2521 - Three tattoos for me and you

Completely exhausted, last night's late night
And today's fairly early waking has
Done me in. Nonetheless, the time was right
For three new tattoos, and so was the place
The usual studio in Salford, Tony's
The tattooist again, I ask for three
New travel-themed coloured ink images
The flag of Sweden, blue/yellow beauty
The green star in Morocco's flag, sans the
Red background, and then the black bull that's quite
Easy to spot on Spanish hills, that was
Once a brandy ad. Tattooed memories
All. While there I saw that someone can write
Arabic script. That gave me more ideas

2520 - Disarmed

Greetings, it's now 2.32 am
It's still yesterday, posting-wise, I say
Comedy night at the King's Arms, and then
The Castle, Oldham Street, where people stray
After their evenings have ended, and they
Just want to prolong things, keep on talking
Me and Dermot, we went there, adult play
But there weren't many tonight there talking
A few were there, Anna, Becka, fooling
Me into thinking that women were men
I admire those who fooled me, led astray
My judgement, and leaving me just looking
A little naive, now that I've seen them
I know I've lots to learn, may learn some day

Tue 30 July

2519 - Dead end road

Just rocked out on guitar, getting better
Now listening to gentle JJ Cale blues
Assisted by Clapton and some others
JJ Cale's gone now, guess there ain't no use
Mourning, once you're gone, nothin' left to lose
That dead end road been travelled to its end
No more pain left, no boredom and no bruise
You just turn to dust like all the fallen
Flies swept up off the floor, through the open
Door in summer they flew, knew no better
Can't save them all, daddy-long-legses too
They don't know where they are now, don't know when
But they're not hot or bothered, they don't care
They're just not, and to join them, join the queue

2518 - Reading between the times

Been rehearsing comedy with Dermot
Who's back from holiday in Croatia
This Tuesday, we are doing solo spots
At the King's Arms, mine was planned earlier
Today, and after that I have read more
Of 'Nicholas Nickleby' - it's so long
But I like classic old novels, they bore
With their length, maybe, but critics aren't wrong
Over a hundred years or more. Belong
To timelessness, racelessness, it is not
About where you come from, where you live now
But seeing beyond, and recreating
Those ecstatic revelations you thought
At university, a new thinker

Sun 28 July

2517 - Larks in parks

The rain's falling now, just got home in time
Out all day in a thin t-shirt and shorts
White pumps, an outfit not designed for rain
The weathermen forecast later downpours
But then the threat seemed to recede. It was
A day spent in most exciting Urmston
Walked a long way, some dodgy directions
Led us the wrong way perhaps to Flixton
Perhaps not, who can say? Always go wrong
And get disorientated, all the same
Houses, streets, no way to tell whereabouts
But we found three parks, Chassen Road, Golden
Hill, and Davyhulme Park, that's in Urmston
Not Davyhulme, it seems. That area's nuts

2516 - Iced pink honey honey

Been listening this week to library CDs
First time I've loaned some for about a year
The first was a three-set, 'Honey Honey'
Some 70s bubblegum pop, not heard
Some of those tracks since those times before beard
Then a double album, Metallica
Paired with strange songs and lyrics of Lou Reed
'Lulu' is the name of it. Back further
Now in time, I hear 'Atom Heart Mother'
By Pink Floyd, playing on the DVD
Machine, reaching me through TV speakers
Not ideal, but the best tracks I'll soon hear
Regularly, all kept as MP3s
Walking to work or town, heard loud and clear

2515 - No show

It's getting dark, can I complete this poem
In time before I need the kitchen light
Feel like a shit, I've been smoking again
I mean I want a shit, not feeling shite
Got beer in to go with cigs. In tonight
Was goin to Buxton to see ole Jack Bruce
But cancelled, pneumonia his latest blight
Poor old guy, got throat cancer too, his juice
Is running out, the cream is used up, sluice
Is blocked, I've missed my chance to observe him
In that or any place in this life - night
Replaces morning story - what's the use
Still, he's had a place, people know of him
Is that important? Maybe only quite...

2514 - Royal roulette

I haven't mentioned the royal baby
Yet, so as not much happening today
Apart from a guitar practice maybe
And doing my exercises, I should pay
Tribute to Bill and Katy, great that they
Got it together like so many do
And produced offspring - what's more, it's a boy
So after all these years of queen, the new
Century will be mainly kings. Folks who
Get cross about the royals don't really
Like their undeserved riches, or the way
They seem to rule us, like lords used to do
But it's good fun, though it's wrong morally
Power, riches, the chips fall where they may

2513 - Sketches of the plain

It's hot and sweaty, just how I like it
Changed after work into shorts and t-shirt
Went down to Cafe Nexus for an art
Class, life drawing, though some might think it's dirt
Nancy got me into it, now she's hurt-
ling across Belgium, first Bruges, now Brussels
Posting on Facebook, but does she do tweets?
Dunno - I don't, used to, but changed emails
And couldn't access it no more. Phone fails
To connect to the net, still, but now it
Is getting easier to use wi-fi, learnt
How to use that on my many travels
Now, and posted on Facebook in the art
Class, model five feet away. What a prat!

2512 - Summer's summit

It's hot hot hot, but I'm still loving it
Sitting here, sun shining through the curtain
Its beam resting on me, making me sweat
So nice to have a hot summer again
But glad I don't live in a real hot land
Like Mexico, Morocco, Monaco
Or Venezuela or Venice or Spain
Not so bad by the sea where breezes blow
Sleeping on top of the duvet, pillow
Under my head, the bedroom hot all night
Nothing exciting since I don't know when
Except life as a whole. No mosquito
Will trouble me in the land where I sit
And lie me down when it's time for resting

2511 - End of the weekend

Hello, I'm back again, with a sonnet
Been out tonight to a comedy gig
Hosted by John Cooper, it's called Wet Feet
He fills it with his students, not a big
Night really. Good to see Janet, a cig
Afterwards, and all's well, good chat with cats
Outside her door, she has six, that is sick
But they're a replacement for boyfriends, that's
The feline truth, evinced by the comments
By her and others on Facebook. Now it
Is Monday morning, technically, and work
Isn't that far off, have to gather thoughts
Finish this poem, make sandwiches, put
Myself to bed, then start another week

Sun 21 July

2510 - Train of sport

What a day on the trains, it was bedlam
First, going down to Wilmslow, lost my seat
To an old lady, then the tannoy man
Said the train wouldn't stop at Wilmslow. Shit -
I'll be late seeing my daughter, I thought
I was an hour late, problems on the line
Then, after visiting Glossop, a wait
Of an extra hour at Stockport - reason?
A suicide on the tracks. On way home
Train stopped at Wilmslow an hour - they locked in
A carriage full of drunk guys being prats
One pulled down his pants, one punched the guard on
The chin, the police took an hour to come
And one guy locked himself in the toilet!

Sat 20 July

2509 - Manchester pub guide

Was five minutes late for the guided tour
Of Manchester's Victorian pubs, and that
Was quite interesting, though nobody there
Was a friend, recognised two faces that
Had been on the Salford old pubs tour that
I followed two months ago. Steve replaced
Ed last night as the tour guide, started at
The Midland Hotel, followed canals, traced
Our way to Peveril of the Peaks, we slaked
Our thirsts there, then on to the Town Hall where
We saw the courtyard, the very place that
Is often used for filming, for a taste
Of Victoriana, then the Britannia
Hotel, then the Waldorf, then that was that

2508 - Phew phew phew

It's hot and these hot days should continue
What a great improvement on last summer
It's evened itself out now, so say Phew!
What a scorcher! just like in yesteryear
Woke up early, worked nine and a half hours
Not gonna do much tonight, might load my
New Samsung phone with friends' names and numbers
Not expecting the time to quickly fly
A night in's good, though, cos tomorrow I
Am out again with the pub touring crew
Historic pubs of central Manchester
Meeting at the Midland Hotel just by
The Town Hall, guided walk, a pint or two
Meanwhile here I am, getting sweatier

2507 - Happy chappy

Day off after a late night late last night
Watched three transmissions of Jeremy Kyle
Also Come Dine With Me, and '78
TOTP, Kid Jensen had such style
(Not). Also wielded guitar like a pile-
driver, getting seriously good these days
Can't wait to one day shock them as I dial
G for Guitar, play live, and earn real praise
Much to the chagrin of my enemies
Who else can do comedy, music, write
Play, sing, act, be interesting all the while
Just as themself, and also have the keys
Of general knowledge? I don't brag, but might
Just allow myself this one pat and smile

2506 - Fuck Jupitus!

There's one problem with drinking - you get drunk
It becomes difficult to make sense then
You think things that have already been thunk
But you can't voice them, no you can't voice them
Right now I should be in Copenhagen
But never mind, Salford will do as a
Place to live, rising in value again
Tonight we did our act, it was weird, the
Problem was it went on too long, but we
Did better than Jupitus upstairs, think
The best moment of the whole night was when
Dermot swapped glances with Maconie, oh
Yes, Maconie was wrongfooted, and slunk
Out the door with Radcliffe, fuck off to them!

2505 - Strut your clunky stuff

Still re-establishing my Facebook page
But nearly there now, and some good new friends
Added, reflecting better these new days
When more know me, and I know more of them
Still plenty further for me to extend
Tomorrow night, comedy double act
In King's Arms snug, while upstairs, the rotund
Phill Jupitus, TV's big pop pundit
Will strut his stuff, and while he stuffs his strut
No-one will probably watch us - seething rage
Not really, it's all a means to an end
Practice so they say really makes perfect
Any chance to get better is OK
To our comedy chums, hugs and shook hands

2504 - Panic in the streets

A hot day, but the heat's on, drying bed-
Clothes and a few other assorted things
Louis' gone to see his mum in her flat
Where his big sister Pearl is still staying
But the weekend's up, so Pearl is heading
Back to London tonight on a late train
She works for a TV agency in
The Smoke, interesting work, she was saying
Yesterday, in between the smoke and flames
From that burning store. Two kids have been caught
Suspected of arson - so upsetting
For those unique businesses in a chain
Up Oldham Street, damaged by smoke and heat
One poor fireman killed - death, there is thy sting!

2503 - Friends and family

What a day! Hottest day of year so far
And spent with Josie and Pearl, Manchester
Lunch in Nexus Cafe, smelled burning near
Looked outside, round the corner, a huge fire
In Paul's wig shop in Oldham Street, that's where
Me and Nancy went recently, black wig
Bought which I've not worn yet. Bought a fan for
Louis' hot bedroom when he's writing - big
Or small thoughts need cool air so they don't sag
He's feeling down but battling it, a star
Good luck to him, if he needs to stay here
He can, as long as it takes - here's a hug
I'm too dehydrated, don't want a beer
Just had juice and coffee, need another!

2502 - Phone alone

Another night in, saving and resting
Recharging batteries, blogging, playing
Guitar, watching TV, and preparing
For tomorrow's family gathering
Josie, Pearl, Louis and me are eating
And chatting in Manchester, enjoying
Each other's company, maybe shopping
But that's tomorrow. Meanwhile I'm changing
Phones from HTC Wildfire to Samsung
S3 Mini, and just now I'm hoping
I will have no more trouble accessing
Emails - just read them all - they were waiting
In Googlemail, so that was quite pleasing
Now for some hot guitar, then some chilling...

2501 - Further to fall

Hot summer night, on TV, Moors Murders
Capital letters, like a song title
Sadly, the cleverest will be remembered
The ones who theorised and staged evil
War and crime greatly interest most people
Men more than women, maybe a trait of
Mars rather than Venus, a horrible
Remnant of the primeval, where above
The rational, animal forces love
To tear and salivate, attack the herd
Or lone strays unprotected, vulnerable
The mind struggles to comprehend this stuff
Clever people, but also far sicker
Dangerous knowledge, far further to fall

2500 - From poetry to where?

This is a landmark - sonnet two thousand
And five hundred. That's twenty-five hundred
Daily sonnets that daily I've written
On various blog sites since 2000 and
Six, all of them at Old and New Onions
That's this website, folks, that you're reading now
I hope it gives someone some enjoyment
Through it I've met many friends online - how
We laughed electronically though all so
Far apart geographically. Went on
To meet poets on nights that I'd attend
And also read my poems there. Somehow
I plucked up courage to sing and play and
Now it's mainly comedy. Now - onwards!

2499 - Summertime Pity

The heat's on, though not so bad as the States
Already burned on Sunday, I keep out
Of the sun when I can, because I hate
The warm sun on my red neck. But without
The sunshine, summer wouldn't quite be right
I don't mind sweating too much, long as I
Can take my top off, not soak up the sweat
In a sweaty t-shirt, or shirt and tie
Last night's comedy was hot work in my
Tweed jacket, dancing under the stage lights!
Nice to take today off work, laze about
Early to bed, in this heat have to try
Harder, throw covers off, a naked state
Almost - but not quite - almost, but not quite

2498 - Old men walking

It's late, boy oh boy, I'm feeling quite tired
After not much sleep, then work, comedy
Night at the Castle pub, I should be wired
But I have no pills, no speed, no, just me
And Dermot, comedy partner, for he
Is also mad, and we made up faces
And hair to look like old men, and then we
Walked through Manchester to the venue as
People looked sideways and straight on at us
Oldham Street was reached, feeling uninspired
But as the acts went on, the audience free
No fee required, sense of togetherness
It all went well, the Cossack dance was weird
But we did it, and got plaudits, hee hee

Mon 8 July

2497 - Comedy!

It's late, nearly half one, work tomorrow
Been out in Salford, with Dermot, nutter
Before that, let it be said, Murray, oh
Surprised us all, winning Wimbledon, yeah!
I was with Josie, in the hot sun, there
Getting exhausted, I made my way home
Through the Gay Village, I heard a great cheer
Seemed like Murray was winning Wimbledon
By the time I got home he'd really won
Then I showered, ate sardines, I felt low
On energy, but we must persevere
Comedy is king, madness is such fun
We rehearsed our routine for tomorrow
It's mad enough, but we must get madder!

Sun 7 July

2496 - Sneak preview

Very tired, to bed late, at half-past four
Last night, already light it was by then
After comedy rehearsal, then four
Or five pints at the Castle pub - it's in
There on Monday night our next act has been
Planned for. It includes dancing suddenly
In the middle of a posh debate on
Masturbation all throughout history
And also throughout all of geography
I also bought props, a walking stick for
Just before the dancing, and we're smokin'
Electronic cigarettes - secrecy
Is being foolishly broken by me here
An exclusive - something to tell your friends

2495 - If you can stand the heat

A hot hot day, evening is closing in
Been in the last two nights, soon I'll be out
Rehearsing, then a few pints we'll knock down
Me and my comedy partner, Dermot
Meanwhile, the tennis goes on on this hot
Day, men's semis, Del Potro, beaten by
Djokovic, now Murray's centre court slot
Against Janowicz, as shadows apply
Their cooling agency, body and eye
Relieved from the heat and light, evening
Almost Mediterranean, sultry heat
But not oppressive, made for revelry
And after a week of work, unwinding
Like hot logs cooling on their downstream float

2494 - Phoney phone war

I had a good sleep, yet feel quite jaded
Couldn't even choose a song I wanted
To sing tonight, although I'd intended
To go to an open mic night, but did
Not feel enthusiasm enough, had
A bored feeling, and so I decided
To stay home, save money, chill out, rested
For work and play tomorrow, week-ended
With comedy rehearsal completed
By drinks down the pub, health celebrated
HTC android phone contract's ended
Just as well, all its functions have faded
Must get a new one, O2 is favourite
To be new supplier, Three's not as good

2493 - Manchester calling

The sun's still somewhere, pleasant evening light
I played guitar while watching Wimbledon
Andy Murray reached the semis with quite
A struggle, that means the hype will go on
Personally I'm not that interested - he won
La-di-da, blah blah. Now The Apprentice
Is on, and I'm ready to cook real soon
Come dine with myself, although Louis is
In his room, blogging, in between some fits
Of job-applying - good luck with that plight!
Hope something good turns up down in London
Where most of the media jobs are - film scripts
Would be ideal. Competition is tight
But he has a good CV - good luck, son!

2492 - Rain on my charade

Dark grey evening, yet this is comedy night
Will anyone turn up, are they serious
About laughs, or does rain give them a fright
Make them stay home, is it too perilous
To venture out for a cheap humorous
Experience in Salford that's valuable
Listening to Family as I type this
That's a group from the seventies, able
To switch from blues when called for, comparable
To some eighties groups. My keypad won't write
On my phone. Need an upgrade. The tennis
Goes on, the Wimbledon roof enables
Play despite rain. The same is true tonight
At the King's Arms, the roof will shelter us

2491 - What the Dickens...?

I'm keeping one eye on tennis highlights
While typing this - yes, Wimbledon is back
Serena Williams hits the dust and bites
To a German player - it's a real shock
Andy Murray is through, although his lack
Of personality's a real problem
Before, played guitar, gave it a good thwack
I certainly made strings and airwaves hum
As I did far far more than merely strum
Thought recedes, action precedes, digit flights
They go where they will on their axe attack
The treble fairy dust, the bass strings thrum
Tonight I must be good, stay in, all quiet
Read 'Nicholas Nickleby' in my shack

2490 - Princes of comedy

Hello, hello, I'm back again, been out
Rehearsing, re-rehearsing, re-rehearse
Comedy routines old and new about
Whatever me and Dermot both converse
His flat, and then the Pint Pot, could be worse
And so we work it out, that's comedy
But not as we know it, Jim - to subvert
Jaded expectation, yes that's what we
Try to achieve, layers of subtlety
With wit fuelled by coffee, pints of stout
Quiet Sunday in Salford - not Christmas
An unholy night, the Irwell flows free
As do our ideas, magic roundabout
It's about art, it's not about the purse

Sun 30 June