2998 - Sensible equals boring - discuss

I'm excited about Friday night in
Who cares what's going on, life is elsewhere
I'm incubating, saving, delaying
I'm savouring, dreaming, floating on air
It's all possible, and if not, who cares?
I'm healthy, happy, at last starting to
Save time and money, no more to squander
It'll be easy paying for tattoos
This month, and car hire, whatever I choose
No money worries at Christmas, even
In the office my workload starts to clear
And all this simply cos I'm off the booze
Soon I'll do exercises, keep in trim
Play guitar, read, watch TV, then retire

2997 - Guitar hitter

Just played some real superfast mean guitar
Can still do that when tired as I have been
Tired as I've been, my guitar gets real far
My guitar's the star, it is no has-been
Though it has been slow, it is now so mean
You know what I mean, Harry? It's very
Go-go, it goes very far, it's unseen
It's over the hills, far away, query
It's whereabouts, have you seen it, Harry?
It doesn't tarry, doesn't spout words, blah
I'm married to its spirit, she's my queen
It's in top gear, it screams, there's no theory
It's noise annoys me not, shines like a star
One day we'll go out and we'll reign supreme

2996 - Like the desserts miss the rain

I'm cream crackered and wet through to the skin
Been out for a nice bite to eat and chat
Been awake since 6:30 of morning
I don't like waking up early as that
And now I feel like a drowned cat or rat
Manchester's autumn rain not let me down
Think wetsuit rather than a cricket bat
I just got home from a night on the town
Can't wait for bed, but first got a nice brown
Toffee-flavoured yogurt to be eating
Or are Muller Lights simply a dessert
I think they're healthy or am I a clown
The strawberry one seems yogurty when
I have that, but I've not fond of that fruit

2995 - Doctor Poo

It seems like ages, waiting to go out
Still an hour to go, so I'm writing this
To pass the time, rather than jump or shout
Or eat food, whether it be meat or fish
Or even find someone to hug or kiss
It's comedy night in Salford, think I'll
Try my new Dr Baxter stuff, enlist
The tiny audience as critics, a smile
A snigger, even a guffaw, all mile-
stones in road-testing it, to remove doubt
Or increase it maybe, my secret wish
Is to refine it, create a stockpile
Of hilarious medical jokes I'll spout
On bigger stages in front of more eyes

2994 - Jail guitar cup draws

Lookin' forward to QPR-Villa
On the radio, I get a constant flow
Done exercises when I got back here
Sixty press-ups with no pauses, ya know
And I'm feelin' fit, soz, I shouldn't crow
Spent fifteen quid in Sainsburys, my God
That's more than normal. What did I buy? Oh
Milk, yogurt, porridge, fish fingers (yes, cod)
Not sure why it cost so much. Two soups would
Put up the cost a bit. Soon it's guitar
But first it's the FA Cup draw, although
No big teams yet. First round scraps in the mud
Mind you, pitches are clearly much better
Then when I was a kid. Grass does now grow

2993 - Laughs of the day

A nine hour plus sleep, luxury untold!
A good morning for it, it's clocks back day
Yes, our clocks go back one hour, so we could
Have a long lie-in and still have the day
Left to use or abuse, ignore, obey
Once I rose, I watched TV as usual
And then a gnawing duty seemed to say
'Write comedy!' and so I grabbed my quill
And in forty-five minutes wrote my fill
Of Dr Baxter mirth inducers. Gold
Seam of merriment found 'neath rocks and clay
Good soccer today, the results were brill
Listened to radio commentary, and sold
On watching highlights on Match of the Day

2992 - Titchy car car

First car hire day for months, it's fun to drive
And the new parking bay's so near my flat
Walk over the canal by bridge, arrive
On St George's Island, and that is that
It's five minutes' walk, no need to break sweat
Toyota Yaris five-door, but was hard
Squeezing in Josie's bike that had a flat
Tyre and broke brake, but drove it to Halfords
For repair, then repaired quickly towards
The Toby Carvery for lunch. Sigh of
Relief - could go to Didsbury, and what
Charity shop bargains all can afford
But none today. Then Bramhall, Marple, I've
Got her bike back, then one more Starbucks chat!

2991 - Charge of the shite brigade

Got home from work looking to have some fun
When I realised I'd left my phone charger
At the office. Considered buying one
From Maplins, but felt that a cost too far
At least I should try and rescue my dear
Charger that don't fuckin' work, won't connect
To my Samsung phone, though I try all year
To force it in, it pops out, phone rejects
It, or it rejects phone, who knows? Suspect
It's the latter. It's almost litter, bin
Awaits the stupid thing. A Marmite jar
Needed to keep it still. Refuse, collect
This cable that's unable to cling on
I refuse this frustration, do you hear?

2990 - Milk, no alcohol

Today after work, had a free night out
Went to the Halle at Bridgewater Hall
Four pieces of music, firstly by Strauss
(Richard), then a Chopin concerto, full
Of rapid notes which strongly impressed all
The concert-goers, and no doubt, listeners
Live on Radio 3 tonight. Half-time called
And, like last time, walked quickly out the doors
And up to Oxford Road shops, the main cause
Being to buy a drink of milk, about
Five times cheaper than drinks back in the hall
The second half of the concert, it was
Beethoven-themed, the final tour de force
His First Symphony, which had us enthralled

2989 - Starring in the Star Inn...

A tiring day, my brain was fried by lunch-
Time, but I ploughed on through the fallow field
Until the time came that one does call crunch
And I remembered that I had to steal
Away in time to cook a teatime meal
And then wander to meet a long-time friend
And walk through Higher Broughton, such appeal
At night-time, I know, so we could attend
A fun new group, a poetry readaround
At The Star Inn, a pub run by a bunch
Of locals, owned by them too. Have they keeled
Over, I wonder, the poetry crowd
Drinking their pints, their beer bottles and such
While I left, now tee-total....That sounds weird!!!

2988 - Good times (things are working out fine)

I feel nicely energised nowadays
No poisons in my bloodstream, I'm all clean
I try to eat well and get exercise
My evenings are a long, productive scene
And day and night, a sense of well-being
I value things now that once were tainted
That once were unattractive, dull and mean
Like, eating, cleaning, much more devoted
Time for creative work - it's resulted
In all things at work and home in a phase
Of being well on track. Time somehow seems
Superabundant, greatly expanded
And I feel happier, in control of days
Not in a daze now, my senses are keen

2987 - Clothes and money hoist

Thank God, ebola's not the news headline
For a change - has it gone away, or is
It that news editors are bored, they pine
For something new? I know I do. The bizz
Of news can be pragmatic, not to diss
It, oh hell, yes, to diss it, if I must
I'm home tonight, done my exercises
Done clothes washing. Finances got a boost
From nPower, three hundred quid. I'm not used
To such windfalls! It's guitar practice time
Then I'll listen to football commentaries
Come on West Brom, beat United! Don't lose!
'Indiscretions of Archie' is now lined
Up to read - another PG Wodehouse

2986 - Funky weekend

Hey folks, the weekend's through but it's still good
Cos I've breezed through with no booze through my face
I'm not surprised at all, I knew I would
No urges whatsoever, not a trace
Today I periodically cleaned the place
Louis' crumbs, they get everywhere, you know
I read P.G. Wodehouse at quite a pace
His short stories, got more books to follow
Also watched 'The Look of Love' 'bout Soho
Life in the 60s and 70s, rude
Perhaps, but lots of female flesh, retrace
Paul Raymond's controversial and boho
Jet set life, then watched footy. Buffet food
With Nancy this evening - none went to waste

2985 - Weak end

Saturday night, been out all day, now I'm
Back home and there's no drink and none wanted
The amazing thing is just how much time
When I stay clean suddenly lies ahead
And how quick and how much gets done. I've fed
My guitar with attention already
And yet it's still just nine. Maybe I should
Do some writing, I've got some comedy
Planning, my medical routine, healthy
Doses of sick humour, a pantomime
Of bullshit diarrhoea to fuck the head
To make ebola fun for you and me
I'll do a bit, tomorrow I'll be tryin'
To do a bit more, now I'm not wasted

2984 - Big night out

That's a landmark occasion, knew I could
Do it, and so I have, that first night out
In pubs with friends (from work), but drank no Bud
No lager, no wine, no spirits, no nowt
My mind's still present within me, without
Any decline in bodily control
Also, no need to turn the waterspout
On in the bathroom, or risk getting cold
On the balcony, listening to those old
Songs on the headphones, drinking, smoking. Dud
Lifestyle, deathstyle, leaves willpower without clout
I'm blazing a trail, office colleagues hold
Judgement, see if I succeed. Some friends could
Decide they don't like me no more, no doubt

2983 - Healthy, wealthy and .... let's leave it at that!

Well here we are, the big day's here and so
Me and Louis begin our big challenge
Mine's no booze (or fags), permanently no!
Louis is giving up junk food, no gunge
No sweets, no sugar, jelly or blancmange
Not even Coke. Can he do it? Can I?
It won't be very hard, if we expunge
These evils from our lifestyle, if we try
And succeed, that'll mean it was easy
And it'll be easy because we'll know
That's what we want, we'll soak up like a sponge
The benefits, it'll be a new high
Like being a kid again, and you know
Nostalgia's not like it used to be - cringe!

2982 - Manc street sweepers

The last night's drinking has arrived, just three
Bottles of beer and that's all folks, it's done
I was gonna go out, but you can see
It's pretty wet out there. I did go down
To the Deli-Lama and hung around
Outside to see who was in. No surprise
Not many were out, so I turned around
And went back home. I'm tired, had two late nights
So I'll just strum a while, and close my eyes
Early-ish for a change, get energy
Back for the future life which should be fun
It shouldn't be a drag, should be all smiles
And like 1,2,3 and like ABC
OK, I'll get to it now this is done

2981 - The wurst comedy night in Salford... sausages!

A great night down at the King's Arms, Salford
Worst Comedy Night was a right good laugh
Tom Little was there, fresh from his reward
Of getting to the semi-final, tough
Test, of the Beeb's New Comic comp, sure 'nuff
A star is born, maybe. Lukas was there
Fresh from Llandudno, no duds, all good stuff
Handsome James, Tasty Tom, Grant Curnow's hair-
Brained comedy song, and of course, impaired
Dalek prop, Even some audience applaud!
That was a cringy rhyme, a crime, so naff
Tomorrow's strike day, but I must demur
I'm trying to save, fuckers! Not on board
With that, then. I always walk my own path

2980 - Fuck off fags and booze

I tell you world, that I'm giving up booze
Because booze equals fags, and both are bad
I've done without either, don't need to use
Nicotine, or the chemicals I had
Each time I inhale. It makes me so sad
And unable. Fuck it, it's time to be
Me unfettered, I don't need to be tied
To corporations, it's time to be me
It's far better that way, spiritually
From now on, I'll forge my path, self abuse
A thing of the past, my mind unfettered
That will be amazing, a sight to see
No longer will I squander talent, lose
Out, I will be myself, be loud and proud

Mon 13 Oct

2979 - Opportunity drops

I had a good day, physically fit
After a good night's sleep, did lots of stuff
Including THREE new poems that I writ
Cos I meant to go out tonight, but fluffed
The opportunity, my powder puff
Work ethic failing me again, using
The England match as my excuse! Enough
Nights later this month though, and my showing
Up is now vital, even the playing
Music night this Wednesday. Now that I've quit
Drinking and smoking (for now), I should have
The clarity of mind, the free thinking
To go out and do more, cos I had writ
The material especially. Rise above!!

2978 - Rugger bugger

Interrupted sleep last night, loud party
After an hour turned light on, read my book
Neared the end of Mary Barton quickly
But left the last few pages, which I flicked
Through on the train to Cheshire, on the track
I was on track to finish, and I did
Reach the conclusion before getting back
To Manchester. What did we do? We sped
By train and tram once more to Old Trafford
St Helens and Wigan met there, rugby
Grand Final, striped shirts, beer bellies, the look
Ate curry at the Quays mall, then we heard
Loud horns blown. Back in town, bought for Josie
A phone case for her i-Phone 4 - it's slick

2977 - No smoke without burnt money

Continuing my effort to stay clear
Of wasted money on booze, fags, whatnot
And so far doing well, first week is near
Saved money in imaginary pot
Piling up slowly but surely, the slot
By which coins enter becoming well-worn
OK, I'm only talkin' 'bout a slight
Amount, a few quid, so far, but I'm sworn
Against transgressing these days, feels I've grown
Out of the habit easily (yes, cheer!)
Those urges replaced by healthy things that
Also improve the mind. Evenings have flown
Just as much as if drinking yet more beer
Life can still be fun, not losing the plot

2976 - San Bullshitto

Worked late, I hope they appreciate it all
Meant there was no time to do much tonight
Before the all-important thing, football
Began - a stupid game that should be quite
A landslide for England, since their foot-fight
Is against the minute San Marino
This opposition, a small town, a sight
Few have seen, somewhere between Torino
And its Italian rival, Milano
Up there in northern Italy. Fuck all
Has happened yet, millionaire English might
Failing to crack the foe, no domino
Effect as yet, no rush from goal to goal
It's a good laugh, give Roy Hodgson a fright...

But soon as I wrote that, England scored. 

2975 - Keep on improvin'

Hey, it's all a comedy of errors
Can't believe how stupid some people are
But there you are, just have to deal with those
Meanwhile, it's as though I've joined Stoptober
I didn't mean to at month's start, but there
It is, and I'm better for it. My bank
Account's still got plenty in it to spare
Keep on like this, and I can finally sink
Some cash into plumbing repairs, I think
And maybe tattoos too, you know, because
I've got a few lined up to do, from far
Off days visiting places exotic
Or high-tech or both, European tours
And I'm reading 'Mary Barton' - hurrah!

2974 - Life's ebola cherries

A good nights' sleep, broken by listening to
A radio discussion of ebola
Haircut this lunchtime, rain meant there's no queue
And now thank goodness I look far smarter
Was having to slap much gel on my hair
It's the Lib Dems' party conference up in
Glasgow, but who cares? Clegg's interviews there
Suggest they'll do this and that if they win
And stay in government. How could that happen?
Junior coalition partners can't do
What's on their manifesto, remember,
Clegg? But it's clear he'd rather be again
A junior partner in power than stay true
UKIP might get more votes than them (be scared...!!)

2973 - See it through

I suppose it could have been worse, if I
Had argued back, but that doesn't work, so
Who gives a shit, I'll let worry go by
And work on what I can affect, won't go
But also won't get stressed out, so you know
And no apologies for that, suckers
Anyway, more importantly, things grow
On the friendship front, and all the smokers
Will have to share elsewhere, I'm none of theirs
At least for now, which means I'll save, bye-bye
To ashtrays, unnecessary beer flow
It's time for common sense, exercises
Oh that all sounds boring, I know, but try
For a while, be determined, go go go!

2972 - Eat, drink, save, repeat

I'm pretty pleased, pretty pleased, pretty pleased
That I've quit fags (again), quit fags (again)
And I've noticed, I've noticed, I've noticed
That my beer consumption, beer consumption
Goes down, down, it goes down, down, it goes down
Tonight with Nancy, tonight with Nancy
I had no beer but had fun. no beer, fun
That's happened before to me, to me, me
So there's no problem, you see, you see, see
I save money when I do this, do this
And feel better all round, better all round
Taxman, you're getting less duty, duty
Plumber, tattoos, I must pay for these, these
I've also got Lou's rent, Lou's rent, Lou's rent

Sun 5 Oct

2971 - Train in rain

Rainy morning, walked to Piccadilly
But coat made me warm, took it off on train
Got off at Wilmslow, dry now, saw Josie
We walked to station, Manchester again
Same as last weekend, Old Trafford the scene
She was hoping for an MU phone case
They didn't have them, the trip was in vain
But I bought her a football from the trays
Of dark blue balls, dark blue is their away
Strip this season. The shirts are seventy
Quid each, sixty for kids' sizes. Refrained
From splashing out that much. You'd be amazed
At all the foreigners in that store, pre-
pared to part with humongous cash therein

2970 - Old age rampage

Today saw a leaving do, retirement
Arrives for one more person, one more stage
In the journey reached, one more era spent
One more face that may never re-engage
With mine, one more time Father Time and age
Have worked their dubious charms, though should be said
Retirement has its good side, a new page
Opens, unpaid work, new friends, trips abroad
And this is where I'm envious - mortgage paid
Traditional roles, country lady and gent
But in future it could be all the rage
To live in the city, choose not to fade
In the same way, keep up the excitement
Chat, eat, drink, shop, walk, keep up the rampage

2969 - Lose the blues

Had a good play on the guitar tonight
Finding it easier to just play along
Quite quickly. Love making it up, no shite
Rehearsals as such, repetition dung
Always different each moment, though rock songs
And also r and b, they tend to make
It easy just to use blues progressions
I prefer those that don't, although mistakes
Can be made in less simple songs, but breaks
More new ground, forces the mind to think tight
And be on point, more's learned, not going wrong
And now what to do, bored now, I might take
Myself out to by drink, fill the gap night
Creates before bedtime, then snore-along

2968 - The clothed lunch

So tired, but things are reasonably OK
Looking forward to the pub tomorrow
A lunchtime leaving do, with a buffet
Is better than an appraisal, you know
Just realised I could have a new tattoo
Or three this month, should have the spends, I hope
But also need a plumber, fix the loo
The last one who fixed it did a bad job!
I'm flush with cash, but won't be soon. I'll sob
If it costs much. Last night was up til three
Good tasty pints at Salford Arms, yes, so
Tastier than the Kings Arms, although I gobbed
Back a good ginger pint there, have to say
Derby won again last night, so close now!

2967 - Three pints, no, more like six

Hi, well what happened today, you ask me
Me and Steve went to an oil terminal
A stone's throw from that good old Salford Quays
I walked back to the office, 'bout two mile
Queued up for ages at Greggs, all the while
Failing to connect to their wi-fi. Then
After work, and tea, tried to raise a smile
At the Kings Arms, in the snug, where the men
Were all acts, only Dermot was audience
Most of it was memorised, and rightly
You don't get anywhere with material
That's all written down, that you can't defend
After that, the Salford Arms, pint or three
And then home, writing this, now my bed calls...

Tue 30 Sep