3118 - First full day alone (although spent with Josie)

First day of truly being alone, now Lou
Has been in London since yesterday when
I took him down with his stuff right up to
The gate of his new shared flat. Now I can
Do what I want when I want where I want
And I'll enjoy that, though with some regret
Because it's better with two. I must plan
For a lodger, cos I need to inject
Some income into my empty wallet
Preferably some clean crisp notes that will do
Amazing things for me, though it's quite zen
How cheap paper has such value, and it
Is just symbolic really. But gold's too
Rare to be used on a mass scale by man

3117 - Park Lane Drive

I've missed Match of the Day, it's finishing
I'll check today's results when I've typed this
Today I hired a car and went zooming
Down to London with Lou, took stuff to digs
Back in Hainault once more in south Essex
(In London really). Then the A12 took
Me most of the way to Pearl's but I missed
The Lewisham turn-off, somehow I hooked
Myself around in a circle, quite smug
When I managed to get there, no helping
Satnav, map or passenger to assist
Sadly she needed a small van to pack
All her stuff into, car's too small. Driving
Her things north alone, hoping to get pissed!

2818 - Me, you and a dog named ... who?

It's late, but not real late, sadly that's true
I hoped it might be later, but it's not
Been out with Dermot, Nancy, Nic and you
No, not you, you weren't there, you silly clot
But forgive me, it's my fault, not your fault
The Castle, as usual, was the venue
At first it was quite empty, then a lot
Of people were there, not too bad, a queue
At the bar, but lots of folk outside, who
Were chatting. A guy with two dogs, a few
Others, some had seen me read lines, my slot
Went well, cos it was good, Nic thought so too
Now she's gone, I'm back home alone, boo hoo
I need to sort it so I'm not forgot

Sun 4 May

2480 - I've seen the scene

I just transferred my credit card balance
It's down to sixteen hundred measly quid
Ten years ago, seventeen thousand pounds
Was what I owed, but when my father died
I paid it off - the rest was deposit
On this flat in Salford where I have lived
Mainly good times since 2006
Lonely times at times, but I have the gift
Of enjoying my solitude, adrift
From worries, free to drink, read, sing and dance
I've done all those and more, good times and bad
You meet some shitheads, but that's how you lift
Yourself up socially, experience
Making you wiser and better-equipped

2322 - The tobacco road not taken

After yesterday's marathon walking
In the name of family exploration
(Of Manchester's shops and galleries), drinking
To wind down when I got home, once the norm
I rejected as old habit, not done
If I wanted to conserve recent gains
In fitness - likewise smoking. I walked on
Home, buying nothing, unwanted poisons
Seen for what they were, struggling free of chains
Entirely mental, lonely time-wasting
I felt proud of my determination
No, it's not easy - the addict who wins
The battle with his demons keeps fighting
A lifelong war, fights again and again

2272 - Nothing doing

Doing nothing means there's nothing doing
Doing nothing is quite luxurious
It's better than DIY or working
Or most kinds of effort done cos we must
Or because someone tells us that we must
It's calming, just chilling with the heat on
A candle on my desk, yellow flame twists
Throws shadows, glows in a way that's bygone
Elizabethan or Victorian
This was their kind of light, at night, penning
Some love letter or perhaps their business
Accounting. I've got my rugby top on
It keeps me warm but this chilly evening
I need something, someone - wish me was us

2210 - Key to the strings of my heart

The dark nights are drawing in - wish I had
A drawing room to draw them in, but all
I've got is a tiny living room, bad
If you're a pianist, but I'm not. Haul
A baby grand up the stairs? Laughable
No, I need money, room, but I have space
Of one kind, reliably - personal
I'd hit the wrong key anyway, misplace
My fingers, even heart, which beats its pace
To a rock or dance tune. This is no fad
A guitar fits in here though, lovable
Partner, not quiet, not hard to replace
But a thing of beauty - we are solid
As a rock, we are cute, we rock and roll

2170 - Faithful friends

It's been fun today on my own at home
I've read 'The Corrections' and heard  music
Reflecting people who are left alone
How could I for one minute think I'm sick
When these high achievers do the same schtick
Soul Sessions, Van Morrison's Veedon Fleece
And Into the Music, MC5, pick
In hand I played for a while, a reprise
Of my own songs, indie from the 90s
Then moved on with some beer, Charles Trenet, homme
De Paris, followed by Sia, Topographic
Oceans is next, got lined up Welsh choirs
Jackie Wilson, Otis Redding to come
And by then I'll be satisfied, tock tick

2065 - Glamour-puss

Each day at work spent waiting for evening
Each evening a race against time, precious
Unlike the noisy lads below, staying
Off booze and fags - or joints - I make the most
Of sober judgement and full consciousness
Last night I went down the pub, that is true
But it was to see friends as I got pissed
Not watching a film with just smoke and brew
For company, their purpose to imbue
Inactive boredom with self-deceiving
The empty room a party, glamorous
But now it's full of chances, stuff to do
Stuff getting done, then new stuff beginning
I'm nearly ready for my glamour-puss

2063 - Save it!

The Voice is on TV, and I'm missing
Little Josie, and Katy. I stayed out
Of the wind and rain, just by staying in
And also saving pennies. Paid tonight
At midnight, great relief. It seems I've tried
Saving and staying in most of this month
Apart from those few days in London, bought
Lots of t-shirts and books, but not got drunk
Or smoked this month except legitimate fun
In pubs with friends or family - no smoking
At all. April's calendar bears that out -
Every day has been ticked. Did Tracey run
The Manchester Marathon in pissing
Rain and strong wind? Tomorrow, I'll find out!

1795 - They tried to make me go to Bolton, I said no no no

I've chickened out but who can say I'm wrong
I've chosen not to drive up to Bolton
To play my part in open mic and song
And instead I've bought fags and got cans in
Well it's a warm evening, I'm on my own
And I don't have anything to prove, not
To the same people, not over again
Especially those who can act like a twat
It's my decision - practising has got
Me so far but I've still got quite a long
Way to go before it turns into fun
And admiration, not ordeal or sweat
Or ultimately, regret. I will bring
My guitar and me out when I can stun
Thur 4 Aug

1578 - Lodger, where can you be?

Although I'm generally happy alone
I'm only human and it gets lonely
Mind you, alone's good for getting things done
Like tonight, when writing a song took three
Hours. That could not be done with company
That said, I placed an ad for a lodger
On returning skint from Greece and Turkey
My bank balance red as a tomato
I need the money more than the chatter
I received emails and gave out my phone
Number. Some guys viewed it, well, two or three
But single bed, rough carpet and boiler
Put them off. A girl liked it, but she's gone
With this landlord murderer news story

The story in the news is that her older landlord is suspected of strangling young Bristol architect Joanne Yeates. That'll definitely put off any girls renting the flat, I expect (it needs someone with their own double bed, and she said she was interested, and has her own double bed). But that isn't gonna happen now. So I'm trying to take the positives and make the most of my free time. If one can do that with virtually no spends!

1517 - Cold, naked and alone

This last day of light, we went to Crosby
A huge beach near Liverpool, famous for
Lifesize statues of Antony Gormley
Stood on the beach or in the sea. There are
A hundred identical men. They stare
Westwards towards the ocean, all thinking
Of another place, like America
Perhaps they're meant to be remembering
Friends or family, all disappearing
By ship or aircraft far beyond the sea
Landing like Columbus on that far shore
And so these statues all stand there, longing
For lost relationships, no more to be
Seen, left naked and bereft, loved no more
Sat 30 Oct

1513 - Cold bed

My feet are cold; should I put the heat on?
Too late now; bedtime's near; I'll warm up there
Under the covers; maybe keep socks on
Tonight I could do with a hot water
Bottle, like days of old. Snowy winter
In a seventies Midland town. Torchlight
Allowing me to read. A transistor
Radio playing John Peel til midnight
Sham 69, Pere Ubu, Banshees might
Be playing. Voices beneath the nylon
Echo even today as I lie here
A lifetime away, preparing for night
Once more, having drifted, often alone...
Warm socks... Tomorrow I might buy a pair
Tue 26 Oct

1367 - Bird of prey

A lone taxi driver on the rampage
Shooting innocent bystanders, but why?
Twelve dead in Cumbria; what was the rage
And impotence that led them all to die?
A man called Birdy, he decides to fly
The nest of life, and take others down too
Wrong place, wrong time, poor souls. This man drives by
Winds down his window and fires, but at who?
Does it matter? Random revenge for too
Uncaring a world. L’étranger. This page
Will turn, but there’s no end to the story
Of disaffection people must go through
Murderers are normal, quiet, till the stage
Of complete collapse and a loud goodbye

1304 - Under the hood

A cold day; spring seems to have retreated
Snowfall in Scotland and Northern Ireland
Sporadic rain in Manchester; I hid
Under my hood as I walked and listened
To music through headphones. Once more the sound
Of longing, disappointment, anger, soul
Reflects the inner self that remains bound
To this body that to most if not all
Seems at least okay if not wonderful
It’s nice, I guess, to stay beneath this lid
It’s comforting, though few can understand
But it’s really not too bad, on the whole
I’ve paid my dues, so let me spend my bread
Roaming at will, wanderer on the land

1223 - Uncertainty

Deciding what to do is a problem
In life; a billion possibilities
But not all paths are passable, and when
You start out on one, sometimes there’s a freeze
And you get stuck halfway, among the trees
Or treacherous slopes, icy surfaces
And sheer isolation. So do you please
Yourself, which is the hardest path, or base
Your journey upon sensible advice?
Stay in, go out, look up, look down, suspend
Plans, scrap them, or amend? And which of these
Is the right, the most appropriate choice?
Just fighting on, and hoping, in the end
Is the only way any of us sees

1199 - Solo so low

Hello, are you receiving me, hello
Are you receiving me, hello, are you
Receiving me, hello, I said hello
Are you, no, it seems not, you’re not, are you
You’re not receiving me, are you, that’s true
Well fly me to the moon and let me swing
From a moon tree, where I would swing so true
Solo in the solar wind, I can’t sing
In that vacuum, I assume, assuming
I wanted to, like I do here, although
It’s quite hard here, too, heretofore, to you
It’s quite disheartening, hearing not listening
From you, so low you’re whispering so low
While I’m trying to sing, swing low to you

1197 - When you're a stranger

It’s strange how strange people can be, it’s strange
How people can be strange, it’s strange to me
But maybe it’s me who is strange, it’s strange
But unless I change, they’ll be strange to me
They’re even stranger in a strange city
A stranger is in danger, within range
A stray angel, a stranger to pity
Pitted against the city that is strange
Not fitting, flitting, splitting, quitting, change
Of setting, upset, regretting quickly
Getting wet, better get ready to change
Trains again, aim again, a strange city
But people cannot change, I cannot change
City, I have to change the strange in me

1113 - Painted sky

It’s nice to be at home when I’m this tired
Not having a show to which I must go
And prepare for, or try to be inspired
No, I’ll just relax… Probably won’t, you know!
Maybe I’ll play a game of stone the crow
Or do some ironing, Byronically
Maybe turn on the taps, go with the flow
Or read me some Byron, ironically
Byron? Huh, I don’t think I’ve got any…
Hmm. I wonder if he tried a triad?
The evening sky, all orange purple glow
Darkens minute by minute, rapidly
It’s only 7:15, but retired
Alone here in my flat’s not that bad, no
Mon 21 Sept