1579 - Unhappy old year

It's too soon to wish a Happy New Year
So instead let's look back on the old one
Twelve months that saw the death of New Labour
And the exile from power of Gordon Brown
The poisoned chalice, post-Blair Number Ten
Did for him, but primarily the lust
For the top job at any price, his sin
The coalition cost the Liberals trust
Nick Clegg's untainted honour's showing rust
Obama's struggling too, though with honour
At least healthcare reforms got through. Iran.
North and South Korea still at peace - just
Afghanistan sputters on as ever
Despite all this, we had a little fun

1578 - Lodger, where can you be?

Although I'm generally happy alone
I'm only human and it gets lonely
Mind you, alone's good for getting things done
Like tonight, when writing a song took three
Hours. That could not be done with company
That said, I placed an ad for a lodger
On returning skint from Greece and Turkey
My bank balance red as a tomato
I need the money more than the chatter
I received emails and gave out my phone
Number. Some guys viewed it, well, two or three
But single bed, rough carpet and boiler
Put them off. A girl liked it, but she's gone
With this landlord murderer news story

The story in the news is that her older landlord is suspected of strangling young Bristol architect Joanne Yeates. That'll definitely put off any girls renting the flat, I expect (it needs someone with their own double bed, and she said she was interested, and has her own double bed). But that isn't gonna happen now. So I'm trying to take the positives and make the most of my free time. If one can do that with virtually no spends!

1577 - Inside the box

Staying dry, saving money, and watching
Film after film, and comedy series
This Happy Breed's on now, The Time Machine
Is coming up, The Omen's on late. These
Are after Gigi (set in Gay Paris)
Leslie Caron is a heavenly girl
And who can resist old smiler Maurice?
And I watched as the Roman Empire fell
Following Alec Guinness' apple
(Poisoned) that set Sophia Loren crying
The Break-Up late last night produced no tears
From me. The Peep Show, that looks watchable
Tonight, and naughty Frankie Boyle's goading
Miranda and Morgana bring hee hee's

1576 - Proud and prejudiced

Yesterday I watched all six episodes
Of the great TV dramatisation
Of 'Pride and Prejudice' - the story told
In more detail than shorter film versions
I loved the well-nuanced interaction
Of Darcy, played by Colin Firth, with Liz
But all the while I was in suspension
Waiting until she finally went to his
Place, Pemberley (Lyme Park, it really is -
A place I know well from running off roads
Up and down hills, through woods and back again
But only a few months ago realised
A visit to the hall itself, which shows
Some great views, that lake, and exhibitions)

1575 - A toast... to toast

Believe it or not, I've had no toaster
Since I moved into this flat years ago
And although I'm not much of a boaster
I now have something about which to crow
My mother had a spare toaster, and so
She offered it to me, and I snatched it
I now have most mod cons, some still to go
But at making toast I can now practise
White, brown or wholemeal, but always thin-sliced
Or else you get no jam on toast, no sir
Instead you get toast jammed in toaster, so
Choose with care down at the supermarket
This is another way to beat frosty
Evenings. They'll fly by with toast, don't you know?

1574 - De-icing on the cake

It's Boxing Day evening, I'm back at home
It's been a hectic day... Drove from my mum's
Hunching to peek between ice crystals sewn,
It seemed, onto my windscreen, despite tons
Of de-icer spray. As the engine hums
And roars, the ice melts, and I passed Helsby
Turning to see its Christmas card visions
Rooftops of snow, though mainly seventies
Rooftops, cul-de-sacs; wooded hill lofty
A green pudding with a white custard dome
Seen from the M56 with quick turns
Of the head to the right, then back to the
Front, and on to Wilmslow; then we are gone
Me and Josie, Pearl and Louis - what fun!

1573 - I'm not dreaming - it is a white Christmas!

Actually it has been a white Christmas
Okay, I don't think it snowed today, but
There was a white covering on the trees
On hedges, lawns, on roofs and chimney-pots
As I drew back the curtains, then I got
A good look at my mum's garden at dawn...
More so than in my flat, this place is hot
(The heating works well). My jumper was shorn
This evening on our return from Gillian
And Kevin's house, where we both nearly froze
But at least they cooked for us, though we brought
Our own trifle. No alcohol's gone down
My neck yet, but a bottle of Baileys
Is in my mum's sideboard... I'll have a bit!
Sat 25 Dec 2010

1572 - Sprouting nonsense

It's Christmas Eve, so I won't write about
The St Bartholomew's Day Massacre
In France in 1572, pout
Though you may, but you had better not, or
No-one will come down your chimney this year
Santa may be no panther - he's panting
And struggling out of bed in his polar
Shed - but, reindeer fed, he'll be departing
For warmer climes (though not much). Snow's falling
This year, so let's be pleased when we look out
Over a crackling red radiator
Look, it's just like all the Christmas paintings!
A snowman's life expectancy's now thought
To be weeks, not days. Say halleluya!

1571 - The Battle of Lepanto

The year of the Battle of Lepanto
A clash between the Turks and the Christians
At sea, just off the Greek coast, that's thought so
Significant because the shifting sands
Of fortune would now tilt westwards, to lands
Under the cross. The Virgin Mary led
The Spanish commander, the famed Don Juan
To victory, with the Pope's blessing, which led
To a day in her name celebrated
Still by the Church. The deadly Muslim foe
Had lost so many highly-skilled bowmen
That their force was crippled; disunited
However, the West never got to go
Back to Constantinople as they'd planned

1570 - Ivan's terrible legacy

That terrible year 1570
Ivan the Fourth's foul forces of fear fell
Furiously upon Novgorod, where he
Believed he beheld boyars' betrayal
Rich middle classes resisted his rule
Siding with Poland-Lithuania
Made to move from Moscow, Ivan's mental
State scarred, the tsar tormented by Tatars
Striking from south and east, their prisoners
Taken by Khans to Turkish slavery
The Cossacks consequently kept quite well
These hordes from the borders of old Russia
Expansion and firm rule would always be
The goal, after Ivan the Terrible

1569 - Magnificent Moguls

A dispossessed prince wandered through the land
Full of frustrated ambition and drive
He left what is now called Uzbekistan
This Mongol prince, Babur, who was derived
From Genghis Khan and Timur Lang. He thrived
In battle, Pashtuns and Hindus and all
Delhi was his till the end of his life
His son Humayun lost some big battles
But regained ground. The empire reached its full
Persian-style grandeur under the wise hand
Of Akbar, third Mogul, with Hindu wife.
Jahangir, Shah Jahan and wife Mahal
And lastly Aurangzeb met the demands
Of ruling India, till Britain, and Clive

NB: I have used the old term 'Mogul' which has been replaced by 'Mughal'

1568 - The future's Orange

There was an old Roman town called Orange
Arausio was its original name
This original Orange in Provence
(Southern France) became a duchy and came
To be linked to another house of fame
The German House of Nassau (in the Rhine-
Land Palatinate) by the usual game
Of judicious marriage. Aged eleven,
The Orange-Nassau lands passed to William
The Silent, son of William the Rich
And this young German noble soon became
Soldier and office-holder, Netherlands
His home from now on, fighting the Spanish
And for the cause of religious freedom

1567 - More about Mary's blokes

In 1567 Lord Darnley died
The husband of Mary, the Queen of Scots
Father of James the Sixth, who would succeed
Elizabeth, the first of the Stuarts
On England's throne, and known as James the First...
Darnley may have wanted his Mary dead
So he could be regent, but he was cursed
To die young; he'd made himself unwanted
By Mary and nobles, and was strangled...
Soon, Mary married a third time, and tied
Herself to the Earl of Bothwell. She'd not
Got the knack of choosing good husbands. Fled
To Norway after Scots nobles allied
Against him. In a Danish prison, rots...

1566 - Wirral squirrels

A better day today, despite the snow
Managed to drive along the motorway
Taking Josie to my mum's bungalow
In the pleasant Wirral town of Greasby
Not far from Birkenhead and Wallasey
As you head west from Manchester you find
Less winter ice and snow, invariably
Wirral's near the coast, where the climate's kind
Unlike inland, those bleak moors and Pennines
Bad for the health, and cars can get stuck, so
The west is the best on a winter's day
After this fun day, able to unwind
Paid for my cable, email fixed, good go
On guitar (using a pick) - play away...

1565 - Good times, bad times

A successful day balanced by a shit
Evening: my laptop won't connect properly
To the monitor, and my email Out-
Box won't send emails. That happened to me
A month ago. This is like Groundhog Day
Add to this, the disk drive won't play CDs
The sound keeps breaking up; they just won't play
Properly. Now add to that, that my TV
Has bit the dust, the dust it's truly bit
(Unless it's just weather difficulties,
And reception will be restored...) But not
Likely at this rate. I went on e-Bay
But couldn't pay for the cable I'd 'bought'
I won't get it by Christmas now, surely...:(

No comment

Boo hoo - I dunno why but the comment box is inoperative at the moment for me - I'm glad to see others can still enter comments. But the upshot is I can't reply to them at the moment. I do enjoy reading them, though, so pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease keep commenting, or at least reading them.

One positive thing I've noticed recently to offset the above negative thing - balance, yin and yang, yada yada - is that when I Google 'Antonionioni' it no longer thinks I've mistyped 'Antonioni' but offers Antonionioni as an option to go straight into. In fact not only that, but on choosing the offered option, top of the websites list was this website - so thanks to my peeps, to my kru, to my homies wot have kept on readin me stuff, like.

PS - I may not be able to post for a few days - I'm not sure when I'm getting my laptop back off my mate who's reinstalling everything for me after wiping the dodgy fake program that a charlatanic, satanic, pusillanic b'stard put on there after charging me 80 smackeroonies. I will return when the bluebirds fly once more over Salford...

Hasta la (Windows) vista, babies...

1564 - Below Cloud 23

Last night's office bash was not noteworthy
Only for going up the Hilton Tower
It began long before, but not early
Enough, because a party from the floor
Above us - the legal team - had got there
A few minutes before us, and got served
First, making us wait. That's lawyers for ya!
The quantity of food? Well, we deserved
More, frankly. Extra veg was brought, which curved
Our stomachs more satisfactorily
We stayed at The Bridge for another hour
Then the Ape & Apple, though it unnerved
With its roughness the girls in our party
That's why we next went up the Hilton Tower!

1563 - The view from Cloud 23

Tonight I went up the Hilton Hotel
The tallest building in all Manchester
Some overpriced drinks, a view of, oh well
Stretford, Salford, it all looks great from floor
23 ('Cloud 23') We all saw
Street lights that could be Stoke, Liverpool, Leeds
I was underwhelmed as drink prices soared
Yes, I remained on the ground when I read
Those drinks prices. Despite all this, we had
A good time up in the Hilton Hotel
The tallest building in all Manchester
A tower you see from wherever you're led
A sliver of glass, a viewpoint of, well
Not that much really - it's just Manchester

Wed 15 Dec - written while very drunk.

1562 - Marking your card

I've still not written or posted my cards
I'm running out of time to post them now
Each day I bring them into work but can't
Find time to write them; work just won't allow
Oh Christmas cards, oh Christmas cards, just how
Will they get sent off in time to my kin?
Though I've not yet quite got a furrowed brow
At a low level, it's quite worryin'...
Mind you, when will MY cards start arrivin'?
Are they waitin' to get theirs first? Bastards!
If so, maybe I won't send them. That cow
Of a sister; that brother, he's a swine
And as for my mother, I've no regards
Sod them all, and sod Christmas. Sod you, too!

WARNING - DANGER, HIGH VOLTAGE!

Actually, there is very low risk of high voltage, and high risk of low voltage. But this is, nevertheless, a warning!

(A warning of what?)

Oh yeah, of course, I forgot what to warn you about! Doh, ha ha ha, what a doughnut. I'd forget me 'ead if it weren't screwed on, ha ha. What it's about ... is... just to let you know that I have lent me computer to this geezer what's fixin it for me - allegedly, ha ha - an I'm sans computer, comme ils disent en France, till the bleeder gives it me back. IF ee gives it me back, that is. But if ee don't, ee'll wake up wiv is 'and transfixed to a bleedin snooker table. Wiv a knife. That's the way we do fings round ere, gorblimey Charlie.

But I'm sure ee won't let me dahn. Ee's a diamond geezer. Nah, I don't mean ee works in the diamond industry do I, yer doughnut. It's just an East End expression, like Delboy and the Old Vic, sorry, the Queen Vic.

So I might not be able ter post me blog every day on time, an even when I do, like today (from work) , for some reason I can't post comments on uvver peeps' stuff. So don't be offended. Antionionioni and the Onioni gang are right behind yers all the way to the bottom of the alley.

Now gertcha and do sumfink useful, awroit?

1561 - Laptopland, where the e-elves live

My laptop has been given to a friend
He's gonna fix it, put right what went wrong
He's gonna do his very best to mend
The mess made of it by that stupid schlong
In Salford, whose number I'd obtained from
The Yellow Pages, but who messed it up
Computers are like cars; depend upon
Someone to fix them, and they'll cock it up
Or rip you off as well as screw it up
My flat tyre waits for me; I'll have to spend
Precious December spondoolicks on one
New tyre: cost, 40 quid at Kwik Fit. Stop
This money-wasting! Gotta reach the end
Of the year solvent, when Auld Lang Syne's sung

1560 - Out, damned Scot!

I'm looking forward to watching Macbeth
Tonight on TV, with Patrick Stewart...
A Scottish theme pervades, I must confess
The year 1560 and this sonnet
Shakespeare was not yet to be, and so yet
To pen that drama of the northern land
But that year saw Scotland turn Protestant
And the French were shown the door by England
Aided by the death of the Frenchwoman
Mary of Guise, unlucky with the deaths
Of four children, leaving Mary Stuart
(Queen of Scots) sole heiress, but on her own
The Auld Alliance with France worth much less
And Francis the Second in his casket

Mary Queen of Scots' parents had contracted a great marriage with the son and heir of Francis I, the great French rival of Henry VIII (who had died a few years earlier). This seemed likely to keep Scotland independent from England by close union at royal level with France, potentially even leading to a French takeover of Scotland and, ultimately, England. However, after Francis I's death, Francis II - Mary Queen of Scots' young husband - did not live long, and consequently his mother, Catherine de Medicis, became regent until the nine-year-old Charles IX could take over the reins of power in France.

1559 - Dr Do Little

Been a long day, already half-past eight
What shall I do? Not sure, perhaps I'll read
Watch TV, or why not even try to write?
No, think I'll write tomorrow, after bed
Has refreshed me sufficiently. The head
Is clearer in the morning or the noon
And better words are written, thoughts are sped
Around the searching brain, more linking done
Between this and that. Late nights are for fun
Or relaxation. Let the body wait
And the mind is the body. Soften tread
Sit on the sofa, don't get off your bum
Except when needing to visit toilet
Let life go by for now and plant no seed

1558 - Virgin on the ridiculous

In 1558 Elizabeth
Began her reign in time of great turmoil
Placed on that dangerous throne after the death
Of elder sister Mary. This curtailed
The often bloody attempt to recall
England to Catholic ways; the Church was free
From the dictates of Rome; the powerful
Nobles and merchants would prefer to be
Left alone to follow their liberty
Of conscience and commerce; the trend was set
Which has continued and spread from this soil
To others, thanks to those in Germany
Religious war was short-lived, and the heat
Against the crown would simmer, not yet boil

1557 - Germany calling

There's been a season of programmes lately
On the TV all about Germany
I've missed many but I've seen two or three
The scenic walks of Julia Bradbury
Up the Rhine, and to Neuschwanstein lastly
While pub landlord comedian Al Murray
Has travelled by car, therefore more widely
Past snowy mountains, forests of fir tree...
Frederick the Great, Ludwig's insanity
Lots of Wagner, complete with valkyries
Less Goethe, Schiller, Nietzsche; literary
Men perhaps rather dull for BBC
In-depth treatment. The main effect on me
Is that I'd like to go there presently

1556 - Jack Lennon in 'The Odd Couple'

John Lennon blah blah, we worship him still
He could sing and write good catchphrase lyrics
But McCartney is almost the devil
No airports named after him, and less myths
I feel sorry for Paul. John's politics
Such as they were, take precedence over
Paul's musical genius, yes, mere music's
Not as sexy, it seems, as camera-
Loving publicity stunts; a poser
And egomaniac; while the Fab Four filled
Theatres and stadiums, the harmonies clicked
But given time and space, Lennon declared
Declaimed, condemned, abstained, rejected, till
The Fab Four were no more, with Paul eclipsed

1555 - Antonionioni on Antonioni

Antonionioni pays respects
To film producer Antonioni -
The inspiration for my name; that ex-
tra 'oni' on the end is quite funny
To me (only). Watched 'Blowup' - a really
Entertaining and amusing picture
Also very historical; we see
Mid-sixties London grow up, skyscrapers
(By English standards), and architecture
Of earlier times groovily painted. Sex
Is not absent, unsatisfactory
Though it may be; frustrating, immature
Insincere, dangerous. Image reflects
Uncertainty, always uncertainty

1554 - Late night thoughts

I'm tired and drunk, it's two in the morning
I've popped a hot water bottle in bed
And now, though so late, before retiring,
I am by sonnetary duty led
I have to write fourteen lines from my head
Though it's barely functioning, it is screwed
Back from Liverpool, where I had been led
To the Academy, musical food
Served up by Electric Six, though not crewed
By the original line-up. Taking
Me back to Manchester, the train then fed
Me to an extremely cold night. I moved
As quickly as I could through the shopping
Centre, now closed, heading towards Salford

1553 - One Bloody Mary, please

In 1553, young Edward the
Sixth's sickening, slipping away to die
So quickly after his father, Henry
The Eighth, departed, fat and unhealthy
This course of events, of course let Mary
Onto the throne; like Edward, a sickly
Child. Edward's will was Queen Lady Jane Grey
Protestant, related to the family
Tudor, and beautiful, unlike Mary
Whose mother Catherine's fertility
Was somewhat suspect in its quality
Mary however was not unwary
Of slurs on her mother church ancestry
And set about being Bloody Mary

1552 - Thoughts of a typist, sorry, writer

A rare day spent on writing poetry
Rewriting two poems; they weren't first drafts
I posted one of them for folk to see
On Write Out Loud, where I hoped to attract
A few comments and I have, so that's that
I have the other one still up my sleeve...
Yesterday, while at work, engaged in chat
With a pal in Newcastle, I conceived
An idea for a novel, play, even
About a comedian misanthrope
Although he's nasty, I'll play it for laughs
Funny's better than serious, I believe
This guy has no sense of humour, you see
Until he writes it down, becomes relaxed

1551 - Keep the home radiators burning

It's so cold in the flat I need some gloves
A scarf, maybe a hot water bottle
A roaring fire - hey, give those logs a shove
With this brass poker, open a bottle
Of whisky, some toast, a cigar. Battle
Against the cold, the dying of the light
Switch over from news reports of struggles
In snow, drift over to sunny and bright
Holiday ads; watch Peter O'Toole's white
Robes flapping in the desert as dunes move
In scorching winds that blister and mottle
A pale face, camels racing to the fight
Listen to Oasis, listen to Love
Or the Beach Boys to melt those ice crystals

PS - I mention Oasis purely because of their name!

1550 - The big chill

It's cold it's cold it's brass monkeys big chill
Could be as cold as '63 or worse
The year I was born we went through the mill
Although I like the snow, I must confess
Let's look on the bright side in all of this
Global warming may not be after all
As hot an issue as it appeared last
Year or last decade. As temperatures fall
Let's feel secure, let's feel comfortable
In the frozen north. Shivering has appeal
Compared to desertification. This
Means the Sahara won't now spread its thrall
To Italy, to southern France. I will
Celebrate such seasonal differences

1549 - Partly-articulated arctic art

As daylight fades and snowflakes fall more slow
I recall this morning's journey from hell
Or was it to hell and back, I don't know
Truthfully, though, an early rise is all
I panic at - satanic alarm bell -
Naught else Dante-esque about today's trip
In my eyes. Though the skies rained snow, it's all
Great fun to this big kid. The car might slip
And slide in rush hour rush, might even flip
In the slush, but who cares? I had to go
To Wilmslow to pick up Josie, then crawl
As time flew, or like drops of water dripped,
In queues of cars, then on the buses, so
My girl could take her piano test. Did well!!!