2402 - A lorra lorra Lowry

So little sleep last night, I read a book
From start to finish, about the artist
LS Lowry, who himself worked late up
In the attic in Pendlebury, just
A mile or two up the road from these flats
Where I live in Salford. Was off today
Thank God, but didn't nap at all, no rest
For the wicked. In fact, just looked to see
If there were writing opportunities
For comedy writers. They try to block
Your optimism, which I fair, I guess
Stand-up's the easiest way to start, maybe
And can be fun, as I've found since I stuck
At it this time, slowly doing my best

2401 - Love in a warm climate

Another nice day out, sun on my back
Train to Wilmslow, weekly day with Josie
Read 'Love In A Cold Climate' on the track
And finished it on the way back as we
Approached Manchester (at Piccadilly)
Now I'm home I've selected my next book
It's a biography (L.S. Lowry)
That's timely, cos last Wednesday took a look
In the Lowry Centre - I was in luck
There was an exhibition there with stacks
Of his unseen sketches as well as the
More famous favourites previously took
In. Now to give the old guitar a whack
No, that's not euphemistic comedy!

2400 - From Maine Road to Rodney Parade

Been driving down to Wales and back today
In an Avis hired Skoda car (diesel)
To watch, with Louis, Newport County play
Torquay. Newport acquitted themselves well
Winning 2-1. Now we've seen all football
Clubs in league competition. We started
With Manchester City at Maine Road, all
Those years ago when Louis was 10. Sped
Down the M6, then M5, diverted
Onto the M50 with no delay
Got to Newport by one, but somehow still
Were almost late for the game, were misled
About where the stadium was, and it lay
A long walk from where we parked - what the hell!!

Sat 28 Sept 2013

2399 - The golden age of rock and soul

It's ten twenty p.m. and I'm all done
I've had a real good play on the guitar
To Serge Gainsbourg and Stevie Winwood, on
I could have gone but I've done enough for
One evening. Once I was happy to hear
But now I have to play along, can play
To anything now, makes me feel much more
Involved, seems easy after so long, hey
I know every chord, every change that they
Did all those years ago when I was young
In the golden age of rock and rock stars
It's an amazing empowerment to play
Stuff from before my time, seemed so hard then
But now I've mastered it, have raised the bar

2398 - Jesus shave me

It's been quite intense hard work this evening
I took a work DVD home with me
It was an hour and a friggin' half long
But during it I had a shave and wee
Afterwards, did exercises, fifty
Press-ups seems the right figure, a hundred
Sit-ups, well, half-sit-ups, arguably
Some stretches, then guitar practice, quite hard
This time, but good practice, playing the parts
As best I could to Charles Trenet's singing
With a few Jean Sablon numbers swiftly
Following on. Maurice Chevalier's pants
He's next, but I'll simply be listening
Not playing, walking to work on Friday

2397 - Home improvements

A most enjoyable day, quite hard-working
At first, missed lunch, was typing busily
At home (on leave today) but revising
And improving our one-hour comedy
Show at the King's Arms - it's on Saturday
The Second of November, just three pounds
Is the bargain price of the entry fee
Enough plugging for now, but I have found
A bit more zest for the show on two counts
(Following a dire display last week in
Our trunks at 3MT), and that's firstly
The laughs I got last night - I stood my ground
And restored my renown - second, reading
And improving the scripts has refreshed me

Check out 2 November 7.30pm - Baxter Glennon

2396 - In the King's Arms (Don't squeeze me, Henry!)

I'm back from a good old-fashioned fun night
At the King's Arms, fortnightly comedy
Fest, with good folk who gather and who might
All be getting better, if you ask me
Not many beers but still needed a wee
Periodically, but as for my set, it
Went well, some old gags, some new - mixture, see
That's how you develop acts, some jokes hit
The spot, some don't, but you work on the wit
The personality, that you can't write
But if you have it, you are almost free
To stand up and be yourself, and to wit
Of being myself, it's nice to know I'm right
On the button sometimes when I'm being me

2395 - Arming for the King

A busy day at work, busy at home
When I got in, Louis was at my desk
He's borrowing my power pack - the one
He had is now kaput, it has gone west
He took his laptop to his room, as best
I could I used my time, thought up routine
For tomorrow night, ten subjects to jest
About down the King's Arms, though they're not mean
As an audience if you flop, though I've been
That only once there - I tried to become
A humorous story-teller. It was worse
Than simple jokes rattled off nice and clean
After that I played guitar, quite a strum
Now this, and some reading, and so to rest...

2394 - Manchester Disunited (LOL)

A nice day at home, the highlight, football
Man City beating United with ease
The score was 4-1, analysis all
Increasing the pressure on David Moyes
The days of Ferguson are over. Yes!
I don't support City myself, but hey
I watched it with my son Louis. He does!
Me, I support Nigel Clough's team, Derby
Who yesterday lost to Reading, badly
They're failiing at home - no, not the Baseball
Ground (cool name), that's no more - since the nineties
Their stadium's been Pride Park. Uneasily
Have the Rams tried to live up to that call
Too often, shame has been the word we use!

2393 - Manchester Odyssey

Warm day, hung in sunshine with little Jo
Getting snacks on the way from All-U-Need
Firstly down to the big park in Wilmslow
Then to the train station with itchy feet
To Manchester where I thought we would meet
Another train and go somewhere far off
However, she wanted KFC meat
And fries, but the food court was too full of
Like-minded people queuing there to scoff
Their faces, tables all taken, and so
We wandered round the Arndale, where she spied
The teddy's clothes shop and Claire's (ear-ring love)
Yes, little Jo's had ears pierced. Hoped to show
Her the Football Museum. No! time decreed

2392 - Breaking (into) Pad

Louis is out watching films Friday eve
So I'm alone in the flat typing this
Good couple of days at work, have achieved
A few things, but don't expect much credit
Poor old Steve though, what comes around is this
He got burgled. Meanwhile Tony Mac's been
Sailing down south. On Tuesday, rather piss
Poor performance, least that's how it was seen
By the hosts. I care for their opinion
Had hoped to do some solo stuff - quite brave
In the Salford Arms, a hubbub, a hiss
Of groups of friends - but wouldn't have gone down
Too well, it was just singers - up my sleeve
My set remained! Breaking Bad with Louis

2391 - Not so funny

I worked well today and after the end
I worked on a new comedy routine
I went down to the Salford Arms, intent
On performing, downed three pints of ale, e'en
Watched a few acts, but decided that scene
Was not the right one for my act, and so
Made my way back home. You know where I've been
But do you know where I am going to go?
No, no-one knows, no-one will ever know
What's in the future, so let's not pretend
That what is hidden from us can be seen
A reasonably good night, but a show
Based around music. I will have to spend
Time on songs to play there, so we will see

2390 - Comedy is no laughing matter

Comedy problems last night, didn't go
So well. I'd have been OK doing stand-up
But our double-act proved wrong for that show
Too weird and also too rushed. Can't let slip
Chances such as this and still move on up
We've got shows coming up so we must stay
Together for a while, but still I'll keep
My solo options open so they say
'He's good!' - something I believe that they may
Bitching at work about their trying to
Line me or one of us up for the chop
Well not the chop exactly, not yet, hey
Tonight once more to Salford Arms with Lou
To watch Arsenal or Chelsea, Euro Cup

Three Minute Theatre

2389 - Early morning ponderings

Here I am, back again from a night out
It's getting pretty late, quarter to three
But what needs to be said is not about
This or that, or the other, obviously
It's what you care about, not what I see
And so I don't care what you see or think
Though I should, but I don't, quite selfishly
It's my world, I interpret it, a blink
Of my eye is enough to form a link
Between it and everything else without
And in so doing, produce poetry
Upon demand, when I come home from drink
That's what I've done once more, and have no doubt
I'll do it again, so regularly

Tue 17 Sep 2013 

2388 - Looking for glove

Down the Salford Arms tonight, the first time
Watched football there but also established
They have quite a few things happening - I'm
Gonna check out Thursday, when there's music
And spoken word open mic. I'm thinking
Of doing comedy there Thursday night
It's cold and autumnal, when you're walking
The chill wind does nobody very right
And as for umbrellas, they break and split
Went hunting for glove puppets at lunchtime
You wouldn't believe they've all but vanished
Online's the only hope to get a tight
Fit. Looking for a glove puppet supreme
I've one at home but Mum sewed up its head

Glove puppets

2387 - Love and Haiti

Wet Sunday, raining all over this land
Finished 'The Comedians' by Graham Greene
(Nothing to do with comedy, my man)
It was quite like 'The Quiet American'
But whereas that was set in Vietnam
In this later novel, Haiti's the scene
The tension of the Papa Doc regime
Staying alive, post-Castro Caribbean
Always the fear of armed revolution
Lyndon Johnson supporting any scheme
That wasn't Communistically planned
The good old bad old days, Soviet regime
Post-Stalinist shadows in East Berlin
How strange it all ended under Reagan!

Papa Doc

2386 - Party in my mind

A short day out with my little Josie
Hung round Wilmslow a while, then to Stockport
Though we could only stay there for a short
While because she was off to a party
But no matter how short, our short sortie
Is always fun, though today I was drained
After last night's booze-up, my brain was strained
My thoughts drip through the holes, can't speak easy
Jo's partying with Georgina, her friend
I'm taking things easy, disdaining fraught
Ways, making relaxation less cheesy
Saturday night in, but a full unwind
Is maybe not fully possible but
With booze that is probably Sainsbury's-bought

2385 - Drinking thinking

I'm back home after a typical night
Out, out-drinking my fellow-drinker, so
There's not much to say, there's not much to slight
It's tricky to think, difficult to show
Stuff when things are different and you don't know
How to say what's next, or what that might be
All you can do is listen to the flow
Of music and determine oh, slowly
Your spiritual destination, realise that we
Somehow over decades come to realise
That what we reap we somehow come to sow
And what we sow we reap though so slowly
I don't know what we sow or reap, we might
Reap or sow something, but what do we sow?

Fri 13 Sep

2384 - Jam tomorrow

Felt brain dead after lunch time's little treat
Korean takeaway took away my
Energy, or maybe that was last night
When I woke up at five-thirty and tried
To get back to sleep, drift away and hide
Managed it in the end. Decided not
To go to Leeds for a jam. It's not right
To go that far when you're tired. I forgot
Anyway til it was too late. I've stopped
In, saved 30 quid, but still not stayed quiet
Whacked out some tunes on the guitar. Now I
Want to relax, open a yogurt pot
Watching Live At The Apollo, then it's
The return of Question Time. Dimbleby!

2383 - Chickened out of Kiev

Autumn's definitely here and the rain's back
Just like the springtime, all so cold and wet
I've even put a jumper on my back
To keep myself warm here in this old flat
It's the first time since May that I've done that
Back to last night's comedy - pleased I went
To play God and Jesus 'long with Dermot
It turned out more fun than if I had spent
The evening with England's embarrassment
Drawing nil-nil in Ukraine. Now - flashback
To Sunday night. According to Dermot
We stayed in the pub til midnight, so went
Home later than I thought, and we knocked back
More beer than I thought. This, I'd all forgot...

2382 - Mellow Malmo mood

Hello again! I'm back from a big night
At the King's Arms (where else?) and it was good
Dermot mislaid his Jesus beard, not right
And I was playing God, complete with beard
It's hard to make divine sense with covered
Mouth, but I've got eternity, practise
Will make perfect, I pray. Our spoken word
Of holy wisdom will win when once it's
Accepted by the powers that be, those shits
Listening to Paul Simon as I type, quite
Reminding me of Malmo's neighbourhood
Where I wandered last November with this
In my earphones, before the dark was bright
With light installations. Now - time for bed...

Tue 10 Sep

2381 - Here we come

Publicising mine and Dermot's show on
Facebook - so far no-one has yet replied
All those friends, where are they now, won't they come?
Or will they wait til we're big, and inside
Prestigious venues, charging far more quid?
Three quid's all we're asking this time around!
Hopefully some work colleagues will come, mind
And family members maybe, and their friends
And hopefully some strangers who have scanned
The brochures, posters or information
On websites. Comedy Festival! Bide
Your time, we'll be there, trying to defend
Our right to be mad and win acceptance
More smashing jokes than yokes of eggs well fried

2380 -Pissed...

Here I am, not totally sober, but
Trying to do a sonnet, anyway
It's hard to do a  sonnet when you're bit
Pissed, but I'll try do to it, try to say
Meaningful stuff, try to find things to say
That was a real good pint, brewed in Derby
The name of it was Mercia IPA
And I am now  pissed consequentially
The effect of those pints too real to see
It's between one and two a.m. and that
Is quite late, work tomorrow, so I'll say
I need to go to bed, and rapidly
I feel quite sick, but I must gather thoughts
And so I must finish, must end today...

Sun 8 Sep

2379 - Ukulele Lady

Cool day out with Jo to the Manchester
Aquatic Centre (or, just 'swimming pool'!)
It was a good laugh, but I was injured
Slightly going down the tube - I was a fool
For not tucking in feet and elbows. Still,
After a poor start, learned how to do that
And also stay on the inflatable
Obstacle course to the end. I'd forgot
The plans to buy a ukulele, but
After the pool, by chance, we walked past a
Musical instrument shop, with ukes all
On display, so there was no need to fret
We went straight in and bought a red one there
Now Jo can attend uke classes at school!

2378 - Hitler Schitler

Another series on Adolf Hitler
This time on Channel 4, starting Sunday
Yes, it's a fascinating subject, the
Rise to total power of a friendless guy
Who found his real artistic talent lay
In creative advancement of evil
And so should still be watched, especially
By the young who have not yet had their fill
Sadly his escapades do seem to thrill
Each new generation. Would they be here
At all if he'd fulfilled his plans to lay
Waste to Europe, west and east, and then all
Others, had he got first to the nuclear
Button? But it's entertainment now, hey!

2377 - Guns n poses

I'm pleased we're not rushing off to Syria
Or maybe we're already there - who knows?
Whoever we are - that would not be our
Collective will, that would probably be those
Friends of the army or navy, those foes
Of peace, friends of warfare technology
We didn't put Assad there, I suppose
But did we support his dad, covertly?
We claim to represent democracy
Yet in those cold war days a dictator
Was often an ally. It seems we chose
Not democrats but any military
Regime that wasn't anti-west and a
Source of 'stability' at least for us

2376 - After London

Not enough sleep, but a full day's work done
At the office, even though no breakfast
Because no milk or bread in the kitchen
After the London holiday. I'm just
Posting pictures on Facebook - post, post, post
Not put up the videos yet, though. Can't wait
To see what they think of them. Big Ben's most
Funny, but Karl Marx's tomb was a great
Laugh too. Hope it's OK to celebrate
Josie and Pearl's antics with everyone
I just think it's worthy of net broadcast
These images shouldn't be kept to waste
Meanwhile, can't wait to relax, settle down
For the next hour before bed. I need rest!

2375 - London Day 6

What a fantastic few days with Josie
And Pearl, both my daughters down in London
Hot weather, end of summer, so lovely
We saw so much, talked so much, we came on
Josie's a 'big' girl now, she's at age 10
That magic time when the world comes alive
Final day in Bloomsbury, then the train
Home from Euston, back quite late, got to save
Energies for school and work, stay alive
Now I'm home, saw Louis, he seemed happy
He said that he'd got lots of writing done
And now, before bed, some beer! Been deprived
Thanks to mercurial Jo, but memories
Will last forever of where we have been

Tue 3 Sept

2374 - London Day 5

So hot in London. Got train to Green Park
Just me and Jo today, Pearl's back at work
Walked through Green Park, then on into Hyde Park
Walked to Speaker's Corner but didn't talk
There to the public, but me and Jo worked
Our jaws up, down, for all they were worth - chat
A-plenty in the sun, good fun, we baked
In the sun, but found shade. Then, the Albert
Memorial and Hall, great to see that!
Natural History Museum, looked
At human evolution and all sorts
Of animal skeletons. Jo's best bit
Though, was the shop with lots of coloured rocks
Then, Kensington High Street - met Pearl - got dark

Mon 2 Sept

2373 - London Day 4

Today we went on the train to Greenwich
Joined by Pearl's friend Amy - looked at markets
Bought me and Jo a chorizo sandwich
In my case filled with pepper and rocket
Opposite the Cutty Sark we ate it
After that, Oxfam bookshop, Graham Greene
Novel, 'The Comedians' now I've finished
The Dali autobiog. Caught the train
To Highgate. Had to walk long way again
Our destination the big cemetery which
Contains Karl Marx's tomb and George Eliot's
More pix and videos were then taken
Not too respectful of the Communist
Now ordering Chinese food back at the flat

Sun 1 Sept

2372 - London Day 3

Another sunny day in London Town
First full day with Pearl, we went to St Paul's
Including the long climb and then back down
From the high dome, from where we could see all
The landmarks of the city. Captured all
Of it on camera for posterity
Our legs were numb after that, for a while
Manchester Square was next, the goal, to see
The Wallace Collection that's currently
Exhibiting a fine old collection
Of old Parisian scenes before they pulled
Half of it down, mid-19th-century
Modernisation by Baron Haussmann
Then wandered round Soho hoping for meals

Sat 31 Aug

2371 - London Day 2

Pearl was working, so she went out early
Me and Jo had a lie-in, but I read
Trying to finish Salvador Dali
About 11, got train to Stratford
Olympic Stadium and the large Westfield
Shopping Centre, then back to the Thames bank
City Hall, near Tower Bridge, then discovered
Some water jets, and I had those to thank
For keeping Josie amused, then we sank
Into seats at Cafe Nero, icy
Drinks. Then we organised where to get fed
We waited for Pearl down by the South Bank
Where we observed a busker in the sea
How mad! Could have got electrocuted!

Fri 30 Aug

2370 - London Day 1

Up fairly early, I walked to Deansgate
Caught train to Piccadilly, then Wilmslow
Waited for Jo's mum there, I wasn't late
And then by car, Jo's mum brought little Jo
The London train left at 10.10, just Crewe
The only stop, and after that, Euston
Walked to Russell Square, met Pearl for lunch, though
She had to go back to work in Holborn
While we walked round the shops, then to Big Ben
It chimed at 3, there wasn't long to wait
Then Westminster Abbey, then tried to see
Downing Street, but the gates made it no fun
Then Buck Palace, and then the Monument
Tower Bridge, met Pearl again, and ate, us 3

Thur 29 Aug