3294 - Never stop

Despite still being short of sleep when I woke
At lunchtime left the office, headed out
To the other side of town, a long walk
Had a hilarious tiime having haircut
They know I'm a comedian, dominate
The attention of all three staff these days
Then after work, shopping for things to eat
And once home I did my exercises
Just about managed press-ups, what a feat
Javi was out, so I stayed on my feet
In the living room, played guitar, and broke
The record, I think, for skill, trying not
To look at the strings, with fingers of smoke
I played Sparks melodies. Poem rewrote

3293 - Sisters of noisy

Nice day in in Wilmslow and Manchester with
Josie and (in town) with Pearl. Koffee Pot
Was our first stop. A late breakfast. It pissed
It down while in there, but with lots and lots
Of toast to munch, was occupied and watched
The heavy rain in Manchester, second
Day in a row, flowers on tarmac plots
As heavy drops land and spread all around
Momentary petals as they rebound
From impact. Then to Ziferblat we switched
For drinks and cakes galore, also somewhat
Unexpectedly, Monopoly bound
Our attention for two hours. Hug and kiss
For both sisters, time with them is well-bought

3292 - Absolute professionals

Just got home from the Absolute Bowie
Gig at the Ruby Lounge, it was good stuff
Though many guitar solos deafened me
I was right by the speaker, made me deaf
The first part of the set were highlights of
The Ziggy Stardust songs, the middle was
The mid-70s funky pop, enough
People were dancing, Golden Years
And though less funky, also Life on Mars
The third part was the least interesting to me
But still good in parts, though of course the guff
Of Let's Dance had to be played, yes of course!
Tired myself earlier writing poetry
And finished Fifty Shades, no that's no bluff!

Sat 22 Aug

3291 - Getting on with it

Wow, what a day, and also a great play
On guitar once back home, and now staying
In tonight, after three nights' comedy
But that's OK, because I am looking
Forward to the Bowie tribute act in
The Ruby Lounge tomorrow night, and I'll
Write a poem first, fit for publishing
In the next 'Evidently' - it's a while
Since so much has been right, there's many miles
To freedom, as the man said, and now hey
It's all getting rather good, I'm hoping
By continued focus, that these things will
Continue to get better still, and they
Will, if I go on doing what I'm doing

3290 - Smokey losers

Second night at Tiger Lounge, with mine host
Tuesday Tony, but this time I went on
And did the Egyptian jokes that were lost
To the world from Tuesday's cancellation
Of The Worst Comedy Night, where I've long
Performed to great acclaim, but now I've dipped
My toes in other waters, ok, none
Of the paying public, no money slipped
From purses or wallets, but these guys trip
The light puntastic, are better than hosts
Of dull-witted or supine audience, fun
Though they may have, I'd like to see them flipped
Onto the stage to see them turn to toast
Big up for amateur comedy turns!!

3289 - Snigger Lounge

Amazingly, despite last night's late night
And a busy day at work following
I went out tonight to comedy night
At Tiger Lounge, 'bout which I been hearing
And enjoyed the acts, sitting there watching
A Guinness then two cheap ciders I drank
Met a few new people, reacquainting
Myself with Tuesday Tony, and to think
Some of these guys were good, no, no-one stank
So not much time but tomorrow I might
Have to up my game to be impressing
What will I do, will look at the jokes bank
And look at the material from last night
I didn't do, and do quick rehearsing!

3288 - Comedy of nevers

Only three hours' sleep, got up before six
Started thinking of comedy routine
I was due to perform (about Egypt)
But when I got there, there was no-one in
And so the comedy didn't happen
So instead had some drinks, Dermot was there
Javi went too, and Jackie O'Hagan
Caught the end of the match. United were
Lucky to beat Bruges 3-1, was the hair
Of Fellaini that did it, hair that fixed
The result in the Reds' favour. We'd been
In the Salford Arms, then Mulligans where
We had another, met these guys, told jokes
A guy played spoons, home beer before bedtime!

Tue 18 August

3287 - Rubies and diamond dogs

Didn't get the FFS tickets, for
Fuck's sake, but never mind, ambiguous
About it anyway. I'm looking for-
ward to Absolute Bowie, taking place
Saturday night. No drive-in, I confess
Nor is the Ruby Lounge gig on Tuesday
But we'll find out, is there life on dancefloors?
Not only in Warszawa, but UK
There'll be both sound and vision, and so may
Boys keep swinging, let's dance, Queen Bitch, you whore
From station to station, we'll be heroes
Be my wife, Jean Genie, no I won't say
Even Andy Warhol he was a bore
But in our rooms we won't be breaking glass

3286 - Oh FFS

Need to get tickets if any are left
For the FFS gig, I'd like to see
Sparks and Franz Ferdinand combined. A deft
Talker, Louise, who I met Saturday
Is going, and although it's patently
Not as good as seeing a Sparks gig, I
Might enjoy this nonetheless, and I'll see
The Mael brothers again. Three years gone by
Since I saw them live, and it was a high
And Saturday, something I don't do oft
Watch a 'tribute' band - Absolute Bowie
Sounds potentially fun, fake oddity
Not done much today, just watched films and stuffed
My face! Well yesterday was mainly beer!

3285 -Beer googles

I've been out in Glossop, it was good fun
And now I'm back watching Match of the Day
Pint after pint, and laughs with some women
The sun came out and it became wa-hay
Breasts were on show, it was worth it, I'd say
Now I'm back home, Newcastle struggling
How come Maclaren's their coach, was Derby
But we sacked him cos he lost it, moving
To the Magpies, now Swansea are beating
Them. Beer rules all, it's all one, it's all one
Stood in the beer garden nonsense held sway
Although some woman was really interesting
In her leather jacket, it's good to learn
From her, and I did, now back home, wa-hay

3284 - Taking a raincheck

What a wet day, the rain's gone on and on!
So much so that there's now a giant hole
In the Mancunian Way, please don't fall in!
The rain's enough to make of us a mole
Burying ourselves deep down like lumps of coal
It's eased off now, and the weather forecast
For the weekend's OK, so I will roll
Up at Piccadilly station, half-past
Twelve tomorrow, with a big group, a taste
Of beer and the Glossop folk train to come!
Should be fun, while Jo's in Spain and I'm all
At a loss for what to do these two Sats
Last week, Huddersfield, this week, Glossop. Fun
And beer are intertwined, be still, my soul!

3283 - New men in town

Derby have had a woeful beginning
To the season with new coach Paul Clement
Last night we lost to Portsmouth, the Carling
Cup, first round, mid-August, yes, we were sent
Packing with ease, the Rams a team that's meant
To be promotion favourites, Portsmouth bossed
The game. apparently, thank God didn't
Watch it down the pub, all alone and lost
In the Salford Arms TV room. We're toast!
Meanwhile, the Labour leadership's coming
To a head, three would-be leaders hell-bent
On trashing Jeremy Corbyn, the most
Persuasive of the four, too left-leaning
For a Labour man. Shocking! Jez - repent!

3282 - Pyramid theme

Had thought maybe I'd go and watch Derby
Play in the Carling Cup, but think I'll stay
In instead, on the radio there'll be
Updates at least, and maybe I can pay
Attention to writing comedy. They
Have asked for a theme that doesn't inspire -
Egypt or belly dancing - I won't say
I'll ignore the theme, cos I am a tryer
But Ancient Egypt, I am not a buyer
I could do an anecdote 'bout belly
Dancing - remember Istanbul? - but hey
Not sure if anecdotes are my desire
At least of alcohol and fags I'm free
Til I go to Glossop this Saturday

3281 - Strum and dusted

Looking forward to a guitar session
Tonight, had a good 'un last night playing
Beach Boys, and there's more of the same to come
It really pays dividends, practising
Well not literally but know my meaning
Can routinely play now quite well without
Feeling a need to slow down by looking
We don't look when we walk, don't think about
It, talk casually, look around, chill out
As we stroll almost mindlessly along
That's what I want when I'm stood there strumming
No effort required, very little thought
And won't be satisfied til I am one
Of that ilk, able to chat, joke or sing

3280 - City dwellers, successful fellas

Not much to report today, except for
The changing British weather, now sunny
And warm, now raining, wonder what's in store
From one moment to next, can't wait to see
The front door's fixed, I got a brand new key
Got to do a copy for the lodger
Tomorrow a duplicate for Javi
Just remembered, tonight it's Manchester
City's first game, against West Brom, it's the
First chance to make a statement, Blues could soar
To top of table tonight, seem to be
Contenders for the title. And they were
Pleased no doubt at Chelsea's stumble, a poor
Draw at home to unfancied team, Swansea

3279 - Costa del Stockport

A nice trip out to Stockport with Josie
She wanted white trainers, Nike brand, so we
Looked for them in the mall, and in JD
Sports we found some that fit, fairly quickly
And she put them on instead of her D
Ms (Doc Marten boots) - she gave them to me
To carry round. So humid, so thirsty
We went to Costa soon after McD
For more drinks. I took her back home early
Probably wise, tomorrow is her holiday
To Nerja near Malaga, with mummy
Who's recovering from a back injury
I hope they both relax, take things easy
And don't get sunburn, keep nice and shady!

3278 - Tutti footy

Hello fool, I have somehow got back in
Time to watch the first week's football highlights
At 9pm of the Football League, been
In Huddersfield all day, drinking. I might
Not only have missed this, but the great sight
Of the first Match of the Day of this year
Or season 15-16, the first night
Javi's still out, but he'll soon be back here
I hope when they show Derby's game I'll cheer
I saw some Rams fans en route to Bolton
Also lots of Reds fans hoping they might
See MUFC beat Spurs, a slight fear
In their hearts maybe, but they got a win
Now one last line, then sit back, hit the heights

3277 - Tattoo-va

My tattoos are healing nicely. After
Getting up, tore off the clingfilm and took
A shower, the bright dye running over
The bath and shower curtain, little brook
Of red ink down the plughole, with a suck
And a bubble. Back home now, just taking
It easy, in my vest to let air circ-
ulate on the tattoos with covering
Of Bepanthen to help with the healing
Process of these three brightly-coloured scars
They're not even that sore, so I'm in luck
Now what to do tonight, I'm wondering
Might get some beer in from Sainsburys super-
market and play guitar, then TV look

3276 - Flagging interest

Tattoos - at last - these designs have waited
About 9 months since I chose them last year
The Cheshire Cat's clawgeous, the artist did
Well, well done Adam, you deserve a cheer
Although at times the needle was severe
Cool music playing, newish stuff unknown
Next up was the text from Hungaria
Script on my back, think that should be the zone
For more texts in different lingos. I'm goin'
To Croatia soon - Croat would look good
Next to the Magyar script. Finally, there
Is now a Swiss flag on my arm, wind blowing
In my mind anyway. New lock's fitted
On the outside door - couldn't get in there!!

3275 - From Thailand to Spain via Croatia

Nice day at work, just three of us were in
And at lunchtime I met Pearl for a meal
We went to Thaikhun, two courses, filling
And tasty, catching up with news of Pearl
She's off to Croatia soon, me as well
But I'll be there about two weeks later
We're both visiting Split, it looks a real
Nice place. This evening at home, played guitar
I'm starting to play it now like a star
Although of course it's harder when playing
Live, trying to sing at the same time, tell
Me about it. Watching Barcelona
Play Roma on Spanish television
The commentary's so quick, can't catch their spiel

3274 - Reggae Reggae Sauce

A good night at the Worst Comedy Night
In Salford, hosted by old Dave Turquoise
I was dog tired, pints shook in my hand, plight
Portended disaster, plus there was noise
Throughout, dub reggae wid de ridmic ploys
For de jerk chicken cookery routine
De backgroun' music helped de girls an' boys
Get into de riddim. Twenties and teens
Mebbe didna get all dem ref'rences
But overall despite my old stage fright
I remembered de lyrics an' jokes, those
Cringeworthy old chestnuts, dose ol' baked beans
So now I'll jus' settle down, tiredness quite
A ting of de past, like reggae reggae sauce

Tue 4 August

3273 - Jamming tomorrow

It's comedy tomorrow,  reggae theme
Got to learn the words, that is the main thing
If you know  the words it goes like a dream
If not, you can easily end up screwing
It up, as hesitatingly you sing
Or tell your jokes or comments, whatever
So after my tea, I'll be rehearsing
To try to learn my stuff, that's only fair
At least I was laughing when I compared
My lyrics to the originals, deemed
Quite sniggerable, although it's me saying
So myself. To sing it just like a bird
I need to run through it and get it clean
Into my memory bright and shining

3272 - In cold flat

Woke up real late, about ten, but since then
I've done quite a lot, and brain's sleepy now
Finished 'In Cold Blood' started end of June
My progress through it has been rather slow
But it was a good read. Long tome ago
Before I was born, a terrible crime
Was done in Kansas, people said, 'Oh no!
The poor Clutters!' They met their hanging time
After 5 years on Death Row, pantomime
Of appeals exhausted, as despised men
But Capote had interviewed them so
Extensively, this book really does chime
With crime fans and more serious readers when
He probes and seems to take us there somehow

3271 - Shirt scene

Hello, can you hear me, or at least see
It's Saturday night, nearly half-past ten
I've been out of course to see my Josie
We went to Man United, she's a fan
And today was the first day, the day when
You could buy the new shirt by Adidas
The shop was crowded, we went there again
Juan Mata shirts were there, but populous
Was the Rooney shirt, guess that's no surprise
After getting home, guitar playing spree
The old French stuff by Trenet and Sablon
I've listened to this stuff repetitious
And now I can play it, oui, oui, merci
It's so much fun, oh yes it's so much fun