huge book. I'll try!

2992 - Titchy car car

First car hire day for months, it's fun to drive
And the new parking bay's so near my flat
Walk over the canal by bridge, arrive
On St George's Island, and that is that
It's five minutes' walk, no need to break sweat
Toyota Yaris five-door, but was hard
Squeezing in Josie's bike that had a flat
Tyre and broke brake, but drove it to Halfords
For repair, then repaired quickly towards
The Toby Carvery for lunch. Sigh of
Relief - could go to Didsbury, and what
Charity shop bargains all can afford
But none today. Then Bramhall, Marple, I've
Got her bike back, then one more Starbucks chat!

2862 - I drink to forget

A day late, I'm afraid, no time to write
Yesterday, when I went out just to tell
A story upstairs at Gullivers. Quite
Full of punks at a wake, beered up, but all
Seemingly happy enough. But meanwhile
Upstairs I told my tale of bike riding
To London in '93, when I fell
Over a railway bridge quite near Kidling-
ton, Oxfordshire. After that, had a drink
Or two more with Derm, he was quite polite
This time. Jez, Roland, Conor, Mark, a tall
Girl whose name I forgot but was talking
To me for a while, helped to pass the night
Got home, forgot poem, saw end of football

About yesterday, Mon 16 June

2858 - Wheels in motion

It's a hot day, like up the devil's ass
It's almost midsummer, it comes round fast
But I'll not be too down as light gets less
Again, got two hols in Europe, a blast
To look forward to. Hungary and North West
Greece (and Albania). In Hungary, Miklos
Waits to welcome me, but partying first
In a youth hostel, central Budapest
That's late July, coming home in August
Good news when I got home. I'm on the list
To tell 'Tales of Whatever' Monday next
I'll get the cycling story off my chest
Whenever I recount it, they're impressed
I'm off to Vee's to watch some football next...

2466 - Morning warning

Woke up at half-past four, like, oh my God!
It was so light and warm, thought it was six
Maybe, but when I saw the clock I had
A shock. Wide awake, a headful of thinks
Got up and went on Facebook in two ticks
Watched breakfast news, had to pass time until
The office was open at seven. Walks
Along the canal at that time are still
And quiet, no disturbance from cycle
Or jogger. My foot feels OK, all good
Except at work they rang, said I should fix
Some time to have it looked at in Eccles
Drop-in surgery, so I decided
A week's wait to get sore underfoot checked

2420 - Rainy Sunday afternoon

Amazingly escaped the showery rain
With Josie in the park in Cheadle Hulme
Managed to get there and get back again
Without a soaking. We had an ice cream
It was pleasant, even sunny at times
Josie talked of cross-country runs at school
And later on we acted out this theme
Jogging out of the park back to the rail-
way station, her in Ugg boots, our hands full
With coats, not dressed for running. Looked insane
To all the passing traffic, I assume
Press-ups on the pavement, and then a girl
On a bike rang her bell to get past. When
Dermot's back, our comedy will resume...

2356 - Snowdrops and daffodils

Today we went a-walking everywhere
Round the roads and leafy lanes of Wilmslow
Me and Josie, but my new boots I wore
For the first full day, the ones I'm to go
A-walking the mountains of Morocco
In, are basically just trainers, and not
Really suitable for long hikes, but no
I've spent enough already, and to boot
There are still more things I still need to get
Today the weather was lovely and fair
Just right for country lanes - bit muddy though
The alpacas all running to get fed
At White Peak Farm, and sheep, oh, and beware
Of cyclists. Blue sky with sun and moonglow

2342 - Moor moor moor

On a freezing but sunny February day
Too cold and windy for walking about
What better than hiring a car to stay
Warm and see the Pennine moors somewhere out
There through the moving windscreen as gusts shoot
Towards us but bounce off the glass and flags
Flutter perpendicularly and point
To Yorkshire, over those pale yellow crags
We'd found the road to Holmfirth with no snags
Via Oldham this time, an interesting new way
Instead of through Greenfield and Saddleworth
Just a straightish moortop road that just hugs
The hill's edge, passing cyclists who obey
The call of the wild wind with strength of youth

2293 - Mr Muscles (not)

Been out to Wilmslow on the train to see
My almost-ten-year-old daughter again
Swimming club's paying off for my Josie
She does a mean butterfly, did a length
Or two in well under a minute, then
She told me her fastest time at the club
Was twenty-eight seconds. I realised when
I struggled to climb out of the pool, sub-
Standard fitness levels have now crept up
On me over time, though every work day
I walk for at least forty minutes. When
I ran and cycled, I was fitter. Stopped
Those, and also exercises daily
I'll start the latter again, build my strength

2212 - England calling

News roundup - Andrew Mitchell, the Tory
Minister, and Chief Whip, called the police
'Fucking plebs' when one of them said that he
Couldn't ride his bike through the main gate. These
Insults came the same week as two police-
Women had been killed, causing great sadness
Doesn't this just prove that ruling Tories
Are privileged and arrogant? What else?
A maths schoolteacher's eloped to France, he's
On the run with a young school pupil. He
Faces jail. On the net, he sings a nice
Little song about their romance. Distress
In the North East, floods devastating the
Poor folk up there. Nature's not always nice

2165 - These golden days

Off work today, and boy I'm glad I am
Not only is it sunny, but I've seen
Some really great Olympic contests, and
Some more golds for our team of Great Britain
(Shouldn't that be the UK?). First, open
Water swimming in Hyde Park, BMX
Bike racing, spectacular crashes on
The bumpy bendy track, taekwondo kicks
To the head (come on Jade!), saw women box
With Nicola Adams from Leeds all golden
Rhythmic dressage, which is equestrian
Dancing to music, dancing in the seats
As a Brit girl won. Tonight, Bolt will run
In the 200 metres. Yeah, come on!

2134 - Whether the weather be shit or shit

As usual, the weather has made the news

Always a topic of conversation

It's worse than normal, true, but people's views

Seem unrealistic to me, quite often

They think that summer sunshine always comes

In Britain, like in California

When will they admit, cloud covers our land

More often than blue skies every summer

This year summer has been a real bummer

And spring was a wet thing despite the hose

Pipe ban after dry winter and March sun

Flash floods have flushed the high streets of Yorkshire

And festivals have crashed, kids got da blues

Poor Katy, cycling to work, soaked again

2125 - Existential crisis

Forgot to take my mobile phone - oh no!!!!
The modern existentialist crisis
These days of course we do not even know
The numbers of our nearest and dearest!
I knew Katy would be in some distress
But hoped she'd realise what I had done
Or rather not done - it was meaningless
Certainly no snub, darling! You're my hun!
Apart from that a good day, rain and sun
Me and Josie went to a Syrian show
Raising cash for the poor and the oppressed
Back home. Talks in Geneva haven't gone
As far as calling for Assad to go
We're lucky our lives are safe! Thanks for this!

2112 - Cheshire chicken

I've got a slight cold, I thought it had gone
But last night I felt a bit full of snot
And today I found it quite hard to run
And carry Josie when we mess about
Nevertheless we had the usual riot
I cycled there, with some help from a train
Debuting my Two-Tone Specials T-shirt
The usual pump of the back tyre again
Before each cycle ride. It was a pain
To get the train to Bramhall and then come
Back again after just an hour, but that's
Sunday trains - there aren't enough. In slight rain
We sat on a bench eating fried chicken
Sharing strawberry water, laughing lots

2066 - What Katy does

Katy talks to me as she cycles home
She even texts me while she's on her bike
I think she's inside, but she's on the road
To or from work. Now that's a sight I'd like
To see for myself. Drivers must all take
A double look, firstly because it's her
Then secondly because the view was fake
Surely? That girl's not texting, sitting there
On that bicycle, is she? Oh, how queer!
(How quaint their language is!) And so this poem
Celebrates her great skill and art, to cyc-
le along like that. Also, she drinks beer
From the far side of the glass, from the foam
To the lees, and she can do that quite quick!

1999 - Party like it's Y2K

The euro's here, and new King of Jordan
Poland, Czech and Hungary join NATO,
Who bomb the Serbs in Kosovo. Clinton
Isn't impeached. Columbine inferno
Mont Blanc tunnel fire. Death of Jill Dando
Nail bombs in London. Scots, Welsh Parliaments
Milosevic war criminal, now go
Say crowds in Belgrade. Napster circumvents
The music industry. Solar eclipse
Earthquake in Turkey, while in Pakistan
Musharraf's army coup. Man U Euro
Cup winners. Two holidays, as I spend
My security guard earnings - biked from
John o' Groats to Land's End, and French drive, too

1995 - Aha Shake Earthquake

Kobe earthquake, Nick Leeson moneyquake
Tokyo gas, Oklahoma Cityquake
France quakes as they at last elect Chirac
Superman shaken off by a horsequake
Seoul department store collapses like a cake
France and Russia sell weapons to Iraq
Montserrat mountain, Bosnian warquake
Srebrenica massacre after fake
UN protection, then NATO bombs shake
The Serbs, so do the Croats, till handshakes
End the war by December. How'd they make
OJ not guilty? Rabin is taken
Out by assassin. Bosman footballquake
I bike round Wales and South West - pedalquake!

1994 - From the Yorkshire Moors to the West Bank

Bosnia's still a seething cauldron of hate
The Scream is stolen, oh no, oh Oslo
Fred and Rose West, don't go inside their gate
Baruch Goldstein and Kurt Cobain's gun show
Somalia's a failure, say US. Whoa -
Berlusconi wins in Italy and
Andreotti had Mafia links. Don't go
To Rwanda, they're chopping off their hands
And killing in the churches. Nelson Mand-
ela President. John Smith dies, Blair takes
Job from Brown. OJ Simpson, drive more slow
US lands in Haiti, and Brazil lands
USA World Cup, IRA placate
I head north by bike, and love to video

1993 - View from a bike

Czech out the old country splitting in two
Salvatore 'The Beast' caught, Palermo
Bush Senior replaced by Clinton...and who
Placed bombs in the World Trade Center? Waco
Fire kills Koresh's cult. North Korea no
Fan of non-proliferation. A bomb
In Warrington, and Jiang Zemin's the new
Chinese leader. Stephen Lawrence dies young
Stabbed at a bus stop. John Wayne Bobbit's schlong
Isn't so long now. A Zambian plane flew
Its footballers to death. The PLO
And Israel sign peace accords. Mike Jackson
A child molester? Suede, Ace of Base, new
Home in Burnage, bike ride to London...Go!

1861 - Life without a car

There is life without a car, but it's not
As we know it, those of us who had one
My day with Josephine, it almost went to pot
Because of steady rainfall that fell down
Wilmslow Leisure Centre, we were hidden
In there as it fell, eating quite cheaply
But why did she not eat her burger, then
Pretend to be sick somewhat comically
I didn't mind, we had fun, and Josie
Met her school pal Roman there, and then met
Maisie in Yogberries, two shakes, then on
To her house and then the train home for me
It was dark and the rain meant I got wet
Cycling to Salford... Leg muscles have grown!