2494 - Bye bye '13

It's New Year's Eve, we're at the end at last
Of year '13 that's unlucky for some
Steve Clarke at work just survived a bike crash
And me, I've survived many a late walk home
Highlights? In February, holiday among
The mountains of Morocco and Spain, no
Ski-ing, but great tapas. Trip to London
In August with Jo, stayed with Pearl. To go
Away with Jo for the first time was so
Much fun, we'll do Paris next spring. A blast
Was had rehearsing and performing fun
Comedy stuff with Dermot. Did a show
Of our own in November. Laughs with Nance
Especially the June party. The year's gone

2493 - Welcome to life

This is today, as far as now exists
Squeezed in between before and next, so slight
A window of time, a will o' the wisp
A shadow in the middle of the night
Life's a sudden explosion of bright light
Like a supernova in the heavens
Energy in the void, wonderful sight
But surrounded by unseeing atoms
Made up of the same, we evolved persons
No control over anything, subsist
In a random machine, in aimless flight
Channelled by no-one, dependent orphan
Inventing philosophies with a twist
To diminish our existential fright

2492 - Bacderby

Oops, a day late, no excuse, I forgot
That's all, that's it, didn't recall diary
Yesterday, preoccupied, sorted out
Calendars for 2014, you see
Then we both watched some Premier League footy
Then went round Janet's for tea, where I played
With a kitten, that was fun, Bacardi
Was necked while there, then home, Match of the Day
Followed by the Championship, saw Derby
Advance to second place, the Rams have got
A great chance of going up along with the
Other East Midlands clubs, a hit parade
When your team wins, it kind of makes you hot
And all seems well, somewhat vicariously!

Sun 29 December 2013

2491 - Raise your glasses!

Took Josie to meet Pearl again in town
Stopping by Vee's (she's broken her ankle)
Despite that, there were smiles rather than frowns
Not much time today with them, but was full
Tapas and wine at Evuna, and real
Red wine from Spain in enormous glasses
Made plans for next few days. Josie and Pearl
Will have a sleepover, and then chances
Are there'll be a curry in Rusholme, there's
Pearl's birthday meal on the 3rd eaten down
Then she's back to London to try and trawl
For jobs, having been sacked by some asses
In the media industry there. The sound
Of the 80s, combined with San Miguel!

2490 - Cricket batty

Woke halfway through the night, heard the cricket
On the radio - the sport, not the insect -
England bowled Australia out, believe it
Or not, my sport reportage is correct
Went back to sleep after two hours had ticked
And slept til almost ten. Thank God the things
I left in the hired car had not been nicked
Two plump new pillows to give my sleep wings
And the new cardy Pearl bought, amazing
It is, with posh buttons. Then had to get
My new wireless router, had to collect
It from the postal depot. I'm looking
Forward to April in Paris, tickets
For Eurostar now bought. Bags almost packed!

2489 - Topkapi of the pops

Boxing Day fun, as tradition has it
Gathered my kids and drove them in a car
To a meal, the Topkapi on Deansgate
Was the chosen place for our meal this year
Then we walked to the Town Hall, festive cheer
With the lights of the tower and the trees
Louis went off to his mum's flat to cheer
On Man City against Liverpool - he's
A mad Blues fan, she likes the Reds, though she's
Not as fanatical as him. I'll wait
Til Match of the Day highlights to see the
Result, and now I'm back home alone, me's
Content to have a drink and cigarette
While Louis' staying over with Vera

2488 - Hip op tick tock

I forgot yet again to write a poem
My excuse this time? It was Christmas Day
And I was busy having a good time
Stayed with my mum. Although she has a frayed
Right hip, she was up for a hop today
In the pleasant winter sun all along
The prom at West Kirby, our tops arrayed
With Santa hats, mentally both still young
Bringing smiles to all so that nothing's wrong
Some nice food and TV, watering the stem
Of the plant of family unity
And continuity. Year's nearly gone
So we reflect, reflected in sea spume
All the rights and wrongs equally we weigh

Wed 25 Dec 2013

2487 - Sherry Christmas!

It's Christmas Eve, I'm alone in the flat
Only cos Louis' last-minute shopping!
He hasn't bought a single present yet
So he's gone down town before shop-closing
Me, I finished mine long ago. Lying -
'Twas Saturday December 21st
At six I'm hiring a car and driving
To town, pop in on V, P and L first
Then I'll drive on to Mum's, and then we'll rest
In our chairs with a sherry. Don't like that
Normally, but she asked if I could bring
Some to quench her non-alcoholic thirst
With horrible sherry! Have a good night
And a great day tomorrow, jing-a-ling!

2486 - Pain in the brain

Headache! Oh my head! Oh my goddamn head!
It really hurt while I was in the pub
With Louis, watching football, but it led
To me just having one pint. Had no grub
There, having eaten at home. Day was drab
All rain and wind, went to work, saved some leave
Only Andy, Deb, Laura there to blab
To. Also, at lunchtime, searched for a caff
To eat at on Boxing Day. Think we'll have
A Turkish at the Topkapi. Good spread
There. Hope Pearl managed to get the train up
From London okay. Storms have cut a swathe
And caused cancellations, so the news said
My headache's easing, but you can still rub...

2485 - Past and future battles

Been reading Ackroyd's History of England
(First volume), which has within it, Hastings
The Battle of 1066, last stand
Of the Saxon nobles against the King
Of tyranny, William the Bastard! Sing
Woe unto all ye (etc). Read on
Today about tall Richard's crusading
John, and Henry the Third's rather long reign
So many lives lived under that one name
As mine has been under Liz Two. She's spanned
The post-war era til now, and still brings
A few more years yet. Thought up a mad plan
To hold a mock battle on Salford's land
Dressed as William and Harold. Games begin!

2484 - Shop til you drop

Christmas shopping, the final Saturday
Before the big day, not too crowded, though
Double buggies a go go, fight your way
Against the unstoppable human flow
Got Santa hats, then boots for Little Jo
Who was with me today in Manchester
Red, they were, they look good. Converse, you know
She saw a homeless guy in Converse there
Sitting in a doorway. You can't despair
If you've got Converse boots! To the Body
Shop for my mum's present, which was coco-
nut perfume and chocolate gel for shower
For me (from Louis) I bought myself a
Clock, now on living room wall. Good to go!

2483 - Chav disco

A nice day at the office, relaxing
(I did some work as well!) after the ball
Still some drink coursing through my veins, making
Me good-humoured. Emma not there as well
That helped too. Thinking back to the table
Last night, she seemed bored and boring, even
Though it was her choice, going to the ball
Ball my arse, it was a chav disco, and
The MC was basically Keith Lemon
One of his crap stunts was making us sing
'The 12 Days of Christmas'. I sang fuck all
Keith Lemon could go fuck himself, sad man
And now I'll have a relaxing evening
Tomorrow, Christmas shopping with them all...

2482 - The bitch of the ball

Emma brought in my cake and then acted
Like a bitch, which she is, or seems to be
No doubt there are good reasons, but what did
Happen to her is not my fault. Why me
Should be the scapegoat is a mystery
Tonight, to make things worse, the Christmas ball
Her idea, I might add, consequently
Now I'm not even excited at all
I know it'll be petty, boring, dull
Unless the others compensate her deeds
And wish to keep the group nice and friendly
As it had become, till Steve tried to pull
His bullshit management trick. Should I speed
On my way? Everybody does, but me...

2481 - Haircut two hundred and favourite shirt

Slurp of coffee. Excuse me. That's better
Still a little dry from last night, you see
Where at the King's Arms we tried improv, a
Difficult thing to get right, true, and we
Did OK, we got more laughs than many
I'd quite like to try a new character
Which if I do will be a part of me
A person known to be quite immature
But what would Dermot be? This isn't sure
To happen til we talk it through later
Been off work today, part recovery
Part using up leave. Bought a shirt, got hair
Cut. Nearly forgot. Ball tomorrow, where
New shirt, new hair will be liked, hopefully!

2480 - Ad pub

Tonight it's back to the King's Arms pub for
A Christmas comedy party, no less
Not really in the mood for a haw haw
Or a jaw jaw for that matter. Impress
Folk who don't care, it seems almost pointless
But put that aside, it's a chance to try
Some ad lib with Dermot, and catch up, was
In Asia, but he's back. Aim? Make words fly
And loop the loop, mad ideas tumbling by
Quicker than can be quite followed by bore
Or boor. Then beer may follow, hollow quest
Or noble, to swallow your doubts, less dry
Is the world, they'll all be the same, the floor
Will swallow them too. It already has.

2479 - The Sky is falling

Technical problems hopefully resolved
And a good saving by staying with Sky
By threatening to leave. They have now sold
Me a deal for landline and broadband by
Offering £7.50 a month. Why
Not switch landline to Sky then, save twenty
A month! Quite pleased now that things went awry
For three days to make that saving, hee hee!
Now internet's back on, can buy City
Tickets for Louis. About to turn cold
The weathermen are saying. They don't lie
But they're unreliable. BBC
Weather forecasts suck. Tomorrow the old
Comedy night's back at King's Arms. Laugh? Cry?

2478 - The return of Pete Tong

It’s all going incredibly Pete Tong
Our internet has failed. It could be Sky
Who took over O2 Broadband just one
Or two days ago. Watched the router die
Gradually. Also, death of the TV
Reception. Might as well scrap my licence
Since most channels are ruined by 4G
Signals which are causing interference
Freeview’s unviewable, there’s no defence
Even with BT Sport. Same aerial. Long
Wait to switch to them, so past Christmas I
(And Louis) will have no online presence
(At home, anyway) or reasonably strong
TV signal. These things are sent to try…

Sun 15 December

2477 - Not a bad day

Good day today, drove to Mum’s. Jo, Louis
With me in the hired car, they’ve not seen her
For a while, it was fun, very noisy
As usual with Josie, the big talker
(What’s wrong with that, I might add?) It’s not fair
For Mum to expect Josie to be quiet
She’s a chatterbox, a cuddly toy bear
(I don’t mean she’s big!) We went out to eat
Then watched City / Arsenal in the Red Cat
(A ‘posh Scouser’ pub over in Greasby)
City’s win seemed to make the Red Cat purr
The Liverpool fans were pleased, cos they thought
Arsenal’s defeat might leave The Reds free
To take top spot. Dream on, oh you Scouser!

Sat 14 December

2476 - Bottoms up!

A birthday drink for Steve and Tony Mac
Starting about four in the afternoon
Tony Mac is leaving our team at work
That’s a shame, he is a fun guy, a boon
To the banter, Irish, but no buffoon
If that sounds racist, it’s not meant that way
The Irish are great, it’s just rhyme, a tune
In words. I hope to go back there someday
I’m sure I shall, Ireland’s over the sea
But very close. You always have good craic
I fit well with them, cos I’m such a loon
Myself. Oops - there I go again - sorry!!
No insult intended. The pissed walk back
Home afterwards. Forgot to write my poem!

Fri 13 December

2475 - Amy, you're driving me crazy

I keep waking up halfway through the night
Why, when it's the darkest time of the year?
I sometimes do this in midsummer's light
When dawn comes early, but why, how now, sir?
I wake from a dream, my mind starts to stir
Last night I kept singing Amy Winehouse
In my head, of course, nothing you could hear
Apart from radio, all quiet as a mouse
TV reception's bad these days, I lose
The chance to watch most channels now, so might
Move to BT Sport, it should be cheaper
Than Sky broadband (with football as bonus)
Let's hope there's an end to my sleepless plight
I hate being tired, it's not clever or fair!

2474 - Minging singing

Listening to Northern Soul as I type this
Northern Soul is easy and fast, dancing
Is what it's for, it makes you tap digits
While you type, and if you're quickly walking
(You can't walk slowly while you're listening)
Then you sing along while walking along
It makes you feel like a queen or a king
You feel good as you're singing to each song
Even if only in your head. It's wrong
To sing out loud, someone might take the piss
So you're a king in your imagining
If you sing in public, it goes Pete Tong
So only headphones and dreams must suffice
To make of you a soul Emperor Ming

2473 - The cost of Christmassing

It's been a cheap December - well, so far
Just as well, cos from next week, it takes off
Comedy pub night, with a few beers
Then work Christmas ball at the Midland - toff
Location, but we've got funds to set off
The cost! But I forgot! Also driving
A hired car to Mum's, Saturday, enough
Expense there! Also, Yuletide gift-buying
Yet to happen, and there's more car-hiring
To come, at Christmas itself, and meals for
The kids! Yes, financially, it's quite tough
But so far so good for penny-pinching
When you're like me you have to save lucre
With now and then a quick binge, smoke and quaff

2472 - Chop phooey

Trial spotlight on a 'Soldier of Allah'
Father of six who chopped a man to death
His youngest had been born four days before
But still he did that, and hoped police would get
Him and kill him too, martyr him, he said
This is how crazy religion can be
A substitute for fascism, a dread
Manipulator of soul and memory
A perverter of our identity
Licence to become executioner
Validator of voices in the head
How violence gains respectability
A myth that the poor are rich, rich are poor
A promise of wealth - after you are dead

2471 - After the balls

Nothing to say, done nothing much today
Apart from...... no, it's all excitement-free
But who cares, it's still been a pleasant day
Reading, and watching football on TV
We watched the FA Cup draw for round three
And after nearly all balls were drawn out
Derby (team of the moment) drew Chelsea
That tie should garner attention, all right
Can Steve humble Jose? Who knows? He might!
There's not much left to do but guitar play
It's time I started singing, despite the
Embarrassment, I need to expedite
My live abilities. Hitherto, they
Are hampered by not rehearsing properly

2470 - A brief history of today

Been out swimming with Josie, it was fun
I even did two lengths of crawl, as fast
As I could, though the second length was one
Of struggle with lack of breath, my heart raced
Bought Josie ear-rings from where else but Claire's
In Stockport, and for Christmas I will buy
Her some Converse boots, though she has to ask
Her mum about the style! Found that Derby
Beat Blackpool 5-1, so let's all say yay!
Now I'm watching Stephen Hawking, quite some-
thing what he achieved, even while young, cursed
With motor neurone disease. Come what may
He proved the Big Bang. Then, it's old Bedlam
A history of the 'madhouse' discussed.

2469 - Three types of death

Last night I turned on the TV at ten
To watch the news just before Question Time
After a long play on my guitar, when
I saw that Nelson Mandela, that fine
Leader of South Africa, had declined
And died that evening, tributes flowed freely
This evening the World Cup draw almost signed
England's death warrant. They play Italy
In Manaus, Brazil's hot jungle city
Then down to Sao Paulo, struggle again
Against seeds Uruguay, and then more flying
To Belo Horizonte, bit more easy
This time, Costa Rica they're up against
Feedback not good for act on 29th

2468 - Who do we appreciate?

2,4,6,8 - who do we appreciate?
We (or at least me) appreciate all this -
Primary colours and dark chocolate
Sunshine but with a cool refreshing breeze
Sweating with little clothing on bodies
Eating great food, drinking beer, staying thin
Pleasing others and in return being pleased
Being busy doing my kinds of things
Seeing, hearing, smelling, touching, being
The sound of music, rhythms that gyrate
Motion, travel, and obviously, bliss
Laughter, wit, even things embarrassing
Having all of the answers on my plate
Keeping hope and joy alive, a long kiss

2467 - Strangeways here we don't come!

So now I won't be going next week to Leeds
They're doing 'Strangeways Here we Come' not 'Pet
Sounds,' so that'll save me some forty quid
In December, that reduces what's paid
Out, so that's helpful. Football on tonight
So might get a drink in, relax, listen
Then watch midweek Match of the Day highlights
Think I'll take an evening off from the strum
Of guitar, save my neighbours' eardrums
Will read 'The Gunpowder Plot'. Now I've reached
The bit where Guy Fawkes and Catesby get caught
In the cellars beneath with all that gun-
powder, it's getting tense. Poor Pearl's been bid
Adieu by her stupid employers. Prats!

2466 - Fret sounds

Exercised second day in a row, wow!
Then played guitar, also the second day
Don't know if there was comedy, but now
It's December, staying in so I stay
Financially relatively okay
Off to Leeds next week for to jam Pet Sounds
(I hope) - can't wait for that, and Saturday
Hiring car, visiting Mum, get presents
From her for Josie. The 19th, Midland
Hotel Christmas Ball with workmates, allow
For that, and presents for the family
I sound like Scrooge, but dollars don't abound
In my wallet, gives me a furrowed brow
Wondering just how I'll last til January!

2465 - Mashed potato mountain

Awake part of the night, next door banging
Around about 4.15, are they off
To the airport early, are they flying?
Well, no, cos I just heard one of them laugh
And it's evening now. Must be feeling rough
By now. Although I was tired, once I rose
I felt energetic all day, enough
To see me through til five, and then I strode
Home, exercised, then ate mashed potatoes
I tend to make too much, stomach's aching
Feel like I'm going to explode in a puff!
Don't take that the wrong way! You could, I suppose!
Before my steam runs out, I'm finishing
With guitar practice, from Salford with love!

2464 - Cool for Cheshire cats

Long lie-in, got a late train to Wilmslow
So by the time I meet Jo, she's hungry
Surprises me though by saying let's go
To The Rifleman's Arms for carvery
And got a full belly (gammon, turkey)
Then Stockport by train, McD's, Decathlon
(The usual places). The main thing was, she
Was in a good mood once we set out on
Our way. She's been grumpy, sad, since return
From Amsterdam. Next spring, it's the Euro-
Star to Paris, with Pearl. Chose not to see
My fave night out, King Gong, tonight, alone
For that's no way to see a comedy show
I've been out the last two nights anyway